Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue


Group Beyond Blue: Letter to a Suicidal Person From a Survivor

posted by Beyond Blue

Group BB rose.jpg
Group Beyond Blue member Rose S. posted a beautiful reflection on Group Beyond Blue called “Letter to a suicidal person from a survivor”:
Dear friend,
I am writing this to you both as the survivor of an attempted suicide and as someone who lost a person they loved to suicide.
I have tried on more than one occasion to take my own life. The last time I almost succeeded in completing it, taking 20 Phenobarbital tablets prescribed for seizures downed with a fifth of Jack Daniels.
I felt I was worthless, that no one would ever care about me and that my then-toddler son would be better off without me. But by the grace of God and my son’s father who performed CPR until paramedics showed up, I survived with no permanent damage.
So I got help, I signed a no-harm contract, and anytime I am so depressed I don’t think life is worth living I look at that worn-out piece of paper and at the face of my now 20-year-old son and realize just how wrong I am. That in his eyes, there is a reason to live, in his face and the faces of his half-brother and his two stepbrothers that I love as if they were my own. I look in the mirror and tell myself that I am worthwhile. My children, though they are adults still need me and I AM loved.
I am telling you this because a young lady I knew, the girlfriend of my 20 year old, completed suicide at age 18. She was funny, smart and beautiful both inside and out. But beneath that exterior lied a troubled child who saw the only way to get rid of her pain was to take her own life. All too often, those we care about are hurting so badly that even we don’t see and they choose death as a way of healing, without taking into consideration the effects of those they leave behind.
I am begging you as you read this, to seek help. Talk to a counselor, family member, close friend or minister. Suicide is so final, not only for the person who attempts or completes it, but for those who are left behind to grieve. Stop a minute and think hard before you do whatever it is you plan on doing. You are worthwhile, you are a good person, you are loved.
Sincerely,
A Survivor
To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.



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Lisa

posted August 29, 2008 at 8:55 pm


Thank you, thank you, Therese. For sharing that. Right now.



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Anonymous

posted August 30, 2008 at 5:45 am


I apologize but I must throw my two cents in. Since I am not even certain of all the details, I won’t go there except to say that around the fall of 2006 I was in a deep depression. My Dad “suddenly” died and I wasn’t able to be with him at his passing because of all the other nasty circumstances which were sucking the life out of me. A former dear friend had been become my worst enemy and her actions spoke louder than words regarding her feelings for me. To this day, I don’t know if the people I talked to took me seriously when I spoke of the disparate and despondency I was living each day. It seemed more and more like the only way that I was going to get them to take me seriously was to fall through with it. I gave considerable thought to where to finish it so that the body could be found promptly.
I did not attempt suicide for I had made my mind up that it was not going to be an attempt, but it would be completed. I figured a 22 shell entering an eye would likely have enough energy to bounce around and cease bodily functions. But each time I got to the edge I went through a check list. Would I rather live? Yes. Would I rather live under these circumstances? No. Realistically, what is the likelihood of Life’s Circumstances changing for the better anytime in the near future? That was always the tough one to answer. Several times there was “something” coming up in a few days. An appointment with a councilor, something which I wouldn’t know the answer to until next Tuesday or something like that. I made little deals with myself that if that event ended negatively, that I would have to reevaluate whether or not to continue. But enough of the “deals” ended with possibilities for something in the future that I felt a tiny bit of relief and that would carry me just a little longer.
Finally, my situation did start to improve. I went from homelessness to having a roof over my head. I started to become familiar with the social service system and food started to appear.
But suicide is an monster of opportunity. It waits in the shadows for a moment when your defenses are down and then it strikes. It is sad to say, but I know of people who were caught in that low spot and they are no more. I don’t know, maybe because I had spent so much time planning the where and when that I was less likely to do something on the spur of the moment. If that was the case, then that is an advantage I have that many people do not. As strange as it may sound, because I had a plan, I was less likely to do something immediately. That is my two cents.
Richard



