Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue

Dear God: 40 Ways to Keep Your Lover

Dear God,

I have to be honest. I understood this week’s gospel about as well as I comprehended Sophocles’s “Oedipus Rex” and Aeschylus’s “Prometheus Bound” back in college, so I’m grasping at literary themes much like an engineering major thrown into English Lit 101.

This part I get: a woman can’t keep her husband happy. In Luke 20:27-38, a woman goes through seven husbands. SEVEN husbands, God! After the first died, she married the second, and then the third, fourth, and so on.

I want to know what the hell she was feeding them, and how she handled the wrath of her mother-in-law, who must have lived in a therapist’s office her remaining days to process the anger she felt toward a broad who managed to kill all seven of her sons.


My guess is this: the wife was bipolar and refused to get treated. That’s one sure way to bury a husband.

So, I think today’s lesson is to keep your spouse alive and healthy. At the risk of sounding like a country song played backwards–I got my house back, got my wife back, got my truck back—here is a list of suggestions I came up with to keep a husband happy.
Your feedback would be most appreciated.

1. Skip the polyester, Ester
2. No casserole, Nicole
3. Sleep with him twice a week, Monique
4. Let him drive a new car, Star
5. Laugh with him, Kim
6. Allow all-day NFL, Belle
7. Buy him candy, Sandy
8. Pray together, Heather
9. Wear sexy underwear, Cher
10. Make sure to kiss, Beatrice
11. Continue to date, Kate
12. Don’t call him lazy, Daisy
13. Be his biggest fan, Ann
14. Keep taking your pill, April
15. Be nice to his ma, Alicia
16. Let him win, Lynn
17. Don’t disappear, Blaire
18. More honesty, Destiny
19. Don’t obsess about money, Bunny
20. Color your hair, Claire
21. Don’t run, Autumn
22. Create something homemade, Jade
23. Say “I love you” daily, Bailey
24. His virtues try to see, Lee
25. Treat him like a king, Ling
26. Don’t yell, Danielle
27. Give it a second shot, Charlotte
28. Brush off his dander, Amber
29. Hold him like a baby, Sadie
30. Love him past the bliss, Genesis
31. Pay his library fee, Dee
32. Eat lunch with him at the deli, Kelly
33. Don’t steal, Camille
34. Dress less scary, Sherry
35. Stop meeting boys in the alley, Sally
36. Water him like a tree, Marie
37. Try to sit still, Jill
38. Wear something racy, Stacey
39. Nurture his inner boy, Joy
40. Show him you care, Blair

  • Larry Parker

    But these are all on YOU, Therese. (Nice riff on Paul Simon, though.)
    Hey, men dream of wives who are as genuinely loving and accommodating (and it doesn’t have to always be in the bedroom, as we’ve discussed in recent days) as you.
    But Eric has to do his part. Not that I’m saying he doesn’t (I’m sure he does), but he **needs** to keep doing it. (Let you read chick-lit, Kit, buy some nice perfume, June, help with your daughter and son, Hon, and so forth.)
    I’ve discussed my own failed marriage ad infinitum here. And since I know I sometimes make it sound like my ex was a complete shrew, I don’t think I always did my part, either.

  • 712Kearney

    Thanks I like it. being a child that was raised by a single mom. My mother never brought boyfriends around, so we spent a lot of years knowing and understanding her ways.. but how to be in loving relationship, we did not see. She was stubborn. We took that with us,independent, Took care of her own self, kept herself sharp, and didn’t take no stuff. However, she finally realized this was not what it would take to keep a man. she was pretty also, so when a slick fox tried to offer help in order to get “some” instead of real love she had to learn to say “No thank you.” She had to learn that it’s ok for a man to handle the hard stuff, learn to cry and learn to say.. I need help sometimes. She had to learn how to trust and lean on her new husband even if in the morning, the answer didn’t come- patience.. And finally how to say thank you, and share her life with another. Before that most men that met my mother would run for the hills. Unfortunetely..I moved out before she remarried. LOL– But thank you for this, I will take it with me..I see a lot of me in this lesson. I am truly a work in progress. but I’m loving me– more and more each minute. That’s a breakthrough right??

  • Jim G

    Wow, sounds like a dream wife.
    I think if you did all those things, the husband should naturally reciprocate. If he doesn’t, he’s got narcissistic personality disorder.
    I have heard it is best to treat your partner as if they are already acting the way you want them to, as it may make them reciprocate and act the way you want them to.
    Although I have also heard it is good to meet once a week and communicate the things you would like your partner to do (make requests.) Particularly since men and women are so different – and men can be dummies in terms of being sensitive to what the woman wants.
    Now I may make a great mechanic, but as you can guess my own car is in not in the greatest shape.

  • Wisdum

    I love your great insight and revelation for that Gospel story (Gospel maens Good News … doesn’t it ?) I think it’s even funnyier if the woman had seven Mothers-in-Law. Dam ! You know there has to be a rumor about town like “Stay from that b****, she’s deadly !”
    I guess I have deternined that my wife and I are both bi-polar, but I seem to be the predominantly the manic one, and she the de-pressed one (which is clearly understandable, living with me could depress anyone !) We are definately both “strong willed children” growed up and we can’t “Tell” each other anything, and worse yet our three children and pets are the same ! (especially Daisy-The Dog For All Seasons/Alpha Bitch) If there is one thing that I have learne, being married for 36 years and together for 5 more, is “It is alWays not good, to be right !” And a Rock solid commitment to those marriage vows is definatewly why we are still together. Each of us has revealed “You can leave anytime you want, but I am here till death, us do part” (of course that death part just may keep you up a lot all night, if you catch my drift !) On top of that my surrendering to God all of the rest of my Life, throws another Rock through my window. The one time that I couldn’t take it anymore, and I jumped in my car and was heading south to warmer(or cooler) climates, this voice that speaks to me all the time (who I like to think is the Holy spirit) says “Go home !” To which I get into a heated argument with, and the same response “Go home !” and I finally said “Why ?’ and the voice said “Did you not make a promise, for better or worse, till death, you do part ?” … Dam ! … I went home. If in am anything, at all, I am true to my Word !… Ok, Ok , so I slept in the garage for a week, on the concrete, until I said “Screw this, I’m sleeping in the bed ! I don’t give a crap where she sleeps !” (she kinda likes the recliner a lot !) The only thing that still keeps us together is a four letter word called Love, the rest is one royal pain in the ass (especially for my wife. I don’t give a crap for nuthin, I dumped it all in God hands, and it’s all His problem!)… (she thinks I surrendered to her, hah !)
    LUV 2 ALL

  • astorian

    The whole point of the Gospel was the ridiculous extremes to which the Sadducees were going to refute Jesus’ contention that there was an afterlife for the just.
    The Sadducees were like the Catholic High School kids George Carlin used to talk about, the ones who spent hours trying to think up trick questions with which to stump the priest!
    The Sadducees were so determined to make Jesus look silly, they came up with a presposterous scenario they thought disproved his contention (“So, let’s say this woman was married to 7 different men… which one will be her husband in Heaven? AHA! We GOTCHA!!!!!!”). Instead, they just made themselves look preposterous when Jesus noted that we won’t have the same type of existence in Heaven, and marriage won’t mean precisely the same thing it does here.

  • Wisdum

    Re – astorian | November 12, 2007 5:45 PM
    Actually there was a brilliant trick that Yeshuah used on all those who questionrd Him, and it is a great trick for parents dealing with their children, or anybody. He never answered a querstion, but with another question. The trick is to lead your opponent into a trap, using their own answers to defeat them. If your opponent gives you the wrong answer you simply ask him another question, until he is backed into a corner, that they cannot get out of. Of course once they realize that you just made a fool out of them, they very often react violently with abuse, torture and crucifixion … go figure, some people just have no sense of humor !
    I was one of those students that would ask questions that the priests or nuns would not answer, and the typical answer was “It is a mystery” After hearing that thousands of times, I finally said “You know what! It’s not a mystery. Either you don’t know the answer, or you are lying to me! I’m going to search out the answer, and when I find it (and I will) I’m coming back here and confront you with it, and see which one it is !”
    LUV 2 ALL
    LUV 2 ALL

  • Margaret Balyeat

    t, i, AS WELL, ENJOYED YOUR CREAIVE METHOD OF ILLUSTRATING YOUR POINTS; but THANK YOU larry, for reciprocating for those distaff amongstus. The very same thought was occuring to me just as I found your comment…BIG SURPRISE…LOL. I’m becoming more and more convinced as these posts come and go that you are cohabitating with Therese inside my psyche (That’s breaking your lease, R!)and let me tell you, it gets a little–more than a little—eerie at times! I had to get out my Bible and reread the account in Luke you referenced; I’d never caught on to the fact that the seven husbands were BROTHERS! (Adds a whole other dimension and credibility to “Black Widow Syndrome”, huh?) I’ve long been thankful, since my exhusband has only one brother to whom i’ve never been IN THE LEAST attracted, that the practice from biblical times of widows marrying their late husband’s brothers didn’t carry through to modern times, although my lack of attraction to my brother-in-law would certainly have given me pause to reconsider doing away with my ex had that thought ever entered my mind, which IN SPITE of his cheating, it never did, although I will admit to wishing that he HAD died instead of divorcing me mostly due the practical repurcussions death– but not divorce– generates (Never having to run into him with his new wufe(also his mistress during our marriage, having our mortgage paid by insurance and qualifting for S.S. survivor benefits rather than habing to squeeze my eyes together whenever I went to church to aviid seeing her assumeMY place next to him in the receiving line post service, losing the house to foreclosure because of the lack of two incomes and having to enlist legal help in order to get him to obey the divorce settlement, Widowhood actually had it’s appeals fto my then frame-of-mind! Widows also are seen differently(translate:more charitably) by society than are divorcees. Former friends don’t have to “chose sides”, another phenomenon those of us “cast aside” must endure… Anyway, once again I digress…Thank you, Therese for another thought provoking”dear God” post!(And you for your addendum, L)arry

  • snooky325

    Tell him the truth, men get wierd when they are lied too, like women decption is the great killer of unions, i thought you said… and such babbilings. Trying to blame instead of taking responsibility, God didn’t let satan off the hook he one upped him and declared responsibility by virtue he created everything. when we choose wrong, and freewill becomes an excuse for our failings well blaming the hangnail on your toe doesn’t do it, it just reveals how immature you are. Same goes for the rantings of ingorance remember “folly is the food of fools.” Starve that jerk who says stupid stuff, like but you said you would?

  • cathy

    Hey, Therese, I read through every one of those, and I’m just hoping that you’re not beating yourself up with an ideal like I often do.
    When the dust clears, and D and I get squared, he reminds me that he’s happiest to be my husband when I am growing and finding some new things in the world each day.
    And what’s wrong with casserole? :)

  • nillawafer

    i don’t know how to respond to this article. as a widow of a mental health therapist who committed suicide using hemlock and arsenic i feel kind of sickened. truly bizarre response to sunday’s reading. are you trying to make all the depressed widows out there more depressed? are you suggesting we should have done more to keep our husbands alive? yeah, i guess i should have wore that negligee he bought me once, then he wouldn’t have left.

  • maggie angel burger

    this is such a wonderful place to gain perspective it should be in all the homes of those of us with depression.My son and I both have this wonderful twisted gene and he has just started a new job and was fired on the spot because of a policy that exists in Fla. regarding sexual offenders. He was very sick at the time 03 and the group he was with all went down big time but he got charged because it was his place of business and his has lasted till now and will continue. How are we supposed to suck it up, be strong,Take responsibility for the situation when we all know that a chunk of money would make it go away. I feel the inner demons laughing and fight every day to shut them up. I do the right things, so does he so now what??? Anyone have any insight?

  • teri

    I did all the above, and he still left. Who was sicker? He with his depression or with me with my undiagnosed bipolar disorder. I still functioned and tried like hell to hold our marriage together. But he couldn’t see any other options except the big “D”. Did I feel guilty? You betcha? So guilty, that I begged God’s forgiveness over and over, begged Him to bring him back, comtemplated suicide until my dog stopped me. Raised my kids on my own. (He was their step father since my son was 3 years old.) Plus I didn’t know what was wrong with me?!
    I was addicted to pain killers for Trigeminal Neuralgia. A nerve disease affecting the face. (It mainly affected my teeth, felt like every tooth had a nerve exposed.) Now, after 10 years, I’ve finally gotten over all the pain– of his finding a new girlfriend,buying a house with her all within a 1 1/2 of us splitting up. (took us 4 years to do all that.) He’s now harassing me with phone calls and hang ups, and researching me on staring at same picture 4-5 times a week.(I get a note to my email when someone searches me out.) Now isn’t that weird? Who is more sick now?

  • teri

    By the way, I went to rehab, got off narcotics, got my diagnose finally. At first I was in denial, but somehow one day acceptance just settled in. And made my life a whole lot easier to deal with. I’m back in reality now, and life has never been better. I’m dating a great man. Probably the first guy who’s not an addict, alcoholic or has some other fatal flaw I need to fix. It feels great! Just thought I should add that. Plus my dog is still around too!

  • Margaret Balyeat

    Good for you, girl! Mental/emotional pain is bad enough, but when you ice that cake with a layer of constant physical pain it only whets the knife! And the froghtening thing about those pain pills is that they

  • Larry Parker

    Good for you. Gives me some hope as I try to rebuild my life …
    I really don’t think that’s what Therese meant. She was going from the perspective of the spouse with depression TOWARD the spouse without depression, not the other way around. (And as I said, I still think it needs to go both ways.)
    If both spouses have severe depression, of if the one spouse with severe depression is so sick as to be suicidal (as was so tragically your case), I don’t think her advice at all applies. And I think Therese would be the first to admit it.

  • Margaret Balyeat

    hERE WE gO aGAIN (YOU DIDN’T THINK i’d somehow gotten through one comment withoutgetting cut off, now, did you?) Anyway, as I was TRING to say, the really effectice pain mwds (translate: any that actually WORk!) are narcotic and therefore not only addictoce but also depressin! I too have had a problem, but unlike you, I’m still taking them because it’s the ONLY way I can get afew minures of relief and (therefore) sleep!) i’ve tried doing without the codeiene, but it’s the only thing that can even DULL the pain (overthe counter meds don’t even TOUCH it!) I don’t know that I’d qualify as addicted, but I DO know that the thought pf doing without thim sends me straight into the snaje pit. Depression alone is enough of a burden; constand pain (7 on a sxale of 1-10) interferes with sleep, makes any kind of exercise impossible and in short makes my already difficult physical and mental problem sitUation impossible! Pain relief (IMHO) is ANOTHER MEDICAL PROBLEM THAT NEEDS MORE RESEARCH AND TREATMENT OPTIONS! I admire you for facing up to your proverbial plate and (it seems) hitting ahomerun! As for your ex; clearly he hasn’t gotten over you or he wouldn’t be harrassing you. Often the “greener grass doesn’rt taste as good as he tought it would when the steer manages to jump the fence! WHATEVER you do, don’t allow his situation to derail YOUR mental health train. Gloating is ugly, I know, and God don’t like ugly! (He’s not always crazy about pretty, either) For a long time when news of my ex having difficulties filtered back to ne, I found myself thinking that he deserved it, but i’ve now come to understand that that kind of celebratory reaction only harms ME inside resulting in terrible nightmares when I AM finally able to get some sleep!

  • Nancy

    I have to thank you for such a good old fashion belly laugh with your list of ways to keep a husband happy.
    I don’t know if #14 (taking your pill) or #28 (brush off his dander) was the funniest but #41 should be “Laugh and laugh often together-at yourself, at him, and at both of yourselves.
    Thanks again!

  • Melody

    I don’t think much of this will keep a man happy. I found out that what men want think and believe is what us women have to make sure to live up too. If a man wants sex,you give Know matter if you want to or not. Men think they make all decisions. Us women have nothing to say about it. I was married for 11 years,before my husband slept with my sister. I’ve now been in a relationship for 6 years with another man and he says what happens and what don’t.If it is in bed or a vacation.So what to do in this situation, deal with it or walk out

  • Sheryl

    Don’t complain so much , and be creative.

  • marie

    I am glad you were able to save your marriage! May you and your family be blessed by God with happiness all the days of your life. I await the list that your wife could make, too!

  • Blanche

    Thank you, Therese. I laughed until I cried.

  • marob

    what are the 40 ways for a man to keep his woman/wife…you need to include them also….

  • Anonymous

    I’m sorry. I don’t like this list. Life is too serious and there are so many different problems and personalities I don’t think we can apply a list to everybody’s life. Some of these items on the list could offend some people.
    Some Bible verses of encouragement would be nice and all we need. Thats my opinion.

  • Linda

    Well, this was “very interesting.” One of the most significant ways to keep the “fire burning” and the “wheels turning” is to be spontaneous, be yourself, let go of past stuff, because there is no future until you learn the art of letting go. Every day must be new! I’m 60 years old and my husband and I still enjoy each other in every way possible, but we had to learn each other. Our Pastor told us years ago, during marriage counselling, “you both are individuals, different opinions, different views. Be kind enough to each other to allow those views to be expressed, even when it’s unpleasant.” I know I would be a very miserable person (because I am opinionated and outspoken) if I just sat back and allowed my husband to dominate. Now don’t get me wrong, “sometimes” we must “allow” them to “think” they have the last say; but in our maturity “we know better!”

  • Montemar

    Keeping your husband is not easy… treat him they way he keeps you.

  • Forch

    Well being that I am a man, I like #s 9+38. Works for me!

  • Mary

    Notice there is more than one thing on the list pointing toward sex! Ladies, get a clue. Men are not wired like us. Sex is very important to them. It is the one time during the day when they are vulnurable. Don’t roll over and say you have a headache. Give the man in your life what he needs, and he will be happy. It’s really that simple. Food, sex and football. That’s all it takes.

  • Forch

    Being a man, I especially liked #s 9+38!

  • Pam

    Poor 11/15/07 10:12am comment who thinks life is “serious” How many men has she run off? Obviously hasn’t ever had a sucessful marriage if life is full of “doom & gloom!” Who would want to live like that all the time… Negativity is a sure fire way to run anyone off!! If God had not meant for us to have joy & laughter He would never have given us a sense of laughter…Doesn’t our Bible say to worship Him with dance & song? Get a life woman & I pray someday good fun loving, sexy, Christian man will come along to make you smile!

  • Monique M

    Love each other the way you love yourself. Talk and do not argue – never go to bed angry. Always express your feelings to each other no matter how upset the other person gets. It is better for your companion to know what is bothering you than not to know. Always remember woman was created for man, and, when a man finds a wife he finds a good thing. So in order to be that good thing that GOD created us to be, it requires communication, understanding, trust and most of all LOVE. Live by these rules and your spouse should always be happy. And one more thing: Never let your husband make you make the morning Coffee: Because in the Bible it clearly states: HEBREWS> (smile)

  • Anonymous

    what about husbands keeping wives happy everything i read is about new things for women to do for men i am sick of it

  • Alicia

    I just have one thing to add, Monique. Always hold hands when going to bed.
    I thought this article was cute, and it sure did brighten up my day! Let’s see what my husband thinks of it when I get home!

  • christie

    I agree with what linda said 100%

  • Rita

    Leave LOVE notes

  • Vicky

    Communicate about everything. Being open, honest, kind, loving will get you everything you ever wanted & more. I am very lucky to have my husband & we respect each other in a loving way.

