Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue


Marriage and Depression

posted by Beyond Blue

Have you ever been at a wedding reception when the best man stands us and toasts his glass of champagne to the bride, who is “so much better than the last one”?
An awkward silence ensues, followed by an explosion of laughter.
That was pretty much how last Saturday night went, the highlight of my reunion with my guardian angel, Ann.
There we were, sitting at a nice long table inside “The Summer Shack” somewhere near Boston: Mr. and Mrs. Guardian Angel, my lovely editor Holly and her husband, and our family (kids included).
“I propose a toast!” Ann said confidently (the way she says everything … she does not hold back her opinions, my guardian angel).
I braced myself for the compliments I was sure that would be coming my way: To the brilliant Beyond Blue! To guardian angels! To special friendships! To those courageous souls who are fighting the stigma associated with mental illness!
“To Eric, for not divorcing Therese!” she said as she lifted her glass.


I nearly spit out my iced tea. That toast wasn’t on my list of ones I expected.
“And Therese, he never even thought about leaving you! I ASKED HIM!” she said.
But she was absolutely right to toast to him and his faithfulness and endurance, because as awful as I felt for 18 or more months, I still somehow held the helm. But Eric, he had no idea of what was coming next or what boat he was on: if he would have to be a caretaker for the rest of his life, or if the bride he married would someday return. I know that as terrifying as it was for me in that Black Hole, it had to be just as or even more frightening for him.
He’s come a far way in understanding mental illness and recognizing its potholes since the afternoon of my first severe panic attack, two and a half years ago.
David was pretending to play hockey, wearing a pair of my high heels as skates, using a plastic bat as his stick, and the cap of a peanut jar for the puck. One-year-old Katherine was, of course, naked chasing him around.
I suddenly felt dizzy and grabbed a chair to sit down. My heart started pounding, and I began to shake. I couldn’t breathe, as if I were trekking up Mt. Hood with a serious buzz. Afraid of suffocating, I searched for oxygen like David searched for his hokey puck.
I’m going to die! I thought to myself. I’m having a heart attack! I’m going crazy!
Inhale . . . one, two, three, four. Exhale . . . one, two, three, four, I repeated until I caught my breath about fifteen minutes later. I still felt like I was in a fishbowl, separated from the outer world by a layer of glass. I am alive, right? I pinched my hand to make sure.
I phoned Eric at work and asked him to come home.
By the time he arrived I had resumed a normal breathing pace, but I was still sweating and shaking.
“What’s the matter?” Eric asked me. “You look okay.”
“But I’m not. I’m really not,” I replied.
I explained the panic attack, how I felt like I was suffocating or having a heart attack, that I wasn’t in control, not in the least bit, and that I was afraid to be with our kids when I felt this way.
It was hard for me to explain what I was feeling when I didn’t really understand what was going on myself. So we began to learn together, as most couples do when one person is diagnosed with an illness. Sometimes I’ve had to emphasize the seriousness of my disease to him–why I get really cranky on vacations when my routine is messed up–but most times it is Eric who has had to remind me that I was born with fragile chemistry, and because of that it might not be a good idea to drink that fifth cup of coffee or volunteer to organize next year’s preschool fundraiser, that maybe I should leave it up to a mom with more neurotransmitters and a better functioning limbic system.
My other half’s support is a product of a fair amount of homework: accompanying me to many doctors’ appointments, listening to lectures by psych unit nurses, reading the material that I print out for him.
I don’t know how a partner of a depressive could begin to understand mental illness without gathering all the facts, as time-consuming as that is. But I do know this: all spouses of those with mood disorders deserve a big, loving toast and much, much more!



  • Larry Parker

    Your friend toasted you about the way my ex-wife would have — bluntly and without any social graces — but you ARE very lucky to have Eric.
    Notice I said my EX-wife. I’ve told some elements of the story on here, and suffice to say could go on endlessly. But I’ll try to sum it up briefly.
    My first depressive attack — a state of near-catatonia — came a day after a life-threatening experience being broken down on a busy highway with a non-existent shoulder. But obviously it was long in the building. I recognize the signs now at least two years before, if not more. And I was floridly manic and utterly unable to work the week before, when she had been on a business trip to close out her old job.
    I was taken to Anne Arundel Hospital (the old one, in downtown Annapolis) — and basically told, after I somewhat came out of the catatonic state, “Take two Xanax and call a psychiatrist in the morning.” Lovely.
    Meanwhile, my ex-wife’s concern was not for me, but that this would ruin her first day at her high-powered new job. (And, in fairness, there’s no question the comparison of her career success and my career failures — struggling in a struggling profession, newspapers — were pushing me into depression as well.)
    The bottom line was kind of the bottom line for my ex-wife — that her confident, strapping, career-oriented husband was … no more. So she felt no obligation to help him with his rehabilitation. It didn’t help that, both from me (at my doctors’ urging) and from my doctors, she heard rather lurid details of my manic behavior. (No cheating, just bizarreness and strangeness.) She lost all confidence in me as a provider, as a husband, as a lover.
    Clearly I could have done things differently, too — I was so focused on my disease that I didn’t focus on my ex-wife, who for all her bravado was clearly needy, too. And I constantly fought with her using one line — “what about ‘in sickness and in health’”? But this didn’t appeal to my ex-wife.
    And the marriage counselor we saw, like your friend, said the same thing bluntly and with no social graces — “There is no such thing as unconditional love.” Needless to say, this pleased my ex-wife to no end, so we separated shortly afterward.
    But I loved her. So much so that the jarring of our separation sent me back into the hospital, this time for an extended stay, a few weeks later. (Sibley in D.C.) She refused to visit me. “You made your bed, you lie in it,” she said. That tended to snap me out of my remaining affection for her.
    In retrospect, my ex and I were doomed from the beginning — too different in personality, too different in goals in life, too different in values (she was raised atheist, so she had none of the Catholic guilt/obligation I felt to try to save the marriage) — even before my depression. She even used the infamous phrase (now common) “starter marriage” in discussing our relationship to others after the fact.
    But I still think my marriage counselor was wrong. And maybe that’s what your friend meant to say, if oh so awkwardly, in toasting you and Eric.

