Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue

Male Depression: Symptoms to Watch For

Also in the Fall 2007 issue of the “Johns Hopkins Depression and Anxiety Bulletin,” a closer look at the symptoms of depression in men, and how they differ to classical symptoms most often found in women:

It is difficult to make definitive statements about differences in how men and women FEEL when they’re depressed. However, it is clear that how men and women express those feelings can be different.
Most experts agree that men are more likely to act out their inner turmoil, while women are more likely to turn their feelings inward. Here are some of the differences:

Female Depression
• Feels sad, apathetic, and worthless
• Feels anxious and scared
• Always tries to be nice
• Withdraws when feeling hurt
• Feels slowed down and nervous
• Blames herself
• Has trouble setting boundaries
• Uses food, friends, and “love” to self-medicate
• Believes her problems could be solved if she could be a better spouse, co-worker, parent, friend, etc.
• Asks herself, “Am I lovable enough?”
Male Depression
• Feels angry, irritable, and underappreciated
• Feels suspicious and guarded
• Behaves overtly and overtly hostile
• Attacks when feeling hurt
• Feels restless and agitated
• Feels others are to blame
• Needs control at all costs
• Uses alcohol, TV, sports, and sex to self-medicate
• Believes his problems could be solved if his spouse, co-worker, parent, friend, etc. would treat him better
• Asks himself, “Am I being loved enough?”
Although studies show that depression is more than twice as common in women as in men, some experts believe that male depression is significantly underdiagnosed, primarily because the symptoms are not necessarily what we expect.
Research also suggests there may be genetic differences between depression in men and women. Five years ago, researches from the University of Pittsburgh identified 19 chromosomal regions linked to one form of major depression, but only three of them were significantly linked in both men and women. The other 16 were only linked in one sex.

  • Larry Parker


  • cathy

    So… not to be naive… but how does a man begin to deal with depression if sadness and helpless feelings aren’t there as guideposts? Does he say, “Wow, I’m being pretty controlling and agitated lately… maybe I’m depressed?”
    Some of those markers of depression in men are celebrated or tolerated in our culture as natural expressions of “maleness.”
    Also, how can a partner “treat him better” in a way that makes a real difference? In my experience, being more tender and nurturing to my partner just seems to shut him down further.

  • Wisdum

    Re – cathy | October 26, 2007 12:16 PM
    DAM ! . . . You know my wife? . . .(is this my wife ?)
    LUV 2 U /LUV 2 ALL
    PS -What’s for dinner tonight ! … I love you !

  • Jim G

    This sheds evidence on my guess that men don’t seak treatment as much as women as well. If the female turns inward, she is more willing to talk to a tdoc. And the man feels he is more masculine if he toughs it out and then he might become an alcoholic or do street drugs, self medicate, rather than go to a pdoc.
    I doubt there is any difference in the number of women with mental disorders and the number of men. With the possible exception of menstrual cycle triggered mood swings.
    Men have hormones just as women do. So when it comes to hormones, I don’t think there would be any difference either. Again with the exception of those monthly hormonal cycles of women. And menopause in women happens, while in men, we have a biological urge to find a younger mate is all. Although I did read the other day our testosterone will start to drop at around age 50.

  • Jim G

    (In other words, you can’t tally numbers of men and women with depression unless they go for treatment. I guess you could do studies based on symptoms, but what if the men are not as honest on the studies as the women, then you don’t have reality either.)

  • tommy thompson

    yhat a wonderful insight.This helped mevery much

  • Cully

    what we are looking at here:
    Male Depression
    • Feels angry, irritable, and underappreciated
    • Feels suspicious and guarded
    • Behaves overtly and overtly hostile
    • Attacks when feeling hurt
    • Feels restless and agitated
    • Feels others are to blame
    • Needs control at all costs
    • Uses alcohol, TV, sports, and sex to self-medicate
    • Believes his problems could be solved if his spouse, co-worker, parent, friend, etc. would treat him better
    • Asks himself, “Am I being loved enough?”
    are the result of frustration. While both women and men may look to themselves and inward, men keep it inside (until the cork pops) and women will usually talk about what is bothering them.
    As to the suiside issue, my cousin (male) and my ex (male) never said a thing to anyone; and, my friend (female) talked to many people, the one she wanted to listen (her husband) never heard her (or anyone else) and so… anyway they all left this life.

