Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue

A Dozen Addiction Zappers and Depression Busters

Lest my readers think that I’m contracted by the Dark Side (sorry, watching too much “Star Wars” lately) to encourage addictive behavior and rationalize all weakness, here are a dozen addiction zappers and depression busters I use in deficient moments (23 hours of any given 24-hour day):

1. Get Some Buddies

It works for Girl Scouts and for addicts of all kinds. I remember having to wake up my buddy to go pee in the middle of the night at Girl Scout camp (actually I was a Brownie–I never graduated to the Girl Scouts). That was right before she rolled off her cot, out of the tent and down the hill, almost into the creek. Had the roller’s buddy not been such a deep sleeper–dreaming of beatific visions–the girl scout wouldn’t have woken up in the woods.


The same method works for addicts–to help each other not roll out of the tent and into the stream, and to keep each other safe during midnight bathroom runs. My buddies are the six numbers programmed into my cell phone, the voices that remind me sometimes as many as five times a day: “It will get better.”

2. Read Away the Craving

Books can be buddies too! And when you are afraid of imposing like I am so often, they serve as wonderful reminders to stay on course. When I’m in a weak spot, and my addiction has the power–dangling me upside down like Rosie O’Donnell in her inversion therapy swing–I place a book next to my addiction object: the Big Book goes next to the liquor cabinet (Eric’s very modest stash); some 12-step pamphlet gets clipped to the freezer (where I store the frozen Kit Kats, Twix, and dark chocolate Hershey bars); William Styron’s “Darkness Visible” or Kay Redfield Jamison’s “An Unquiet Mind” rest on my bedside table; and I’ll get out Melody Beattie before e-mailing an apology to someone who just screwed me over. And there are my spiritual staples: books by Henri Nouwen, Thomas Merton, Anne Lamott, and Kathleen Norris.


3. Be Accountable to Someone

In the professional world, what is the strongest motivator for peak performance? The annual review (or notification of the pink slip). Especially if you’re a stage-four people pleaser like me. You want nothing more than to impress the guy or gal who signs your checks. Twelve-step groups use this method–called accountability–to keep people sober and on the recovery wagon. Everyone has a sponsor, a mentor to teach them the program, to guide them toward physical, mental, and spiritual health.

In my early days of sobriety, I didn’t drink because I was scared to tell my sponsor that I had relapsed (she was kind of intimidating, which is why I chose her). Today several people serve as my “sponsor,” keeping me accountable for my actions: Mike (my writing mentor), my therapist, my doctor, Fr. Dave, Deacon Moore, Eric, and my mom. Having these folks around to divulge my misdeeds to is like confession–which I’ve never enjoyed–it keeps the list of sins from getting too long.


4. Predict Your Weak Spots

When I quit smoking, it was helpful to identify the danger zones–those times I most enjoying firing up the lung rockets: in the morning with my java, in the afternoon with my java, in the car (if you’ve been my passenger you know why), and in the evening with my java and a Twix bar.

I jotted these times down in my “dysfunction journal” with suggestions of activities to replace the smokes: In the morning I began eating eggs and grapefruit, which don’t blend well with cigs. I bought a tape to listen to in the car (which distracts me and gets me lost in D.C. and Baltimore). An afternoon walk replaced the 3:00 smoke break. And I tried to read at night, which didn’t happen (eating chocolate is more soothing after tucking in a three-year-old girl who tells you after bedtime prayers that she knows how to kiss like Princess Leia of “Star Wars,” and she likes it a lot).


Especially difficult were the times Eric and I went out socially–when my cigarette was a substitute for drinking. I think I devoured sweets on those evenings–which isn’t optimal, but, again, chocolate is a less-threatening addiction to my health than nicotine, so it wasn’t the worst thing to do.