  • A

    Hi – just need a place to vent my sadness right now. I had a really bad day yesterday, in which I was publically humiliated in front of my boss AND her boss, by a collegue who was angry at me for disagreeing with her. She disclosed something about me that was completely unkind. Thankfully everyone in the room chose to ignore her comments (so far) and move on, but I was mortified, and am still feeling shaky and weepy. After reeling from that, and deciding that I could still somehow make it through the day and not leave work early, I was confronted by a collegue who I thought was a friend, who was upset with me because I had discussed with her and her boss some behavior towards one of my employees that I felt was unprofessional and potentially hurtful. I told her that I knew that she meant no harm, but she has now chosen to completely ignore me. I approached her today to say, “hey, can’t we resolve this,” and she flat out said no, she did not want to, even though we have been friendly collegues for 5 years.
    So, I’m feeling a bit like a pariah today, and questionning my self-worth and my whole reason for existing. Things have been stressful at work anyway, and this has just upped the level about 1000 percent.
    I’m done whining now. Just needed to get it out. My poor boyfriend is wonderful and supportive, but he can’t be my only sounding board or he will go crazy too. Thanks for listening.

  • Lynne

    Feel free to vent anytime! I vent ,therefore I am!” It is better to have an empty house than a bad tennant.” This was something my great-grandmother used to say, complete with an irish brogue.I think she was actually refering to making an embarrassing noise in public,but hey it still fits. You know I remember that being in the glass bubble feeling a lot when I was growing up. I just had no idea how to articulate that. Looking back I used to think maybe I was invisible. Perhaps it was wishful thinking. It would sure save a lot of time on make-up!

  • Lynne

    I vent therefore I am! If one vents it is less likely there will be an explosion! Much less messy in the long run. I know I am guilty of “snowballing” The scene replays over and over in my head, each time a little more grisly. It is easy to hear something totally different than what was actually said. Almost like “Post Office” in your own brain. Are we not our own worst enemy?

  • Amanda

    It was my husband who urged me to get help for depression a year ago in September. he noticed my behavior was becoming more erratic and I was moody all the time, while ignoring my family and loosing interest in everything I loved to do-even reading and going to the library ( I graduated with a major in English). I am so thankful my husband researched what I was and still am going through. I have my bad days, worse days and good days. My faithful and strong husband allows me to have bad days, and encouages me to tell him what I am feeling. I’m near tears as I am writing this because I considered suicide as a way out, and he forced me to tell my doctor so my meds could get changed. That worked. He is my support system and I am so lucky to have him.

  • Peg

    I just wrote Therese that I plan on getting help as I have reached an impasse in resolving a two year old inlaw problem (which began because of my highly sensitive nature and sick thinking).
    I want you all to know how absolutely wonderful it is that you have the courage and humility to write so honestly about what is going on with each of you.
    Thank you!!

  • Babs

    I think that it is important to express yourself before you “pop.” But so often we allow things to build up to the explosion point, rather than feeling able to express ourselves before it reaches that point. I observed that in my parent’s marriage, and unfortunately, duplicated it for a long time in my own marriage. There were a couple reasons that I think I acted that way. First, I wanted to avoid conflict. My husband interpreted any disagreement as a fight, while I did not. Second, I thought by avoiding conflict I would be loved, and I have a need to be loved that has never been close to being met. The last reason is that I can hear my dad’s anger in my head – even though he has been dead for over thirty years. I am fearful of uncontrolled anger.
    I now take a deep breath and tell my husband when something is bothering me. I am able to do it in such a way that doesn’t make him defensive.
    So much in these articles resonate and explain my husband’s reaction to my depression. They have offered me a perspective that I never considered: my husband’s.

  • christina

    My depression has come from where am I afraid of marriage and family
    are falling apart of alcoholism and misunderstandings of comminication
    skills. My daughter, husband, and I are praying to recover from all
    things with Jesus Christ’s atonement and peace.
    We hope that Jesus understands that is Satan seeking us to be destory.
    We hope that Jesus keep us together as family. Jesus can help us get
    out of this darkness, forever.