  • Cully

    “researches from the University of Pittsburgh identified 19 chromosomal regions linked to one form of major depression, but only three of them were significantly linked in both men and women. The other 16 were only linked in one sex.”
    I would be interested in knowing which sex the other 16 chromosomal regions were linked to.

  • Larry Parker

    Stubbornness to treatment? Quite possibly. But there’s another way to look at it, too.
    When things were building toward my first breakdown (as I’ve told Therese, I then lived in the Annapolis area, with palpable irony), I literally HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME. It was as if (yes, in the analogy we’ve used on BB recently) an alien had taken over my body. Plus, longtime BB’ers know my then-wife was not necessarily the sensitive and supporting type (sigh).
    I guess I could have gone to a doctor and said, “I’m going crazy.” And, if I had been able to describe my symptoms accurately upon CAREFUL prompting, maybe I would have received a mental health diagnosis. (The **right** one, from a GP? Hmmm … though it wasn’t 100% correct from my first psychiatrist, either, as it turned out.)
    For all that, in the middle of my actual breakdown, when I went into near-catatonia, rocking gently and slowly in a curled-up fetal position, I was still able to spit out to my soon-to-be-ex, “We have to go to the hospital …”
    To the extent I had stigma, it wasn’t at getting treatment. (I wanted to feel better, after all.) It was the fear of being treated as “crazy” by the rest of the world. Not one that’s especially abated over the last decade …

  • Gina

    When my husband headed towards his breakdown, I watched his frustration grow and get more concentrated. His keyword was “stressed”. He didn’t have a depressive vocabulary and didn’t know how to describe his feelings. He just felt completely and utterly stressed. It wasn’t until his breakdown that the lightbulb went off in my head and said “Ah HA! Stress equals Depressed!” He’s been diagnosed and on medication now for two years. He’s also changed jobs to one that is much less demanding. I think physicians need to re-educate themselves on the vocabulary men and women use and how they use it differently.

  • cathy

    Gina and Larry, your comments fit in with where I was going earlier up there.
    I’m interested in thinking more about the vocabulary of depression in men. I fear my husband isn’t being adequately treated for his, and I haven’t been helping in the right ways yet.
    Larry, I’m so sorry that you had to go through such an extreme breakdown before you were able to get your then-wife to understand you needed care.

  • John

    It’s empowering to see this list of male symptoms – they could be taken right from my history. And for years, even though I acknowledged depression was a problem and got treatment at times, I never linked depression with anger (rage is more like it), irritability, blaming the “constraints” of job and family for my unhappiness, escapist fantasies and the rest. I only thought of depression as limited to deep periods of melancholy. I didn’t even see it as linked to total loss of self-esteem – probably because I just believed I wasn’t any good. It’s only recently that I’ve come to see how everything is linked, and that recognition has enabled me to make a lot more progress.
    Thanks, Theresa, for another important post. It’s got me thinking in a dozen directions for Storied Mind. I’ll share more here later on.

  • Carlos

    Sometimes Men get deppresed because they are noyt happy with who they really are. That why I have created this website to deal with Pornography Addictions. Please visit and tell your friends. Freedom is Here.

  • Larry Parker

    If you’ve read my story on BB (I’m guessing you haven’t), you’d know my ex-wife NEVER understood that I needed care.
    Her main concern in that cramped, overcrowded emergency room at the old Anne Arundel Medical Center in downtown Annapolis (and Therese knows what and where I’m talking about) was not her husband’s health, but rather that my breakdown happened on a Sunday afternoon and I wasn’t released until close to dawn Monday morning when I had finally stabilized (somewhat) — and therefore she had to miss her first day at work at a new job that day.
    (I’m not jumping on you, cathy, just telling you how raw it is even 10 years later.)