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Anonymous

posted August 30, 2008 at 9:38 am


Richard: Thank you for sharing your perspective since I have always been taught that the presence of a real “plan” was a serious warning sign and that the best thing we can do is to make a contract with our loved one to cover the next twenty-four hours(or the next few days; any specific time frame that works Your description of suicide as an opportunistic monster is quite true,IMHO, and focuses on the opposed value of such a pact. How easily we forget that every coin has two sides! Thanks for that reminder
Rose: Thank YOU for your sensitive, caring letter. My guess is that there are many who will be helped by your willingnss to put into print the desperation and hopelessness that contemplating suicide thrives on.
Therese: As always, thank you for your committment to tackling the “taboo” corners of the reality of deep depression. I’m sure that this particular discussion will touch more lives than you can eVen IMAGINE at a desperatetime when they aren’t easily reached by those who love them. You’ve put yet another of your wonderful”tools into many “toolboxes”



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Lori

posted September 3, 2008 at 12:27 am


hhmmm….
If the pain out weighs the desire to live, or the guilt of hurting others, then it seems like the best idea. for me, I mean. I would never wish the desire to leave the earth on anyone.
When I read the letter, my first thought was that they had pain that was fixable, by others. love.
I am very loved, and usually love myself.
I had a plan. I drank anti-freeze. a lot of it. I didnt plan on being around.
I got a lot of help. and some miracles I hadnt asked for.
When people write letters like that, my thought is that they couldnt possibly have such a strong desire to die as myself, and then live.
Just like when I went to AA. My thought was that they couldnt possibly have not drank for years, if they were anything like me.
But when I listened to their stories, I saw that they thought like me, often felt as desolate as me, and they did the same shameful things I had done. BUT they talked about it honestly. I never dreamed I would tell the truth about me. But I do now, quite easily. Thats what keeps me sober.
Now, if I could honestly figure out a way, to not want to check off this planet.
Truly, my life rocks. Incredible things happen. My circle of friends and family are amazing.
Still, life is too much sometimes. Im just tired. It would be so much easier to be gone.
There are times I believe I wont feel this way again. But still, I do and I have a plan in my head. I dont know if Ill use it. But I do keep it as a back up. Dream about it sometimes.
but I go on living.
and I wouldnt want to drink. That just gets me into trouble.
Death on the other hand, I wish, did not sound like a comfort zone.
But, there is not a human ALIVE, who can tell me whats on the other side.
to be or not to be. That is the question.
today, it doesnt feel like a chance worth taking.



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Charlyn Farmer

posted September 4, 2008 at 11:31 pm


Please, if your even thinking abut sucide don’t do it. Talk to someone, Family, friends or anyone you feel comfortable talking to. My nephew took his life about 3 weeks ago, and his Wife’s life also. We dont’ understand it. we loved them both very much. They were great people and had everything going for them. We did not expext anything like this from him. He was a kind loving person and wouldn’t harm nobody. I GUESS HE HAD ALOT HIDDEN INSIDE OF HIM ANGER, We didn’t know about. K



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Christopher

posted September 8, 2008 at 11:39 am


I tried suicide twice, once about 4 years ago and once again about five months ago. Both times I tried to kill myself with an overdose of pills. The first time I was found by my father and was taken to the hospital and got my stomach pumped, drank charcoal, et al. The second time was with pills too and I told the person I was on the phone with what I had done and she called 911. I was taken to the hospital, but was able to take my way out of it claiming it was a mistake, so they let me go in the morning.
I still feel suicidal, but it comes and goes in waves. My life is very boring due to severe anxiety about new things and new people. Its hard for me to even go outside without someone by my side. My job hardly pays anything and I live on disability basically because I am schizophrenic, schizoaffective, bipolar, etc etc etc.
I see a psychiatrist and am on a slew of meds, but they really don’t work, except for making me feel like I have a nasty hangover for three or four hours after I wake. I see a therapist too, but its not working out with her. I wish I could see my old therapist again, we really hit it off well..
Life gets hard sometimes. :(