  • Elizabeth

    Hi, I have been suffering from depression since I was young. When I was a teen (about 14) I remember how often I would think about suicide or fantisize about being killed in an accident (so I wouldn’t have to do it). I remember being isolated most of the time and I didn’t have many friends and if I had a good friend I would always cling to that person. I didn’t go to get help until I was 19 (I didn’t know there was any help). Now that I am older I realize I have anxiety too and am afraid to be around people. Right now I am going through a separation from my husband because of us fighting and my husband does not understand the depression. He has told me he will not come back until I prove to him that I love him. I have told him I do, but I think unfortunately I feel so depressed right now I can’t express myself in a loving way that shows the love he wants. Plus my anger and mood has been worse and he says if get better at controlling my anger. Going through this separation has made me even more depressed and I feel like a failure. I do pray but sometimes when I am this depressed I feel bad I can’t do more spiritually and feel like a disappointment to God as well.

  • Samantha

    Wow,
    I thought I was the only one with a husband who no longer wants me around! My depression and anxiety have gotten so bad, I was unable to keep a job, which made me more depressed. I am finally on my own, broke and nowhere to go. My husband will only let me see my son when he’s around. my mother-in-law is being nasty to me and does whatever her son asks her to do. I am strong, and I can get through this. I don’t have to self medicate anymore! I am able to write comments and express my feeling of inadequacy without being subjected to negativity and criticism.

  • Diane

    When I had severe panic attacks and was depressed during my marriage my husband said, ” What the #### is the matter with you”. I was having several panic attacks a day and didn’t know what they were. I struggled to take care of my two small daughters. When my husband came home each evening he said, ” Sooo, are you still crazy, today?!” I was falling into the abyss having a total “nervous breakdown” I shook all the time, cried, had horrible nightmares (when I could sleep), and went from 120lbs to 90lbs. My husband told me if I went to a psychiatrist he would kick me out of the house and divorce me. Finally, my father told my husband I had to go to the hospital. I was in the hospital on the “psych” ward for seven weeks. When I went home my husband “punished” me by not talking to me for three weeks, except to tell me what a bad mother and wife I was. I divorced him, but it took me almost three years to get up the courage.
    I can’t even talk about the abuse I endured during that time, because I was “weird, useless, stupid, crazy,” etc.
    A little off topic; most of my relatives don’t talk to me due to my chronic severe mental illness.

  • Sherlynne

    My ex-husband suffers from chronic depression. He has a strong family history of depression and alcoholism (they often go hand-in-hand). The depression and alcoholism did not become apparent until a couple years into the marriage. The problems gradually and steadily became worse. I did not understand what was going on. I just knew things were not good between us. He was irritable, argumentative, and very critical. It seemed I could do nothing right. Whenever I tried to talk to him about seeking some kind of help, i.e., marriage counseling, he would tell me I was the one who with the problem–he was fine. After years of his emotional abuse, I finally did go to counseling because I was a wreck. I decided there must be something wrong with me. After getting into trouble at his workplace, he was forced to receive professional help. Things were better for a while, but he eventually fell back into old habits and ended up having an affair. Which, of course, according to him, was all my fault. I know that he is still suffering with depression, low self-esteem, and tries to numb himself with alcohol. My biggest worry right now is the fear of what effect this might end up having on our children.

  • Shelly Diggs

    My hubby has PTSD and it taking a toll on our marriage he has put my son out of the house who is 15 years old. Has had a affair for three years and told me it was over and he didn’t want to leave. I had to rfind out about this on my own when I kept asking him to tell the truth. Now I know he can’t tell the truth or even be the hubby for me. I know that Wilbert needs spiritual cousneling and guidance from the Lord and he needs me to be strong so that our marriage can grow stronger in the Lord. I want us to restore and rebuild our marriage.
    Please pray for us so that our lives can be right.

  • Cathy

    Wow, Sherlynne, your story sounds so much like mine. My soon to be ex-husband was so cruel, controling, non-supportive and jealous of all my friends. I was so miserable and he never understood my depression, was always saying I was crazy and on “drug”s.. After being married for two years he upt and left, found out he was having affairs while we were living together and I cried all the time because of his “cruel behaviors” towards me. We are still not divorced all kinds of (financial issues) w/him, but after thinking I was going to go nuts (and did wind up in a pysch hospital for four weeks) I found out I could live without him and he was not worth the pain and hell he put me through. I tried to get him to go to marriage counseling and he went one time, after the counselor talked w/him for a session, she looked at me and said “get a divorce”, she could see how much of a horrible husband he was and was treating me like dirt.
    I give thanks to God every day, that I am out of that “abusive marriage” and I am learning thorough counseling..not to be a “doormat/or victim” any more of mental or physical abuse from anyone.
    In other words, I took back my control.. PRAISE GOD!
    I hope this sharing will help others to get out of your “abusive” marriages or relationships…YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD..and God does not expect you to let men or anyone else walk all over you.. God Bless All Of Us Who Suffer From Mental Illness..it’s not easy to deal with but with God in our lives…anything is possible and he will never leave us like “human beings” will because of their ignorance.