  • LHG

    Love God first, and He will enable you to love your spouse in a healthy giving manner. All those decades of advice being given to think of yourself first are crap, and we have huge divorce rates to show for it. Basic common sense: focus on the positive, give more than you get, do the right thing instead of being right…marriage goes far better when what goes in exceeds need and greed. This list is cute and profound and I am glad she posted it!

  • javier

    I wish my wife did all that for me I think being able to talk and being a friend always help. But not just one person can do it.

  • Ria

    See the beauty in his eyes.-Ria

  • Christina

    Loved the article..would like to hear more of this stuff from men.Its about time that guys ask for what they want, they deserve to be happy.

  • Pam

    You can not make someone else happy people. If your husband does not have a heart of love for you and sometimes even when he does circumstances beyond our control happen. So if you find yourself in a postion where you are no longer the center of his attention. Then find the person who took your place and simply remove her face. (haha)
    No seriously if you strive to make yourself happy and truly love your husband you will succeed in making him happy as well. Love notes, are wonderful in lunches, perfume his favorite of course, wear your makeup everyday, wake up before he does, make his coffee and breakfast everyday and pray for him and his day. Be happy with yourself remain confident, and do not let him outgrow you. In other words “Spread his jam” Pam

  • Pam

    My Father and Mother-in-law always told me that marriage was a 50/50 exchange for the first 50 years they did what he wanted and for the last 50 they did what she wanted. It takes a willingness of both parties for any marriage to succeed. No matter how much you love someone you can not make them love you once they decide they don’t love you anymore.

  • Karyn

    The list is mostly stupid. Relationships are far more complicated. Men need to give as much as women. It takes a lot of HARD work!

  • Tina

    I do all of these things(Including watching NFL all day with him!) 20 years married,still going strong!

  • JMack

    I was married for 17 years. 17 years of arguing. 17 years of self inflicted hell. The post above from LHG says it all. LOVE GOD FIRST. Had I practised that, I would still be married. I am the one who choose divorce, and the guilt haunts me everyday. I am currently in a 16 month relationship with someone else now, and I feel guilt every day about my failure to my prev husband. In my prev relationship, I was the believer, and everytime we argued, without fail I would turn away from God’s voice and proceed with what made me feel good, that being to “have my say”, and, to be “understood”. Let me tell you, if one who is a believer continues to reject God’s voice in their marriage, they will reap the death of their marriage. In reality, God is the only one who can met your needs. If you are living with the expectation that your spouse can or will met your needs, your focus is all wrong, and you will be spinning your wheels continually and not go anywhere. LISTEN TO GOD’S VOICE, AND OBEY IT AND YOU WILL BE SATISFIED> OBEY GOD AND LEAVE ALL THE CONSEQUENCES TO HIM.

  • Jxrobert

    I loved this list! I’m not sure I could have kept my husband…and, maybe, I no longer want him; but I did NOT do all of this and now wish I had.

  • Anne

    As someone coming out of a horrible, 34 year marriage, I think I’m going to throw up. I’ve tried all of these. YOU can’t make anyone happy, it must come from within HIM. I’m not trying to be mean, just honest.

  • god

    yeah, this list is kind of just strange, but women do need to learn how to take care of their man and just do what we say.

  • John

    While this list and others like it are cutesy and humorous to some, they are a waste of time and perhaps more harmful than helpful to many. My wife already treats me incredibly well. I am trying to get her to take better care of herself. Nurturing needs to be mutual in a marital or committed relationship. Obsessing about trying or having to “keep [one’s partner] happy” is illusory and borders on codependence.
    The only person whose feelings, actions and thoughts we can take responsibility for is our own. Seeking wellness, self care and inner peace is a far better, and ultimately more satisfying goal than somehow tying one’s own sense of value or self-worth to the (real or imagined) “happiness” of another.

  • Jen

    I have to say first that I am in the middle of a separation/divorce with a 5 year old daughter. We have been together for over 7 yrs and this was totally out of the blue to me. He only tried one counselling session and gave up with I am tired and dont want to do this. We both come from completely differant relgious backgrounds and families. I Wish I had followed God’s word and maybe I would have had my happily ever after. I am still hoping for that now but it is whatever God has in store for me!

  • Okay a GUY wrote this LOL!

    Sometimes you can do Kart wheels & he’ll never notice, The only thing you can hope is that the lord will call Lazurus and my husbands name too cause it is a dead dog, my marriage and all.Here we go women giving our self to one sidedness instead of oneness,Thats bologna I want the other piece of bread so we can be a sandwich yummy yummy!Going to apply for our divorce on 11/16/07

  • Gisele

    Yes those are good rules, but you are not the only one in the marrage you both have to try. I’ve been with my husband for going on 23 years and some years have just been hell, one sided. By growing up and caring, trying together you can suceed. We have stayed together all these years because I wouldn’t give up. Now I don’t take no shit ider I used too. We both know where we stand. TOGETHER

  • Brandi

    For six years I was involved with a man whose first priority was a party, the more drugs and alcohol, the better. In the beginning, I did everything on this list and then some. This list is an awesome wake up call for women who have good decent God fearing men who put their relationships ahead of other resposibilities. But if your man doesn’t have his priorities straight, and you don’t have your priorities straight, this list won’t help you. I don’t think the author intended it to be a band aid anyway. It’s cute. Great work! I could have never come up with that many rhyming names.

  • jc

    Men dont need to hear this because they can not be objective but most men, even the powerful ones need alot of tlc like little boys to feed there inner self, they are just less mature than woman emotionally about being vunerable or asking for what they really want and giving it without asking…keeps them alive and inlove with you that you undertand them unlike anyone else…and if they really love you…you will get back what you give in other ways too. A happy husband makes a happy wife too because happiness makes more happiness,more love, more respect and more appreciation. Just stay focused on God and stay true to yourself at the same time. You dont have to lose to yourself to give to another. It takes time if it is new,but keeping new things in the relationship even if it is sexy underwear or hairdo or pjs always keeps them surprised and alive keeps you alive too.

  • Theresa

    I must say these things all sound nice, but I must agree with Anne in that YOU can’t MAKE anyone happy. It’s NOT someone else’s responsibility to make us happy. The same with love, we must love ourselves first then others will love back. I’ve been married twice (total of 20yrs.) and did all that I could, but because they weren’t happy themselves it caused LOTS of problems in the marriage(s). I’ve been with a gentleman now for awhile and have found someone who is happy within himself and it does make a BIG difference. So love and care about yourself first then the other comes naturally.

  • drummerboy62

    Noticed that all the post’s were from women, but just wanted to add, that yes God has to be the center of that relationship, now divorced, we both allowed our own selfish desires to destroy what God put together, though I see it more clearly now, my ex wife is still trying to find her way, no marriage is perfect, had it not been for the bad choices we made, it was pretty darn close to having a great relationship. I agreed with most of the things that were said, most men I think just want to know that they’re doing a good job, and whatever that maybe, a good provider, father, husband, lover, and the list goes on. Affirmation, it does wonders. Now I’m trying to win my wife’s heart back.

  • jc

    to the person that the husband is not noticing….do the opposite and start not being so easy to predict–where you are, when you come home, when you call, doing your own thing and he may notice again. when we become too predictable, it is easy for a man to take you entirely for granted and feeling safe to ignore you because he does not have to wonder, think, or ponder.And yes Prayer foremost.



  • Anonymous

    I think all those suggestions are just fine and dandy, but there are some men out there that you could do all of the above things for and they would still complain!

  • leslie

    how about the simple concept of service? don’t make ANYONE’S life harder than it already is….

  • Another view

    I suppose you could do all that. But why not just be yourself, the woman he fell in love with ? If that doesn’t work do what I did and find a woman who will appreciate you for who you are and doesn’t mind actually taking care of YOU once in awhile. Love is where you find it people. If it’s not where you are, move on!

  • Nan Kay

    Mighty strange list. Whatever happened to good old communication? Stop playing high school games.

  • Jmac

    I do like John’s posted comment above – it seems to be more realistic and what I try to accomplish on a day to day basis. I do think that trying to make your spouse happy is important, but the listing is of course, is just a silly list and it did give me a laugh. Live and let live, love and be loved, share and share a like, give and take are more reasonable and understandable ideas of how to move about this earth in happiness with your significant other. And simple enough too and it’s funny, I almost feel a little nostalgic speaking those statements, those antidotes of life. Probably because we all, at some point in our lives were taught these simple prases and learned that’s how to “try” and move through life. Obviously, most of them are easier said then done, but the last, give and take that’s easiest to say because this is the key to any marriage. It’s not only one sided as it seems may be indicated in the 40 ways to keep yourlover but once read should may be titled 35 ways to keep your “man” and a couple ways he should help too. It should be spread evenly, just as you spread your mayo on your sandwich: a “you cook, I will do the dishes kind of thing”. I just hope that people can see it takes two, not just “you” to keep your lover. You have to accept people for what they are, and they have to accept you for what you are. Give and Take. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen………..
    Thanks for this, it actually was an eye opener to me that it’s WE who need to be together in this “marriage” to keep US together and not ME who needs to do these things so YOU will stick around.
    Work together for the greater good….

  • kimberly

    When I met my boyfriend I feel in love with him at first sight
    He is my everything
    I write letters to him telling him how much he means and how I love everything we do
    guys like to hear that everyday
    I cuddle up with my boyfriend when we watch movies or even when we just watch tv, when he gets out of work I give him a great big hug and a kiss
    I also make sure dinner is ready for him
    I make him laugh and we can talk about anything that bothers us
    He has a child and his ex he has a child with is really mean to him she treats him like dirt and doesn’t seem like he should have moved forward with his life
    She needs to get a clue she cheated on him with his friend and they are over he is with me and they will not ever have a chance again
    All she has is the child with him thats it
    my boyfriend always tells me he loves me and that I have nothing to worry about because he does someday want to marry me

  • Serena G.

    Very creative. It took a lot of guts (and not to mention creativity!) to come up with this list, Therese. So most of you who comment don’t like it. Have you ACTUALLY tried following this? And not the real words that she’s saying. Read between the lines, ladies. The idea here is to DO THE LITTLE STUFF. Yes, “good old communication” always applies. But step back from the “typical whiny female” role and just do some of the sweet stuff you expect your significant other to do for you all the time. Believe me, he will notice. If he doesn’t, or if he’s a user, you need to get off the internet and stop looking at self-help sites and just dump him. Putting yourself through a relationship like that doesn’t make him the one that needs to learn something… it makes YOU the one who needs to smarten up.

  • ELLA

    i have been married 22 years my husband is first in my life. i try to lift him up every day. he is my best friend. we work together it is not always easy. we dont have a lot of money we both work but we love God and this keeps us on the right road. love your husband. that is why you married him quit finding fault with him. you worked so hard to get him work just as hard to keep him

  • jamie

    Keep your man. Read Doctor Laura’s book, “The Proper Care and Feeding” of Husbands. Remember first to pick a GOOD man to invest your love in!

  • Elle

    WOW. This was a wonderful and funny, way to show me the many different ways I can help keep my husband happy. Thank you. If I could add a last line, I would say, “(But), don’t forget about me”.

  • janet kathleen avila

    I agree,that list is crap!!!It sounds like you’re only doing things for him.You’re not just an extension of him,you cant live through him.
    And don’t wait for him to make you happy, only you can make yourself
    happy and the same goes for him.There are a few basic rules like:
    respect,honesty,have fun together

  • Michael

    Dr.Laura’s book “The proper care and feeding” of husbands is a good start. However you should finish the book. My former wife of 26 years was reading this when she started going out with her current boy friend. Of course she only made it to page 4. (I was finishing up a tour of duty overseas heading towards retirement)
    Just remember the little things and keep talking to each other

  • Barbara Young-Dobson

    One of the most important thing I learned from my Husband was not to “FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM”. He explained to me that wherever there is an “IN” you will find an “EXIT”. Just remember to “LOVE” him. So when times get rough it’s so easy to find the nearest exit. Just loving him I can overlook the rough highways that sometime intervene in our marriage of 27 years. I also remember that I married him because it was God’s will not ours. When you LOVE it’s not about you or about him, it’s about GOD.

  • John

    I agree with Janet. My wife covers about 85% of the list and I’m still not happy. It’s been 13 years and I won’t cheat on her, but I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again. It’s all in my hands, not her’s.

  • Tee-rae

    A relationship is 50/50 not 60/40 or 90/10, just is the same for a marriage. Your husband is not suppose to be first in your life God is.
    It’s suppose to be God first, family second!!! Yes, you are suppose to keep each other uplifted spiritually, physically and mentally.
    I love my husband, but God is the number one man in my life and then my husband

  • Melissa

    I think this is a cute way to say men just want love, attention and support from their wives. As long as they give the same in return, everything should work out fine.

  • Anonymous

    I like the comments made, I believe we have to treat people good without expecting anything in return. This is the only way God will bless you and you will recieve this in return. If we do it we have to do it whole heartly and because we have an inner desire to please God. We can only be responsilbe for our own actions. The list makes alot to sense and it’s true. I am happliy married and I can say I do make a strong effort to work on my relationship with my husband. I once heard this and it made alot of sense to me. In the end your children will grow up and leave to start their families and then it will be you and your husband.

  • Araceli

    Ha, Ha, Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Mike

    She’s right: treat him like a king, nurture his inner boy, pay his library fee, tell him that you love him daily.
    Men are the greatest.

  • Renee

    All it takes for my hubby is sex and undies. Sheesh. Some men are so difficult!

  • starla

    10 things to keep a marriage is 1. have god in your life 2. Love one another 3. Trust one another 4. Listen and talk to each other 5.understand where one another are coming from 6.Be Romantic 7. Share your feelings with one another dont keep it all in because all its gonna do if not now then later on make you fight worse then what it would if you would just come out and say it 8. Consider what the other one wants and compramize with one another. 9.Be there for each other. 10.Be faithful to one another. I know men has it hard on taking about feelings and all but if you want a healthy loving marriage and or relationships that is what you are needing to do. Same goes for the women. A womans point of view on it.

  • Nettah

    I agree with “HA. HA, Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! What about the women? I treated a man as though he were my God..What did he do? Use me more and more. Now, I do not have one..

  • Terry

    I’m not yet married, but it is very important to have God first in your relationship. When I first met my fiance I told him my main man was Jesus, at that moment I thought that’s it I’m chasing this one away. But to my wonderful surprise, his response was I’ve been praying to find someone to fellowship with. We sometimes pray before work, at lunchtime for sure (we happen to work at the same place) and at night over the phone. God’s love and protection keeps us grounded and full of love for eachother. Laughter and honesty helps, he loves teasing me and of course I enjoy the attention. Having lots of respect for eachother is a plus, I give to him what I love recieving and all of this mixed together makes for a happy and fun relationship. God has truly blessed me with a King.

  • Gail


  • julie langford

    you have to make your husband believe hes the sexiest man alive.he’s all you will ever need

  • Anonymous

    Ladies: You don’t need to be with someone who are stupid to be happy. It’s better to be alone than to be an ass kisser to a man who is unfaithful in all ways. Only God alone can strengthen your relationships. You work together as one, keep your communication open. Both will take responsibility of your health: fashion for women, clean cut for men. Go to church together & be charitable.
    managed finances together. Love will grow overtime.

  • Gail


  • Alice

    I will say that with all the pressures that woman have these days, its so hard to focus on themselves and try to be all of that and much more to men. #1 to keep a man is mutual respect. Respect each other as if the other person was yourself and you will see how all the BS in relationships would change. However, there are so many ppl out there that don’t respect themselves, so again we’re back at square 1.
    Good Luck to all you females who are willing to bend over backwards for men who don’t appreciate it all.

  • L’Marie

    I believe a positive, long-lasting relationship is based first on keeping God in your lives coupled with giving and taking, honesty and compromises. I believe in treating the husband like a king and with honor. However, just like you want to treat your husband as a king to keep him and have a good relationship and a healthy marrisge; as a woman, I want to be treated like a queen. In my situation, I did treat my husband like a KING, but I was never treated like a queen. The more I did for him, the more I was used by him. When he lost God as part of his life, he became like a stranger to me. If God is lost in a marriage, the relationship will not be long before it is lost.

  • Heather

    Be Honest!

  • paula p

    You know I did ALL of these things and sometimes it is just never enough when you want to stay married and the other half doess not. It has been 8 years and I still wish I was married to him. Marriage was my identity for so long that I got so lost and didnt know how to act without my family identity. It still gets to me like a part of me died with the divorce. And basically, it was a “death” to my marriage and I truly miss it as if I lost my best friend..and I did.Unfortunately, I lost a part of myself too. I still firmly believe in the institution of marriage and all the comprimising and sacraficing we all have done for the other. Just appreciate one another and beyond the moment…..

  • janet kathleen avila

    If you do all those things in that list,He’ll jusst think everything is about him and hell have no respect for you.relationships are a two way street.Mutual respect,honesty. We all know the rules for a relationship,and if love was meant to be,It will grow.I could write a list of the things you need to be campatable,But I think we all know what that is.Be confident and have your own passions,It’s very sexy…
    anything else you want to know?

  • Anita

    That is quite the list, where is the one for the men to adhere to the women? The list is great, what happened to love unconditionally, mutal respect and counting to 10 or 100 before spouting off. Inquiring minds want to know.

  • Marcela

    It shows a very pedestrial level of understanding of human relationship.

  • gloria martin

    I enjoyed reading the items on this list. However, If this list was put in a symatric form both the husband and wife would reap the “Blessings!”

  • Christina

    My X and I havnt been together for Id say going on four years and he is STILL calling me for This,That, and the other. I found that just letting him be himself worked. I didnt ask him to be something that he is not. Now we are working on getting back together!!!

  • Kay

    I found this very entertaining to read. Take what you like and leave the rest. Been married 36 years, and we’ve had our challenges. It DEFINATELY takes TWO that are committed to making it work. Yes, a list for the guys would be interesting, but would they even bother to read it? Women need self-care before giving their all. Marriage needs lots of forgivenesss, trust, an open mind, healthy supportive friendships, prayer, acceptance and efforts to communicate. It is NOT all about him. Appreciate the opportunity to share.

  • Dana

    This list sounds like it was written by a very self centered Egotistical man., he may have gotten his wife back, but is she happy?

  • Gale

    Love is the answer. And God is number one. Family two. My Husband and I never fight, we disagree, but never fight. Talking is one of the most important things in a marriage, but you can also talk to much, remember to listen too. I let him decide what is right for him, not try to change him. With love and understanding you will change and for the good.

  • Ria

    Suck his penis like you’re sucking on a jolly rancher,,,,,that’ll make him happy even when he’s mad.

  • M.Harris

    This was great fun.
    One demur: It may come as a surprise, April (“14. Keep taking your pill, April”), that couples not using the pill, but rather natural family planning,have one fiftieth the chance of divorce as do couples on the pill.

  • Jill

    Holy Moly! No wonder you are depressed if you try to live up to all these rules and regulations to keep a man happy or to keep him at all. LET HIM GO if he thinks you are supposed to be perfect. Be yourself!!!
    Here’s the first six of my list for men to follow.
    1. Wipe the pee off the seat, Pete.
    2. If the clothes pile up, wash a load, Toad.
    3. If you want a hot meal, cook one, Son.
    4. If she ain’t in the mood for sex, leave her alone, Sloan.
    5. Don’t pout, Snout.
    6. Give her some space, Ace!