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s

posted September 8, 2008 at 2:28 pm


Depression for me is like the seasons. There are sunny moments and then there are dark and cloudy moments. The last couple of years, it has been cold and rainy. I’m 24, i’ve spent the last 10-12 years trying to kill myself, inflicting physical harm on myself and keeping all the pain and anger hidden inside..such a good job of it that no one would believe i was actually having problems. See, i had created the ‘i’m strong and nothing can break me’ image, trying to convince people with constant work and good deeds so much that sometimes others would turn to me for help and i would help, yet i couldn’t get it through to them that i desperately needed it too.
So explain to me how i get the help i need when close friends, family jusr don’t understand and the therapists are useless because the one i went to betrayed my trust and broke doctor-patient confidentiality!



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Christopher

posted September 8, 2008 at 2:46 pm


S:
You are not alone, I feel the same way – I put up a huge facade and everyone thinks all is fine and dandy with me.



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Connie

posted September 8, 2008 at 3:35 pm


You know, I’ve been there, that road when you are thinking, “No one fricken gets me, I am worthless I don’t make a difference and people are superficial and don’t know what real love is.” Every time I was interupted. LOL My job …brings me a lot of pressure too. See I’m one of those people who talks to those who do pass over.
On Friday, my brother took his own life. After the call I ran in to make a pot of coffee, as I knew it was going to be a long night. All of a sudden I heard, “I’m stuck I’m stuck!” I turned and saw him trying to fight his way out of a “bubble” type thing. I said “Charles, you’re not stuck man, I’m right here and I hear you just fine.” He looked at me as if to say, “Oh my god.” and I asked, “What have you done?” He went on and on about how he didn’t mean to do it, and he was just angry and how a person wouldn’t stop her selfishness. Immediately he was fighting to come back, because once over he saw the clarity of what he had to do to make it all better, only then it was too late.
Watching those you circle your life with is a very important thing. Positive people with faith are usually good. Always holding onto your own self and your own power, it’s something he didn’t do….because he so desperately wanted to be loved. The thing is, you have to love yourself, know yourself before you can love another, and sometimes facing the past is hard, but there ARE ALWAYS PEOPLE THERE IF YOU REACH OUT….who won’t think of your problems as a bother. We all have suffered in our lives….everyone, and some more than others, and we are and will help you…through this, I say, be kind, love with all your heart and mind, and don’t deny yourself your emotions because other’s won’t understand……you were born with em and you have a right to let it all out…..everyone is loved, and it’s okay to hurt….just tell someone….anyone….just get it out.



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Sammie E.

posted September 8, 2008 at 3:44 pm


I have tried to take my life several times. However, now when I look at my mom and my baby sister, I know that I am loved by them. I completely love them and they are my reason to live. My baby sister is a lot worse off than I am and seeing the joy in her and her zest for life really makes me double think whenever I am down. I try to be more and more like her every day!



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Sammie E.

posted September 8, 2008 at 3:48 pm


I have tried to take my life several times. I also have a cousin who comitted suicide. He was such a wonderful person. Whenever, I notice that I am feeling worthless, I take a lond hard look at my mother and younger sister. I can tell that I am very loved by them. Also, my younger much worse off than I am, and seeing her joy and zest for life really is inspiring to me. I try to be more like her every day.



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Dottie

posted September 8, 2008 at 6:15 pm


I attempted suicide on December 30, 1996. My kids at the time were 5 years old and 4 months old. The doctors said it was post partum along with a chemical imbalance. The tough thing about this is my own mom saw the signs and did nothing for me. After I pulled the trigger of a 38 and missed my heart by a quarter of an inch. I did hit my liver but all is well now. She new that I had a chemical imbalance and never told me. To this day we don’t speak. I am thinkful that I am alive. When the doctors were performing surgery on me while I was concious I kept saying please save me. I am crying as I type this. Because my son is a senior this year in high school and my daughter is a 6th grader. I would not be around to see them grow up.