  • Anonymous

    PRAISE to a the Women out there with some BACKBONE! There are WAY to many WHIMPY Women, who let LOSER MEN run them into the ground! If you are going to bring God’s name into your life and your business, you had better do it with some POWER behind the FAITH you have and by the way……FAITH is an ACTION word!!!! God has given us this life to use to the fullest extent for HIS GLORY, so don’t waste it on a DEAD BEAT Man, who don’t know which end is up!!! Our days are numbered, and we have more important work to do, than WASTE time!! We are RUBIES and DIAMONDS in the sight of God and remember, Jesus loves us like he loved the Church!! If your husband doesn’t or can’t do that, you need to RUN!!
    God Bless, Jenna

  • Michelle Oquendo

    I understand…I have been diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder…it’s terrible. I believe it may have ruined my marriage. I had a great husband, both of us weren’t perfect but he put up with SOOOOOO much of my nonsense: Panic attacks, severe mood swings, even being hospitalized. I did not get the help that I needed in time and I am very sorry. I suggest any one who is experiencing depression, panic attacks, anything that is NOT NORMAL to seek help. I would love to have help in praying for me and my husband to get back together. It has been two years, but with prayer and hope and faith, I believe it can happen. Thank you.

  • Teresa Hayes

    I’m sorry for your predicament Shelly, but surely your loyalties lie with your 15 yr old son. Your husband is an adult, albeit an imature one. It does’t sound like either of you are getting anything positive from the relationship. What kind of example has your son got to follow, more ruined lives in the future.

  • medievalqueen695

    My husband does not unstand me ,or the panic attackes at all .
    He thinks i`m weird .
    My ataacke got alot worse after I had an a car accident ,I got hit heead on and totaled my 1997 G.M.C. Jimmy
    Im honestly lucky to be alive

  • DONNA

    I was not aware what was wrong with me for years I would just cry for no reason and some days I would be in a bad mood then a good one this went on for years.My husband would tell me is was all in my head and would get upset with me all the time.We were married for 32 years when he left to get a life.It was at that time I had my break down and ended up in the hospital. At that time is when they found out what was wrong with me I was in deep depression and had been for years.I have been on my meds now for 9 years.And I thank God every day that they were able to help me.My husband has now remarried and all I can say is that I hope he is happy.I know for years he was not and I want him to be happy in his new life.I am with mine I have peace now were I did not before. Thank God for helping me.

  • Wendi

    I experienced my first panic attack when I was a teacher. No traumatic incident provoked it; instead, I was sitting at my desk, calmly looking through teachers’ magazines for ideas to put into my lesson plans. The attack happened between my two Kindergarten sessions while my students were either on their way home from the AM session or on their way to school for the PM session. Without warning, I experienced a pounding of my heart and a feeling of doom – that I was on the verge of dying. I tried to leave my Kindergarten building to get to the main school building but could not get any farther than the door so I got to the phone and called the school office. The school nurse came and told me that I was having a panic attack and took me home.
    I had two more attacks, one while in my classroom between Kindergarten sessions and the other while I was in bed right before going to sleep. I went to an endocrinologist who put me on Valium and later on Xanax. That was over twenty years ago. Even though Xanax is highly addictive, I am still on it and have never had another panic attack.

  • Shirley

    i just read the article about the anxiety and depression that happened to me but i didn`t realize until i left a marriage of 20 years and hurt my husband so bad that to this day he won`t acknowledge me anymore he erased me completely from his life and when i was dianosed with the depression and tried to get him to talk to me he would not even help me by talking to me instead he met someone and 5 months later married her i do hope he is happy but i still miss him and wish he would talk to me and forgive me i still have a lot of problems in my life but i still am going to therapy

  • Faithfully here

    I understand about depression..not that I fully understand it. My husband is chronically ill and depressed..this happened about 1 month after I met him. I loved him the moment I met him and have vowed to stay by his side..It is not easy and I am seeking counseling myself to know how to deal with things..
    Its one thing after another..all the time..We really aren’t intimate anymore and its so sad..He is being treated but the Drs say it takes time. He has other things going on as well..physically and mentally..I feel helpless at times and its hard…
    I have a strong faith in God and thats what has got be through all of this..as well as my family.

  • sandy

    “Depression happens slowly and then suddenly.”-Prozac Nation
    I cant help but agree with this statement because I have always felt a little depressed since highschool. I thought everyone felt like that and I would sorta deal with with my feelings…alone. The spells of feeling worthless, difficulty sleeping, little concentration, and severe irritation had plaged my life. When I look back now, that was really dangerous. I needed help but I didnt know my symptomes had a medical term.
    I finally hit rock bottom at the age of 23. I atttempted suicide twice and each time I awoke from my self induced comma, by mass quantaties of pills, I would ask myself “how many pills do I have to consume to get the job done?”
    My mental illness has made my life difficult. Within a 6 month period, I was admitted to 2 state hospitals, arrested 4 times, and lost many friends. I think that the hardest part for me is losing my friends because I wasn’t myself anymore. Depression is something “normal” people dont understad. To these people you are a crazy twit and your not o.k. to be around.
    Finally, I found an experienced doctor that knew what he was doing. My dr has put me on a combination of medicene that has really improved my quality of life!

  • Katherine

    Well…I’ve suffered from depression and bi-polar for a long time. I was just diagnosed last year with bi-polar and depression like years ago. I was on many different types of medicines, and never felt anything work for me. I know the feelings of those anxiety/panic attacks. I get them all the time. I pretty much get taken aback, and feel like I can’t breath, and that I’m completely out of it. I thought I was having a heart attack to, and boy, did I get to a point I didn’t want anyone by me. My family doesn’t understand or care that I go through this day in and day out.

