Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue


Friday’s Question: What Do I Do With My Impure Thoughts?

posted by Beyond Blue

On Fridays I will address a question related to depression and find the answer from an expert. If you have a question you want answered, please ask it on the combox of this post, and I’ll try my best to do some research and feature it in an upcoming Friday post.

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I’ve been amazed by the mass of comments posted to my articles about emotional and physical affairs: “10 Steps to End an Affair,” “The Emotional Affair,” and “10 Red Flags of an Emotional Affair.” Because guilt can be a major ingredient to severe depression–and because so many Beyond Blue readers struggle with impure thoughts–I thought it would make for an appropriate Friday question. So I bring to you the wisdom of Dr. Christine B. Whelan, an Iowa-based social historian who is author of the book, “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women” and writes the “Pure Sex, Pure Love” column for the young-adult spirituality website Busted Halo.

You can get to her excellent column “Impure Thoughts: What are they and where do they come from?” by clicking here. I have excerpted from it below.

Question: What do I do about my impure thoughts?

Dr. Christine Whelan:

The Bible tells us “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 26:7) and the Buddha is quoted as saying “What we think, we become.” Our minds are powerful tools, so it’s fair to ask the question: what counts as an impure thought? Why are these thoughts wrong? And isn’t just thinking it better than doing it?

Indeed, this is a hot topic. A record number of respondents filled out our recent BustedHalo survey on impure thoughts–and young-adult Catholics aren’t always in agreement with the experts.

Impure or forbidden thoughts include sexual fantasies, violence against others or ourselves, cheating, divorce, rape, and other behaviors that we think of as the worst possible things we could do or have happen to us.

According to our poll, so-called impure thoughts are common: 70% of male respondents and 30% of female respondents said they have what they consider to be impure thoughts once a day or more. Some 43% of respondents said they had confessed their impure thoughts to a priest–and men were more likely to confess than women.

But if the thoughts pop into your mind and then leaves fairly quickly, it’s probably not a big deal. In fact, psychologists often say this is part of the way humans think about right and wrong and reinforce our own ideas of what we would and wouldn’t do.

“Impure feelings simply exist. They aren’t moral realities. It’s what we do with them that determines if they are sinful or not,” said Fr. Gerard J. McGlone, an assistant professor of clinical psychology at St. Joseph’s University. “A sin is a free, conscious act of the will. An impulsive reaction to a situation you didn’t choose isn’t a conscious act of the will. How can that be sinful?”

Other psychologists agree: “If we were somehow able to build a thought recorder, what we would record would be just about every kind of thought imaginable. Sexual thoughts, violent thoughts, some of them are very strange and bizarre-but for the most part, fleeting. They go in one ear and out the other, and a millisecond later you’ve forgotten about them,” argued psychologist David H. Barlow, director of the Center for Stress and Anxiety Disorders at the State University of New York-Albany, as quoted in an article published by “Psychology Today.”

It’s when you dwell on them that it becomes dangerous. Let’s say you are having a sexual fantasy, and you encourage it, you continue it, and you allow yourself to get lost in the fantasy world that you are creating in your head. That, said Fr. McGlone, is when it gets sinful.

If lustful or violent thoughts are a recurring problem, Fr. McGlone said as a psychologist he’s interested in getting at the reasons why before condemning the thoughts as sinful.

A man who feels lust for women he passes on the street, but no sexual emotion at all for his wife, has a problem that needs to be addressed. “Might those feelings be giving us information that we aren’t using? I’d be much more concerned about the thoughts behind those potentially impure thoughts,” he said.

But here’s a possible catch: If you are trying to banish a sexual fantasy from your head, telling yourself “I’m not going to fantasize about her” or “I won’t think about what it would be like to be intimate with him” might make it worse: In a famous psychological study from the 1980s, a group of subjects were told to think about anything but whatever they did, they were not supposed to think about a white bear. Guess what they all thought about?