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Amy

posted September 8, 2008 at 6:21 pm


I was there to. I was depressed and alone. I lived with my mom and dad in my mid twenty’s, divorced. I felt so lonely. Looking back now I kept alot from them. They new I was depressed and unhappy, but didn’t know who serious it was.
I have always been the type of person, that it takes alot for me to make a decision but once I do make it, that’s it!!! So that night I turned off the light got down on the floor in my room and prayed. Weird, I wasn’t a christian or raised in a christian home. But I just talked to Jesus. I told him I have always done everything my way and all it has done is cause me more pain. I explained I don’t know what I’m doing and I need your help. I explained I have always had hope and for the first time in my life, I do not have it. I said I’m really scarred. I said I don’t want to live if it’s going to be this way from now on. I explained crying, broken if you don’t come down and save me…now. I’m afraid of what I will do to myself.
At that time, I felt as if Jesus came down and wrapped his arms around me. He held me on the floor of my room as I cried and cried and cried. Jesus has made the difference in my life, he has healed me inside and out. He restored my spirit and made me whole. He gave me joy back in my life and he gave me a purpose.
If your thinking about commiting suicide…DON’T DO IT. YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE SPECIAL AND GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU. The bible states: FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU”, SAYS THE LORD. “THEY ARE PLANS FOR GOOD AND NOT FOR DISASTER, TO GIVE YOU A FUTURE AND A HOPE.” Jeremiah 29:11. The bible also states: GOD IS OUR REFUGE AND STRENGTH, A VERY PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE Psalm 46:1. One last word from the bible: “BE STILL, AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD” Psalm 46:10.
I know it seems to easy to trust in the bible & God. But it works, I’m here today because of it. And now I have a beautiful family, husband and son of my own. I’m a leader in my youth group and teach sunday school. God had a plan for me…and he HAS ONE FOR YOU! DON’T DO IT. TALK TO HIM & TRUST IN HIM. TAKE THAT LEAP OF FAITH AND TALK TO HIM. HE’S WAITING FOR YOU!!! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE. THE ONLY THING THAT IS CERTAIN IN LIFE IS CHANGE!! I LOVE YOU AND MAY GOD BE WITH YOU NOW IN YOUR TIME OF NEED AND GIVE YOU HOPE THAT WILL NEVER DIE.



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Anonymous

posted September 8, 2008 at 7:17 pm


I HAVE BEEN THERE AND STILL THINK OF THE IDEA. I GOT LAID OFF FROM MY JOB WITHOUT WARNING ON JULY 3RD. THE MONEY I GOT AND THE MONEY I HAD RAN OUT. SLOWLY BUT SURLY EVERYTHING IS GETTING SHUT OFF. WHAT DO YOU DO?? I HAVE NO BODY THAT CAN HELP ME FINANCIALLY. I HAVE FAMILY THAT DID HELP ALITTLE FINANCIALLY BUT THEY HAVE THEIR OWN FAMILY, BILLS, MORTGAGES, CAR PAYMENTS, ETC… I’VE BEEN ON EVERY INTERVIEW YOU CAN THINK OF AND EVERYBODY WAS TELLING ME WAIT UNTIL SEPT AND THINGS WILL OPEN UP. WELL ITS SEPT 8TH AND IM STILL WAITING. I HAVE ANOTHER 3 INTERVIEWS LINED UP THIS WEEK BUT NOW MY PROBLEM IS IF THEY DECIDE TO CALL ME MY PHONE IS OFF! MY COUSIN OFFERED TO USE HER CELL PHONE NUMBER BUT I SAID HOW WILL I GET THE MESSAGE. I DONT EVEN HAVE A FIFTY CENTS TO CALL HER TO FIND OUT IF ANYBODY WILL CALL. LIKE THIS MORNING I HAD AN INTERVIEW AND I CANCELLED IT BECAUSE I COULDN’T STOP CRYING. HOW CAN I GO TO THE INTERVIEW WITH PUFFY EYES AND TEARING THROUGH THE WHOLE INTERVIEW THEY WILL THINK I HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS. A FEW WEEKS AGO I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT A BOX OF EXTRA STRENGTH COLD MEDICINE (DROWSY) WHICH IS STILL IN MY MEDICINE CABINET ALONG WITH SOME OTHER KIND OF PILLS (MAYBE PAIN KILLERS) AND WITH A BOTTLE OF VODKA THAT WOULD DO IT. BUT THEN AGAIN ITS A COWARDS WAY OUT BUT WHEN YOU FEEL DESPAIR ITS DOES SEEM EASIER TO JUST END IT ALL AND BESIDES MY LOVED ONES AND FRIENDS DONT HAVE TO WORRY EITHER. YES THEY WILL GRIEVE FOR A WHILE BUT THEY WILL GET OVER IT LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE. I JUST WANTED TO WRITE IT DOWN AND YES SOMETIMES A GOOD CRY SUBSIDES THE FEELINGS BUT I HOPE SOON I GET A JOB SO I CAN BE SELF SUPPORTIVE AGAIN AS I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN. THANKS FOR LISTENING