  • Tina

    Amen Jill. Honestly when are men going to start making the effort… tired of it always having to be us! I do a lot to make my hubby happy but I expect him to try also. It’s truly more about communication than underwear choice.

  • Anonymous

    there is no way i have tried everything all he lihkes to do is watch people do on the internet he has become watcher and not a doer since the internet and he could be my father i am a sexy woman and my husband is a dud

  • Agatha

    This woman must NOT be serious! I have a very healthy happy relationship with a man for the last two years, and do not do anything in her list (maybe just sit still as I meditate and paint)
    Doesn’t she know is NOT her job to keep him Happy!
    I do not treat my partner as a king and I definitely let him know when he is being stupid and we have sex almost every day, sometimes twice a day (He’s 61 I’m 45, and yes Iam bragging, he’s not on Viagra either)
    He does his thing and I do mine and keeping each other happy is NOT our job!
    By the way, I was in antidepressants in my last relationship, I tossed them when I left and it’s been five years now, I haven’t felt better in my life!
    Sometimes it’s not you biology, it’s the environment you’re in.
    Wake up woman, stop tryung to make others happy, get yourself happy!

  • Bridget

    And what will he do you make sure you are happy

  • Anonymous

    Wow, all the comments are so selfish. “What’s in it for me?” type. Geesh, it’s a wonder that any of you are married. Marriage isn’t a 50/50 proposition, it’s a 100/100 deal. If you’re not in it build each other up, then buy a puppy. At least a puppy will put up with the kind of neglect the women commenting here are issuing their husband. Get a clue, Drew!

  • Anonymous

    Wonderful it seems 40 ways to keep your lover happy, possible? One first must have a happy attitude, happy spirit. Then the order in keeping him/her happy will be expressed sincerely. It’s nourishing the days of dating, you know the ones before taking life too seriously? A commitment to live under one roof demands consideration and cooperation to remain happy. The genuine attitude of happiness and maintaining it is the process of living happy.

  • Scott

    While I know that it’s no one’s else’s job but mine to make me happy and that there always needs to be reciprocation…
    I wish I could find a woman out there that would try at least half of the things on that list!!!

  • Lee

    I got a good chuckle as I read your jingle. Then I took the time to read all of the comments your readers made. Yes, indeed God must be at the helm of every home. Each person needs to work on their self-esteem, especially if they were raised in a disfunctional home. It seems that individuals raised in that atmosphere are attracted to mates who remind them of their parents. I realize that plays on my choices of self-centered, abusive men and then miserable with the result. I am so sick and tired of men who can only talk about themselves and are not sensitive to the needs of their mate – who do not listen/hear what the woman says. Lee

  • Anonymous

    If you look at as “what’s in it for me” you will surely get divorced. Men are simple beings, you give them love they’ll give you the world. It’s kinda like the saying “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”. If that is you, you arent taking care of your own lawn.

  • Debby

    Remember why you fell in love in the first place.

  • Kate

    I take offense to the bi-polar comment at the beginning. I’m sure that was meant to be funny but, there are those of us out here dealing with that very real (and unfunny) disorder.

  • Mary

    Yes, although Happiness is an Inside Job, making others smile is much better than making others cry, is My Mantra! All my Life, even to date I have or can have an attitude of “what’s in it for me?” Needless to say, this has only caused my own Suffering! Who cares the point is I Live and Let Live, Be Happy and Let be Happy in whatever form, shape, or lesson and sometimes the hardest lesson has been my Best Lesson! Gosh, wish I could follow my own advice some days!!!!!!

  • Autumn

    Ookay..this obviously is a weighty subject for Any heterosexual woman who Isn’t a nun **which would mean Her husband IS Perfect and Will Always Be***.My heart goes out to All of you..especially those who have lost their husbands because God took them back to their First home..and for those who have been hurt, and divorced because he was a schmuck.
    What I have to say is This..Though I’ve Never Been Married..if there’s a man God Made for me Truly,I want him,if Not,I don’t Ever want to fall in love again..See..I’ve been in Many relationships,engaged Four times..I’m 31..first time was at 17..BEEN though Tear Your soul out through your EYeballs Pain
    And what I Can tell you though All of That are These Things :
    1) You CAN’T be Everything for Everyone..If you Don’t do things in life you want to Just For Someone Else,You’ll regret it and resent them..Especially if they leave..You Alone have to deal with the Regret of Wasted time and what you Didn’t Do for Their Sake
    2) You Can’t Do Things Just for His Sake..Especially if it’s not in Your Interest..for The Same reasons as Short..only You Have to live with Yourself Forever..becuase there Is such a thing as divorce.I’m Glad they Left me.Rather That than a Lifetime of Regret..and I Woulda Regretted it.
    **Note This Does Not Give ANYONE the right to do BAD things just cause they Want to..SElfishness has No Place in love..if You’re the ONLY one who benefits and EVERYONE Else gets Hurt than YOu’re WRong********
    3) Be Willing to be Alil More logical and alil less Teary and Belly-Lead.Men are Terrified of Emotionally out of control and Nagging Woman..Say your Piece Say it calmly walk away and give him time to let it sink in..and if he loved you,if he’s been a Jerk He’ll make it up to you..Emotional Blackmail is Destructive and Never gets you what you want..which is a Lasting relationship.
    4) NEVER be a Walking Mat.Men can’t Truly Love and Desire women they Don’t Respect…**at least not any man Worth Having..those that Do make the Worst Husbands**
    5) Give him time out with the men **if you don’t Trust him you shouldn’t be with him anyway**
    6) Get A Life Of Your Own..and Let Him Have His.Individualism is just as important as unity in a marriage.You have to be Away from something every once in a while in order to miss it and appreciate it.
    7)Don’t Change who you are for him..DEvelop and Cultivate…There is a Difference you know
    8) Never date a man who wants Everything but what you’re not.If he Wants a woman with Big boobs and blond hair and you’re a brunette with lil boobies,Tell HIM to go Find Barbie,and leave You Alone.You’re NEVER gonna find the one who loves you for who You REally ARe if you Let Him DEcide who that will Be…You’ll Never Find the one who Really Loves You if you Aren’t You..Understand? Don’t Be FAke.
    9) HE is Who HE is..Don’t try and CHange Him,Encourage Him to be Better..Encourage..Don’t Nag** and if He’s not what you want..Go Find Someone Else who IS.It’s Easier to Find a guy with a dark complexion than it is nice and sweeter to make him smear on self tanner all year round or give himself Cancer in the tanning beds cause You don’t like that He’s Pale…Get my DRift ??
    10) Understand You have Imperfections He doesn’t like Too.We’re Human..Live with it!! Find someone who finds your Flaws and idiosyncracies Adorable.
    11) Find you alil bit of opposite.Good couples make up what the other lacks.
    12) NEVER SEttle for LEss than You DESERVE in a Husband.They Aren’t Shoes for God’s Can’t just keep the reciept and take Him’s a’s Supposed to be Forever Think Long and Hard about Who ya even Allow yourself to Consider Marrying…make him Prove himself First..and let Him propose to You…after A Long time of DATING NONEXCLUSIVELY..that’s of his own free will and because he Knows you’re the One not cause he felt Pressured.
    13)The Big Question to ask yourself about Everything about him is This..and it’s the ONLY thing that Really Matters.. “Can You Live With It?”..What is It,you might ask?? All of it..All of him..His Faith..His Family..the fact that he picks his teeth at the dinner table,or cuts it’s toenails in the bed..or is Messy.If the Answer comes Back NO to ANYTHING..No I Can’t Live with this’s gonna DRvive me Crazzy..then NO..He’s NOT the one for You..Ignore THAT advice and you’ll be Miserable And Divorced. I Guarentee you
    14) NEVER love a Man Against your Own Heart, Spirit ,and Soul..Someone who Truly Loves you would Not want you to be with them if being with them Destroys you,Understand?
    15) If you’re Buddist,Marry a buddist..if you’re Hindu,Marry a hindu..CAtholic,MArry a Catholic.God MAtters More than Anything Else..and if You Can’t agree on That You’re SCrewed.You’ve heard the old saying,right..With God there is Always Success..Without Him there is No Hope at All for Success.

  • Rob

    Ok here is one, what about the “honey do list” why not help him tackle this list, and see what you two of you enjoy the most. A man already has a job,(and not saying you don’t), but then to come home and do more work, hmmm. After all, isn’t it both of your home (castle)?
    Why just the “honey do” and change it to “honey lets do this together” what you gain here is the task gets done fast and youll get to relax sooner than later. Then you two will say to each other “high five” and baby WE did it!!!
    OK.. I am a man, but I want my wife not just to be my wife, but to be my best friend, soul mate, and my partner when we do things together. Yes, that means cook, clean, family etc. I hope you all get the message here. Please ladies, a man is not just a working man, but he’s your lover, partner and like your his queen, treat him like a king.
    I am a single man, but do understand how I would like to be treated and how to treat my mate.
    My ex never like the fact of so much attention… would you turn down a foot massage after a long day on your feet? a body rub when your back is aching? Really ladies, please just be yourself and love your husband truly and faithfully and he too will do the same.
    Try this… why not say a bedtime/travel prayer together and see what he says, and if its not the answer you are expecting, then tell him, its ok I’ll pray for you too.
    Have a blessed day.

  • nolan

    ok so most people won’t get this one. if your man travels for a living, DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES MAKE HIM FEEL GUILTY FOR BEING GONE! let him know he’s missed but don’t nag him about it.if you think it’s hard for you you should try his shoes, while you’re at home, around friends and family he’s in a motel or camper in a strange place with only coworkers for friends. while you’re fightin with the kids by yourself and complaining about it, he’d give anything to for just one hug………… a man does what he has to to make a good life for himself and his family.

  • pamela mckechnie


  • Stephanie

    It is not true about different religions. My parents have been married for 38 years. My Grandparents had a fit when my parents told them and fought about it until my grandparents realized it was going to happen weather they liked it or not. Guess what? My dad ended up being the favorite (out of 3 other in-laws) on my mom’s side and he was the only non Jewish in-law until 10 years ago when my one uncle remarried and she is the second favorite. On my dad’s side my aunt married 3 times and is now single. In my case who do I marry then? Well next year I will be marrying a Christian.

  • CLeo

    And what about a list of things to keep your wife from straying and happy to be with you?
    In my particular case, I’ve been married for 40 years, gee whiz! too long, I can look back and see where I could have improved the relationship. Being more flexible, affectionate and above all not always telling him the truth. I don’t mean to say that I should’ve lied, but just not telling him everything that happened to me that day or about how I feel about people we both know. Also, I don’t find his jokes funny, he thinks I’m humorless, I’m not, just found his brand of humor really droll, corny and even insensitive. Maybe I should have laughed at his unfunny jokes, but it’s difficult for me to pretend amusement or delight. I’m one of those very ‘unfemmenine’ women that have no agenda, what you see is what you get with me.
    Somedays I look back and think that maybe I’d have been better off not marrying at all, other times I panic at the thought of going the rest of my life alone, dying alone or going through a devastating illness alone. He can’t complain, he has good food to eat, doesn’t have to worry about clean clothes, or a messy house, yet I suspect he isn’t happy, I think he also have many regrets, if that’s the case he’s not alone…

  • zuzudalal

    I’m Bipolar. I also have Complex PTSD, ADHD, A minor closed head injury, and a complete hysterectomy to rid myself of the PMDD. I don’t think Eve made a mistake, she did not want to remain ignorant- hence why she took the apple. Per the “broad” who put her mother in law perhaps in a therapist’s chair, by murdering all seven of her sons? Families have patterns, even the somewhat functional ones. So what was the mother teaching her sons? Who was the real culprit? A mental illness in the daughter in law? Or a mother in law instilling mental illness in her sons? Or, as James McCabe says in Victims No More, “98% of families are dysfunctional. The other two percent are just crazy.” Are you going to blame the illness or hold the ill person responsible for not being compliant and taking hostages due to their own biopsychosocial functions, of which some, actually most of us, have the capacity to control?

  • Pantera

    Reading the comments I came upon one written by “Christina” saying that “guys deserve to be happy”, Yeah, right, of course! Funny the ‘woman’ that took advantage of my absence and went pursued my husband almost within an inch of his life, was also named Christina. This woman only wanted a promotion and to punish some of her coworkers, my husband was the tool she needed. He was/is too daft to see himself in the mirror and unbeknown to me, he’d been in the habit of talking about me and seeking pity from other women for a long time.
    Those ‘women’ who fall for this are either users or need to grow up. The oldest trick in the world married men use is to seek pity “Look at poor little me, I’ve a mean wife…” those foolish enough to dis a woman they don’t know with her husband deserve to be taken to court for alienation of affection, and also deserve all the scorn and shame that will be piled on them by those who know the woman they helped her husband deceive.
    Men are human, just like we are, but they think that their rights are weightier than ours.
    My husband can roast in hell for the rest of his miserable life, for all I care. He put me through hell, blamed me for everything that went wrong, yet he lost his job for his misconduct with this woman, and don’t you know it? He even tried to blame that one on me as well.
    Good riddance, and funnier still, his partner in deceit pulled away once she realized there wasn’t anything to gain from an old man without any power and having to share half of his retirement, savings, etc, with his ex wife, me. I’ll never remarry, I get more sincere affection from my dogs than I ever got from this man, and I did everything we’re told we should do to keep our husbands happy.
    It doesn’t work, trust me. Love should be unconditional if predicated on how good your cook, clean, perform in bed, etc. then it’s not unconditional love and you’re nothing more than his live in concubine.

  • Heather

    I actually enjoyed the artical for what it was…part humor, part truth. We can all, if we chose, take a look at ourselves, and see room for improvemnt. I plan on “trying” a couple of these ideas! Usually the happier my husband is, the more I get spoiled!

  • Write Stuff

    Yes, its so easy to leave your lover they came up with 50 ways. Why not 40 ways to keep your lover. My lover wife dumped me after we got her through having breast cancer but as she tells the story it was all about what “she” did and not a word about all the support I gave her like being there for almost every doctor’s appointment and treatment over two years. Then, I guess she decided since “she” beat cancer, she didn’t need her husband any longer and informed me that “she couldn’t live this way any longer” which later was translated into she already had seen an attorney and filed for a divorce two weeks before our 30th wedding anniversary without any effort to try to save our marriage as it “was too late in her opinion.” Guess that’s what I deserve and get for all the love, prayers and support I gave her during her illness. She was never able to talk about any problems we may have had and just devastated me with the divorce. Why is it we always hear about the men who act this way as a marriage deteriorates. Well, women are just as responsible for that kind of behavior. I’m tired of men taking the blame for almost all divorces. Women can destroy them just as well.

  • Eileen Simmonds

    40 ways to keep your lover. Don’t moan all the time if something has to be done do it don’t keep on begging for it to be done if you really love him you won’t just tell him you will show him by being a good wife mother and lover. Show him that you want him spice up your love life even if you have to watch porn movies together to get idea’s I know some of them are a bit far fetched but who knows. Be at his beck and call be available for whatever he needs day or night

  • Gloria

    Great stuff! people need to learn to laugh at themselves. and enjoy life. learn to laugh!

  • Sharon

    Just a comment about the woman who had seven husbands…..If I remember scripture correctly, there was no mention of the husbands dying…..the woman claimed to have had seven husbands……I gather that she either was not scripturally/legally married to them…perhaps lived with them……or married and divorced the first six……as Christ chastized her and told her to “GO AND SIN NO MORE”……in keeping with scriptural teaching of the sin of adultery and the Bibical teaching of divorce and remarriage permitted by God only when your spouse has committed adultery against you….and for no other reason….no we fell out of love…..not compatible…..irreconcible differences………wife got too fat/ugly and the thousand other excuses people use to try and justify divorce for any/all reasons. God decreed one man and one woman joined together for life… man put asunder…until death parts us…etc. etc. In the Bible, God/Christ tells “husbands love your wife”…which includes by inference that wives love their husbands, too…..I consider this to be a command by God….we choose a husband or wife, and we should do prayerfully and carefully and God commands we love that person…..we don’t have a choice; perhaps we sometimes have to work really hard to love the spouse at some times in our married life…we love our spouse more at some times than at other times, and we sort of fall in and out of love over and over again with the spouse during the course of marriage, but to love that spouse is a command of God…we have no choice…..and we are not permitted to divorce that spouse and marry another unless that spouse has been sexually unfaithful to us. If mankind respected this command of God’s, there would be no sexually transmitted diseases that maim and kill…such as aids and human paploma virus that causes uterine cancer……this command of Gods is for our well being both spiritually and mentally and healthwise. God is wiser than man and knows what is best for us and if we love God and Christ we will respect and obey his teachings and faithfully remain married to our first and only spouse until death……..

  • Jacky

    40 ways to keep your lover!Who said you can keep a man.never wil happen anytime soon.And try keeping them men, they will still cheat on you right,left and center.


    I’m before now but like it and hope for more

  • bill

    the old song had 50 ways to leave your lover.
    50 being greater than 40 explains my percetage in the divorce rate!!!

  • Lynne

    Re: Sharon. I agree with your views on marriage. It SHOULD be a sacred vow and if more people adhered to the teachings of the bible the world would be a better place! As it is for the most part WORLDLY WISE and self centered and SPIRITUALLY deader than a hammer! Then again perhaps I am niave in not wanting to join the rat race in it’s quest to gain the world and lose our souls. I believe nontheless in the greater goodness of humanity still, and I hope someday the world-at-large WAKES UP!!!All you have to do is turn on the news and see the gruesome things people do to one another to know that we are in a crisis. Have you ever seen so much emphasis on God this election year? Having gone off on a tangent once more…my brother is going through an ugly divorce as we speak, NOT his choice.

  • Josephine

    Sharon, you are referring to a different scripture episode. This is the one of last Sunday’s Gospel: Luke 20:27-38:
    27Some of the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to Jesus with a question. 28″Teacher,” they said, “Moses wrote for us that if a man’s brother dies and leaves a wife but no children, the man must marry the widow and have children for his brother. 29Now there were seven brothers. The first one married a woman and died childless. 30The second 31and then the third married her, and in the same way the seven died, leaving no children. 32Finally, the woman died too. 33Now then, at the resurrection whose wife will she be, since the seven were married to her?”
    34Jesus replied, “The people of this age marry and are given in marriage. 35But those who are considered worthy of taking part in that age and in the resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage, 36and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God’s children, since they are children of the resurrection. 37But in the account of the bush, even Moses showed that the dead rise, for he calls the Lord ‘the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.'[a] 38He is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for to him all are alive.”

  • Jennifer

    Tried all of the above and for some reason the old man just can not stop with the bashing and cheating beer drinking and hating. Maybe its time to leave.

  • Tanja

    The Sadducees posed this riddle in order to see on which side Jesus would come down – just as the questions about “should we pay taxes” and “is it all right to heal on the Shabbos” arose. So in effect, this woman could have existed, but that is not the point of the story. The point is that Jesus’ teachings are “let your yes be yes, and your no be no” and “love one another as I have loved you”.
    In any case, a woman, at the time of the story, was a chattel – as she still is in some places – so the choice about wther to marry her brother-in-law was not hers to make, in the first place. So set your mind at ease, Therese!

