I was also pleased to hear how many readers have recently discovered Beyond Blue and are so relieved to have found a place where others share their pain, that they take away such hope from the reader comments and from my posts. I love that Beyond Blue has become a forum for all of us who struggle with mood disorders to move together toward mental health, reminding each other that we are not alone.
Here are some comments from my relapse and anxiety posts that touched on our community of hope.

I almost cried when I read this. Unless someone has been in that black hole struggling with everything they have to claw themselves out, just praying to get to the top and hoping that tomorrow will be better, I don’t know if they would be able to understand what hell is like. Knowing that they have everything to live for, but not caring–knowing the pain it would cause people if you checked out, but so what. They’ll get over it. Knowing that you are blessed, that there are people in the world that have so much less, and all you can think of is what you don’t have. After each episode, I pray like crazy that I won’t experience another one. I even make plans as to what to do if one comes on, but so far they have failed. My only consolation is that usually the next day is better, but I feel so badly and guilty for missing out on the living and my responsibilities that got neglected that I vow never to allow that to happen again. Each day is a battle to bring me back to the person I know I can be and once was. And I pray every night for the strength to make each day better than the other. –Pat


It THRILLS me that there is a place like this where we can talk about our issues and not feel completely alone. Information and open discussion are probably the ammunition all of us have to fight this illness. It’s almost impossible to defeat a demon we don’t face. Being able to discuss it openly, admit our diseases, and not feel ashamed or less-than-human, means we are “armed” with the defenses we need to fight our personal demons. None of us can fight, let alone defeat, an enemy we won’t admit exists. And discussing our own weaknesses among the “home camp” (here, for example) means we can find ways together to make those

weaknesses into strengths. –Kathy
I must admit, I haven’t tried all the vitamins or the free range this or organic that, but everything else on your list is on my list. I continue to talk to my therapist, see my doctor, take my meds, journal, etc, but the crying doesn’t stop. I am some better after a meds adjustment, but the anxiety – the deep seated fears that something horrible will happen, or that I’ll screw up somehow still persist. When I read your entry, I covered my mouth in shock that there is someone out there like me and then, I cried. I cried for you and for me. Cried that we have to live like this. I know we have to live, we have children and families that need us despite our shortfall. I’m confused over whether to live in the moment as the Buddha says, or live in hope as Jesus says. Maybe there’s something that can be learned from both teachers. I hope we find it. –Lisa
You just told the story of my life right now. I’m falling into a depression right now and everything you just described is exactly like my situation. It is so good to know that I am not alone in all of this and that there are people who are feeling just like me. It sucks, the feeling that you cant talk to anyone about what is going on because they don’t understand… well its so good to know that some people do. Thanks. –Kali
I had no idea how many people out there had the same problems I have! For years I suffered in silence thinking I was broken. I told no one and even denied it to myself. I told myself I was okay and everyone goes thru this. I’m finally starting to get out of this shameful mindset and seeking help. I’ve tried several medications, none of which has helped so far, but I’ll keep trying! I’ll do anything to be “normal”. I still cannot talk to anyone about it besides doctors. The closest person I’ve attempted t talk to is my husband, until I realized he is totally clueless about it and does more damage than helps with his “snap out of it” and “don’t be weak” comments. –Maria
How wonderful to have a place where others really understand what it’s like to be where I am and where I have been! Unfortunately, in my experience, it is a rare thing for others to share feelings this raw with such openness and integrity. It’s such a comfort to feel that I am not alone! Looking back at past comments in these blogs, I realize I have never been alone! –Katie
Boy, this really hit home, especially the part about sometimes being aware enough to realize that life’s passing me by. It began for me as a child, also. I’ve so wanted to live a “normal” life, but it just hasn’t been possible. People look at me and my life and think I’m lazy or unmotivated or just stupid, I guess. I think what’s hardest of all—trying to fit in with “normal” people and feeling like I could have been so different, if only … Medication has made it possible for me to function normally more often and more reliably, but I still go through long periods in which all I can manage is to get to work most days, then come home and go to bed, sometimes still in my clothes, so I can make it again the next day. Today I couldn’t even make it to work. It’s the “again-ness” of it, I think, that wears me down, makes me not trust or feel that even the good times are not really worthwhile cuz I’ll just end up here again, always. Alone, of course, ‘cuz nobody understands or is equipped to deal with me like this. It’s so frustrating. Sometimes it’s hard to remember why I keep going. –Wendi
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