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Nancy

posted September 8, 2008 at 8:59 pm


I can relate to these letters & the last one I’ve read – I’ve tried to break my arms, thoughts of ending it all; what about those I leave behind – can you picture what pain they feel ( get over???, no I think not). Lots of people I know say it’s a cowardly way out – I for one don’t think so: it’s an act or thought of I WANT TO BE FREE FROM PAIN,the feeling of hopelessness.
The ol’ saying of no one can make you feel worthless or sticks n stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me -OBVIOUSLY hasn’t been humiliated.
God knows what we are going thru’ – He died a grizzly death for all of us.
Please talk to or find someone who will help you thru’ this & don’t give up until you find someone.
God Bless us all.



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Anonymous

posted September 8, 2008 at 10:24 pm


I lost my parents at age six…a double murder suicide at the hands of my father. I can tell you as a survivor, I live with that fact every day of my life. I, too, have also thought many times of suicide but can’t do it because i know what i live with …the legacy that my father left me to deal with.
Talk to God…talk to Him..He loves us sooo much. He stands at the door just ask him in. He is definitely our Savior. No cross is too much to bear if you let Him help you. Just pray for peace and His strength. Meditate and imagine Him holding you. I do this often when i’m feeling overwhelmed. It helps.
Please think of those you will leave behind !