  • cathy

    Larry, no, I’m new here and don’t know your whole story. I guess you were commenting tongue-in-cheek up there about communicating to your ex that you needed to go to the hospital.
    I’m sure it still feels raw. Apologies for misunderstanding.

  • Deb M

    RE:Larry. That is my greatest fear, being seen as crazy. If ya have cancer at least people accept that!

  • Deb M

    With my depression, I have male symptoms too, does anyone else? I am female.

  • Larry Parker

    You didn’t need to apologize at all. Maybe I needed to, actually, for being so (as I said) raw.
    On the other hand, the life of someone with depression is to have raw experiences, sometimes with or even because of those who “love” us.

  • Larry Parker

    PS — The spitting out the last words in my near-catatonia part was real.
    She did drive me to the hospital, so I have to give her credit for that, don’t I?

  • Margaret Balyeat

    EW:Deb, Oct27,1:00am.
    Yes, I occasiona;;y jave one pr two “male” symptoms when i’m deep Into the abyss, but they’reusually not as pronounced as those of our gende, nor are they as “comfortable” for me.It’s much easier for me to turn any aggression on myself than project it onto others.(I wonder if that might have something to do with the differences in male/female suicide statitics–not only methodology, but also numbers)

  • Nancy

    Thanks, Therese – You taught me something again with this post.
    Naturally, as a woman, I could identify with all of the female symptoms of depression, and since I’ve acquired me/cfs/fm, I’ve added a few of the men’s symptoms also. I’ve put alot of work in addressing the female symptoms; not just through medication, but also in therapy and changing my firmly ingrained beliefs and behaviors.
    However, I truly never recognized or knew that there were another set of symptoms that were significantly different in how they manifest themselves in men. I understand there’s an overlap, but this has given me such a better frame of reference for the male symptoms. Both my father and my brother demonstrated/demonstrate them thoughout their lives.
    I see that with time, my brother’s symptoms are worsening, and I never thought of those characteristics having to do with his depression that he is treated for. I love him (which if you knew the background of my years in business with him, you would think it to be impossible), but I have to remain relatively removed from him. There have been many trial and situations filled with angst.
    So, the saga continues. We’ve all got our stories. My point is that this proved to be such an informative and helpful topic. On the posts about postpartum depression, I could be the “teacher” along with you on those posts; however, here I had the opportunity to be the “student”. Thanks for not giving us homework, though; unless it’s to strive to improve within ourselves and our interactions with others. That’s an ongoing course that continues daily.

  • Wisdum

    A lot of all this de-pression, dis-ease and dis-order is rooted in “Strong Willed Child” syndrome, and makes little difference if you’re are male or female… A strong willed child, is going to do 1- What they want to do! … 2- When they want to do it! … 3- And how they want to do it ! … and there ain’t nobody gonna make them do it any different. The big problem is there are about four generations of these “strong-willed” children (and breeding !) The world is in deep shit… and it ain’t gonna get no better! (the Bible calls it Tribulation)
    This is how the “Evolution of Man” is playing out … First we had “Bad Boy” syndrome … followed very closely by “Bad Girl” syndrome … and right after that we moved into “Bad Mommy/Bad Daddy” syndrome. That’s where all these guilt filled parents feel they failed with their children, and so they think they can give all these Bad Boys/Girls some spiritulal guidance and help re-shape their lives… It doesn’t work, they are just enabling them to continue their behavior at the Bad Mommy/Daddy’s expense (and these kids have some very expensive taste, especially with drugs and alcohol (if you catch my drift !)
    LUV 2 ALL

  • Pam

    Thank you for discussing depression in men. I found the information fantastic and very informative. My boyfriend has lost a 15 year job because the place he worked closed, now he lost a 6 month job due to some false accusations against him. I know this man and even though I was not present during the “so-called problem” I know with every part of my being he is innocent of this claims. WE ARE WRITING TO THE MAIN OFFICE TO HAVE THIS CHARGE ERASED FROM HIS RECORD.He does not believein men having depression and I know not to force the issue, so I am becoming educated so that I can help him.