And not all forbidden thoughts are sexual: A friend of mine said she sometimes thinks how easy it would be to jump in front of the oncoming train while she’s waiting on the subway platform during rush hour. Is that a sin?

No. And thoughts like that are incredibly common. “That’s a thought she has no control over. The thought that you could jump in front of a train isn’t necessarily suicidal. Are you exhausted and just have a thought about how easy it would be to lie in front of the train and rest? Are you hurt or hopeless? There are 10,000 possible feelings, but I’m concerned with the one that’s most important to you,” said Fr. McGlone.

The bottom line is that just having a fleeting sexual, violent, evil or other type of impure thought isn’t a sin. But allowing that thought to become a reality–even if it’s only in the fantasy world of your head–gets into dangerous territory.

All this being said, don’t beat yourself up. We all wrestle with weird, dark or forbidden thoughts of some kind-and most of them aren’t sinful.

Just don’t think about the white bear.

To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.



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susan

posted September 26, 2008 at 10:08 pm


I posted on another essay of yours Therese. Sorry.
Impure thoughts. If they are food related, I am human…. and enjoy with a carrot stick instead.
But this last week, I have been having, for lack of a better word, X rated, super steamy dreams about one of my dearest male friends in the world. He is like the older brother I never had, he sees me as a little sister.
And it’s driving me nuts, because I have never thought about him in this light, and now I cannot stop thinking about him.
While I realize we are both single, both over 21-I just, it’s upsetting somehow and wonderful at the same time. Upsetting because I will never be able to act on it, but wonderful because maybe it’s my mind telling me to get back into dating. I hope this makes sense.



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Lori

posted September 27, 2008 at 12:17 pm


How do I stop fantasizing about death? I want out.
This article was fitting. I think very often about driving into semi’s, like jumping in front of the train.
Then I read the sin definition, and it was actually comforting. But God would know my intentions.
My children need me very much. I would not add to their struggles by killing myself. Not today.
Still, death feels like the ultimate comfort. This article said to look at why…
I feel exchausted, but have to keep going. So an eternal sleep sounds wonderful. I’d like to be put in a coma for awhile. long while. non existence.
But, I dont know if death is non existence. So, am I just stuck with life forever. earth life, then eternal life. sounds overwhelming.
fortunately, I only have to live 1 day at a time. I often remind myself. 1 day at a time.
just venting I guess, but thats my question. death fantasies, I so badly want to not exist.
thanks
Lori



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sue

posted September 27, 2008 at 1:12 pm


For me I know that when i have those thoughts I have to be careful. I can get on the cycle of obsessing about a particular person and before I know it its perpetuated a cycle in my head that kicks the endorphins into full gear and I can become full of ego, self and sickness.
Impure thoughts that get into my head of sexual nature come from deep seated self esteem, self worth, depression issues and feelings of inadequacy. I can look for that quick fix. And frankly when you are a depressive such as I living in fantasy land is sometimes alot more exciting than reality…I know its not healthy, but thats where I am at times.



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Frank

posted September 27, 2008 at 2:29 pm


This is an interesting dilemma. And if I remember correctly, Jesus was tempted by Satan after he (Jesus) had been without food for almost six weeks. Satan tells Jesus, “If you’re so all-fired omnipotent turn these rocks into bread.” or words to that effect. And Jesus fires back with some solid scriptural ammunition. Satan test him in several ways and Jesus wins the contest hands down by keeping his thoughts on higher purposes and higher ground. I’m neither capable of keeping my thoughts on higher purposes or higher ground. I live on a street where temptation and impure thoughts are always just around the corner. Here’s the thing – Jesus was plenty tired and plenty hungry when he was tempted but he stayed steady and kept his focus. That’s all I can hope to do. So, like when I quit smoking, I wrote down some good reasons for quitting while I was not needing a smoke – then when I was desperate for one, I’d pull out my 3×5 card with the reasons to stay the course. Jesus doesn’t need 3×5 cards but they seem to be helpful for me. We can make up some for stuff like not acting on impure thoughts or suicidal thoughts or sexual thoughts. Sometimes, just the act of writing down the reasons is a sufficient motivator. Something to consider – and like free advice probably worth exactly what it cost. Keep smiling and stay the course.
Frank



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Denise K.

posted September 27, 2008 at 4:25 pm


I have problems wishing or fantasising that the wife of a male friend (I had been involved with emotionally)be killed off so that we can finally be together…I know its wrong and as of now we are no longer involved but the desire is still there. Can you help me?