  • Anonymous

    I agree to the bibical teaching of marriage. I’ve been married to my husband for sixteen years and he is twenty-five years older than I am. Yes, we have our differences but, you must be careful and specific in what you ask the Lord to send your way. Marriage is a very sacred vow not only between you and your spouse but also with God. It took me awhile to grasp this concept but I did by the grace of God. So, when you get to the place were your commitment to marriage becomes this guessing game ask yourself how long did spend in prayer with God concerning the problems that may have occured in your marriage and faithfully waited for an answer from him? Because, after all he is the solution to all of our problems!

  • rachel

    I do all these things especially treat him like a king and either it is too much or I just love him and want to see him happy too much because he gets mad and pushes me away when I do these things ans says I am being pushy and smothering him

  • beautifuljones

    Is there a similar list for women? For example: “50 ways to keep your wife happy?”

  • Pantera

    People devoid of self respect don’t respect Sacred Vows, any vows or anyone else. They only want they way or the highway. There’s no low deep enough for them.
    There are people who aren’t religious and that’s OK too, but at least they have morals or principles, those won’t need to be reminded to what they signed up on the dotted line.

  • Debbie Hartley

    I think communication has to be open at all times and you have to agree to disagree. Share, care, love and trust and grow together through all circumstances that life throws at you and never quit or give up. Deb

  • Shamika

    make him feel like a king and there is no man that can TOP him

  • Anonymous

    whats keeping us up for last 15 years is simple honesty in day to day life. And on really blue day where thoughts of seperation are the first on mind, try to remember what brought us together, remember the good days shared together; and if nothing works- Always disarm yourself in front of God to help you for best plans he has.Every culture, every religion never recommends seperation. Many cosmic forces which you might consider as situations, friens, circumstances, etc has brought you together to be partners for life which is always better when being two. Pay respect to whosever helped you in your smooth life, That might be your spouse. If you both are not going well today that does not mean that all the good in him/her is erased for ever. Your spouse is still a good being what exactly you fell for, give yourself little time with great helpings of forgiveness. AND YOUR LOVE IS GOING TO STAY ALWAYS with healty kids who have good understanding to run life with the soulmate he/she wowed.

  • ashcraft.

    when I try to hold him he pushes me away.we make love only when he wants it. what should I do.

  • stress

    he like 2 drink a lot of rum .an by the time he gets home it is all ready six am.he said he is tied of it.what should i do

  • Anonymous

    be his best friend and his lover. Nicki

  • Wisdum

    WOW ! So far there are 141 posts on this particular blog (is that some kind of record ?) You know what there is no “Rock Hard” and answers to a happy marriage, it is a crapshoot! All you Bible oriented Lovers out there, you may have noticed the Yeshuah/Jesus never got married, that’s how wise and brilliant He was. That was a bunch of crap He didn’t need in His Life. Marriage is not about sex, happines, joy, it is about union, joined together as One. In the beginning there was only Adam…created in the image and likeness of God. That is not to say that God is a male, but that God is the Gemini, the twin joined at the hip, male and female in One. The division of One into two, is the beginning and birth of man/woman-kind. (BTW all living things on this planet reproduce by division, one cell into two, into four, into eight, etc, etc, etc!) Sex is what separates male from female…the more sex you have the separation you get ! The key word is “intercourse” which is what draws you back together to again become One. The problem is women know what intercourse is and men don’t. Listen, you women have to understand that men are ignor-ant, and it is the responsibility of the Teacher, the eater of the fruit of The Tree of Knowledge to enlighten the male of the species as to what “intercourse” is. (and you can bet your Life, literally, that it ain’t no easy job, if not impossible!)… So, how many thousand years has it been so far? … Are we having fun yet !
    LUV 2 ALL

  • Wisdum

    Oh yeah! All these BS rules, regulations, liscensing and Laws, by religion and government, don’t make it any easier to “do what comes naturally !” What the in Hell makes us thing that we can do it better than Good Ol Mother Nature/God … “Ignorance is Bliss”
    LUV 2 ALL

  • yasmin

    What do you do when after all these he still wont change???

  • yasmin

    what the heck??? in the Bible, it describes the importance of giving your body up to one another. Who the hell says that intercourse separates woman and man??? NOT THE BIBLE

  • schichi

    seventeen and twenty seven didn’t rhyme. what was the point here?

  • mike

    you should alwayz tell her that. she looks great,perfectly cool and gorgeous anytime,whenever or anywhere i seez you, you are just a butterly queen the cinderilla in my globe i’ll alwaz be your umbrella of love. you alone i love you forever.

  • angel mission


  • Wisdum

    Re – yasmin | November 17, 2007 4:55 AM
    what the heck??? in the Bible, it describes the importance of giving your body up to one another.
    ** Actually it was Paul the Roman, not an Apostle) who corrupted Christianity, and BTW there is no record in the Bible of him having any kind of relationship with any woman at all! He is also the guy who set up all the separtation of men and women in Christianity for women to be scecon class citizens … The origing male chauvenist BS.
    Who the hell says that intercourse separates woman and man??? NOT THE BIBLE
    It is not intercourse that separates, male from female, it’s SEX. That is not only Biblical but is a basic law of nature. Intercourse is the process of drawing and joining them back together as One…and that One is a Trinity, male + female + God. A triangle is the strongest structure in this world !
    LUV 2 ALL

  • Larry Parker

    I do understand people taking this a bit seriously, since I too have been though an awful divorce predicated on my onset of depression.
    But I still laughed my head off at this, folks.
    And not just for the obvious reasons. When “50 Ways” came out as a single (I believe in early 1976), I was just turning 7. Given what pug-ugly awful fashions kids were expected to wear in the ’70s (I have a picture of me in 1976 in a shirt where the collar is almost literally bigger than the shirt …), you can imagine how I spent weeks trying to understand the meaning of the misheard lyric of “You don’t need to be CORDUROY” …

  • Wisdum

    We ALL have individual gifts from God, and they are not all the same. I guess it’s more of God’s sense of humor, that nobody thinks is One dam bit funny but God ! One of my gifts is the ability to “Stand outside the Forest to be able to see it in its Whole” … (originally “You can’t see the Forest for the trees”)
    Let’s face it, if we are all one body/many parts, and that One Body is God, then why are we in conflict with each other? On the other hand, if this is all as Shakespeare has said “The world is a stage, and we are ALL but actors, playing a part” then all of this is nothing more than theater created by God…Theater of the Mind, “Life” written by God, produced by God, directed by God, acted by God, and God sitting in a theater hoping that God likes it ! The difference between what we fanaticize and create as movies and what God creates as movies, is what we perceive as reality. “We are ALL a pigment of God’s imagination”
    The interesting thing is, God has suggested that we ALL have freewill to play out our parts as we choose, literally to write our own part as we live it or play it out. The Age old question has been “If everything has been predestined, then is there really any freewill at all?” The answer is, it has not been predestined, only in the sense that God, all knowing, omnipotent, all powerful, the Alpha & Omega/Beginning & End … knows what you will choose and decide, before you do (how cool is that !) That being the case, advance preparation has been made for your ultimate survival (like, souls are eternal, there is no death, only the part!)… “ALL things are turned to the good, for those that Love God and are called by His Word (to play) Think for a minute how boring Life is with absolutely nothing to do but roll around Heaven all day…for all eternity…every day, all day, forever. If you think about it, that would be some kind of Hell, wouldn’t it, especially for God !
    We ALL have a unique part to play here in this Play, none of whom are the same. I can only play me, and you can only play you…Jesus can only play Jesus, Moses, Abraham, GW Bush, Larry, Therese, Cully, Margaret, on, and on, and on, and on, can play their own unique part! When your part is played out, you might just want to go on vacation for awhile, on the other hand, you just might want to get back on the audition line to be “cast down” in another part. OK,OK, maybe next time you might not want to play a depressive, bi-polar, whack-job… guess what, no great actor wants to play the same part twice … “It is appointed for man (or woman, or cow, or cat ,or dog ,or tree or rose, of mosquito) to die once…and then the judgement !” … Are we having fun yet ?
    LUV 2 ALL

  • Wisdum

    Maybe I should throw this in for ALL you non-actors out there. You do not become One, whaen you are married! Marriage is the first day in you relationship toward becoming One. Some people never become One, and that explains the high rate of divorce. People get married for all kinds of reasons, many of which will not stand the test of Time. There are those desperately looking for a mother or father figure, someone to lead and direct their lives, and give them the Love the knew as a child (or not) There are also those out there perfectly willing to lead and direct your life, and reward you or punish you, when you are good or bad (is this starting to seem perverted ?) Now take into account evolution and in this Time of The History of Mankind, we now have about four generations of “strong-willed” children, of all ages, who are going to do what they want to do, when they want to do it and how they want to do it…and there ain’t nobody gonna convince them otherwise. We started out with “Bad Boy” syndrome, quickly followed by “Bad Girl” syndrome and right into “Bad Mommy/Daddy” syndrome. On top of that we got children having children, ruling children…Does anybody seriously think that this is going to come to a happy ending ?… Get real !
    LUV 2 ALL

  • yasmin

    mmayb 23 years isnt old enough to compete with a bitter world
    perhaps in 40 years all this will make sense

  • yasmin

    there is no such things as a perfect marriage or happy endings, but
    i believe that Christian or not, we are supposed to be honest with ourselves and if something wont work, it just wont,
    it doesnt mean we are horrible failures,
    Life is a one time thing, we should live our dream, and we should be happy, if we live unhappy, we are living a lie, which (lying is a sin right????) or am i mistaken again, and please dont get all theological on me, i am not old enough to care to memorize every thing i read, im still on my last year of college…
    Live happy

  • Sarah Trevino

    I have been through two divorces and can’t put blame on either one of them or myself. I see them as journeys and as a result I was given three wonderful gifts, my chilren. I hold no animosity toward either husband, as a matter of fact, I have befriended them and wish them well. I believe that in order to make it in our world, we have to be equipped with armor to be able to combat against all the tresspasses that await all of us. THIS starts in the home. Just like a soldier needs armor to fight a battle, we need the basic blocks of Christ’s teachings from our parents. I believe I had the most wonderful parents that ever lived. We all had our shields for battle which is why we are so strong in faith. My father and mother were a perfect balance. She provided us with spirituality as my father provided us with wisdom. So, please, don’t send your children into battle without armor. Teach them about compassion, respect, ethics, love, honesty, and most of all, to love God above all. Teach them to love themselves and honor and respect their parents. If children get all this at home, they will become respectful, productive and abiding citizens.

  • Anonymous

    how about some realistic advice??

  • Wisdum

    RE -Posted by: | November 18, 2007 3:20 PM
    how about some realistic advice??
    ** Real is as real does!(Forest Gump)

  • yasmin

    i think we are responsible, but in the end, human beings will do as they wish, and HOPEFULLY..God willing, they will remember the examples we set for them….i know plenty of pastors in my own town, that have children that whore around town and sell drugs…is it really ALL the parents fault??

  • Merav

    HMMMM. To comment on parents. Bible says honor father and mother, as does other faiths. The problem with that is, the majority of us in this world grew up in DYSFUNCTIONAL homes. Most people should not have had kids. It’s sad but true.
    Most of us are trying to recover from growing up being abused in some way by mentally ill parents/caregivers. We do not have to honor that in parents. We can say, “No More!” – and how do we do that? By understanding WHY we are the way we are, the root causes. From that knowledge, we can change, and be different from the dysfunctional and mentally ill parents we grew up with.
    What comes to mind also is the sins of the father/mother will befall the offspring. They do, until we do something about it. The abused become abusers until we recognize we were abused and we can change and not be the same as those abusers.
    Regarding Marriages: We don’t have to stay in abusive marriages/relationships either. I did that for 21 years and almost lost myself. I did lose myself. Until I stopped, got out and looked at myself. I would not get into another marriage/relationship until I dealt with the past. I have learned, we keep having to re-learn the lessons until we get it. I would rather get the lesson and be able to move on to something better.
    What worked for me: The 12 step program of recovey. For this we can thank the Creator of All. There is a better way, but we have to do the footwork ourselves.

  • Angie

    I don’t think we should blame our parents if we had a hard life growing up.Well I guess it depends on the roll they play in the abuse if it is knowingly or unknowingly.also excuse my spelling please!!!!I believe most people use that as an excuse I did without realizing it for a long time when my parents did the best they could.And maybe I am being to selfish to expect more from them.They can’t make my life right only I can do that.I just have to figure out how to make my life right .First I have to get help and hope that is the answer!Hope that I go to the right person who really cares and who knows what they are doing!I have tried to get help for my so called depression before.My husband says I have 2 different personalitys and bless his heart he has finally given up on me and that really hurts!!I can’t blame him but then again I didn’t think he would be the one to give up on me.
    I got off track here the question I had came from the comment above.Actually I ask this question just about daily —- Why Am I The Way I Am And How Do I Change This To Make Me Ok With Myself And The WORLD Around ME ——————-

  • Wisdum

    Re – Angie | November 18, 2007 6:27 PM
    The most profound thing I learned as a parent (or it that apparent?) goes like this
    “It is not alWays good to be right !”
    LUV 2 ALL

  • Tara

    Give him back rubs on a regular

  • Larry Parker

    Did you read my mind? (Or at least my blog?)
    Although, Angie, you have a point too, since depression is largely an inherited disease brought out through environmental factors, not the other way around.
    (Of course, that still implicates my mom, who has battled depression at times herself and whose late mother, my grandmother suffered from bipolar disorder most of her life.)

  • anna

    Very true. taking care of all the 40 really makes life worth living……..with ur hubby………i haven’t any though yet..;(‘

  • happy lark

    Marriage is a partnership. It requires lots of work, adjustments and love. Either one has a ‘secular marriage’ that is a contract that can be eaisly broken or a ‘Christian marriage’ that is based on the principles found in Holy Scriptures. When we make the commitment and take the marriage vows we enter into a covenant relationship. This in it self is a sacrament due to giving up the single life.
    My suggestion is strengthen marriage is ‘Marriage Encounter’ weekend to rediscover the oneness that is meant ‘and they became one’. Marriage Encounter Weekends are available in every state in the USA as well as in other parts of the world.
    Marriage is like a ‘little church’. If we have healthy, functional marriages then we will strengthen our ‘big’ churches. This is how we can reclaim morality. Immorality is not good in marriages or any relationship.
    ……………..May God Bless all Marriages. amen

  • happy lark

    correction, Marriage Encounter Weekend not available in 3-USA states.
    Check your area for info or go to internet.

  • paul

    A woman cannot “keep” her husband happy any more than a man can keep a woman happy. Partners in any committed relationship need a sense of happiness within themselves and pursue the activities that satisfy those interests. Furthermore, if each knows what they really want in the relationship, each will allow the other opportunities to pursue and satisfy their interests so long as those interests are congruent with their commitment to each other. Two happy people have a desire to do those things for each other that bring happiness to each other. Having a sense of personal individual happiness provides a lot of strength and desire to share your own happiness with your spouse. Anyway, ain’t no such thing as “making” someone happy.

  • Blayne

    “Anyway, ain’t no such thing as “making” someone happy.”
    You just ain’t run into the right woman yet.

  • Wisdum

    Re -Blayne | November 19, 2007 2:48 PM
    “Anyway, ain’t no such thing as “making” someone happy.”
    ** You got that right! It’s all you can do to make yourself happy,and there’s dam little of that!…That’s why we are all here, searching!
    You just ain’t run into the right woman yet.
    ** It really has very little to do with men/women or anything for that matter! It’s all about a four letter word called Love, and how One (or you specifically) defines it. No one can define Love to you, you have to experience it yourself, and then you decide “Is this it, or is this not it ?” like the old Shakespeare motto “To be (Love) or not to be (Love)… that is the question” . . . Guess what, everybody’s definition is going to be different, and it may take you your entire Life to be able to define it (and probably will)… and then you gotta find sombody to live with you that agress with it ! What do you figure the odds of that are (hah!)… Oh yeah, and then you die! (here’s a tip, don’t waste your entire Life, over a lot of little,insignificant bs… there’s enough big, significant bs to fight over !)Here are the different kinds of humans in this world, for all you evolutionists, thare are followers, there are controlers, there are anti-controllers, there are Absolute Controllers, and of course the controlers resent them, and so on down the line. The only ones that you may have no problem is the followers/sheep (be carful not to end up like that fisherman/shepherd, who got abused,tortured and crucified!)
    LUV 2 ALL

  • diana

    when two people are compatable and mature enough in love to sustain anything that comes their way, whether good or bad, know how to work through anything in a possitive manner and keep their own sense of self–even in a relationship. there’s always a positive that comes from a negative. ie: a rainbow that comes after a storm…
    flowers and trees bloom after a long, cold winter… things get worse before they get better… etc.
    i live by two phrases:
    1) Love one another as I have loved you. (Jesus Christ)
    2) An’ it harm none, do as thou will.
    diana in ny

  • Wisdum

    Re – diana | November 20, 2007 12:39 AM
    ** Nice post, and a lot of Truth!
    They alWays taught me this one … “Cheer up, things could be worse!” ( I cheered up, and sure enough, it got worse!)
    LUV 2 U / LUV 2 ALL

  • lena

    By the Gods I am glad I gave up on men after the first round if that is what is required.

  • CLeo

    Hey y’all, get yourself a dog. Really, no kidding! No other being will give you unconditional love as a dog does. In my life the only love that has remained constant has been the love of dogs from me to them and from them to me. All the walks late and early in every weather are worth what I get from them.
    No man’s affection or solidarity can even come close. Those who feel their husbands love them through thick and thin…don’t put too much stock on it, that way you won’t be disappointed.

  • Tera

    Some people post more than others. I don’t think this particular topic has more posts than any other. Just go through all the postings and you’ll see what I mean. No, it’s not always good to be right, it’s not always good to hog the space on a forum either, LUV…go it?

  • Wisdum

    Re -Tera | November 20, 2007 4:42 PM
    Some people post more than others. I don’t think this particular topic has more posts than any other. Just go through all the postings and you’ll see what I mean. No, it’s not always good to be right, it’s not always good to hog the space on a forum either, LUV…go it?
    ** You might not have noticed, but this is a level playing field, where you or I or anybody can say anything they want to. The purpose of this blog is to find the Truth, the Light and the Way, for each and ALL of us to get through this Life as easy and as peaceful,joyful and happy as possible. Whatever you or anybody brings to the table can either be digested or rejected (it’s called freewill) I don’t know if you are suffering in your Life like a lot of us, but there are a lot of unanswered questuions out there, and things to eat that may or may not make us healthy or sick… How you doing with all of that so far ? Listen, if you any secrets your holding back, let it fly, we need all the help we can get !
    LUV 2 U / LUV 2 ALL

  • essentrick

    sounds interesting but it seams that it is gear for women to keep her man… I am a man and I think that it should be more balanced and have things for both… it takes two to make a relationship work.. and only one to screw things up.

  • CLeo

    essentrick, it’s a joke! just by scanning some of the posts you see that it doesn’t work. Some men or women do everything ‘right’ and still can’t keep their partner.
    There’s no foolproof relationship in this world.