  • Lily Hernandez

    I have these symtoms. I need help. I really feel like leaving my family. I don’t want to be there anymore. I feel like all they do is pick on me. I land up staying in my room by myself. I try not to cry but sometimes I do. The scary thing is the male symptoms are not far from what my husband is and does. I don’t want to live at home anymore. I want to leave. We have been married for 23 years. He says that all I do is run away from my problems. Problems that I didn’t know existed. We don’t look at each other anymore. We hardly talk to each other. My daughter says that all we do is hate each other and I find that very sad. I have never told her what her father does but she can see. Our son hates my husband because he doesn’t like how he talks about me or too me. I told him that he doesn’t mean it and it’s okay. I feel I am being a disservice to my children, because all I have taught them was to take abuse and all I just wanted was a family. I loved him with all my heart. I am at the point where I just throw my hands up I surrender. I am done. I am afraid of him. I pray a lot, I was a choir member in our church for 20 years and for the last years I quit three years ago, I just can’t sing anymore. I feel that I am the object of this man’s hate and I can’t take it anymore.

  • Joseph Winch

    Lily move out…run. I was your son in the realtionship you have with your husband. My father beat my mother,talked down to her, belittled her,was jealous of her friends (males she was accused of cheating; Females were accused of being gay),and he acted like he hated her. Run I beg of you …for yourself and for those kids. Trust me nothing is getting past them about your relationship with him. I am not saying to leave forever I am saying until he treats you better get out of this type of treatment being inflicted on you and your children. You have a family its your children and any one who loves you is your family. I can tell you it left me scarred seeing my parents relationship…and I remember all the times he was mean and beated her. Do not let your children grow up hating thier father for how he he treats you…help him get help. I hate my father for what he did to my mother and will never see him again if I can help it…do not let this happen to you and your babies.

  • Larry Parker

    Even if you’re not ready to leave — yet — IMHO this would be a time to CAREFULLY (if your husband is that controlling, he could be spying on you) investigate women’s shelters in your area. (Or, if you live in a rural area, in the nearest mid-sized city.) Even if some of your children are below 18, many of the shelters have family apartments where you and your kids can stay together.
    And keep a cell phone with you at all times with 911 programmed in. I understand that has helped save the life of many domestic violence victims in a crisis.
    Your husband needs help — and we all hope he gets it someday — but right now the priority has to be your safety and that of your kids.
    We will be thinking about and praying for you.

  • Laura Price

    Lily, honey, get out of this marriage. A man being depressed is one problem. His being abusive is another entirely. If the children do not like him, that is something to be very concerned about.
    My husband has depression,anxiety issues, and is legally blind. I am bipolar, and have physical disabilities. He has been very angry lately, and claims I do not understand him. He has also gained over 100 pounds, (self medicating with food) and we watch tv constantly. When I have spoken yo him about us eating better, he says,” I do not care what you do. I’m not going to give up the foods I like.” The foods he likes loaded with fat and cholestoral. Should I let him poison himself with toxic foods? How should I handle this? When I mention exercise, he claims that he can not exercise because his body is in too much pain. I appreciate advice.
    Laura Price