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Ken Sherman

posted October 1, 2008 at 10:00 am


My experiance with impure thoughts has been long and difficult. I am a 66 year old husband and Father. I have long dealt with the untruth that if I was Godly, saved, I shouldn’t be having these thoughts. Yesterday I was at a marriage counselor discussing my problem with tolerance with others and she said try to remember the principle of be sure your actions are coming from PRINCIPLE NOT EMOTIONS. That is a life changing thought. I truly hope this will trigger consideration.



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leigh

posted October 1, 2008 at 10:14 am


I have thoughts of ending it I get real tired of see my life just not getting any better. We are all ways short on money and there is a pile of bills that we cannt pay. I pray every day to make are life better. I know by dieing I would just make things worse. I dont want to do that to my husband. I keep thinging of something someone told me one time that god does not give you any thing you cannt not handle. I just need a little hug and to be told things well get better.



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barbara bordelon

posted October 1, 2008 at 10:55 am


i think about hurt my husband and the other woman.but i pray to GOD give me strenght and take this hurt from my heart.And to give me victory



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Virginia La Porte

posted October 1, 2008 at 11:12 am


I am just learning about the ego being like a recording of all our past, feelings of guilt, hurt betrayal, negative comments from adults, and the ego keeps playing these old tapes like an evil side of me wanting to keep me down, When I pay attention to my thoughts, they usually are something negative and I try to replace them with something positive and true. This seems to be a constant battle for me. Can you tell me anything more about how our sub=concious rules us and if this is a human condition? My feelings during these times are mostly that “I’m not good enough” or “there is something wrong with me”
Thanks for listening.
Virginia



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tena

posted October 1, 2008 at 11:53 am


i had an inpure thought about my best friend[male]and i eventually had an affair with him before i was married and during my marriage.and now he has ended our affair but a part of me still wants him and another part is glade its over.what should i do.



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Alice Jarvi

posted October 1, 2008 at 12:04 pm


I have come to terms with a serious family issue. With understanding and guidance to forgive, I feel I have. I keep visualizing thoughts of how to be cruel when future events like weddings, funerals and graduations come along. There are no such plans to date. Out of the blue the thoughts come up to not show, snub them or say cruel private things I know abut them. I don’t want to do this. When these thoughts come, I say, “Take these away! This is not me!” They do go away quickly. I am just shocked they come without any prompting. I am thankful they leave. I have read numerous articles on forgiving and being forgiven. Is this issue truly telling me spiritually I have not forgiven? I don’t know what else to do. I am thankful there are no family events schedule.



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Debra Ortiz

posted October 1, 2008 at 12:13 pm


I’VE GIVEN UP ON THINKING I CAN FIND SOMEONE BETTER AT LOVING ME THAN MY HUSBAND. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED 10 YEARS AND I SOMETIMES FEEL NEIGLECTED AND ALONE, I HAVE A COUPLE OF MALE FRIENDS AND HAVE THOUGHT MY LIFE WOULD BE BETTER WITH ONE OF THEM. I NOW KNOW THAT, THOUGH WATCHING THEIR ACTIONS THAT EITHER ONE OF THEM WOULD BE A WORST SITUATION FOR ME. MY HUSBAND LOVES ME THIS I KNOW I JUST WISH HE WOULD EXPRESS IT MORE OFTEN.



