There is an interesting discussion going down on the message boards of my posts “Complaint-Free? NOT!” and “A Complaint-Free World (an excerpt).”
Like Larry Parker, Margaret, and Babs–the “regulars” whose comments I’ve featured on Beyond Blue–reader Nancy has a persuasive tongue (I always end up agreeing with her) and articulates her arguments so well. I can tell she’s firmly rooted in recovery because so many of her comments point back to the serenity prayer and to “living in the solution.”
So, here’s her take on the whole complaint-free challenge I wrote about last week.

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain. –Maya Angelou
Basically what Maya Angelou is speaking of is the process of “Acceptance”. I take exception, not that Ms. Angelou would care, to the last statement. Don’t complain.
Okay – if that means to go on and on to every person that crosses our path and reiterate the same sorry story with no willingness to let it go, I get that. However, for me the acceptance and letting go of a situation that I have absolutely no control over, can’t change, have to accept (or choose to be misererable – no thank you) is a process. Sometimes the process is five minutes, other times five days or five weeks, which includes talking about (not whining – well maybe, and sometimes even through tears). It depends upon the magnitude of what has occured. Speaking of what has happened with certain “healthier” people in my life (that took some learning too) is what consistutes the beginning of purging, and ultimately letting go, of what I cannot change.

The Serenity Prayer. At times it’s instantaneous; however, not everything is a quick fix. My old M.O. would be to pretend and stuff it: to not complain and let whatever happened (hurts real or perceived) to take root in my being and make a home. I would internalize the anger and beat myself up for whatever I felt.

People-pleasing was a big aspect of my life. This went on until their was no more room within, and I had to keep my insides quiet with alcohol, spiraling deeper into depression, and keeping it all inside. Or perhaps I would release it on an unsuspecting soul who had nothing to do with the situation at hand.
I do believe in living in the solution, not the problem–an old cliche I heard so many years ago at AA meetings. The concept is not a new one just because this person wrote a book and came up with purple bracelets. It reminds me of “The Secret”. There was no secret in it.
For me what works is cognitive behavior therapy, and also reframing my thoughts. As long as I don’t shoot from the hip and react impulsively, I’ve got a fairly good chance of living in the solution. Never perfectly – it’s all about progress and the desire to be a beacon of light rather than adding to the darkness. Not an easy task at times.