  • Anonymous

    Dear Lily – I agree that the priority right now is you and the children. I too had an abusive husband and alcoholic. What I learned from this is that there is help out there to improve/change your situation. Things will not change until the abuser is made to change, and that comes along (hopefully, if he chooses)with you changing your situation and the abusive pattern you and your husband have fallen into.
    I left my husband after he began to physically abuse me. It only happened once but my little boy (age 8) saw it. I knew then that we couldn’t go on the way we were. I sat up an appointment with a family counselor. My husband, once sober, promised to attend with me. After going twice he told me it was my problem and he never went again. Fortunately I continued to go only because my counselor said these words to me, “Even though your husband refuses to attend, you need to continue to receive guidance so that when/if the time comes to leave, you will have the strength to do it.” It was the best advice he could have given me for I was the one having to make that choice.
    It was another few months before I gained that strength but I know it was the right thing as he was building up to another physical assult. I just couldn’t justify it happening the second time. I felt that if my child was forced to continued to live in this enviroment, he would come to believe that this was the way you treated your loved ones, or he would begin to blame me for continuing to allow myself to be treated that way. I didn’t want him to grow up to be a bully, to live in constant chaos, or not be able to obtain a loving relationship when older. It’s not fair to you or your children. Please seek help and change your life, not only for your sake but for the sake of your children. And who knows, maybe it’ll even help your husband in the long run. You deserve better. Best of luck in whatever you decide to do. I will pray for you. Phyllis

  • Carla

    How moving and honest your letter is. The very least you can do for yourself at this point is to join Al-anon. I don’t know about your financial situation, but it can be difficult to leave when you are financially dependent on someone. I personally left a 15 year marriage because it didn’t seem moral or right to stay with someone who obviously didn’t love or even like me.(And who occasionally hit the be-jese out of me.) My self esteem was zilch. In fact, after I left I didn’t get much support from those who encouraged me to leave. I have been way below the poverty line ever since our divorce. I still have self esteem problems. But I feel stronger, and it is empowering to work on my own issues without all the fear. Anyway, whatever you decide to do is OKAY. You know more about the situation than anyone else does. One of the most healing exercises I learned was to say to my X in my mind, I’m sorry. I love you. But now I love him in a more universal way.
    Good luck! Remember you are a child of God and deserve all the best!

  • Sarah

    Its good that we live in an age where we can go on-line and read the opinions and see the experiences, that others go through. I think my mother was very isolated with my abusive father- he also basically chased all of her friends away. He then did the same to me- two of my friends had to go over the back gate because he had a temper tantrum any time I saw anyone.
    Of course, alcohol was part of the problem. This has been an “accepted” and cheap way for Men to apparently medicate themselves (manly to drink beer- how dumb). A high stress occupation was another. He was a working man who grew up on a farm- he worked hard then became a corporate attorney. He was essentially encouraged and paid to be a bully of sorts and was very good at it. When he came home, he didn’t shut it off.
    We are still afraid as women to leave men- many of us are still making inroads into society, trying to find ways to make a living, outside of the home. Some of us have skills that are obviously marketable, the rest of us have to work at it- go to school, find a way. Thank you Carla for talking about that- its still a very real predicament, for many of us. It’s also unfortunate that we can’t always wait for things to be “perfect” before we have to leave abusive partners.
    But speaking of the effect on the children- it took me to age 50 to fineally be able to move into my career- somehow the abuse, fear and odd role models at home contributed something to my confusion. Even so, I am now able to assist young people in my profession so they can find resources early and have the tools so that hopefully I can save them a few years of searching. Thank you for all of your experiences, thank God and Goodness, we are helping eachother in this age!! All good will to you, Sarah

  • vic

    i have a delima both i and my wife are living with her parentes to help each other out .It’s gotten to a point that i have alot of hatred towards my in laws and my wife . i’m paying all of the bills takeing care of the house .I’m not getting any respect in the house hold .My mother in law is very demanding .she wants to control my wife’s life like telling her how to raise our children .My wife tells her to back off but she still interviens with this.this is where my anger comes out .If i tell my mother in law to stop and tell her that these are our kids she becomes a bitch and does’nt talk to me.She proceeds to tell her husband what happens and he backs her all the time . I just could’nt take this anymore so my wife argues with me about this .I moved out of the house 3 weeks ago my wife thru me out. But now all the bills are due now and they want me to pay for them. I said i’ll pay my portion of them and that’s it .NNED ADVISE ON THIS

  • Dew Smith

    ….a very fine madness I think my father left to me.
    25 years ago. I learned that I had manic depression.
    later on changed to bipolar.
    WOW I sure see alot of me here.
    in the past few years I have met the shadow people and
    hear voices small and loud.
    ..yet up until 2 months ago I worked full time and apeared to fit in ……… I an unable to work because of a back injury.
    all life’s in jest.