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B. A. THOMAS

posted October 1, 2008 at 12:13 pm


After reading about impure thoughts; i’m a single male, never married, not sexually active in no relationship whereas who’s to trust now days. my question is, when i (or body) have desires (sexually)and i masterbate without a sexually partner,the fantasies kicks in after the fact so therefore that’s sin? Being in my 40′s wouldn;t it be wise to satisfy your desires alone than to have a sexually act with another out of marriage, or picking someone off the streets? I always call it being safe in satisfing my own nature desires.what do you think????????? (was not try ing to be personal or graffic…just putting it outlike it is).



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Catherine

posted October 1, 2008 at 12:47 pm


I have daily, if not hourly “impure” thoughts about my husband. My question is also about self gratification. Is it a sin to do so, if the fantasy or object of masturbation is your spouse? I was always taught that the thought was as bad as the deed. (If you think it, you might do it.) But what if the thought, desire or fantasy is about the one you’ve promised yourself to?



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Mo

posted October 1, 2008 at 1:06 pm


I think there’s way too much worrying about what’s going on inside people’s heads….nobody can be perfect all the time…I for one wouldn’t want to be…stress, depression, anxiety, fear, longing, wishing, hoping…they’re all part of this thing we call living a life…and how we deal with the imperfections of our lives is as individual as we are…some of us go running, some of us masturbate, some of us go to church…and here’s the kicker…nobody knows…only you do…and nobody can read your thoughts or desires…so unless you act on those thoughts, you’re secret is safe…so relax and give yourself permission to be human….cause you are!



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Ray

posted October 1, 2008 at 1:15 pm


Jesus said, “Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
So if you looked with lust wWill you be guilty on Judgment Day?
The Bible warns that if you are guilty you will end up in Hell. That’s not God’s will. He sent His Son to suffer and die on the cross for you. You broke God’s Law, but Jesus paid your fine. That means He can legally dismiss your case. He can commute your death sentence: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” Then He rose from the dead and defeated death. Please, repent (turn from sin) today and trust in Jesus alone, and God will grant you the gift of everlasting life. Then read your Bible daily and obey it.



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thomas

posted October 1, 2008 at 2:27 pm


Fantasies whether good or evil are a part of the thought process. The sin comes in to play is when you act upon these fantasies. To B.A Thomas; I am in the same boat you are in. It is not sinful what you did. As a matter of fact I fantasized about a beautiful women I saw in the supermarket. As soon as I got home I satisfied my own natural desires. Everyone was safe. However you deal with your fantasies is fine as long as you don’t harm anyone in the process.



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Sarina Brannon

posted October 1, 2008 at 2:37 pm


I have trouble with the same things happening over and over again. My thoughts will settle and for a season I will not think of any sexual act or be caught up in a unholy incounter. But I do agree in my experience that allowing yourself to get caught up in your thoughts put you in circumstances your holy spirit refuses to deal with. So you find you self lost in a world were you dont belong without the only strength you have to fight. In these situations i find myself praying to God to please “Create in me a clean Heart, and renew a right within me”. Pray my strength in the Lord!



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Anonymous

posted October 1, 2008 at 3:27 pm


I BELEAVE THAT WHAT EVER A PERSON THINK HE ARE SHE ACT ON THEM BECAUSE WE ARE WEAK AND DONT BELEAVE THAT GOD IS AND THAT HE CAN FIX ANYTHING



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J.u.d.a.h.

posted October 1, 2008 at 3:56 pm


I too struggle with random thoughts flooding my head. I’m used to it. I believe it’s just part of being human. Maybe it’s God’s way of saying: “hey maybe you should go easy on passing judgement cause i know what goes through your head”. Sometimes i feel crazy as i really sit and think about life. Why is it that other’s misery is often times our main source of entertainment? Life’s just funny that way. I don’t like to get too in depth with my take on the scriptures but i think just like any other religious practice it’s a philosophy society adopted to deal with everyday life. We only make judgements based on our experieces so really we only make comparisons not judgements. Judgement should be left for the all knowing. The great thing about being human is that we don’t know everything if we did we would be God. I do know that once we leave this form we’ll never think like this again. and maybe that’s what God meant by a renewing of the mind. Because in this form we are still controlled by cardinal mind.
just a thought from a thinker



