Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue

10 Steps to a Self-Esteem File


For newbies, or for any reader wanting more information, I recently wrote out 10 steps to make your own self-esteem file. These instructions are featured in this Beliefnet gallery that you can get to by clicking here.

Here’s my intro to the gallery:

Three years ago I walked into my therapist’s office feeling like a Krispy Kreme donut: I had no center. Everything I attempted, both professionally and personally, seemed to flop. I had no sense of self, no confidence, and no faith in myself. I found nothing of value in my DNA.


So she assigned me a project that turned out to be a meaningful, lasting tool in my mental health toolbox. I call it “The Self-Esteem File.” Here are 10 steps for starting your own.

To read more Beyond Blue, go to, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.

  • Wendy Aron

    Somehow I feel that if I asked my mailman or a new friend to compile a list of the ten things that are great about me, they would run for the hills (or at least stop delivering my mail).
    Wendy Aron, author of Hide & Seek: How I Laughed at Depression, Conquered My Fears and Found Happiness

  • Jo

    i was a friend. computer crashed for like two months. i’ve think you are inspiring. and you have gotten me this far. you are doing such a great job. i forgot how to get to the blogs people posted. i know i talked with you and another person. some days seem alright, but the big struggles are still there. weird dreams. i went to my doctor yesterday, he told me he had seen about 40 some patients. i thought i lost my sanity. but he said it was extensive anxiety. i don’t want to explain my dreams, they recur all the time. wake up go back to the same horrific dream. thank you for being there and your site. i hope i can soon get past these hurdles. and thank you for the prayers. jo

  • therapydoc

    Now, if people would only just DO that.

  • Marilyn

    I like Therese recomend starting your own self esteem file.Yes its scarey at first but even try asking people here on the site to do one for to get you started the you will realize how easy it is.I also save everthing positive people have to say aboutme.It really is a confidence builder.

  • Therese Borchard

    Thanks for the endorsement, Marilyn! t

  • Cary

    I like the idea of a file – but as someone else observed if I asked anyone to make a list of my positive traits they’d run for the hills.
    I have tried stting out four things I want to practice –
    it’s good when you can set out to listen to others,
    be kinder, get more sleep. Something than you can achieve.
    Any other ideas ?

  • Richard

    Dear T
    I hesitate to bring this experience up but it is definitely related to my attempt to find self-esteem. I was going to attempt an impromptu survey as to how my friends might describe me. In the interest of full disclosure let me say that the friend in question was someone who I had been on the “outs” with but I was feeling like our friendship might be coming back around. So I wrote for information on how I might be described by this individual. The slightly abbreviated response I got went like this:
    I would describe you as an intelligent, caring, person, but one who is incredibly negative and because of that negativity has lost the ability to communicate with his fellow human beings.
    Do I really need to say that my self-esteem was completely destroyed for the next couple of days? After checking with some more friendly friends I discovered that the individual in question was in a terrible financial crises and I was advised that I shouldn’t let it bother me. Logically I can kind of following the reasoning, but emotional I felt, and still feel, like someone who a one time close friend view as something from a horror movie. There are only so many ways to interpret the statement that I have such negativity that no one will talk to me.
    Of course people do talk to me so I have sort of moved to a later essay of your’s, something to the effect that sometimes friendships need to end.

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