  • Evangelist

    Hi B.B.World,
    I came here to see what there was to be said about this 40 ways to keep your husband. Ive been married 20+ years to the same man. now believe me when I say that all them years were not all good. men will cheat and lie and everything else everyone goes through in a marriage, women too.. the real secret to a successful marriage. If women would be more submissive to God they would live much healthier, longer lives and being submissive to God makes you submissive to your husband.
    I know many women would call me crazy but this is in fact the honest Gods truth that if we would just self examine ourselves and search, I mean really search out each of us, that goes for men as well we would live much healthier and love each other even more. some times it takes the other spouse to just hold there tongue and if you know they are not making any sense then just go to another room and slam a door, you will feel much better you did. I use to shut doors many times and I dont even have to do that anymore and it works ha ha ha I feel great, Im still fit and look young after 40+ of course I dont like telling everyone my age. although people think I look 26 which is a good thing for me. enough bragging on me. Ladies shut the doors to all negative stuff you get from your spouse. always pray before doing all this of course, God will definantely direct your path. everthing in the name of Jesus! and I pray for all spouse’s going through and remember that the devil is a lier….John 10:10 The thief cometh, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy as many families as he can, that is his job, but God said that he came that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantley. take back what the devil stole from you and keep your families together ladies! dont let the devil keep doing what he is doing, stay on your job and keep watching and praying for one another…..until Gods return may the lord have a blessing to you always.

  • stacey

    learn to love your partner more…. like the first time you met and started dating each other and not reach to the point where you just tolerate each other.Think about all the fun things you use to do together and find out what can be done to bring back the memories you still want to do now. Husbands, let the wifes go hang out with their girlfriends, join a wives club or something where there they get to treat themselves once in a while.Wives let the husbands hang out with there buddies where they’re the man because you know we control them most of the all in all communication is always the answer,whether it’s with God,your friends,or in any kind of situation.If animals do a great job at it with there own kind, why cant we(and we have the advantage to talk?….come on

  • Anonymous

    wow…..hug him like a baby?? men dont like feeling like babies….lol….im 15 and havent been through enough relationships to know what im talking about but i do know that from reading them 40 ways to keep couples together is bullcrap!!! thats it thank you Bye

  • Barbara

    Is there truly a way to keep your man happy? I don’t think there is. My husband and I have been going through a really difficult time in our relationship for the last 2 and a half months. He’s mentioned divorce back in September ( the actual word, that is ) and just a couple of weeks ago mentioned to me something about finding a place to go in case our relationship doesn’t work out. We have celebrated our 11th anniversary in the middle of all this bickering. I have woke up to see faults of mine, but he doesn’t see any of his. I have really started trying harder to make him happy. I have been getting up with him now before he goes to work to sit around and talk and drink our coffee and watch the news. I’ve been telling him more that I do love him more today than the day we married. And I do. My husband seems to have multiple personalities or something. One minute I think I’ve been doing all the right things and the next I’m thinking that everything I’m doing is all going to be in vain because he’s not listening or caring about anything I say or do to make our relationship work. We have 2 children (8 & 9). They are more involved in our dispute than they should be. But anyway, I have tried really hard to make my husband happy. He tells me he’s just not happy here anymore and doesn’t want to be here most of the time. I am guilty of accusing him of having someone else, he assures me there’s not. But sometimes I really wonder about it. He takes off to “be alone” and think and is gone for hours, sometimes all night. Says he’s fishing or spending time with buddies. Really, all night though? He doesn’t get drunk. He doesn’t use drugs. He doesn’t want me snuggling with him in bed or on the couch. He doesn’t tell me “I love you” back very often. All of this just happened over night, literally. One day he is treating me like he has for the last 13 years we’ve been together, and the next it’s like he hates to even look at me. He constantly is jumping down my throat for the least little thing I say or do, the kids also. The next minute I think he’s ok. I cannot keep him even in limbo. He says I smother him and harrass him when I tell him I love him so much. I can’t help it, I do love him. He keeps his cell phone on him at all times, on vibrate, so that I cannot hear it or pick it up. He didn’t have a gun in hand or close by, but mentioned blowing his head off to me this weekend just because life is so complicated and nothing is easy while working on his truck. He’s never talked like this before. I miss my husband that I’ve always known before. My heart is broke from all the harsh comments he’s made to me. There is no pleasing this man. He says he needs his space and time away from me. I’m starting a new job this week on third shift, he works day shift. I’m hoping this doesn’t give him too much “space” or “time away” from me and hurt our relationship more than it helps. It seems the more I try to do for him the more he can’t stand the thought of me doing anything for him and is hateful with me. How can I make him happy and keep him at the same time? Is it possible? Any advice, anyone?

  • Sue

    Hi Barbara,
    I feel you on your relationship with your husband. I have been married 14 1/2 years. We have no children together. He had two, a 19 year old daughter and a 22 year old son. I have no regrets for not having any children for him because of his bloodline. If I could have forseen in the future, I would have never married him. I guess that’s why God does not let us hold the future in our hands. Anyway, my husband was good until 5 years ago. We purchased our second home, a beautiful 3 story home and the neighborhood that we moved to, he of course made more friends, started hanging out with the wrong crowd and thought he could live the single life again. I would talk to him about his behaviour but this only angered him more. He started coming in all times of the night/morning. And when I would approach him about this, he would only become beligerent and tell me I was tripping, you know, flip the script on me. Thank God I am a Christian and gave it to the Lord b/c everytime I tried to fix it, I just made it even worse. There’s nothing that you’re doing wrong, it’s him. Since I have it to the Lord, and am doing my own thing, he is trying his best to work things out but it’s just so much water under the bridge between us. I pray that God will restore my love for him again. Once somebody is always constantly trying to belittle you and lower your self-esteem, which he’ll never do to me, you will start to lose feelings for them. I think my husband is bipolar and I’ve even mentioned to him before to get him some help, but to no avail. Just keep praying for your husband and let the Lord handle it. But I can tell you one thing for sure is that I’m going to have my peace. May God bless you!

  • victoria

    Just read some of the other comments and you are right, there is no
    sure way to keep a mate /partner………People change and so do there likes and dislikes and if their partners no not enjoy the change, well then it is very clear what will happen——–Because people need to share stuff with ” peers ” and men are just boys with more expensive toys and wants //////
    Ladies and gentlemen, if you have tried your best and asked for help from the MAN above and nothing works, then try and try again.. Then, if things stay the same, its either someone is not admitting a truth or its over …..DO NOT live in misery and waste your life, but remember before you leave ——ask yourself ” did I honestly try, did I do everything that I could ” and then only then make a final decision……..
    Better days

  • Sue

    Yes, people do change and one thing is for sure, you can’t change anybody. Don’t ever stoop to their level to make you out of something that you’re not. And, you’re absolutely right, please DO NOT live in misery. Life is too short. My sis-in-law passed last month at the age of 42 due to a massive stroke. I can tell you that 85% of her problem was her husband, which she confided so much of her family life with him to me. Now he’s left to raise two girls, ages 9 and 5. John 10:10 says that “God came that we might live life abundantly.”

  • Rachel.m.

    Tried all the above and many more. When all else fails realise your not perfect, there was only one perfect man(Jesus). There is a thing called self-perservation. Before you let anger, suicide and hate take over you do what is best and leave or divorce. Sometimes the best thing to do is to realise I can’t keep doing this to myself, this is not what God wants for me. 1 sin or many? I much rather leave then commit suicide or murder.Rachel

  • Jen

    I can understand your problem. I’ve been with my husband 14years, and there have been many ups and downs. The best advise I can give to you is if you love him let him go. What I mean is don’t try so hard start thinking of your self and the kids. Leave him to do whatever he wants and just say to your self what ever will be will be. I have found when I am pushing my hubby to hard or trying to hard to make things work it sends him further away from me, but when I stop trying he notices. Then when I start doing my own thing he starts missing me and trying to persue me for a change. Let me know if it works for you.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t have a man im my life, but for all those years that I did, you made me smile. I loved what you wrote. If you can come up with such witty ditties, your depression is definitely in the closet. I will pray that it stays there .

  • Anonymous

    So what about making your wife happy. I do all of the above daily, and he still makes no attempt to return any gratitude. its like he expects it now like a selfish little boy and if he does not get what he wants he throws a fit. I have created a monster!!! help

  • Sheryl

    Get soulful


    I believe when the connection is THEE CONNECTION….You don’t need to try so hard. Te ISness is the business! It just gels. I’ve been in a relationship for 16 years and I’ve never felt truly connected with my mate. So now, I’ve decided (for my own peace) To let go and Forgive..(myself for my choices) and do what makes ME happy! I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just want to be happy!… I look forward to the days ahead!!!Peace and Blessings to all!

  • Trina

    41. Laugh at ALL his Jokes! Trina

  • Blanche

    42. Go to the company Christmas party, even though it’s no longer music and dancing, but free gambling after 8:00 pm, even though you’re not drinking anymore, but accomodating him for the first time in two years because he’s a social butterfly. It’s tonight 5:00pm, wish me luck !! (P.S. The food better be pretty good, and not just chicken wings, LOL.)

  • Joanne

    I’m in a bad way here, contemplating divorce for real this time.I have tried to change for him,to please his lustful appetites, but still am left alone all the time. He sees that he shouldn’t be required to change for me, to make me happier, or do anything I’d like.I have decided that I have done enough for him, now if he wants our marriage to last, He needs to change;100+degrees, quit being selfish and obstanant,and quit placing blame on me for his wrongs I have been trying to forgive, but I’m looking for real change.Real Love without sex.SEX is just that, and means nothing without true love which requires action;change for the relationship to grow, not weaken!

  • Lenez Samuels-Ward

    This is for Joanne:
    Are you a believer? Do you fellowship at a church that offers counseling? You didn’t state how long you’ve been married however, I’ve been married 11yrs as of 11/30/07. My husband married me with 3 children that were not his. It has been a long and rough road.
    We have gone through a few separations. We have currently been separated since 2/22/07. Yet, the lines of communication remain open and our desire to make the marriage work is demonstrated. We talk daily on the phone and occasionally visit one another at our separate places of residences. We have dated and attended several monthly marriage enrichment meeting at my church. He has even attended Sunday services at my church. Trust me that is amazing, but an answer to prayer.
    I am six years older than my spouse and experience some of the same issues you’ve mentioned. The kicker is that he is the one talking about divorce when things aren’t going “his way”. What I have found to be extremely helpful is to remove the focus from him and what he is or is not doing for me. I have turned it all over to ABBA Father, Almighty God.
    There is nothing impossible for Him when you go to God in prayer. Let it (the issues, your concerns, problems)go! Let God! Let the Lord be your center and focus. Seek ye first the Kingdom and His righteousness and “all else”(your desires, your needs,) will be added unto you.
    Everyday praise God, pray, read The Word using a daily devotional (i.e.,Our Daily Bread, The Word Today) to guide you throughout the year. Get a prayer partner you feel comfortable confiding in. Touching and agreeing in prayer results in seeing your prayers answered. Listen to christian or gospel music (radio or your own cds), watch TBN or the equivalent in your area, go to a church that teaches and preaches from the authoritative Word of God.
    Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Learn to pray God’s Word over you situation. Speak only to the positive of what you want. God faithfully watches over His Word to see it performed or manifested in due time. His time. We have to practice trust and faith through patience.
    Trust and believe, as you do these things the devil will not like it. He is always on his job seeking who or what he can steal,kill, or destroy. Negative stuff will jump off just to take you off your central focus. It is usually the ones you love and are close to you that are used to test you.
    But, be of courage and good cheer. Walk by faith and not by what you see or even hear. The Lord will never leave you or forsake you. In the midst of the fiery trial or storm He is right there to get you through. …though I walk “through” the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me… Remember Shadrach, Meshach and Abednigo in the furnace turned up seven times hotter?
    As long as you are not being physically or mentally abused I suggest you try God first. He wants our marriages to succeed. He wants to be glorified in our marriages. Yours could be the example to others around you that Almighty God is the answer to our issues in life.
    TRUST the Lord!!!!No matter what happens just say “That’s good, Hallelujah!” Weeping may endure for a night (a time, a season), but joy comes in the morning. Let Jesus, the gift of this season, be the center of your joy. The joy of the Lord is your strength. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you -Phillipians 4:13

  • Rosean Sanders

    I was married for 23 years when my husband and I got a divorce. 4 children, (no time for each other) he working out of the country alot and just plain old boredom caused alot of out problems. Well, after dating for five years and he having been engaged to someone he knew in high school we realized that we had
    made a terrible mistake. We have now been together for almost 3 years and are engaged ready to get
    remarried again in a month. This is something we are both feeling very strongly about because we know
    what we missed when we were not together. We have known each other for 33 years so there is a bond
    that we have with each other that is very strong, we even felt it when we were not together. It is something that we knew we had but when we were apart it was very apparent. Life is so much better
    now and we really do appreciate each other so much more now. We are looking forward to getting
    old together and becoming grandparents so day. We love being together and when we are not we
    really miss each other. Life is good now, but I continue to pray that God bless us each and every day.
    thank you for letting me share my story with you.
    Roseann Sanders

  • daisy

    I was interested in reading these daily emails until I seen there was cussing in one of them. I thought this was a CHRISTian site. What happen? You know CHRIST would not cuss.
    I’m sorry but you just lost a reader.

  • Msirish

    Dear Roseann, Good luck with getting back with your ex-husband. My husband & I divorced after 22 yrs of marriage, for 2 yrs, then got back together. It is very easy to fall back into the same patterns of communication and behavior as before the divorce. He said he’d get some help and we’d do this and than, but we didn’t; he didn’t. Unfortunately, we soon fell back into our old ways, and we divorced again after another 9.5 yrs. He has now remarried. After 3 yrs alone, I see more clearly my part in all of this. I also appreciate him much more than I did before i had the experience of living alone, handling everything alone, and dating other men. THis list of 40 things to do is good because it states clearly what it takes to keep a marriage going — lots of work and understanding. Msirish

  • Joyce

    comment to the jan 3rd about swearing…. we have lost a judgemental person. I myself never swear. But, who am I to judge others that strongly for a word. God does not intend for us to judge and dismiss them so easily. You don’t know how that person was feeling that day. It was’nt like a rambling on of filth words. come on…. give the person a break. Do as Jesus does, forgive!

  • Giliana

    I get along so much better with my ex-husband since we divorced. So, from my point of view I would add:
    Don’t marry Harry, Carrie,
    Don’t marry Carrie, Harry.
    My goodness, I don’t see prayer having much to do with whether or not a couple survives a relationship. It would seem, if so, that with a divorce rate which is now approaching 70%, there surely must be few people praying.

  • Shannon

    My husband told me that he was leaving me today. When he gets home from work, he is packing his things and our daughters(he’ll never make the front door with her) and leaving. All because he is stressed to the point of what he thinks is no return. I haven’t been working in the last few months, so eveything has fallen on him. I tell him thank you for taking care of us and that he is doing a good job. I don’t bad mouth him. I cook, clean, and do anything that he wants me to. I have offered to go out and get another job, he says no, that whatever i make will go to daycare, then we will be back where we started.(I was working at home and we did not have daycare expense)I even offered to work at night so that there wouldn’t be daycare, he says no. I called him and asked him to please don’t leave me, he says he’ll think about it. Think about it?! Maybe I would be better off if he did leave. I wouldn’t have to hear him complain about money or bad mouth me because I don’t have a job and that I have to depend on him. I thought that when you were married, that is what your spouse was for, depending on. Not just for money, but for love, being there when we are needed, and being each others friend. I must be stupid. I was married 13 years the first time and divorced him because he was mentally abusive and other things. He did nothing for the family. It was all about him and what he wanted. It got to the point that I hated him. I know that is a strong word, but still to this day, it makes me sick to look at him. I have been remarried now for 5 years. It has almost turned into the same circus that I was in then, but I still love my husband. I want it to work. God, I don’t want him to leave, but I don’t want to have to worry eveyday that that might be the day.

  • rodney mitchell

    I have worked in religious minstry for over 30 years and have met many types of people from many backgrounds. The people I admire most are those who have made four lifetime commitments to others…First, they chose to respect (even if the other person struggles with it, they know God created that person with eternal worth)…Second, they chose to love(society has degraded love only to an emotion and not a choice)…Third, they chose to be honest(deceit at any level hinders any relationship whether it’s with God, people, or self)…Fourth, they chose to laugh(at themselves and with others). None of us can chose the circumstances of life, but we do have a choice about the attitude we will face them. I love my wife period(She is the most precious and protected gift God has given me other than Himself)…There is not a woman alive I respect or trust more than her…She’s a teacher, I’m a preacher, and we have three children-enough said about a resource from which to find some humor. We have enjoyed growing older together…(“Honey, Is there anything else you want me to say”…JUST KIDDING…she would croak if she knew I wrote this). Anyone reading these thoughts have a GREAT day!

  • Eulah

    My husband and I recently celebrated our 40th. wedding anniversary. Some people wonder how you can stay married to one person for so many years. My advice to everyone is not to rush into marriage. Take care of your man and he will take care of you. It’s been 40 wonderful years and the time went by so quickly. Marriage can be beautiful if you marry the right person. Take your time because marriage is for life

  • Ronda Lawson

    This is my world you live in buddy, your so lucky to be a part in it. I am #1 always and forever because that is what makes me happy. If things don’t go in such a way it seems the domino effect occurs.So my way to keep a lover is to let him know first hand about me so there can be a lover period, for me. I love me with or without a lover daily, so ladies get to the real stuff and stop beating around the bush to past time to think of another line to keep him hanging on.I can’t keep a lover without all the love for ME from ME now can I? Do you love youself or your lover more? Some of you have work to do, don’t waste precious time,GOD shows us the way just listen for GOOD ORDERLY DIRECTIONS!!!

  • Angela Woodson

    This is my first time blogging, but I am excited. I am mother and a wife who is blessed to have a great family and friend support system in my life.I was going through a rough time in my life almost 2 year and my marriage of 8yrs was almost comng to an end. I fasted and prayed about my marriage on a daily basis. My husband was out of work for a year and all the bills fell on me. I was depressed and stressed out and i blamed my husband for all our problems. I became emotionally involved with another gentleman which was wrong and my husband found out. My husband never gave up on me and we were able to get through that low valley we were in. I say to the lady who is worried about her husband leaving her, stay encouraged and truely give God all the Glory when things are going right and wrong in your life. Continue to be a Proverbs 31 woman, so God can continue to honor your faithful life to your husband. I will also pray for you!

  • Danielle G

    I read the comments about how to keep one’s lover and I find it quite amusing and filled with truths. I am divorced at the age of 28. I long so much for a husband and children. I pray daily to have the lasting marriage where we can grow old together.


    Keep a lover? Wow… how ’bout loving myself! I struggle daily with this.. I can’t imagine (and so I don’t)… ever having a wife. This is no cry for pity. It’s where I am and, yes, it angers me. My life is more and more a constant discussion with Jesus.. usually alot of me complaining (out of pain).. and He finds a way through to me… it still hurts, it’s still hard to keep myself as a “lover”. I can say honestly Jesus loves and cares for me. I usually can’t say it’s mutual. Accepting my darkside, in the light of Christ, is no picnic… it’s a journey through darkness.


    p.s. thank for “listening”… God’s blessings upon all of you.

  • Brandy Miller

    Pete –
    Do not be angry. What you go through now is to make you ready for the woman that God is preparing for you. Your struggles have meaning and worth, they are not in vain. You are becoming a better person, more compassionate and more ready to both give and accept love. She will be in need of the strength you are gaining in your solitude, and when you are ready you will find her. She isn’t that far.