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traciedace

posted October 1, 2008 at 4:06 pm


I believe its human nature to fantasize. I myself have gotten caught up in the fantasies and made it my own reality. I’m sure there is an underlying reason why they occur, but putting it into perspective is probably the safest thing to do. I also pray for guidance and forgiveness, because for me I believe that, what I fantasize about, is what I long for and its a way for my true feelings to be known. the mind is a powerful thing, I can even have physical reactions just from thinking…….its my world and nobody can interfere….except God and he loves me no matter what.



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Anonymous

posted October 1, 2008 at 7:29 pm


You can overcome those things with Jesus. If your heart is hurt by it and you suffer from temptation, remember that Jesus also suffered when he was tempted, and that Lot’s soul was tormented by the lawless acts around him. Now for the thought to come out of your heart, yeah, that is wicked in the sense of you doing it already in your heart, and your actions work your heart. If you keep up the habit of satisfying yourself every time you have an urgency, you’ll work yourself into it. Human beings were made in God’s image and were meant to be more than that.
I’m not saying it’s unnatural to have fleeting thoughts, but use common sense. If you’re fantasizing, doesn’t that mean that you would do it so long as no punishment were involved? Therefore, make your heart clean with Jesus’ help.
In other words, don’t entertain the thought. If you struggle often with something, there’s probably a root cause that has nothing to do with it. Perhaps there’s misunderstanding. Perhaps your conscience is affected through old habits.
Actions certainly work more towards everyone’s benefit or breaking down than your thoughts do, but your thoughts affect yourself, and that will ultimately effect others in the long run if you let them get out of hand.
God certainly does forgive, and God wants you better even for yourself. After all, say you did everything that was “right” and you never meant any of it. You can never be content unless your actions and your heart are one in the same, and for everything else there’s mercy and forgiveness to bring you joy. :)



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Sean Rhoades

posted October 1, 2008 at 10:37 pm


I agree with the Scriptures, about thoughts being connected with our actions, and shaping who we are, and what we become, although I will not deny that I have had evil thoughts as even do those in the Bible admit but they also offer us some good advice on averting them. Isaac Newton, a devout Christian, also has some good advice, but Jesus has the most extreme, and serious: here are some quotes:
Isaac Newton: “The way to chastity is not to struggle directly with incontinent thoughts, but to avert your thoughts with some other employment, by reading or meditating on other things, or by converse, for he who is always thinking of chastity will always be thinking of women.”
Isaac Newton: “Truth is the offspring of silence and unbroken meditation.”
(Sirach 21:26 KJV) The heart of fools is in their mouth: but the mouth of the wise is in their heart.
James 4:1-10 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? 2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. 3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts. 4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. 5 Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy? 6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. 7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. 9 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. 10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.
Sirach 22:27-23:6 KJVA Who shall set a watch before my mouth, and a seal of wisdom upon my lips, that I fall not suddenly by them, and that my tongue destroy me not? 1 O Lord, Father and Governor of all my whole life, leave me not to their counsels, and let me not fall by them. 2 Who will set scourges over my thoughts, and the discipline of wisdom over mine heart? that they spare me not for mine ignorances, and it pass not by my sins: 3 Lest mine ignorances increase, and my sins abound to my destruction, and I fall before mine adversaries, and mine enemy rejoice over me, whose hope is far from thy mercy. 4 O Lord, Father and God of my life, give me not a proud look, but turn away from thy servants always a haughty mind. 5 Turn away from me vain hopes and concupiscence, and thou shalt hold him up that is desirous always to serve thee. 6 Let not the greediness of the belly nor lust of the flesh take hold of me; and give not over me thy servant into an impudent mind.
Mat 5:3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Mat 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Matthew 5:27-30 KJVA Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: 28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. 29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. 30 And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
*Note KJVA stands for the King James Version Apocrypha I use e-sword



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santa rivera

posted October 1, 2008 at 11:03 pm


I think that it depent on the stage of life u r in.



