Awhile back I wrote a piece called “You Really Hate Me? On Taking Criticism,” where I laid out some brain research that explains why we depressives are so sensitive and have such a hard time with insults or even constructive criticism. On the same topic, I enjoyed Danielle LaPorte’s post on Intent.com: “11 Tips for Dealing with Criticism.” I’ve excerpted the first five. For the other six visit her blog.
Criticism sucks. If you’re being rightly criticized, your ego needs to shake it off like a wet dog and keep wagging it’s tail. And if you’re being unjustly ‘dissed, you’ve still got to keep your ego limber so that you can objectively fight for your dignity. Either way, criticism is a call to be your classiest self.
1. Expand.
Sometimes criticism stings because we know the criticizer has a valid point. After you’ve done the inner wince, take a deep breath and get back in the ring. And look, just because you may need to clean up your act a bit, it doesn’t mean that you’re a full scale loser. We’re all just bozos on the same bus, as my dear friend Donna would say. So literally, take a deep expansive breath, with your fists unclenched. You sustain less injury when you do NOT brace for impact. I guess that’s why they call it “rolling with the punches.”
2. Admit that it stings.
“Ouch. That’s hard to hear. But I’m up for it.” Honesty when criticized is a great equalizer and a show of nobility and maturity.
3. Don’t react…yet.
Sometimes it’s best to just listen and simply say, “I’ve heard you. Let me process what you’ve said and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” So many of us are so adrift from our deep sensitivity that it takes some time to clearly know how we feel. So just take the time, it’s better than a half-cocked reaction that you’ll regret. And if you do say something you regret, or you don’t say what you think you should have…
4. Go back to it.
Feel free to bring it up again, even if it was a closed subject. “I thought more about what you said and I just wanted to let you know that….” It’s better to clear the air after the fact than it is to bury your feelings.
5. Be compassionate to your criticizer.
This can really soften the situation. Giving honest criticism is no fun for most people, and it’s often a case of, “This is going to hurt me as much as it might hurt you.”
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