  • Mrs. C

    I was looking for the “how to talk to your spouse about depression”… This didn’t help. Kudos to the author’s hubby, but what can we do when our own is not quite that perfect or doesn’t have that much time to do all the research? Still alone in the dark…

  • Miss T

    Mrs. C,
    I am with you. I was really hoping to find some answers on how to help my husband understand what is going on with me, even though I don’t know myself sometimes.
    Miss T

  • N.C.

    I was diagnosed with depression 4 years ago and i have been on and off Zoloft. I ‘m married with no children. I really do want children someday, but I’m afraid that i will not give them the life that i want to give them. I have had been feeling worthlessness, I sometimes think it’s my fault that i don’t friends. I have pushed so many people away because of what i was feeling. I still suffer from anxiety. My job drives me nuts, my husband sometimes does and I can’t even talk to my Mom anymore.
    I never had suicide thoughts, but i always wondered things would be so much better if i was not alive.

  • L

    It’s been a struggle for myself and my husband for the past 2 years. He was always depressed and I tried to help the best I could by just being by his side. He couldn’t hold down a job, the then the anxiety of getting a new job was too much, so soon i was the only one working. Which can lead to resentment no matter how hard you try not to. I love him with all my heart and everyday has been a struggle, but i love the person that he is. It’s hard feeling like the one who has to hold it together all the time, but just when I thought I could not take it anymore and that I needed therapy, he came around and was afraid of losing me. He got a boost of confidence one day and i honestly think it came from some higher power. The power of positive thought and sending him love everyday is what i started doing. i have not tried it before but it really worked. Now one month later he started doing some research himself and now is actually doing dramatically better. Please read Louise Hay’s YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE. It saved our marriage. I had to let love start with me and i changed my view of the situation and the situation itself changed for the better.

  • Carey

    My husband has done more research on my illness (depression/bipolar) than i have. He now knows what i go through every day and can pinpoint which mood i’m going to be in. I think he’s wonderful for supporting me in every way since i was diagnosed. My point is that education is the key to understanding one’s illness. I hope everyone with depression has someone like Ken to lean on and learn from.

  • fantasia

    I been depressed ever since me and my first husband departed, always wondering what’s the next step. I met someone new started off being friends for 1 year, than started dating, had 2 beautiful boys by my second husband, but my problem is I now having panic attack, feeling I’m a failure in all situation, if I don’t pleases the people, friends, family, I let go and take the blame for everything, even if it’s not my fault, always want to keep other happy, but I cannot let my second husband in my heart, it hurts, yes everything at first started off gravy, for 8 years, but now it’s nothing between me and him, I love him true enough, but not enough to let him in my heart to join as one, and I just don’t understand it.

  • kelly smith

    I have suffered from depression and panic attacks for the past 13 years. When i was in the military I was raped and it produce a child. I was so scared of everything after that and always depressed that I gave my little boy away for his own protection. I felt the rape was my fault and I became very depressed. It hurt my marriage because I would not fully do the marriage counseling. It also hurt my two other child. If I get too stressed out I start to have panic attacks. I refuse to take meds because i don’t like the way i feel when I’m on them. I have learned to deal with my depression around others. I put on a smile and act like nothing is happening, but when I’m alone I don’t eat and lay around nothing at my house gets done. I feel everything is my fault. I’m really trying to make it all better.

  • Annetta Bowen

    I am married to a depressed man. He has tried suicide 2 times since we have been married and threatened others. We have been married for 39 years, and I tell you it’s not easy to live with a depressed person.
    You can have a life and be so thankful and happy that you are healty and have nice things in your life and then he comes along and does his best to drag that down. It’s always been, “when I die, you’ll miss me” or something to that sort. It’s always “when I die”. It’s never about how we are living or how good it could be.
    He’s taking all kinds of medicines, several anti-depressants, high blood pressure medicine, oxycotin for a herniated disc in his back, medicine for heartburn that has caused his esophagus to close up. HE has diverticulous, he has bad asthma, he has sleep apnea and uses a breathing machine at night. He has panic attacks. He went to a psychologist that really helped him but she has retired now. He’s sees a psychiatrist for his medicine and has to keep taking it. It’s so much medicine that he fell into the doenut hole of medicare and Kaiser insurance. We had to pay out $3,700 of our own money to keep him in Medicine. It’s really a hard way to live.
    I know that being sick with so many things can cause a person to be depressed but I wonder if it’s the depression itself that has caused him to be sick with all of this.
    If your depressed, please get yourself some help, don’t expect your mate to carry you for a lifetime. I’ve stood the pressure of time but I guess I’m the rock that keeps us going. It’s not fun, it’s very hard, find things to be happy about,,,count all those things, there really should be more things to be happy than crabbing and complaining about.
    I know that everyone has a reason to be depressed some times in their lives for good reasons. You have to be able to pick your self up out of it and go on with your life. If you do that you can be happy and healthy. Live every day and appreciate every breath of fresh air you
    get and thank God for it. Love you children and grandchildren and the rest of your family.
    The psychiatrist said that when a person has traumatic things happening in their life it can hurt the neuro transmitters in your brain and you have to work to get them back. To do this, you have to change your thoughts and views, sometimes taking anti-depressants to help your brain heal. You also need to see a psychologist to help with this. My husbands working at it.
    You have to learn to walk away from depression.