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Amanda

posted October 2, 2008 at 12:17 am


I also have violent thoughts….i mean ofcourse every1 does.But mine is an act,a bad habit,a tick or whatever u wanna call it and it’s hard to stop doing it to myself.I’m very embarassed to say!It’s like i close my eyes real tight as to where u feel your eyeballs going in.Am i damaging my eyes?Do they push in when i do that?



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Judith

posted October 2, 2008 at 6:26 am


I say, “Enjoy them!” and then let them go. After all, we are only human. Say to yourself: I am my thoughts, I am more than my thoughts. I am my feelings, I am more than my feelings. Then, if it is heartfelt, say the Jesus Prayer: “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.” Develop a correct conscience. Find someone to talk with if this continues…a safe person in a safe place.



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Judith

posted October 2, 2008 at 6:31 am


Is this the Vatican?



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anonymous

posted October 2, 2008 at 4:39 pm


in james 4;9, Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.
ok i do to have impure thoughts but is those thoughts also related to depression, and feeling lonliness? I do read the bible and i do try to live righteously like it says. a friend of mine says “it’s so easy to live bad but it takes a lot of work to be a good person” this is not easy for me to say but; i take medication for my depression and also for my severe asthma. having to live with this illness and waiting on for a lung transplant, dragging my tank along where-ever i go – having people stare at me because i’m just in my 30′s and i have this tube in my nose. even tho children look at me and ask their parents why, what and those questions. i feel a bit uncomfortable inside and even so i give them a smile and say hi to people i pass.
but when i’m alone; i try so much to think positive and to be positive about myself but i’m still being afflicted by these negative thoughts in my head. being raised in an alcoholic family has afflicted me alot. see; i only want is to healthy, to let go of the past and to bring joy, happiness, and feel positive. and thinking of these violence, drinking, and argruements and all the other ugly thoughts, they are bothersome. and my boy-friend has always been showing/teaching me to live and be positive. we can’t live together cause all we do is argrue and complain abuot each others. i try to be perfect they way he wants me to be but; his standards are way to high for me. so we remain just friends but we still complain and argue.
reading the articles here and hearing stories from others problems; wow, i didn’t know how many people are going through these problems like i do, wether what background they came from. and it just helped me to remind myself that i am not alone, there are others who are also being afflicted/suffering, maybe even more or less than what im going through. i just take it one day at a time and ask the Lord Jesus Christ to comfort me this day.
i probably seem a boring or what. i am alone till the kids come home from school and don’t have any good friends to chat with.



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Anonymous

posted October 2, 2008 at 8:00 pm


I have had disturbing sexual fantasies all my life. Sick and twisted. Maybe I was molested as a child? I have never acted on them as I have a strong moral code. However, I have recently realized that even thinking about them puts negative energy out there that can affect other people. I believe in the collective unconscious, which means we are all connected by our thoughts on a subconsious level. Am I, by my thoughts, encouraging other people who may not be able to control their impulses? I have always felt tremendously guilty about these feelings, and I need to ask Spirit to help me change.



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Anonymous

posted October 2, 2008 at 11:24 pm


my fiance talks to numerous females on the internet & says they are just friends, and at first, i wanted to be cool and let it go, but it is starting to eat at me. if he loved me why would he be talking to other females? i think thats chating.isnt it?



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JOANNA DEACON

posted October 3, 2008 at 6:11 am


Well just a quick shot out to the lady whose fiance is talking or chatting with other women on line: Don’t let him become your husband!!! There is no reason that he needs to be talking with other women unles he is in one of those like chat rooms and they are like a support chat or something… but if it’s not that, then you are really going to have to do some thinking. I can tell you from experience that when they are on line all the time something is wrong. good luck to you….