  • Cindy

    Keep believing in yourself. Take a moment every morning and really look at yourself and find something you really like and tell yourself about it. I know what its like not to love yourself. I’ve spent my entire life feeling bad about the way I looked. I made up for it by letting myself be a doormat and letting others walk all over me. I spent 18 years in a marriage that involved much mental abuse and brought my self-esteem down to nothing. I actually started believing that no one else would ever want me if I ever left. But guess what… I finally had enough and got that divorce. I’m now with a man that is my soulmate. It took us 44 years find each other, but it was meant to be that we met when we met. We’ve just missed meeting each other for so many years, its kind of eerry. We actually lived in the same apartment, but 5 years apart. I knew his ex-wife 19 years ago and hung out with her. We lived 3 blocks apart but missed each other by 2 years. We both agree, we spent the first 44 years going through all that we went through, just so we can have what we have today. I never in my life, thought that I’d find someone like him. So keep praying, keep finding at least one thing every day that you like about yourself and tell yourself about it. Take your time, don’t try to rush anything. I do believe from my experience, that when the time is right, you’ll find that right someone. Remember, everythings in God’s time. You’ll be OK. I want to leave you with a small phrase that was sent to me and I try to live by it: Calm Down, Shut Up and Quit Trippin! He’s working it out for “YOUR” good (in HIS time). And always remember “Let Go.. Let Go… Let God!” Cindy

  • alma


  • Anonymous

    “If they can send one man to the moon, why can’t they send all of them.”
    author unknown

  • JRose

    I agree with Alma…..There’s just so much you can do to make a man happy….all of the catering & loving…well…it must be received & given back as well. I too need many of those things listed in the 40 items….it takes two to make a marriage & make a relationship grow & stay in tune as time & age progress. At 62, I’m just now learning about me for the first time in my life….all of those things I did in the past for my husband…well….he hasn’t given back to me…so I’ve given up & began to live for myself. I’m lonely & starved for affection but with prayer, & the help of many, many friends, I’m going to overcome & attempt to live out the rest of my life as a happy person knowing that I do not have to have someone else to make me happy, but that true happiness begins with me. Thanks for reading. j

  • Tamara

    I agree with the previous poster,in that those forty things need to be both given and received by both people in the relationship. If only one of you feels nurtured and loved the other is going to feel empty and alone.

  • kitty

    dont make him feeel shitty

  • kitty

    make him feel he’s your sweetie

  • Lisa K

    Respect him even when you don’t agree with him or are not feeling veryloving.

  • lynn

    Sounds like high-maintance to me, Too bad there are no listings to keep a woman happy. I will stick with my cat.

  • Paulette Kingston

    I have two comments:
    1. If you want a “better” husband, be a “better” wife.
    2. Happy wife, happy life.

  • Cathy

    I will stick with my cat also. You might as well have another job, at least you get something back!

  • Jean

    Treat him like he’s an Ephesians man and eventually he will turn into one!

  • ariette williams

    when you try to use the scripture to thin and approve something I think you should first know the word and what its meaning is at that particular time and place for as you just did so did the people in that time try to make a fool out of GOD!

  • Toni

    This is great, as long the person you are with is willing to reciprocate. If not, the we’re stepping right back in to the 50’s serve-your-man attitude.

  • Alice

    The 40 ways to keep your lover but the majority of them apply only to the guys. Remember a lover goes both ways and the guys need to start focusing on ways to keep your lover, meaning your girl, wife, whatever you guys call them these days happy. If I’m happy ou are too. Its a two way street and its a give and take world out there so let’s start recipricating all that love and attention that girls usually by nature give to the fellas.
    Happy Valentine’s Day.

  • Lynn

    You go girl!!! Tell it like it is.

  • T

    And if that makes you happy, kid
    You’ll be the first it ever did

  • Tracy

    I am sick of hearing what women should do to keep a man. Maybe men need to hear what a man needs to do to keep a woman. What is this 1950! It is not the woman’s job to keep the man happy. It is the man and woman who need to keep each other happy. If you do all these things a man will walk all over you. Men don’t want weak woman!! We can take care of ourselves. They like to see that too.

  • lisa

    I am the main “tired” provider for my family. (My husband is, by no means, lazy.) I read and felt the same as all of the entries but in the same breath I do wonder if we are so focused on what they aren’t doing for us that we miss what they are doing for us? And what are we doing for them, is it enough? Something for all of us to ponder???

  • whisperingwinds

    We should all keep in mind, that a man=still means insecure, scared at times, depressed at times, as well as happy, lucky etc…men are human too. This really has nothing to do with what year it is today, verses yesteryears. People may alter outwardly as centuries pass, with techno age devises and new games the guys find to be “shissle.”
    But people are people all the same. You want to make your man happy and love you? Treat them as you would love to be treated. Do the little extra’s sometimes.
    It is that simple.
    This does not mean if you do something sweet and he then acts grumpy and unappreciative that you cannot kindly say; “Look I am doing this for you to show you how much I love you. In fact, I would really love to have someone do this for me some time as well.”
    Hopefully, your man will realize the efforts and the givingness you are showing for the sake of your love. If you happen to have a man that is never appreciative and giving back. Maybe it isn’t so much “Women should’t act or show they are weak and loving.” Maybe it’s the man you picked?
    Happy Valentines Day to everyone out there today.

  • miki

    tracy, it’s not always “all about me”, would be so nice if more people could understand that. So much anger is like a festering wound.

  • Gina

    Come on! TWICE a week?

  • Sunshine

    I think the ideas are all good. Why not help your mate feel extra special? That’s what we did for each other at the beginning. And, then we forget to do the special things. And, then it becomes harder to do the special things. Why? Because of anger, resentment and what I call, “ungodfullness”.
    So, Go put on your “fullness of God” on and bless someone.
    Happy Valentine’s Day!
    And, Therese, I love you! thanks for giving me a chuckle, or two, today.
    Blessings to all!

  • MrsAdam

    How about twice a NIGHT?!?!?!?

  • MrsAdam

    I love my hubby and treat him like he treats me – with respect, caring, and courtesy. ALWAYS. We kiss goodnight EVERY night, tell each other “I love you” before going to sleep or leaving or hanging up the phone. We are the couple that makes other couples gag, but we’ve been together for 10 years and are still going strong. He’s my rock and I love him.

  • CathyF

    Amen to the “twice a night” comment! Twice a week??? He’s not gonna hang around long for that one. How about we add be his best friend.

  • Lois K

    All good ideas – We are 21 years and counting and we are still on our “honeymoon” – must be doing something right. HA! Treating him like the King of his castle doesn’t hurt either. We both work hard and play hard. He has a few toys (Harley, ’57’ Chevy, Porsche, etc.) but as long as he doesn’t collect women – I don’t mind.



  • Tammy

    I think all these comments are nice but what if you never get any in return. I was in an abusive relationship and I truly adored my husband and told him so often. But he still abused, cheated on and lied to me. If you are with the right person and you are treated well then you should treat them the same.

  • Lori

    I believe that a belefnet website is one thing. But to included God and then swear doesn’t quite go together. However many pages and verses there are to the Bible is the reasons and ways to keep your man happy….provided your man is a christian like yourself.

  • Mitzi

    Hey and maybe you should ask him if you can think for yourself….
    I havent seen such sexist drivle in some time.
    Rah Rah for the dark ages!!!!!

  • di

    i was married for 27yrs he pass away March 17 2007 . so i think everyone that has a great one keep them close to you heart everyday. and say I LOve you everyday.

  • Jo

    Ok, that’s a case of give and take if I ever saw it. She’s a giver, he’s a taker. I have been married 45 years and all I can say is that for it to remain happy, forget give and take…Marriage is a give and give situation! Now, who’s gonna keep HER happy?

  • Laura

    All 40 of these things say the same thing, “Love him”. Just love him in the way “he” needs to be loved for him to understand it. He should be doing the same things for you. If you both feel the love, your marriage should last forever.

  • m

    never go to bed angry, don’t say i hate you or i wish you were dear………married 31 1/2 years still going strong……..

  • Kate

    While I’d skip the condemnation on the Bible reference, I like the tips. They cleverly match up with Paul Simon’s Loser Your Lover ditty, which is fun in itself, and they show some selflessness toward one’s spouse. There is no mention of what he will do for her, and that’s fine. This is not about what he will do for her, it’s about what she CAN do for him, if she is willing. As a 3-time divorcee, It too, was always concerned about my rights, and I, too, had been mistreated at times. But I mistreated myself, too. I COULD have set the stage differently, taking better care of my own emotional needs and needs for recognition so that there was enough of me left to do the things on this list – things that would have shown I cared and could give freely… without weighing what I would receive in return.

  • jessica

    I think this is great

  • Kate

    I found the list clever and fun. Right in line with Paul Simon’s song. And if I had the opportunity to go back to my marriage now that I am older and more mature, I would have done these things and not worried so much about what my rights were or what he was doing for me. I COULD have taken responsibility for my OWN happiness and had some left over for him, instead of thinking everything had to be even and fair. We set things up in our relationships to go the way they go. Don’t be afraid to give more than you receive!!

  • Ella

    These 40 little suggestions are really great. Men respond very well to kindness and extra attention; They respond by doing the little things that make us women happy. It is real simple. Liken it to training a puppy :)

  • T.S

    I too am about to remarry into marriage #2,during the courting stage I spent alot of time trying to see what I didn’t see in the first one before it went sour. I made my husband-to-be pay for what the last one put me thru. I know he’s a good man, but I have to let my guard down before I let a very loving, sweet, wonderfully intelligent, funny man slip away. He’s patient and knows i’m trying. I spend too much time analyzing how to keep the affection or attention fair. What I forgot was luv is given freely and unselfishly. You’re not supposed to keep score.

  • Adi

    I love the list of things to do for him. HE does so much for me and I know that I don’t do enough for him. I was maried to him. And 4 years ago we got divorced and now we are back together. As a married couple we sucked at it but just being together we are great it works for us. But after readying this list I realize that I could do more for him and his needs and not be so selfish. He goes out and works and provides for me and our 6 children. Granted I am home all day with the kids but I can take a little bt of time each day to let him know how much I do love him and appreciate him.

  • debbie

    This is awesome. We all need help in understanding men. They are hard to get. I guess some of us never do grow up, but you can’t help but love them anyway. I truly loved it, should be a song or sold to a comedian as a stand up joke. You should be paid well!

  • Julie

    This is fine if the husband is making his own efforts. My ex was stubborn, and I compromised. Not a good remedy for a happy thriving marriage.

  • Flyin’ Solo

    I did all those things, including the yard work, car repairs, etc… even let him have ‘boys night out’.. and still our marriage went south.. I was crushed when I caught him cheating, over and over again, on those ‘nights out’….and was the brunt of all his public “Rodney Dangerfield” jokes, to the point of friends telling him he should be nice to me, quit, it was embarrassing them, then, finally, just not RSVP’ing to invites with us.
    I will not make the next ‘Mister’ in my life pay for my first husbands’ indescretions, but I also will not ‘keep quiet’ any longer about being treated like the doormat I had become….what I had made him into….a selfish man that expected everything to be done for him…..

  • Jo

    The list can have a few more unfortunately, for many women out there…
    This is what they expect to have to be happy-
    41-Make sure you’re like the TV or magazine fantasy girl, Pearl
    42- Accept his wandering eye and his need to “play”, Faye

  • Tamra

    There should be give and take in any relationship,and a marriage should be a partnership not a dictatorship. A wonderful list of fun things for both partners not just the she….

  • Justina

    let him play his video games

  • Jerra

    I constantly read “rules” to keep our men happy.
    Whether it be here, women’s magazines, men’s magazines, even advice from other men and women.
    What I want to know is:
    Where the heck is the men’s list to make US happy.
    All my life, every man I’ve ever known or seen, whether it be my man, or another’s man, my father… doesn’t matter.
    Not ONE OF THEM has been as considerate, sexy or as loving as women are constantly urged to be.
    I think the few women who say otherwise are the exception to the rule, not the norm.
    Women, where is your man’s list?

  • Jerra

    1. Skip the fart,Bart
    2. Eat the casserole, Cole
    3. Sleep with her a week, Deke
    4. Let her drive a new car, Drakkar
    5. Laugh with her, Kerr
    6. Allow all-day Rest, Jess
    7. Buy her candy, Jim Dandy
    8. Play together, Merriwether
    9. Wear sexy underwear, Jer
    10. Make sure to kiss, Chriss
    11. Continue to date, Mate
    12. Don’t call her lazy, Chazey
    13. Be her biggest fan, Dan
    14. Use a condom, Tom
    15. Be nice to her mom, Dom
    16. Let her win, Wynn
    17. Don’t disappear, Dear
    18. More Truth, Bruce
    19. Don’t obsess about money, Honey
    20. Color your hair, Blair
    21. Don’t cheat, Pete
    22. Create something homemade, Dade
    23. Say “I love you” daily, Bailey
    24. Her virtues try to see, Lee
    25. Treat her like a queen, dean
    26. Don’t yell, Dale
    27. Give it a second shot, Scott
    28. Brush her face, Chase
    29. Hold her like a baby, Grady
    30. Love her past the weight, Tate
    31. Pay her library fee, Dee
    32. Eat lunch with her at the deli, Kelly
    33. Don’t steal, Bill
    34. Dress less scary, Harry
    35. Stop meeting girls in the dark, Lark
    36. Give her flowers, Howard
    37. Try to sit still, Bill
    38. Wear something racy, Casey
    39. Nurture her inner girl, Earl
    40. Show her your heart, Bart

  • SuzanneWA

    By George, I think Jerra got it!! Sure, we’re expected to cater to their every whim, as they are the “supposed” breadwinners, and all we do is take care of the kids and clean the house all day!
    I’m NOT speaking from experience, being twice-widowed and have no children. No, I’m NOT like the woman in the Bible with 7 husbands; my first husband died at 35 of a sudden heart attack, and my second husband died at 74 of sepsis. I was married to each of them a total of 5 years, and never really got past the “Honeymoon” phase with either of them.
    While I think it’s important to keep our man happy, we should increase our own self-worth by jotting down those things that make US special. Love (and relationships) are a two-way street. You get what you give. Pay it forward; you’ll be surprised!

  • Jane

    Talk about co dependent, Why don’t you just give him your life and throw away the key. My devotion goes to God not a human who thinks he is God. Now lets get real girls, no one wants a life of slavery.

  • JudyM

    I agree with Suzanne and Jane.I must work on myself. When I am working on myself, be it physically, emotionally or anything, I am a more loving person. And did I say, Spiritually? I must know who created me and how I was created to be. Attraction is the key to teaching others how to treat and respect me. I do get back what I put out there. I have tried in years gone by to change the men I was married to. Nothing changed. It was meant to happen. I didn’t create them. (By the way, they are both still alive, we divorsed, due to them not meeting my expectations,and not knowing how to love myself.)Today, I love me and I love God..this relationship must come first in my life..I am learning that this is the Divine order of the way God intended.

  • secondmarriage

    The list is decieving. Sometimes there is nothing a woman can do to make a man happy.

  • Anonymous

    I am not good at rhyming, so I’ll skip that, but will note that the above are very good ways to keep your man, and your love life alive. Here’s a few more.
    1. Tell him how you feel…really feel. He might open up too.
    2. Treat him as if he is your best friend…with respect.
    3. Appreciate him…and tell him how much you do. Men need that.
    4. Thank him for the little things. He will do more of them.
    5. Say “I’m sorry”, even if you are in the right…he might return the favor.
    6. Give him alone time to regroup after a long day instead of bombarding him with details of your day…he will come out of his cave when he is ready to hear it.
    7. Support him in his endeavours…even if you don’t agree with him.
    8. Accentuate the postitve…encourage him to be the best he can be.
    Men are a strange bunch, but human nevertheless and a little basic human respect goes a long way. All these things are sometimes hard to do, but if we give it an honest effort, though we make mistakes and they do too, we will have a devoted lover for life. It’s worth the effort.

  • LGB

    ” men are a strange bunch??????” Feb 15th,08″ Human respect does go a long way….BUT, it’s a -2- way street! Remember who “YOU” are!!!!

  • Jerra

    My ex-husband died 6 months ago and may he RIP—however,
    He was self-serving, inconsiderate, domineering and never gave any “thought” to what made me happy.
    We were divorced after 38 years. I not only tried everything on the “list”, I even did more. The results were-he just expected more.
    I eventually learned to do less, give less and do more to make MYSELF happy.
    All the lingerie in the world didn’t help, all the home cooked meals didn’t make him rush home, and I could go on. Most of us women hold full time jobs as well as the man.
    What he finally got was a woman so desparate for some reciprocation that she (me) found herself looking for love outside the marriage.
    NOW, I have a boyfriend who is much more giving and willing to talk over the things we need to work on.
    I’ve made it very clear to him that if a man expects to keep his woman,
    he’d BETTER be willing to give as much as he gets.
    The quickest way to lose a wife is to impose that list on her when the man is unwilling to return the same.
    Men, understand this, as much as a shock it may be, you are NOT the center of your woman’s universe unless she is the center of yours.

  • Stacy

    Well good thoughts here!Biblically the man is the bread winner and the women is to keep the home warm and clean and comfortable for the man.So i guess if u want to call it slavery to your man you may.Now a day,it takes two incomes to make the bills so the women and man have to work so I think that the slavery thing should come into to play on both parts,lol,It takes two to make a thing go right.So,both man and women should share all the responsiblities.Be partners.Womens rights,we yelled and we got them,hmmm,For me,well I have a hard job and have to work,but wouldnt it be so much nicer to stay home and cook and clean and wait on your husband to arrive home so you could wash his back and sup together and talk about his day at work?I wish I had that oppertunity butttttttttttt,For now I will go to work and pray God gives us both a day off to spend togehter.God Bless you

  • Jo

    There isn’t anything on this list I wouldn’t do for my child (with the obvious modifications), then why not for my husband? Granted, I’m lucky and married a good guy who doesn’t for one minute confuse himself for a god. I’d like to think that part of my devotion, how I’ll be eternally judged, and how I judge myself is how I treat God’s other children and this gift of earth while I’m on it. I would in fact give my life for my husband, but I trust him and know that he would never ask me to do anything that would cause me harm.
    I’ve only been married once, been married for 8.5 years, didn’t get married until I was 33, and knew him for 7 years before we got married. I’m a feminist and don’t think I’m clinically dependant but am in a healthy interdependent relationship. If I didn’t think I could or would have done what is on the list or that he couldn’t or wouldn’t, I wouldn’t have married him or maybe gotten married at all. I’m strong, yes, but don’t make a fortress of my heart or confuse love for a weapon. And, like I said, appreciate that I’m really lucky!

  • Sue

    Love is a 2 way street (my sweet). Takes 2 to tango. Etc…
    Anyway, I thought if you give what you want you get it in return. HAH! Not necessarily so! I gave & gave & gave to my ex husband but he wanted MORE, I Never gave enough to him! He was an emotional, financial Vampire that took my self esteem and all I worked for and even my family. I Finally took it back and left the SOB!! He wanted Every breath from my body to cater, bow to him, be at his beckon call and work while he watched cable, smoked cigarettes ate meals I cooked that I bought with my hard earned money, paid the bills etc and make love to him with his filthy mouth he called me a skank with and treated me like I was a bug on the ground! I’m glad to say I left 2 yrs ago, in heartache and pain that slowly went away and now I am happier now than I was With Him and I WILL have the love I deserve! I am assertive, and express what I want without abandoning my beliefs and desires of my heart. To Give and receive love is meant for Men And Women. Respect, honor, love & cherish Every Moment you have with a loving person and Do Not let it go! Do Not be afraid to be yourself. If he loves you he will appreciate all you are and all you do to show it! It will be easy to express that love willingly on Both sides and be a Truly beautiful exprerience!! I believe!! SME

  • Denise

    Although I do most of those things for my husband unconditionally, he does just as much for me in return, including cooking, cleaning, helping with the kids (even changing diapers) and he is romantic and thoughtful! It all comes naturally when there is mutual love and respect. You shouldn’t have a list or kill yourself to “keep” a husband! This is 2008! Both of us are hard workers and both of us deserve all those things!! Throw the list away!! If you aren’t doing those things because you just want to you shouldn’t be doing them, and probably don’t deserve each other.