  • Margie

    My boyfriend (who I love more than anything)is bipolar, which as many know, depression comes along with it. I have read several things to try to understand his moods since they can swing so severly at a moments notice. The thing people need to realize (ones with a manic/depressent) is they can no more control when their mood will swing anymore than they could stop breathing. It is very hard to be with someone who has such highs and lows and will not take medication to control it. When he is taking his meds, his moods do not swing – very little actually. It’s just that when people with bipolar disease are medicated, they do not feel like themselves. At least that is what he says. It takes a lot of patience to stay with a bipolar person. I remind myself daily that he cannot help the way he is. I guess what I am trying to say, love over rides a lot of things!

  • Tina

    My husband told me almost a year ago that he just wanted to live alone and moved out a month later. I suspected clinical depression and read everything I could find on the subject. (I always like to arm myself with knowledge). I told him he needed help and he said he would get help. It took him six months to finally see a Dr. and now he’s on medication for his depression. He filed for divorce almost a year ago, but on the day we were to be divorced, he showed up at the courthouse and stopped the proceedings. He moved back in with me for a few days, but he just couldn’t or wouldn’t take the necessary actions for our marriage. We have been married for over 43 years! I have never closed the door to him. I tell him I love him and that I am here for him, but he’s scared to commit to marriage counseling and I don’t know if we will ever reconcile. He is never completely out of my life, didnt’ change his address, so he has to come get his mail every week. I’ve been through alcoholism with him and have stood by him every step of the way, only to have this “IT” come along at a time in our life when I thought we would be planning our retirement together. Living with a depressed person is hell, but living in limbo is almost worse. If I didn’t have GOd in my life, I don’t know what I would do. I pray for him and try to get on with my life, but there are days I just feel like giving up myself. It’s extremely painful to watch someone you love turn into someone you don’t recognize. Still, I am persistent, tenacious and continue to love him and be as patient as I possibly can be. We have a wonderful Son and three beautiful, gifted grandchildren. I don’t want to be divorced. We will have been seperated for a year on November 14th and I wonder if I am grasping at nothing as I continue to pray and hope for our marriage to be salvaged. I don’t have any answers; just a bunch of questions, and those never seem to get answered. I am his lifeline, but his actions can be cruel, even though I know he doesn’t mean to be and that somewhere deep down, he loves me. I guess I just need to persevere. I know he has had an affair, which he says is over. That hurts, but I understand it and I have forgiven him. This has been and is a nightmare. Still, I am full of faith, hope and love, and I don’t want to become bitter and resentful.

  • Anna Spence

    I have bipolar could you please send me more info.Thanks!

  • carol

    I have just been diagnosed with deppression and I am having trouble letting myself takl to any one i have felt this way since i had my son. I let it go and delt with it on my own for a year and a half. Until lately I just have felt really worse i have bad thoughts and feel like a loser in life as a wife mom daughter as a person in general. I have went to a doctor and started meds but its hard to admite that i have an illness. Most people think that depression is something that will just go away (i did) and now i belive i need help. I thank GOD for my husband he is the only reson i am getting help.I love him and my children(5 and 20 months) and i need to be here for them even though my illness dosent want me to belive that. I am trying and just want to say that there is help let loved ones know whats going on inside your mind and heart. Cry if you need to but something in your life is worth you being hear on earth. That thing is YOU YOURSELF. GOD loves you and so does someone else even if dont think so.GOODLUCK

  • Renee

    I guess I’ve always been depressed…but I have a drive to be the best at everything so I work myself to death. Anyone else out there cope by keeping you mind totally occupied? My Dad died last October and now for the first time, I’m not able to “think” my way out of the pattern I’ve slipped into. The one thing I have always been able to do it get outdoors and close to nature to get uplifted and feel renewed, but that is something we shared together. Now I can’t go outdoors, listen to the birds, walk throug the woods or anything similar without crying hysterically. Now I just don’t want to do anything. My husbands depressed too and doesn’t have a clue how to deal with it…well he ‘self-medicates’, which depresses me even more. He is a work-o haulic like me and last night we both threw some dishes and went off on the other…over stupid things. I’m about to try medication…

  • ann

    medication is not a cure all – there is no magic pill. it should be used as a crutch to help you cope.

  • ann

    you have the power to heal yourself. you just have to learn new ways to deal with stress and anger. Writing helps me express my feelings. You have to understand that you cannot control your emotions but can control your reactions to them. It is okay to feel a certain way – it is part of being human. but it is not okay to display anger in a negative way and hurt someone. words can hurt more than a physical fight. words destroy someone’s self esteem, respect for you, love, mental and emotional states. all of this affects a person’s physical health because of the tight muscles and the way stress affects the body. You must find ways to relieve these muscles whether through massage or taking an aerobics class. You must keep the body, spirit, soul and mind in balance to achieve true happiness.