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Mary

posted September 9, 2008 at 3:17 am


Get ready this it will be long… but hopefully helpful to someone out there thinking that they need to end their LIFE!
My Name is Mary I am a “SURVIOR” also…..I am a manic depressive with suicidal tendencies…. bi/polar…. whatever you want to call it… It is so hard sometime , overwhelming at other times…Sometimes so damn hard I feel as if I can’t take anymore, I survived my 2nd husband who put me and my children through hell and back again several times there was no where to go , no where to hide, no one to tell, then one night he just totally lost control, he beat the hell out of me and tried to slit my throat, the only thing i could think of was my two little girls and what it would do to them , on a non working cell phone in the back country roads of Arkansas where i had to stand on a table for the call to go through i called 911…. the sheriffs department saved us!!!!! then the horror came …….. I went to a shelter for woman and wasw there for a week , and out of the blue my oldest daughter then 9 years old said ,,, mommy is he never comming back are we staying here forever????? i responded YES!!!!!
Her response ….. Good he will never touch us again!!!!! OMG!!! my heart felt as if it stopped , my mind raced a million trillion miles a milisecond, heart-wrenching, i felt hopeless, so sad, terrified, and suicidal….. I thought what I went through with him was bad enough, I thought being beat up, gang raped, drugged, tied up, needles , you name it he did it to me, all the while never knowing he was raping my babies also… my children were 5 and 1and1/2 at the time.. this was 5 years later they went through horiffic things from this monster for 5 years…. I woke up took 2 bottles of pills i wont say what , went on with the morning got the girls ready for school took a shower got ready for work and on my way out the door i fell right to the ground on my face… i am sure the girls were scared .. the ambulance came i went to the hospital and the saved me…. and my daughter now 15 tells me mom… even though all i went through with that man, what hurt me the most was you almost dying… who would we have? what would we do? where would we go? and who could i confide in to tell all that happen to me? at that second i told myself i would never do anything like that again, me and my children are surviors, and you too can survive, each and everyday i struggle as a single mom, I work full time for min, wage in a hotel at a front desk on a 11pm to 7am shift that keeps me from tucking my babies in to bed at night, And i struggle everyday to know that the monster who did this only recieved 20 years in arkansas corectional prison and he is up for parole yearly we write letters just to keep him in, SOMEONES LIFE IS ALWAYS WORSE THAN YOURS THERE IS SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY OR SOMEONE WHO WAS BRUTALLY RAPED WHO HAS SURVIVED MURDER, OR WHAT EVER THE CASE IS, LOOK TO GOD, SAY THINGS LIKE THIS TOO SHALL PASS, AND GIVE IT TO GOD AND TRULEY MEAN IT………THERE ARE SO MANY REASONS YOU NEED TO LIVE, GOD WILL TAKE YOU WHEN THE PLAN HE HAS FOR YOU IS COMPLETED ,,,,,,,,, I KNOW CAUSE ON JULY 10TH 2008 I LOST MY BROTHER WHO WAS ONLY 44 YEARS OLD , AGAIN I FELT SUICIDAL…. THEN I LOOKED AROUND ME AND I SAID, NO….. I NEED TO LIVE … AND SO DO YOU !!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE WORTH LIVING PEOPLE LOVE YOU GO GET HELP TALK TO SOMEONE, FIND A FRIEND IN YOURSELF, JOURNAL, CRY, CRY SOME MORE, THEN GET UP DRY YOUR TEARS LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND KNOW YOU ARE WORTH LIVING! GO TO ART THEARPY. THERE MUST BE SOMEONE IN LIFE THAT YOU LOVE SO MUCH …… THINK OF THEM CALL SOMEONE ANYONE, REMEMBER SOMEONE SOMEWHERE ELSE ALWAYS HAS IT WORSE THAN YOU! LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND FIND A FRIEND IN YOU!!!!!!!
OR EMAIL ME I WILL BE YOUR FRIEND I WILL TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE WORTH IT, i DONT GOT MONEY MY ELECTRIC , CABLE , PHONES ARE BEING SHUT OFF SOON MY TRUCK PAYMENT IS LIKE 4 WEEKS BEHIND, AND I MOVED INTO A HOUSE WITH ALL MYSAVING AND SPENT $3000.00 TO RENT A HOUSE WITH A 60 FOOT SINK HOLE UNDERNEATH AND MY LANDLORDS ARE HORRIBLE BECAUSE THEY WOUNT REFUND ME ANY MONEY, BUT STILL…. i LIVE!!!!!!!!!! ONE DAY AT A TIME,
SECOND BY SECOND ,,, MIN BY MINUITE. i AM ALIVE. MY CHILDREN ARE SAFE , i MAY STILL BE DEPRESSED BUT TAKING YOUR LIFE ONLY LEAVES YOUR FAMILY WITH UNANSWERED QUESTIONS OF WHY YOU WANTED TO SPEND ETERNITY IN HELL, WHERE YOU WILL NO EVER SEE YOUR FAMILY ON THE OTHER SIDE, REMEMBER IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO TAKE YOUR LIFE READ MY STORY AND THEN SEE IF YOU TAKE YOUR LAST BREATH , I DONT THINK YOU WILL BECAUSE IF I CAN SURVIVE YOU TOO CAN!!!!!!! YOUR FRIEND FOREVER MARY , PORT RICHEY FLORIDA



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Tommy

posted September 9, 2008 at 7:03 am


Thank you everyone!! I’m a survivor(in the sense I tried to stop my girlfriend). Every minute the end replays it’s self over and over. I’ve been so lost without her and wish to hold her. I have felt so alone until now. Reading everyones story, thank GOD for you all. It happened 4 years ago and I haven’t been able pull my life back together or even just smile. You all are making my heart smile inside for the first time since and I finally feel the light from heaven shine on me. With you all I finally also feel so not ALONE!!!