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Donna

posted October 3, 2008 at 8:18 am


Hello, I’d like to chat with Judith who posted Oct.2. You are not alone, we have a lot in common. If she reads this, she can e-mail me, cause I’m really not chat suave (LOL) Thanks and GOD bless!



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djthere

posted October 4, 2008 at 11:52 pm


im a very sexual person.i am open to most of anything.ive talked to therapist about this and ive been told that if you are not hurting anybody and not harming myself.that these things are ok.so im sorry ,but i do not think sexual fantasies are bad or are sinful.its a normal thing to think about sex.i think its a release,instead of tring not to think about these things and holding them in is harmful…



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crystal

posted October 6, 2008 at 8:57 am


this commentary has helped me realize something In the bible it talks about casting down vain imaginations and every high lofty thought that exaults it’s self above god. This was so in time I have been struggling with some thoughts . I know that I will get better to think good thoughts also I think that enviroment and people, places and things play into impure thoughts. I see that I have alotl of work to do in this area.



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valerie

posted October 6, 2008 at 9:01 pm


Got another verse for you all:
Philippians 4:6-9
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me — put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. (NIV)
I think it’s safe to say that if we can focus on what it says in verse 8 that we will better be able to keep ourselves from impure thoughts. No, we’re not perfect so they’re still going to happen. But if you’re wondering if what you’re thinking is “okay”, I guess you could look at that verse and ask yourself: Do my thoughts fall under something that is TRUE and NOBLE and RIGHT and PURE and LOVELY and ADMIRABLE and EXCELLENT and PRAISEWORTHY? If not, maybe we need to “check” ourselves.
Valerie



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J Davis

posted October 7, 2008 at 12:07 am


After reading so many of these replies, and yes, I apologise for being a bit late-computer problems, I am happier more than ever not to waste mt time fearing some form of divine punishment, or the depression it can cause.
Fantasies done alone and recognized as just that-a fantasy, can’t harm you unless it cuts into your actual sex life.
The fantasies are for spicing up your life, when they go beyond that you become obsessive-and THAT IS a problem.
And to the lady who fantasises about her husband-good. He obviously is THE ONE for you, so how ’bout letting him in on the fun-if you think he can handle it mentally as well-trust your instincts on that one.



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Your Name

posted October 16, 2008 at 10:05 am


I had an emotional affair, and I’m trying so hard to be true to my husband, who is a good man and loves me. I think about this other person all the time. How do I stop this? How do I stop the torture my mind and heart are putting me through? I don’t want to be selfish and hurt my husband. I am trying every day to fight these feelings, but it is very, very hard. I know it’s not right, but is it even possible to be in love with 2 people at once? I know it’s not right, but what I don’t is if it’s even real. Is it my mind playing tricks on me and creating a fantasy that’s not really there? It’s become an obsession that takes over my thoughts all day long. I don’t know how to stop that.



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Brandon

posted January 20, 2009 at 11:44 am


sometimes i have the worst thoughts come in my mind…. I’m talking HORRIBLE….. from sex to death. I was molested as a young man and I think a lot stems from that…. And not to sound skitso or anything but literally I will hear the thought or “voice” I call it ..and its like its in front of me saying these things and I say in response just “get the hell out of here”…………AM I LOOSING IT? See I look at it as a spiritual battle and “We fight not against flesh and blood” but the things that get me are normally sexual. Immediatly when a bad thought comes to mind I will renounce it…. Is there anything left to do but that? I have even had thoughts going against God.. or feeling like I will get him dirty but getting close to him.. I feel really confused and want these thoughts to stop. If thoughts come from the heart does this mean, even though I love God very much, that He won’t want me ? I do try to stay away from EVERYTHING that would knock me down but I am just so sad. I weep to Him and weep to make these stop but I get no answer…. Why wuld the enemy come against me so strong? …. are you sure im not loosing it? I long for pure thoughts and ease of mind. I am ashamed of what I battle.
confused



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