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Beyond Blue

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From Group Beyond Blue member, the Marirev:

Waz sup Lord? Can you hang with me a minute or two? I know that this is more about including others in my questions to you because you know I don’t need a forum to vent.

As you know I have been sitting on my “pity pot” recently and the tears never seem to stop. I wonder why you have given me the life I have. While you have certainly heaped the blessings upon me, there are some things I don’t understand.

I don’t understand why I had to go through the abuse I did. I don’t understand why you have given me gifts that I cannot share with others anymore. It seems over the last few years my life has done a 180 from what it used to be. I used to be a very extroverted individual who enjoyed living in the big cities of this country. Now I am an introvert who lives in a small village and isolate on a ongoing basis. I used to be a dancer and now I can’t even watch others dance because it reminds me of an earlier (healthier) life. I used to be an entertainer and enjoyed the ability of being able to bring joy to so many people. Now I rarely get a chance to sing with others, much less for others. I used to be able to work and have a drive for success. Now I live on disability and know my chances for success are behind me. I used to be able to afford a car, now I must depend on others for my most basic needs. I used to be able to minister to people on a regular basis and now I rarely do except through the computer; which is so impersonal. I am told bipolar disorder gets worse as we age and that scares me so much. I do not want to lose my mind. It seems everything I used to have, everything I used to be, is slowly slipping away and I am so young.

Don’t get me wrong, I know you love me and will give me what is best for me life. I would just like to know if the “silver lining” I try to put on things is real or just a way to con myself. PLEASE wipe away my tears and comfort me. You know the depth of my sorrow. Help me to concentrate on the blessings you have bestowed upon me and be grateful for the times in my life that I have had. Help me to remember that I am better off then the majority of mentally ill in this world. Just help me to remember as long as I can.

To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.

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