  • Lee Shell

    Great real! Smacks of pandering, codependency, enabling. Doesn’t represent me or my marriage. We are partners with mutual respect, mutual concern, mutual attention to needs and desires.

  • Shelli

    I just wanted to tell you, Therese, that this whole thing was wonderfully created. You did a great job on the thoughts and finding rhyming names.
    Absolutely terrific.

  • E. Haney

    I think the list was pretty good. I dont totally agree with all of them but it still makes sense. Can you come up with one for men to follow as well. :) Thanks E.

  • Mrs. Francis

    I understand exactly what will make him happier however, we no longer can afford it.
    We have four small children together. He has four older kids with two others who give nothing but additional drama.
    I complement him, I tell him that I love him everyday even when I want to run away. I take care of him just as if he were one of the children. I continuously make excuses for him. I cannot make him become the man I fell in love with.
    I think he’s confused and under demonic influence since he’s seeking help from illegal pharmaceuticals.
    Please pray for us that we don’t lose our home to foreclosure and that I don’t lose my mind.
    There is so much going on and seemingly no solutions!!!
    I’m tired of trying to make this man happy. I don’t think he cares anymore.
    Any suggestions?
    Mrs. Francis

  • holly

    I just have one question why did you put a diffent girls name behind each line.Are you hinting to let your man see other womenor what?

  • Jean

    Dear Mrs. Francis,
    It’s time you went to Alanon. This is the other side of AA. They help people cope with loved ones’ addictions. It may not keep the bank at bay, but it may save your marriage, your husband, and your sanity. God Bless!

  • Jimdragontech

    As some have mentioned, there are two halves to this story and two requirements. I am of the male side and while your suggestions are good, with resoect to the ‘needs of the male of the species’, I shall choose to take another side:While many may dislike it (too bad) I am Wiccan in belief an practice, which requires a measure of fairness, equality and respect from both sides.
    My own parents were practicing idiots-all those social mistakes one can make in a family and somehow manage to rip it apart is exactly what they managed-with my ‘old man…father’ providing successive demonstrations of what not to do. One can indeed learn from one parents-even the silly ones if one learns first to open their eyes.
    Don’t forget-and clearly that has not been-the other half of the coin is also there-one cannot see both sides of the coin at the same time-but one can be well aware of the other side-as many of your readers are.
    Give them their kudos as well. You still can’t see what’s behind you even when you’re patting yourself on the back.

  • Anonymous

    becone more humble, and give him to god.

  • sherri hall

    always be thankful and show appreciation…always serving and being kind…always sayiing i love you and always looking to better yourself..turning the other cheek…and ask god to make all the changes in your spouse because hes the only one that has the power to do that…rebuke allllll evil from your life everyday in his name jesus xoxoxoxoxosherri jesus loves you xoxoxoxoxo

  • bobbie

    i did not get what you were tring to say but, if you are trying to say love your man in everyway then i do agree with you.question, i hope that all men are not looking for their wives to be their mothers because it does not work with everyone. there is other things to worry about besides NFN, which does not pay the bills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Yvette Jordan

    Always be his friend and listen we he needs to vent. And make sure you let him play play station!

  • lorenzo kibler

    these are all good ,but my mate is somewhat bipolar,and afraid cause being a gay person in indiana,can get you hurt bad there are no laws of protection only laws outlawing it

  • John khue

    i think we need a general idea about love!we collected 40 comments and shoule we combine them into a best one!i think it’s better!

  • Precious Smith

    I personally like the list, I am not married but engaged. He is a wonderful, strong, independent, good friend, good man,good father to our daughter(my step-daughter), and a good fiance. Knowing these things, makes it a little bit better for me and what not to do. Im just me and he loves that, he has the love of God growing deep inside of him for the whole world to see; and me being his future wife makes it a whole lot better. He excepts me being bipolar, thats true love; his love for me is how i am able to see Gods love for me. He is incarcerated, he will be getting out this year; ‘speak of things as if they were’. I believe i have that somewhat right, if not God forgive me. I have been there by his side with everything, and thats not the only reason that he loves me; but just for me being me. Thank Yall for listening, dont stop praying and stay blessed.

  • Rona

    Who ever came up with this list of “Ways To Keep Your Man” either wrote it about 60 years ago or is a big fan of shows like “Leave It To Beaver” and “Father Knows Best”. Mind sets such as this person’s are not compatible with reality and surviving in the world today. If a woman is going to treat someone that way, she should start with accepting and loving herself UNCONDITIONALLY and nurturing her soul and building self esteem and self worth and then she may attract a man who is not so self centered and self involved that he would expect a woman to treat him that way. If he had a true relationship with a higher power he would not feel the need to be the “center of the universe” thus requiring that kind of acceptance from a woman. He would want a woman who is his equal not a slave.

  • Shelly

    An addition to the 40: Allow “Boys night out”. Of course “Girls night out” is also a necessity for both you. Unconciously following most of the 40 tips is why I believe my current relationship seems to have more intensity than my previous marriage of 16 years.

  • Lauri

    I don’t have a husband or even a sweetheart to be overly concerned about ways to keep him. That said, Forty Ways to Keep Your Husband is inspired. I really liked it, although I had Paul Simon singing about ways to kick him to the curb playing in my head as background music the entire time I was reading the list.
    I’m going to try to print it and put it next to the bathroom mirror. There are tips I can use to keep me well and happy. No. 14 Keep taking your pill, April, is great.

  • Joe

    Just let him be man



  • becka46791

    This is Ludicrius!!! I had to raise my children by myself and have a son that execls in his job, as a police officer, and with his family! He saw Mom work hard and he is a hard worker and would never expect his wife to do these things for him. I am glad that my girls do not have to take pills to tolerate their men. I have raised three daughters, all with great jobs, and wonderful dispositions and I would expect them to have someone that is just as great as they are to stand beside them. I am also insulted by this dinosaur way of thinking. This day and age is not like when my grandmother lived and thinking has to change. Girls!!! Count only on yourselves and friends and family for support and you will thrive! Water yourself like a beautiful flower and watch yourself and your loved ones grow!!!!

  • Lemnpi

    I was married for 12 years, been divorced for 10 years. Was in a tragic relationship for 6 years. Finaly, I am with a Man who deserves to be treated like a Man. Willingly I look forward to doing ALL 40 of the things listed plus more! My MAN is worth everything in my life and my two young sons. Since I’m a stay at home Mom I added #41: Make sure to look good for him when he comes home. He deserves to see me shine especially when it is for him! Women keep your Man happy, you’ll always know that he will come home!! Old fashioned? Don’t believe so!

  • chris

    Very good fun 40! I have been married 22 years, the last 12 of which are a mess. My wife needs to read this(and other keep your man happy articles) and start doing some of the suggestions. You hit on a very important topic. Medication, when and if prescribed for depression, needs to be taken and followed up on for success. I have 5 daughters that will do anything not to be like their mother as she is today. All help is refused and all attemtps to draw her in are quickly doused by her demeanor and approach. Guys, if you suspect for a minute your wife needs help, GET IT FOR HER! Before all the haters come out, I work 2 jobs, cook, clean, sew, laundry, trash, homework and even buy dresses for dances. I am at my end though and so are my daughters.

  • Alicia

    I personally can see both sides of this argument. A real marriage is made up of love from both sides, acceptance, and an open, non-judgemental line of communication. It should work something along the lines of the golden rule. Do unto others… and all that. If you are taking care to put your spouse first, and your spouse is taking care to put you first, both sides are happy and love abounds. Of course not all things work out perfect, because we aren’t in a perfect world. The secret is to be happy. If you aren’t happy, it is time to take a look at yourself and see if the problem is you. If it isn’t, maybe you should look closer at your spouse. Ask what he/she needs to be happy and work towards it, but if you aren’t happy, don’t expect to make someone else that way. It all comes from inside the person in question. Blessings to all who have failed, survived, found a better way, or just shook it off. Lord only knows how, but we have all been blessed with something that gets us through!

  • barbara

    I’m sure my husband is very happy, he’s dead! Just a little black humor,lighhten up everybody! Enjoy the moment, that’s what happiness is made of,moments; be good 2 each other; listen, that way U will know when the other is hurting! Advice isn’t always necessary, hugs work wonders!


    Ive been married for 10 years and yes it has been very hard. We both get on eachothers nerves. We got into little fights and severe fights. At the time we are very angry at eachother and alot of times im clam up and stop talking to him days and weeks at one point. But we always have and will love eachother, and refuse to let an arguement or families get in away of what we have built together. I feel that you Dont need someones elses 40 things to keep there man happy. Just a list of what makes ur man happy. Everyone is different and has different views on things. My husband and I have done alot of different things and has experimented alot on our relationships to find what keeps us both happy. Yes I have gave 90% to this marriage and he has givin 10% at most times. Sometimes he tries to give 40%-50%; not saying it works all the time or if they can do it to our expectations but look at the fact that they at least tryed. Both of you are trying to train eachother on how you want the other to be. So there will alot of butting heads.But all it takes is that one look of showing me in his eyes that he loves me and im ready to forgive and move on. The first seven years of our marriage was the hardest. But love really does conqure everything. That feel of security and the knowing that this one person will be the person who has your heart, body, and mind. That to me is the best thing. And when I walk into the room and I see his smile as looks me. Those are things you must look in a relationship. It may sound cheesy, but really your heart will tell if this relationship is rite for you.

  • Liza

    when you feel love and would do anything for him, within reason, why is it that it becomes almost violent, driving each other to the point of madness, still you feel great with him around and the way you feel when he is around?

  • Marcia

    40 ways 2 keep my husband happy but it will not work 4 me because we r not 2gether. What advice can u give me. He left me around these same time last year. We talk or text each other because i 4gave him. He says he love me which i am puzzle about because i show no sign of remorse and the way he is show no sign of love or care. I sometime thing that i should get a legal separation and move on but i made a promise 2 him and God that i will b faithful but what can i do to win him back cause the near fact that we still communicate and there is no resentment there is a possiblity that the marriage can b restore can u give me some advice. Thanks and God Bless.

  • Nancy

    For those of you who are separated, and not divorce…You risk taking
    on financial problems. Meaning if your husband or wife decide to purchase a boat or car or house, diamond ring, or run up the credit cards…The both parties I believe are liable.

  • J Bailey

    I come from a different angle. My advice: Spend time loving yourself. Give yourself time with your friends. Tell yourself your beautiful. Treat yourself to the love and caring you want from your “other”. Because if you don’t do these things also you will forget who you are and so will your spouse.
    I gave to my family for 20 years and finally broke down. I am now a recovering divorced woman who still has a lot to give, but I usually give to others too much. Yes we should give to others, but don’t forget you are God’s child also.

  • Allison

    Ok, number 14 is HILARIOUS to me. My cousin’s wife’s name is April and I’m almost convinced the only reason they are married is b/c she got pregnant. I busted out laughing when I read that!!! Thanks for the good laugh!!!

  • Dorrie

    Im with JBailey Ive lived all my life taking care of everybody elses needs and not paying attention to myself. Im starting today taking care of me. Thanks JBailey for helping me to understand that I am also one of Gods children and I should take care of me.

  • GMC

    To keep your lover you must be different from others that he had a relationship,do something memorable that cannot be easily me it will work…kick him hard in the but & smashed his penlight………ok,gud luck may God bless U

  • Ashish karwal

    love your spouse, understand his bad habits ,see the reason behind this
    then talk to him dont blame him just cooly tell about his mistake,tell him to think about it ,just tell me do what u want in your life ,enjoy his happiness .



  • jeph

    Thanks for such inspiration. I would also love to know how one can keep his girl friend. Thanks.


    Always love your partner like you want to be loved:)

  • Roxann

    I believe one item that should be on this list is “Respect”. Men see their self-worth through how they are “respected”, at the same time, if they have their wife’s, girlfriend’s, partner’s “respect”, then in turn will show the “love” women so desire, it’s a complete circle. Women show your men respect, and men with show their women love…thus creating an unbreakable bond.

  • Lynne

    Communicate with him, and find out what he expects in a relationship. his needs and whats, no matter what the subject and then try to conform, but never forget yourself. i’m not saying we need to be rugs but we are the back bone to our men. We as women tend to think we are the perfect creatures in the relationship when we need to take that pointing finger and turn it the other way sometimes. See men are very easy. There like little boys that just need to be pampered and loved. But I must say it’s when we step up and treat them as the King there suppose to be that they tend to the same. Yes, they are suppose to come into the relationship making sure we are alright and that’s when we repond back. but 9-10 time we as women have to keep it going because once again there men, and as men they start to slack off and need to be brought back to remembrance. I think if we did not complain or nag about the small things, like the toilet lid, towels or clothing on the floor,ect you know little silly things, and just step up to keep the peace and let lid down or just pick things up that would cut out half the battle. Believe me if it’s not about our mental or phsical abuse, finances, or adultery every thing else is small. neither of us will ever be perfect. but in Love we can come close to conquering all. Love, respect and understanding makes it easy.. not perfect but easy.

  • Irene

    I think that making a man happy is a lot of work but worth all the work, especially if you really love someone. I’ve been with my boyfriend Joseph since August 1998 and our situation for a while has been extremely rough because he is incarcerated at the moment. But I’ve stuck by him throughout his entire bid and waiting for him to come home so that we can finally start our lives together fresh and new. I love my boyfriend a lot and no one in the world could ever make me feel different about the man I truly love. We can’t help who we fall in love with, but at the same time we have to try our best to always keep them in our lives. That is what I intend to do and if you could keep Joseph and I in your prayers I would appreciate it greatly. God bless you always!!!

  • Dan

    Communication is of the utmost importance and it has to be a two way street. If one communicates and the other doesn’t, there is no true communication. If one refuses to discuss a subject further because they believe the discussion is over; that is also not communication. We are all individuals and do not all understand things the same or as easily as someone else. If you are told I am done with the subject by your significant other, but you are not done in your mind, then the conversation isn’t over. If they walk away they are basically saying they don’t care what you have to say or they don’t fully understand how you think. That is not going to build a strong relationship; it will add to stress though. Not all relationships are meant to be as many of us have discovered. We try so hard to make them work but it takes two to do so. If you love someone that doesn’t seem to give back what you give, then how is that a partnership? If you love someone that gives and you cannot give as much, that is a different animal. Most important is HONESTY, TRUST and FAITH in your partner. Lose any of them and recovery is not easy. It all has to start with you, not with them. As in any endeavor in life, you must be the best you can be and hope that the one you choose thinks the same way.

  • lester

    I have a step child andmy want wants to put the childs fathers name on her graduation invitations

  • anne richardson

    I met this guy about 4 yrs ago. a very caring young man,who will give you the shirt off his back.His mother is in a nursing home, love his mom,and is very protective of her.Two yrs ago ,(i know i’m stupid). have never been around anyone on drugs before,everyone knew except me. how stupid can that be? He tells lies, he leaves for weeks at a time. Iy heart aches and i am having problems with my heart. I KNOW I HAVE TO get rid of this guy ,he is destroying me,and i am ready to let the crack head go,i am so stressed,i can’t take much more,or i will be dead.

  • Suey

    Anne –
    I left my husband of 13 years after years of physical and mental abuse.
    It took me two years of therapy at Safehouse to ‘GET’ that it wasn’t my fault, that I didn’t cause it, that I didn’t earn, deserve, do anything wrong
    – but stay in it…
    Found out he was cheating on me for the last 6 years of our marriage. The dog(that I rescued from going to the pound) kept running away to her house…(the Bitch…Bitches…)
    Well she was… They were….And he’d get so mad when I went to find her. (The dog, not the…)
    I’d made plans. Kept caches of things I wanted to ‘run’ with, so I could pack quick… He’d miss work to watch me, follow me out to the car, Hover, and Whine… and I finally left for work with only my pack.
    Got to park my car at work in a locked yard. Had people drive me to my motel room by different routes. Got a good weekly rate + breakfast. & hid out ’till I could get a legal divorce.
    (Definitely got a restraining order so he’d stop harrassing me at work)
    Later, the Police came to me, knew he’d been trying to contact me, and said “Stay away from him – He’s doing the same S__t to her he was doing to you…”
    Long story short – 10 years later, I am married to the most wonderful man. He’s my best friend. Supportive, Loving, Helpful, Romantic: Does things to take us away… Picnics, Motorcycle Trips, Autumn Rides to see the colors, Hikes… Always a sweet surprise.
    I never thought it could happen, frankly, I was done with love…
    and it was love at first sight. We’re coming up on our second anniversary…
    God Bless, Anne.
    You can do it too!

  • Suey

    Oh, Anne –
    “Getting Free” the book was my bible for four years.
    It saved my life.
    Best to you –

  • Anonymous

    The most important thing I have learned in 48 years of marriage is that men communicate AFTER they’ve made a decision and women communiate in order to get facts to help them MAKE a decision.
    So – if your husband says, “I’m thinking about buying a new truck,” – honey, it’s a done deal in his mind. If you say, “I’m thinking about buying a new car, he’ll try his best to convince you not to, as he thinks it’s already a done deal!

  • Ruth Hennick

    But you forgot to add is GOD is the glue to any relationship . He Holds it together for us all. Ruth In Taneytown MD GOD love us all. PTL!

  • Anonymous

    Why do single women have babies for married men especially after the man tells the women they don’t want any more children?

  • Nichelle

    I’ve been dating a man for six and a half years. I found out that March 6, 2008, another young lady had a baby boy for him. When he and I met we discussed children and I know he doesn’t want any more ( I don’t either). I have to often wonder why she had his baby knowing that he doesn’t want any more children. He is a good man. It is my feeling that she is trying to “trap” him. He does not want to have anything to do with her, but she keeps using the baby to keep up communications open with him.
    Ladies, if and when you meet a man and he tells you he doesn’t want any children then either leave him alone and don’t have sex with him or plan to raise your children alone if you do elect to get pregnant and have the baby.

  • Mona

    What I have learned about men is that they want to be treated like children(hugged,kissed,caressed);but talked to like men.
    I have also learned we need to be quiet and love them past there faults, we all have them!

  • MDS

    God has helped me to forgive my husband from cheating on me with another woman.I pray for all to keep love in your hearts.

  • Victoria Stevens

    Always let him feel your love. Listen to everything he says. Have sex as much as possible. Keep things on the funny side, laugh alot. Feed him his favorite foods. Most of all think of youself as the sex goddest you are and everything will be just fine. Let him know he is the man.