  • Anonymous

    I have for most my life lived with depression,Im sure I contributed in its becoming much more intence with drinking,and druging I lost eveything I so worked hard for,my wife and marrige whom I had youg children .
    How I managed to still be alive ,but I did.
    Please anyone who is married with a loved one must get help right away with this mental pain,there are so many who suffer and just wait tell thy have lost everything,a good wife,husband will trully understand and stand by the side of there loved one.
    The problem is many are unable to understand this mental disorder,its not like a one day thing,or even a one month thing,its a on going pain that will mess you up .GET HELP if you feel always depressed join a sapport group,go to A.A meetings ,N.A meetings,seek a GOOD doctor medication,and most of all clear your mind of nicotine,booze.and drugs thy only make matters so much worse,give it your all to just do somthing psyical walk.push ups, run get the poison out your system you can bring it down to a managble level its really worth it.Good luck and god bless.

  • Kenneth Hoffman

    This is a true story, but different names.
    In the Dark
    Lorrie flipped the pages of the magazine Lisa gave her. The pictures of the Caribbean started her thinking of her coming summer vacation. Today is the first day of Spring, she thought happily, and Summer will be here before she knew it. Suddenly a weird feeling swept over her body, grabbing all her muscles at once, arching her back violently. Her stiffened neck muscles slammed her head into the wooden headboard. Like a huge fist, her body strained with a vibrating tension, her heart pounding, feeling like it would burst out of her chest. Again. This time Lorrie let out a shriek that woke her husband in the next room.
    Thinking heart attack, Tom rushed Lorrie to the emergency clinic nearby. Waiting for the doctor he nervously held her sweating hands. He kept asking her what was wrong, but Lorrie just shook her head mumbling “Mommy, mommy” over and over. The doctor sent Tom out while he examined Lorrie, now nauseous and looking pale. No fever, heart beat elevated, no shaking in the limbs, no spasms in the duodenum, and blood pressure normal. A nurse took some blood for testing, the doctor sending Lorrie home to wait for a diagnosis.
    After an excruciating wait, one doctor recommended that Lorrie acquire a heart monitor for a week. Another prescribed strong digestion pills for her duodenum problem and a third wanted a psychiatric examination. The heart monitor proved that nothing was wrong with her heart, the stomach medicine caused nasal bleeding and the psychiatrist was totally unsympathetic and wanted her to snap out of it.
    Fortunately, Lorrie got to see a brain specialist, a doctor who was in on the invention of the PET scan, a device that maps the different active areas of the brain. A thorough testing revealed that Lorrie’s brain had a chemical imbalance, causing all of her recent symptoms. A week’s stay in the hospital was advised and her response to at least a dozen different medications was unfortunately unproductive. During the following months Lorrie could not function normally. She sometimes had to be fed by hand, a catatoniclike state taking over her mind. There were numerous attempts of suicide. Careful watching saved her life several times. Lorrie was caught in the middle of the night heading for the railroad tracks. All sharp tools had to be hidden. When asked how she felt, she could only say that everything looked black (this on a sunny day). Fountains of unneeded tears flowed down her cheeks, the constant singing of hymns in a high, tearful voice, and anything higher than the floor would cause her extreme anxiety. Only after eleven sessions of mild shock treatment were there any signs of improvement.
    It took three years of minute adjustment of the medication of choice, but Lorrie finally could say she was almost totally cured. Occasional lapses of depression were to be expected and experienced but Lorrie coped with these periods bravely. One in five women have serious depressions and men are not immune. A high percentage of the new papers written by research doctors are about the problems associated with the treatment of depression. Of the hundreds of proteins found in the brain, only ten per cent are fully known. Depression is not a condition a person can ‘snap out of’. Much patience and understanding is needed to help bring these unfortunate victims back to full function.

  • Claudia

    Ten years ago I suffered a depressive period. My husband was having an affair, I had a household full of children and oldest child, husband, and grandchildren, and I was unemployed at the time, thank God! My husband was still at home – never left, by the way – and worked very hard at trying to help me deal with my bouts of crying and staring off in space. He loved me dearly, and yet got caught in a bad spot and caved to temptation, so he was a mess, too. Finally he took me and the two youngest children, and we went to the ocean – no camping this time – staying in a motel and eating out, which was a first for us. The minute I saw the ocean, I sank into the warm sand, created a little pillow and burrowed down and went to a blissful sleep – the best I ever had – and I woke up feeling like I was on the way to health again. Those four days were magical for us all, and that trip saved my life, and I thank God for that. My husband did keep up his relationship for a few years more with the “other woman” but he finally tore it during an argument, and he ended up breaking her front door, after the argument. That broken door landed him in jail – domestic violence laws in my state also include breaking things, I guess. This was a man who had never broken any laws before, except the BIG one of adultery, and he tried and tried to ask her why she had him jailed – she pretended to be “threatened” by him, so he finally gave up contacting her, and turned inward. His depression still affects him badly at times. He still works very hard and provides for myself and our two youngest children, and our married has been long-healed. But he created a “computer cave” for himself where he watches TV, plays adventure games and talks to his support group online, and he spends little time out in the rest of the house. Recently we replaced our deck in the back yard, and it is excellent the way it turned out, and we built it together – we work well together learning and re-learning. All of the victories are God-made, and I thank Him for the answered prayers. I still ask for my husband’s complete healing, and I expect it someday, but I am most willing to be patient. I am fine now – and I plan on staying that way without medication but through prayer all things are possible. Thanks for “listening.”