  • aisha

    Vic, read you predictament. Why ar you the only on paying bills? Are yo the only on working? I agree it is difficult livin with extended family. Perhaps you can divide up th share of bills and let some of them be rsponsible for them. You probably should be paying for your imm. familys bills and the others could chip in. As far as your kids go I fel thr g.parents need to step back and respect you and you wife as mature adults who are raising their own kids. Her parents had their shot with raising her and tht doesnt necessarily mean they know the only correct way. Good luck! Aisha

  • lilly

    all along i thought my husband was a prick but maybe its depression but really i think he is just a prick, very selfish ,moody,annoying half the time i cant stand him,he lives with me and my father, i have tried to throw him out yet he threatend to call the city and report things like an unfinished bathroom, mold etc things that cant be helped right now financially, we have a daughter and thats thr only reason hes around, im soo miserable, he works as do i but i mostly take care of everything he is trying to overcome a drug habit which only makes thing worse, i just want to run away with my children and start a new life>>>

  • Denise

    This is for Vic, your family if they are in that much of need should go to the social service agencies to help them budget and also will give them assistance. You are not the only way they can get through this and you need to separate from this dysfunctional situation. They are using you and I am sure you feel depressed. I was the oldest in my family and I was always the go to person and for awhile it feels rewarding to help and be the savior of the family but after awhile you get this sickening realization that you are only being used. I moved 4 hours away and now they had to develop their own resources and they of course adapted. Take care of yourself first and get some professional help. Denise

  • Cyndi Mulverhill

    I have a son I think has a very bad case of dipression. He have started drinking and is very hard to handle. He is also going through a divorce and MISSES his son so much the he is sleepwakling and talks in his sleep. I would very much like someone to help me. He also, has times he does things and does not remember. He so hard to handle. There is so much that he is missing in his life. I can’t even get him out to find work for himself. Can someone HELP ME PLEASE.
    Desprite Mother

  • Tori

    A man I love very much has been in prison for 24 years, rotting in lock-down. He is severly bipolar-so is our daughter. He was doing well on Seroquel, which was pulled becuz it causes diabetes. The psych has him on all different kinds of “cocktails”. Please let me know if any of you have found something that works for you. He is a rapid cycler-gets in trouble when very manic, suicidal when very depressed-non-functional depression. HELP!!! (PS I have lost contact w/our daughter)

  • georgia/slingerland

    Get a life.If depressed?Either women or men.Focus on doing A good movie,excrise.Get ready for that surgey,of pain,that you put yourself & family or friends,If you don.t.You,ll keep feeding it.”Giving pain back to yourself &everyone,that feels for you.From one that knows,everyone eles pain.Stay focus on good energy.Spell the roses.

  • D

    Tori I would tell your husband to try LITHIUM caz it is the only drug that really works for bipolar

  • Dave

    Most of the symptoms seem to apply to me. The male symptoms do not include fatigue and a real lack of ambition. I have both. The alcohol, sex and sports are not in my regimine for self medication. I have housework and outside chores that I use to fill my needs. The underappreciation that I am feeling comes from a whole household of what I refer to as laziness. My wife has anxiety and panic attacks. She seems to let her girls (my step, 15 & 17) to always put her down and walk all over her. I feel frustrated and helpless because they know that I’m not “Dad” and have very little say in what they get away with. My depresion is what I refer to as a “catch 22″. I’m the only real income. I work too hard and get too little help from the family around me. Money is always an issue and emotional assaults happen towards me(from the girls) about once every half hour. I still take the time to smell the roses, but just don’t always have the time for myself. When the roses happen it’s too long since the last time and never a big enough whiff.