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Helena

posted September 9, 2008 at 7:54 am


I HAVE A 12 YEAR OLD NIECE WHO TALKS ABOUT COMMITING SUICIDE ALL THE TIME; SHE IS IN COUNSELING BUT I AM AFRAID FOR HER. SHE IS THE SECOND OLDEST OF 5 CHILDREN BUT SHE SEEMS TO BE THE MOST AFFECTED BY THE STRUGGLES OF HER SINGLE PARENT MOTHER. SHE REQUIRES SO MUCH ENERGY FROM THE FAMILY AS A GROUP THAT THEY HAVE BEGAN TAUNTING & TEASING HER BECAUSE SHE IS ALWAYS MAKING THREATS VERBALLY & IN WRITING. SHE RUNS AWAY ALL THE TIME; I DO NOT WANT TO IGNORE HER PLEAS FOR HELP BUT HAVE NO AUTHORITY IN THE SITUATION…WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP HER???



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arial

posted September 9, 2008 at 1:30 pm


could i have Helena e-mail? I would like to contact her, she is a hero to me and a real human, she is a success, and i see one day soon she will reep what she put in.
thanks
arial



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scm

posted September 9, 2008 at 2:02 pm


My beloved brother-in-law committed suicide a week ago today, leaving behind two beautiful girls (9 and 6), and many who loved him. We are trying to sort through the pain, and are feeling extreme guilt…we are given the life sentence. I pray this site saves many, or even one…CHOOSE LIFE, YOU ARE OF VALUE, YOU ARE LOVED.



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Clara

posted September 11, 2008 at 11:56 am


Non of these stories made me feel better, there is no help out there!



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MARIA

posted September 12, 2008 at 1:29 pm


FIRST GOD BLESS EVERYONE THAT READS THESE COMMENTS. I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT I MYSELF TRIED TO END MY LIFE MANY TIMES AND ALMOST SUCEEDED TWICE.AND I TRIED BECAUSE I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSE AT THE AGE OF 6 BY ONE OF MY OLDEST BROTHERS AND I FELT DIRTY WORTHLESS HELPLESS ASHAMED I FELT NOBODY LOVED ME NOBODY UNDERSTOOD ME I FELT MY LIFE WAS NOT WORTH LIVING BECAUSE I WAS VIOLATED AND THAT WAS DEVASTATING TO ME A LITTLE GIRL WHICH WAS DEFENSLESS BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MADE IT THROUGH BECAUSE GODS LOVE HELPED ME THROUGH MY BESTFRIEND HELP ME THROUGH IT AND I THINK ANYBODY THAT HAS SUCIDE IN MIND SHOULD SEEK THE LORDS LOVE TO HELP THEM THROUGH THEY NEED TO KNOW THAT THEY ARE LOVED THAT THEY ARE WORTH SOMETHING BECAUSE GOD DOES NOT MAKE ANY JUNK AND IF YOU ARE AROUND IT’S BECAUSE GOD HAS A PURPOSE FOR YOU IN LIFE I KNOW YOU WON’T BE THINKING THAT WAY NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE SO HURT INSIDE YOU THINK YOU ARE A NOBODY YOU THING IT AIN’T WORTH FIGHTING BUT YOU ARE WORTH SOMETHING IN GODS EYES YOU ARE SOMEBODY AND HE WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY. IF YOU END YOUR LIFE YOU ARE GOING TO A WORST PLACE THEN WHAT YOU ARE NOW.PLEASE FIND SOMEONE WHOM YOU ARE COMFTERABLE TALKING TOO AND TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL TELL THEM TO HELP YOU OVERCOME THAT FEELING OF SUCIDE FIND YOURSELF A PASTOR OR A GOD FEARING PERSON TO HELP YOU OUT AND HELP YOU FIND GOD THAT ONCE YOU DO YOU WILL SEE THINGS WILL GET BETTER. I AM A GOOD LISTENER AND I LOVE PEOPLE ESPECIALLY THE YOUTH YOU CAN LEARN ALOT FROM A TEEN IT’S NOT EASY BEING A TEENAGER PARENTS TAKE TIME TO LISTEN TO YOUR TEENS SOMETIMES TAKING THE TIME TO SIT DOWN WITH OUR TEENAGE DAUGHTER/SON AND LETTING THEM KNOW WE ARE THERE AND SHOWING THEM WE LOVE THEM IT’S ALL IT TAKES TO HELP THEM GET THROUGH YOU WOULD BE SURPRISE WHAT A SIMPLE I LOVE YOU FROM THE HEART WILL DO. WELL AGAIN GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND I HOPE WITH MY COMMENT I WAS ABLE TO GET THROUGH TO SOMEBODY.LOVE MARIA!