  • kim

    my husband walkes out on me a year ago(we are back together now).he is an alcoholic. many say leave him.most said dont take him back, but i love him and he is a good man, he just dosent know that. he was gone 8 months. he went to a horrible place where they all drink and most do drugs.he said to me he wanted to come home, but he never did. of course the people he was around didnt help they said dont go back ,she dosent love you. shell find someone else.
    well they were right. but only because he refused to talk to me,see me,or have anything to do with me.i gave up believing he would ever come home.i lost all hope,all belief.but the man i met was the worst relationship ive ever had or been involved in. if it wasnt for my husband, i may never have gotten rid of the guy. i had run from him, kicked him out.when he realized threatening me did no good he threatened the well being of my children.when my husband finally called me to talk i told him about the guy,and he told me how to get rid of him,and it worked.he said beg him to stay and hell leave.it worked.who would have thought. mind you i was worried it might stick me further but it didnt.and im now back with my husband,whom i love with all my heart i never stopped loving him,i had just givin up.i have chronic panic disorder as well as post traumatic stress syndrom,no ive never been in a war,but my childhood was a war with my parents.so when he left i went into an awfull panic mode that lasted for months,and i made a bad dissision.if your in this sort of bad time give yourself time to heal before you make a dissision while your still hurting that could be destructive to your well being and what you really want, your husband.
    my husband is home now.he also has depression, i was sure he did, but now we talk about it. but he still throws the other guy in my face.and it hurts. i wasnt looking for nor did i want another guy , i only wanted my husband,but he left and refused to speak to me.i gave up. i wish i could take that time back and do it again, but i cant,i can only love him and hope someday he deals with his part in the whole mess and stops blaming me.all i did was love him and without him i gave up.I was lost and i fell down and i messed up not because i was looking,because i wasnt,i just wanted to feel okay again, and a smooth talker that everyone thought at first was so great swooped in and snaged his prey, me.i was vulnerable and he knew even thou i didnt.iwish with all my heart i could change it.i cant, so now i wait and prayfor gods forgiveness and my husbands.it was an awful time,i was unable to think clearly enough to do anything about it.if this sounds like you or any one you know,get hlep,from a professional.destress.give yourself time to think and regroup your thoughts and your life.
    male or female if your in a situation like this, dont give up. if you know,truley know in your heart that your spouse loves you. give both of you timeto figure it out. if its meant to be it will be.but give it time and dont bounce into a rebound relationship that only feels good at first.and then you wake up and realize this is not the one you love who truley loves you. WAIT,and have FAITH. god bless one and all.

  • “Peaches”

    God, and faith, and prayer ALL have a part in my life. I feel that God DID have very much to do with my ‘coming back from the Black Hole’
    How? He gave humans the freedom to pursue the fields of psychiatry, psychology, and all courses that study mental wellness that have helped me and millions of others, and the intellect and competence to develop medications to help balance the brain’s chemistry when it goes awry. Yes, I prayed – I BEGGED God to help me with all of it – the feelings of guilt, of emptiness, of just wanting it all to STOP. I even considered ending it MYSELF. And my faith has given me the insight to realize that He DID help me – the day that I was at my worst, and was taken to a mental health facility by my husband where I was blessed enough to find a psychiatrist who helped me begin the long, slow road back.
    It is so easy to SAY that all one needs is faith, and prayer and that you can and do have the power to ‘heal yourself’ – but it is completely inaccurate, and it gives the depressed person one more reason to feel guilt and despair. From one who has been there – pray, have faith and hope, and FIND A PROFESSIONAL TO HELP YOU.

Previous Posts

Seven Ways to Get Over an Infatuation
“Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered am I” wrote US songwriter Lorenz Hart about the feeling of infatuation. It’s blissful and euphoric, as we all know. But it’s also addicting, messy and blinding. Without careful monitoring, its wild wind can rage through your life leaving you much like the

posted 12:46:43pm Feb. 19, 2014 | read full post »

When Faith Turns Neurotic
When does reciting scripture become a symptom of neurosis? Or praying the rosary an unhealthy compulsion? Not until I had the Book of Psalms practically memorized as a young girl did I learn that words and acts of faith can morph into desperate measures to control a mood disorder, that faithfulness

posted 10:37:13am Jan. 14, 2014 | read full post »

How to Handle Negative People
One of my mom’s best pieces of advice: “Hang with the winners.” This holds true in support groups (stick with the people who have the most sobriety), in college (find the peeps with good study habits), and in your workplace (stay away from the drama queen at the water cooler). Why? Because we

posted 10:32:10am Jan. 14, 2014 | read full post »

8 Coping Strategies for the Holidays
For people prone to depression and anxiety – i.e. human beings – the holidays invite countless possibility to get sucked into negative and catastrophic thinking. You take the basic stressed-out individual and you increase her to-do list by a third, stuff her full of refined sugar and processed f

posted 9:30:12am Nov. 21, 2013 | read full post »

Can I Say I’m a Son or Daughter of Christ and Suffer From Depression?
In 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, we read: “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” What if we aren’t glad, we aren’t capable of rejoicing, and even prayer is difficult? What if, instead, everything looks dark,

posted 10:56:04am Oct. 29, 2013 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.