  • joyce barger

    Concerning depression for men and how it differs from women- I have a very positive mental attitude, most of the time. I work hard and have a fairly good education and a good profession. My husband is a very good man, he cares for me and does not drink alcohol, any more ( sober for 25 years) nor chase other women, nor gamble. He has a very negative attitude. He does not like the town we live in, I do, and he is pregidous against certain ethnic groups, I am Not. He is depressed most of the time. He does not make as much money as I do, which bothers him a lot. What can I do to help him?

  • Nora W

    GET a LIFE!! If you still need to give people this advice then perhaps you need to look in the mirror.
    I’ll give you some of my experience for free too. I tend to do for others until i am hurting so bad I just want to kill myself. Was that your desired outcome for all this giving? When i am depressed i feel a need to justify my existence. Then i start helping until i can’t see straight. Then i call the mental health service until someone says : you may be a bit overextended. I go read a book and eventually (eventually may come before I need to be hospitalized) i feel much better and then I can deal with the mess my life is in because i keep on thinking i just have to fix you to feel better.
    A little self interest goes a long way with me.
    When i give in to my anxiety and my training and I help you instead of me i get worse for the most part. As the depression gets worse i become less able to help you or me but i keep trying until i am screaming, yelling, crying and looking for ways to kill myself.
    Does that mean i never do a good deed? Not at all. I just pick and choose what i can reasonably do and for whom. and i wish i could do more. I have a poor sense of self preservation sometimes. Today i signed up to host a party and my husband is carrying on about what we need financially to go to California for my daughters wedding. Plus i am being encouraged to return to my volunteer job, the one where everyone is gossiping about everyone else. (shudder)
    For other people with mild depression who don’t normally think of others it can be a revelation to do so but for me with a history of doing this since i was in grad school I have to pick and choose when and even if i do something special.
    There is seldom any surgery for this kind of pain. Plain ole neurosis may respond well to techniques but the only technique i know to deal with this is to tell myself over and over: this is a chemical trick of the brain and it isn’t reality. And then I must wait it out. The more i fight it the worse it is.
    When i am massively depressed i can look at a sunset or the gorgeous parrots that flock here in the spring and still feel awful. I know that if i wasn’t depressed i would feel fabulous looking at them. Instead i feel like my whole family died. I get mad at myself because i have so little reason to be sad and yet here i am. I feel bad because my husband suffers when I am like this and that leads to suicidal thoughts. i feel so unworthy of his suffering and yet i can not make myself un-depressed anymore than i can make myself two inches taller.
    It is a physical illness with psychological symptoms. It is not a psychological illness so it will not respond to the usual things. Time, medication, and no stress plus an understanding partner gets me past it as fast as i can get better. Judgmental people (or the fear of judgmental people), feeling guilty, feeling angry at myself, feeling worthless and useless make it take so much longer and make it so much worse.
    I am the original rose smeller. Except when i am depressed.
    And it is different for men. I have known many men with diagnoses of depression, bipolar and schizophrenia and almost all of them tend to go to the anger when they are depressed. It is confusing at first until i remember that it is a trick and this isn’t them talking but the depression. I helps that sometimes i also get angry. That is a whole other letter though.
    Does this make any difference to you or would you still tell me to go to a movie (as if i had the ability to chose one when i am depressed LOL)
    Hoping you never have this kind of depression,

  • meredith

    all the symptoms enumerated on male depression should have been simplified to “HE SUCCUMBS TO BECOMING A COMPLETE A.. H..E, JERK, D..K H..D, S..T H..D, EGOTISTIC MANIAC, and other names they ought to be called!!!!!!!!

  • Tejwinder

    what an impressive article!! you guys describe some of the best points about how a person going through when he/she is really depressed, i really appreciate it and in future i will return again to get some more information about the particular topic.

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