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Bilbeaux

posted September 15, 2008 at 12:46 am


Clara, I agree with you. There seems to be no help out there. I have nobody to talk to anywhere. It is getting harder and harder to make it through the days and nights. I have lost 40lbs. since Jan., no longer eat, can’t sleep but about every 4 or 5 nights(then only few hours). Doctors just hand more RX for antidepressants and such. I already take Cymbalta, Abilify, Elavil, Neurontin, Ambien along with pain meds and muscle relaxants. The mental nor physical pain never goes away. The last 8 years have been really bad with all the joint and muscle pain. Then 2 years ago, I had a mass on an ovary, had it removed,but the pain never stopped. The company that I dedicated my life to for 15 yrs. decided I was no longer an asset, so I was asked to resign. Now, since I have been unable to work for 2 yrs. the bank is about to foreclose on my house. It is all just a vicious cycle—- more physical pain causes more depression. Every day I battle suicide but it is getting harder. I need someone to talk to but no money for MDs.



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Bilbeaux

posted September 15, 2008 at 12:48 am


Does anybody have any answers or help?



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1madbaker

posted September 15, 2008 at 2:35 pm


Mary, I have read and reread your note. I really need inspiration!! I too had always thought no matter how bad one thinks he has it, he can find someone worse off than himself. Now, I don’t know anymore. I am tired!!! Tired of taking handfuls of pills to make it day to day, tired of being able to sleep only 2 or 3 hours and then it is drug induced sleep. Tired of the nightmares when I do sleep. Tired of everyone depending on me. I have broke all ties with all family (except my spouse, 2 grown kids and their spouses, and 4 grands) and all friends and ex-coworkers. Tired of living, tired of the physical and mental pain. I have planned suicide, even drove out of town to hotel so my kids wouldn’t find me. So far i have been able to rationalize out of it. But…. it is getting harder and harder. My bad childhood only made me a stronger person, but now I feel defeated!!! Everyone still thinks I can solve all their problems and “fix” everything for them. times I find myself resenting everything!!! Does not help that I am type A personality and have mod to severe OCD. I have been reading posts here a while but this is my first time to write.



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Bilbeaux

posted September 15, 2008 at 2:51 pm


Mary, I have read and reread your post.Thanks for the inspiration.



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Valerie in Dayton, OH

posted October 25, 2008 at 9:00 pm


I’m writing because I too, think about suicide 24/7. I should be happy, but I’m not. I’m severely lonely and afraid to even try to make friends because they don’t understand. My children are grown and don’t get it. I’m so confused and so sick of being medicated heavily. Will I EVER be normal?



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Anonymous

posted November 16, 2008 at 9:18 pm


Read the book by neal walsh. “A conversation with god”. It helped me.



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