  • Claudine

    I am a newlywed. I got married Sept 24, 2006. So I’m married a little over 20 months now. I love my husband to death. I would die for him. My problem is I am overweight but doing something about it. I have been on the Nutrisystem Advanced program since March 1 of this year. I normally wouldn’t reveal my weight but when I started Nutrisystem Advanced I was 341 pounds. I haven’t weighed myself lately. I am only 21 and my husband is 51. I am concerned that I will die before him if I don’t lose the weight. Sex is not comfortable for me. When we do have sex, I want to do it but at the same time I’m also doing it to make my husband happy. Am I selfish? Do I have a problem with having sex? The answer to both of these question is no. I enjoy having sex. The issue is I’m not able to have wild sex. You know there are women out there that can do so many moves and positions during sex that make me jealous. I want to be able to do that. My husband doesn’t seem to mind the way we have sex which is with him on top or once in a while oral sex. I’m just angry and upset. One of the main reasons I’m losing weight is so I can have sex in different positions. Is this absurd?

  • Laura

    To Claudine…it is not absurd to want to have sex in different positions. It is the spice of life. We are also newlyweds and to us, the one thing we do is laugh. If nothing else we see the humor in almost everything. Our wedding was one disaster after another..rain..cancelled out our outdoor wedding, fire…in the restaurant where we did get married and when we got home our roof had leaked and the ceiling had fallen in the middle of our bed. So, we were bailing water and laughed through it all.
    We have already been through his open heart surgery and spent Christmas
    in the hospital.
    The true key is laughter, inside jokes..don’t share even with your closest friend. Sex is a wonderful part, but not the only part.
    Just hang in there and all will fall into place.

  • Renee

    Hi Claudine. Like Laura, my husband Jim and I laugh a lot. I have multiple sclerosis and am overweight, so between those and the fact that I am 50 this year, all the positions that I think other people and porn stars are able to do aren’t for me at all! We laugh a lot during sex, mostly when I try to change positions. So don’t be jealous of other people who can do more positions than you. I remember that my husband and I are in love with each other, and that makes it a zillion times better. Congratulations on losing weight. I know it’s tough. Do it so you will be healthier, not just because you want to use different positions. After nearly 28 years of marriage we don’t make love as often as we did at first, and it is usually with him on top. Go for quality, not quantity!

  • Pat

    UH, 50 ways to be a sexist–or at least 40 plus ways to be sexist.

  • Bonnie

    Above all else, trust plays an important key in a successful marriage. That goes both ways. Don’t jump to conclusions… Don’t accuse… And don’t snoop. You may not like what you find. Rather, keep the lines of communication open. Talk to your husband. Yelling and screaming accomplishes nothing but heartache for both parties.

  • Trudi

    Keep working on losing the weight – for you! It feels great to be in shape, but you need to do it for yourself. When you feel great about yourself, everything else magnifies and is better. The sex will be fantastic because you feel good about yourself and you are in love with your husband. Take your time, don’t do anything drastic – it will be worth all the work.

  • Milton

    If couples make the choice to satisfy one another, it greatly reduces the possibility of looking for satisfaction in the wrong places. Don’t use intimacy as a tool to get your own way. When two become one, the “my property” excuse goes out the window. Love, honor, and cherish is a two-way street. Neglect is the worst thing you can be guilty of…if you have to make somebody stand in line for your time, don’t let it be your spouse.

  • Fruitfly

    Oh dear. Treat your man like a little kid?? And there I was expecting my partner to be an adult like me.

  • LaSheena

    Stimulate his mind and emotions when it comes to business, daily events, family issues, sports, faith, and the bedroom. It keeps you talking about everything as well as getting to know each other so that you grow together not apart.

  • Anonymous

    It takes 10 yrs of married life to get your pecking order established—-after that I shut up–and keep my mouth shut–We have been married for 62 yrs—works–Kenneth E. Odom—

  • Anonymous

    What happened to good old fashion “respect” respect him, and his decisions; and trust his leadership. Let him Lead the family/house, that’s of course, if he’s not crazy and that’s Webster’s defination of crazy!!

  • Dave

    I want to reinforce the spirit of this article, even though it may suggest a uniform profile of men (not all like football, for example). It really made a difference in our marriage when my wife stopped balking when I was scheduling getaways for the two of us. I was doing it for us, but somehow she saw it only as an intrusion on the cadence of life’s duties.

  • G

    I am with the greatest woman that I’ve ever known for the past five months and after a very difficult and stressful divorce, dating multiple women for several years I believe I have found the right woman for me. In so many ways she is not the type of woman I would typically be attracted to. She appeals so strongly to my mind, my good sense and my physical senses that I feel completely spellbound by her with no end in sight.
    She makes the effort to know me and show that she cares for me. We are respectful of each other’s boundaries and have very candid, honest discussions.
    Thank you, Denise, for filling me up with appreciation, confidence, love, lust and patience.

  • Bella

    I work with men all day long, lots of meetings and traveling! All I can say is your man is starving for some kind words, treatment of respect, try to understand what makes him feel good about him!
    My mother always said, “Your Father and I didn’t always love each other, the love comes and goes, we didn’t always like each other, but, we always had respect for each other.” Still married after 52 yrs.!
    Please understand, I get hit on by more married men than single, I dress with respect, but, a hint of sexy, carry on conversations that are not important to me, but, to the men that are carrying on about their work. I am a business broker, for those of you that know, huge deals are at stake and lots of stress, but, those men, look to me and trust me and my direction and input???? Why do you ask?
    Pay attention to your man, positive even when you don’t feel like it! Put the kids to bed early, as my Mom did, make him a special meal, a bubble bath, trust me, after being the warrior all day! You will fall in love all over again, with him!
    Blessings to all! Pray for each other and together!


    If u have to sleep with him to keep him u should dump him

  • Paula

    I’ve only been married for 5 months and the majority of 40 item list is what we already exercise. I’ve been told that in order to preserve a marriage, do what you used to do when you were first married. Basically, keep the dating and fun happening. I can understand that when the kids come, it can complicate and even jeopardize your time together, but getting into the ritual of having a designated day as Date Day, once, a week can keep the flames ignited. (Because my husband and I are so busy this early in the game, we have Tuesdays as our Date Day, and we’re working on ways to slow our lives down.) I’ve been learning a lot from married couples now that I’m married, and the nice thing is that some of them a learning from me, or atleast going back down memory lane. We’re all in this together, so let’s continue to help eachother out.
    God Bless!
    Paula M

  • Paula

    I’ve only been married for 5 months and the majority of 40 item list is what we already exercise. I’ve been told that in order to preserve a marriage, do what you used to do when you were first married. Basically, keep the dating and fun happening. I can understand that when the kids come, it can complicate and even jeopardize your time together, but getting into the ritual of having a designated day as Date Day, once, a week can keep the flames ignited. (Because my husband and I are so busy this early in the game, we have Tuesdays as our Date Day, and we’re working on ways to slow our lives down.) I’ve been learning a lot from married couples now that I’m married, and the nice thing is that some of them a learning from me, or atleast going back down memory lane. We’re all in this together, so let’s continue to help eachother out.
    God Bless!
    Paula M

  • Amy

    I have been married for 10 years. At times I didn’t think we would make it. Today we are more in love than ever before. I respect him more than ever. I appreciate him more than I ever imagined. I actually need him. I never thought that would be possible. I always thought I didn’t need anyone. Now I love him more than ever and can’t imagine life without him. If you love and respect each other it can work out.

  • Cilla B

    Be his best friend and worship together; be concerned with him and make him feel important; ask him how was his day. Let him know how much you need him in your life.

  • Cilla B

    Be his best friend and worship together; be concerned with him and make him feel important; ask him how was his day. Let him know how much you need him in your life.

  • Vickie

    We have been married 31 years, and it’s a two way street. We work together daily and still like each other most of the time. But, it’s not all the wife’s job to keep her husband happy, he needs to put equal amounts of effort into keeping her happy. A wife can do all these things without equal input from her husband and a marriage can still fail. The number one priority is to keep God first in your marriage and lean on each other for support and strength. Never put your spouse down to make yourself look better. It’s easier if you “really love” your spouse. So many people marry today for convenience, to get out of their parents house, etc….that’s not the correct reason to marry. You better love them before, treat each other good before…because it don’t get any better, it will only get worse.

  • evah

    Sometimes it’s not enough – Did it all and he took off with one who did non of the above – Maybe just not meant to be.

  • Mr Zippy

    Sex only twice a week ????

  • Mr Zippy

    Don’t stop “Dating” each other, would be the first suggestion and don’t use sex as a weapon would be the second suggestion.

  • Anonymous

    I think all those comments are great… accept for one thing…no one mentioned… not taking another for granted…DO NOT TAKE YOUR LOVE FOR/FROM THEM FOR GRANTED. Just when you think you’ve got it all worked out, something can happen out of the blue… always be aware that all those things matter, all those things need to be counted from and for each other. Been married AND divorced twice. And now, the third time down lovers lane. I cannot gaurantee “this is the one” but I know better from 2 strike outs that I assumed the other two would always be there. You get smug and dont communicate EVERYTHING… even the thoughts of wanting to stray and why… be open and above all forgive and forget. Unconditional love, isnt that what the lord taught?



  • shirley santanello

    What about realizing your selfworth by treating the other person as you would
    expect to be treated !!!! You have to have a good relationship with yourself
    & respect for yourself before you can have one with someone else….

  • Cindy Armenta

    I agree with Bobbie
    I do all of these and more for my husband but he never recipricates. He expects to be treated like a king but I’m treated like dirt. Now he is angry at my sister and wants a divorce. Hmm treating him like a king didn’t seem to keep him. I think we should be treated like queens and not be punished for the faults of other women. A list of how to treat a woman would be great but they probably wouldn’t read it. did enjoy the list thanks Cindy

  • Lee

    Follow the golden rule. Jewel

  • Tracy

    Love is a decision, not a feeling. Love him, forgive him when he is wrong- without waiting for his humble apology. He is human just as you are. Don’t let your despairingly difficult day ruin the special moment when he walks in the door after a hard day at work and looks for the sweetie he married and longs for. (As a mother of our children 6 and under,I speak this to my shame!) Remember to not blame everything on him.
    Sometimes life is just hard. Stand strong together and don’t be afraid to kindly and sweetly tell him you need help with something. Many times I forget that he is there to help when he can if I just ask! So, I get frustrated feeling alone in my battle of bulldozing through my long list of duties- thinking that it’s all my job. When if I just would ask, he would help! Communicate! Remember, “And be ye kind, one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christs’ sake hath forgiven you.”.

  • braveheart

    The 40 ways to keep your lover is great.. i like the name extensions to help the reader remember it.. keep on writing, u got the gift.
    Number 9 is sensual but most welcome.. i am a man

  • Debera’ D.

    He is a great catch especially for an amateur. So I believe God will
    keep it together until I get it together! And, by the way, I can think of forty-one ways. Prayer will sustain even rancid fruit.
    Praise Jehovah ji’reh.

  • Brenda

    I agree with Cindy, This list is good, but you need a little more in return. I was married for 30 years and was treated like diet most of the time. You also have to be married to a kind gentleman that respects his wife. I there are any out there. Someone that doesn’t just think about himself.

  • carol

    I did all 40 and more– then got old-my hair thinned–weight is difficult to lose when you are 63 yrs old. I would look better 30 pounds lighter.
    He wants to remain young-he looks handsome. He made up his mind that I no longer interest him. He stays with me because he is “committed to our children.” and “financially we are better off.”
    He says there is no trust or love between us-he never holds me or kisses me-love-sex has not been there for many years.
    He used to tell me I was the most important thing in his world-he used to say he wanted to hold me and kiss me-and take care of me–all things like this seem to have passed. He was never a gift giver-watch TV was what we did most-together-with very little conversation.
    We have been together 36 years.
    I am so alone-he is so happy–loves the kids and they love just him-loves his job and is great at it-meanwhile-I hate my job–it is not too stimulating-the kids always thought the house was “good guy-bad guy” with me the bad one-and I have nothing but my faith. I think God has forsaken me.

  • JoJo

    Mary, I just have to respond. GOD HAS NOT FORSAKEN YOU. I think you need counselling and you should start “Calling those things that be not as though they were.” GOD is there ready to mend and heal your marriage. That’s GOD WILL. Give up the negativity and let GOD have his way. I am going to pray you come to understand your authority in CHRIST and stop letting the Devil rob you of your Joy. Just as you would not let someone come in your house and ruin it, don’t let the Devil ruin your marriage. Solicit prayers from friends and join a church. Learn to put the whole armor on and stand against the wiles of the Devil. You have allowed the Devil to control your life and it has seaped into your marrige. The only authority he has is what you give him. GOD IS RIGHT THERE. GET IT TOGETHER. GOD DID NOT BRING YOU THIS FAR TO LEAVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • JoJo

    I mean Carol, sorry.

  • Anonymous

    These 40 ways to keep your lover is wonderful. Liz

  • Heart Broken Hubby

    She has been very unfaithful to me. It started out about money and lies and lying about money. She had issues with me being angry about her lies. Once I became a stay home dad she took care of the bills and threw some unfortunate money issues and some bad decisions she wanted me back in the work force to help out. She had no plan just make more money. I tried to tell her it doesn’t work that way. I checked out a paper route and found out I hated it so I told them no thank you and continued to look for a job. She went behind me and took the job. I was so mad at her trying to control everything I let her do both jobs. She never had to do a thing around the house. When she would come home I would feed her and clean the plates and even give her an massage now and then. Working like that was making her clinical depression worse. An older guy at her work started joking with her here and there and she started dressing up for work. She told him that she had a sex dream about the 2 of them and he said he had the same. She cheated on me and he never wanted anything more than sex from her. After I found out he said he was out of the picture which was a lie. He gave her bad advice and put me down every chance he got. I would say about a year after I found out they would still be sneaking behind my back while I had a full time job. This goes back to money again. With 3 jobs between us we really didn’t get that caught up or fixed the bills right. This goes to more money doesn’t fix the problem. I lost that job because I missed to much time from work because kids getting sick. The last 2 years have been very hard on me because with all that has happened I still love her. She on the other hand keeps flip flopping about us. If we didn’t have kids she would have been long gone. It hurts so bad and I don’t feel I can trust her. I don’t feel like she has my back. I am so confused. I have tried to be the best husband I can be to her. She isn’t the kind of person for housework so I took up her slack and I am fine with that but because she can’t handle money she wants me to work and she says she would help out with the house. Even my kids don’t believe that one. When we 1st got married we were both part time and I did more housework then she ever did. Each thing has been an excuse to not do her part around the house. She tells me that she is no good for me. That I deserve someone better someone who could love me as much as I can give love. Most family and friends thing I should kick her out. The way I see it is that she has problems and she is very self destructive and what kind of person would I be if asked her to leave or leave myself with her in that state. There is so much more to my tale but this gives you an idea of my situation. I want my 17yr marriage to work.

  • Kathy

    I did everything for my husband for 20 years, met all his needs and didn’t even now I had any needs, let alone ask for anything. He cheated on me. You have to love and respect yourself, and getting your own needs met plays a big part in the relationship so that you don’t build up resentment.

  • Invisible wife Laura

    I can relate to Heart Broken Hubby that wrote in early this morning.
    My husband is a jack of all trades this is his expertise. He is a people person unlike anyone I have ever met. However, when it boils down to the one he was supposed to love til death does us apart he treats me like dirt. 13 years into it. I find that in our marriage it is always about who does more. :( The husband wakes up @ 4:30am takes a shower carpools with a friend to work & while carpooling he sleeps for the hour that it takes to get to the job site. He does our son’s homework & dinner every night this is what consist’s of his daily routine. Oh! I forgot every Monday night he takes the trash to the street & mow’s the lawn every two weeks. Me on the other hand I wake up a 6:00am get our 2 year old & 8 year old son’s in the shower brush the teeth get them dressed and feed them breakfast. Then I do the dishes and start the laundry. Ship one off to school and one to daycare then I go to work. After work I do the dishes from the dinner he has cooked then change out the laundry to the dryer then fold it. Read the book to the kids then put them to sleep on a daily basis. I feel as though I am the one doing all the work around the house & because he makes twice what I do that is his justification to treat me like a slave. I resent him for this. It does not help he is a irritable alcoholic. Our marriage has taken a toll for the worse with both of us working full time & paying the house payment there is rarely time to go out & spend quality time together. In fact there is no connection on ANY level. It aboslutely kills me that #1. he does not listen to me #2 does not care to hear about my day because he does not want to hear about work. (Sorry I am there more than I am home)& #3 there is no emotional connection. I am so confused I do not want to be a failure in my marriage. I also do not want to go else where to get what I am not getting at home & I think about it all the time which means trouble is around the corner. I am on the fence I have looked at all different angles the grass being greener on the other side. But then I do a reality check and tell myself what if it is not greener by that time it will be to late. I am invisible to my husband & do not know how to change it. I have no meaning to continue other than our kids. Sad but true I think it is over.

  • Evelyn cruz

    Get a life and get divorce. a woman that cheat do not deserve to have you and she will never change so pick your self steem and move on…you will then wonder why did i not do it before….i did just that and I am happier with my four kids….take care and good luck and god bless you

  • finnish-american

    I suggest Al-Anon for Invisible wife Laura. Your husband’s crass behavior certainly stems from his life of drinking — and, I would guess, binging.
    The abuse of alcohol would make it difficult for anybdy (male or female) to carry their weight with domestic chores.
    I also suggest that you begin marital counseling. If he refuses to go, go alone. The therapist can help you work a different plan of action. I suspect you have found yourself running around in a circle like a hamster in a wheel. No doubt you have heard the expression “a sure sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result every time.”
    Now this last suggestion might make you laugh in my face (fortunately neither of us knows where the other lives!) The suggestion? Praise him for the little work he does do. It might be a motivation to do more. By all means, please — please do not accuse him of not carrying his burden of household chores. Make gentle suggestions of what you would like him to do. Whether or not he follows through is his problem, not yours. That way, you know who is responsible for getting things done.
    Maybe some of this can work. And maybe not. All this can be summarized with two points: first, know what does and does not work. Then determine what you can change about yourself (you cannot change your husband.) Second, be proactive. That is why I suggest Al-Anon and marital and/or individual counseling.
    I pray you will see changes in your response to your husband.

  • Terri

    I agree with what you say since I’ve done a lot of those things that you listed in your article. Instead of letting him watch the NFL game, its replaced by constant online gaming, sometimes letting spending time alone when i miss him and want to be with around him. But I also agree that doing these things does not keep couples together, its got to be something each individual in the relationship want.

  • lost&confused

    After 16 years of trying to do all these things and being far more concerned about the emotional state of my husband( and everyone else for that matter)than myself, I am completely drained. I have been struggling with my own depression and am in need of some compassion and understanding, but it’s become evident it is asking to much of him. I feel so lonely. I been dealing with his bipolar (which he refuses to treat) and have always tried to be careful about how I approach things with him but if we fight he venomously attacks. Throwing things back at me I’ve shared with him in private vulnerable times. Nothing is sacred. It really hurts. He recently was laid off and seems to basically spend most of his spare time playing computer video games. He does little to help me with the housework and seems to resent my expectation he should pitch in. He doesn’t seem to get how out of balance things are. I find myself feeling very resentful. Sometimes I think about just running away but we’ve 2 children together and I try to shield them from as much of this as I can. I don’t know what to do. I just want someone to take care of me, I’m tired of always being the responsible one. I’m falling apart and yet I have to keep it together some how.

  • kurtis

    i’m in a relationship with a girl that i’ve cheated on several times in the past and she won’t seem to forgive me even though she got back at me by having sex with another guy… I can’t seem to forget but i have forgiven her what should I do???

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