5. Distract Yourself

Any addict would benefit from a long list of “distractions,” any activity than can take her mind off of a cig, a glass of merlot, or a suicidal plot (during severe depression). Some good ones: crossword puzzles, novels, sudoku, e-mails, reading Beyond Blue (a must!); walking the dog (pets are wonderful “buddies” and can improve mental health), card games, movies, “American Idol” (as long as you don’t make fun of the contestants…bad for your depression, as it attracts bad karma); sports, de-cluttering the house (cleaning out a drawer, a file, or the garage…or just stuffing it with more stuff); crafts (I failed occupational therapy, but it works for many a depressive) like sewing, scrap-booking (it pains me to write that word), framing pictures; gardening (even pulling weeds, which you can visualize as the marketing director that you hate working with); exercise (of course), nature (just sitting by the water), and music (even Yanni works, but I’d go classical).


6. Sweat

Working out is technically an addiction for me (according to some lame article I read), and I guess I do have to be careful with it since I have a history of an eating disorder (who doesn’t?). But there is no addiction zapper or depression buster as effective for me than exercise. An aerobic workout not only provides an antidepressant effect, but you look pretty stupid lighting up after a run (trust me, I used to do it all the time and the stares weren’t friendly) or pounding a few beers before the gym. I don’t know if it’s the endorphins or what, but I just think much better and feel better with sweat dripping down my face.

7. Start a Project


Here’s a valuable tip I learned in the psych ward–the fastest way to get out of your head is to put it in a new project–compiling a family album, knitting a blanket, coaching Little League, heading a civic association, planning an Earth Day festival, auditioning for the local theatre, taking a course at the community college.

“Try something new!” the nurses advised us as we chewed our rubber turkey. “Get out of your comfort zone.”

I knew that Eric would love it if I became more domesticated–actually notice the dying plants and do something like watering them or pulling off the dead leaves. So, partly to please him, I went to Michael’s (the arts and crafts store) and bought 20 different kinds of candles to place around the house, five picture
boxes for all the loose photos I have bagged underneath the piano, and two dozen frames. Two years later, all of it is still there, bagged and stored in the garage.


However, I also signed up for a tennis class, because I’m thinking ahead and when the kids go off to college, Eric and I will need another pastime in addition to reading about our kids on Facebook. I met a wonderful friend with whom I’m training for a triathlon (which distracts and burns calories simultaneously), and I enrolled in a writing class, which gave me enough confidence to launch Beyond Blue. (If I weren’t training for a triathlon and writing Beyond Blue, I might be smoking (and doing a few other less-than-healthy activities) as I try to organize our pictures.

8. Keep a Record

One definition of suffering is doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results. It’s so easy to see this pattern in others: “Katherine, for God’s sake, Barbie doesn’t fit down in the drain (it’s not a water slide)” or the alcoholic who swears she will be able to control her drinking once she finds the right job. But I can be so blind to my own attempts at disguising self-destructive behavior in a web of lies and rationalizations. That’s why, when I’m in enough pain, I write everything down–so I can read for myself exactly how I felt after I had lunch with the person who likes to beat me up as a hobby, or after eight weeks of a Marlboro binge, or after two weeks on a Hershey-Starbucks diet. Maybe it’s the journalist in me, but the case for breaking a certain addiction, or stopping a behavior contributing to depression, is much stronger once you can read the evidence provided from the past.


9. Be the Expert

The quickest way you learn material is by being forced to teach it. That lesson is fresh on my brain this morning after an hour of tutoring a student on a paper about the history of the Supreme Court. Sometimes that’s how I feel about Beyond Blue–in cranking out spiritual reflections and mental health secrets, I have to pretend to know something about sanity (even if I feel like one crazy and warped chick). I adamantly believe that you have to fake it ’til you make it. And I always feel less depressed after I have helped someone who is struggling with sadness. It’s the twelfth step of the twelve-step program, and a cornerstone of recovery. Give and you shall receive. The best thing I can do for my brain is to find a person in greater pain than myself and to offer her my hand. If she takes it, I’m inspired to stand strong, so I can pull her out of her funk. And in that process, I am often pulled out of mine.

10. Grab Your Security Item


Everyone needs a blankie. Okay, not everyone. Mentally ill addicts like myself need a blankie (and a pacifier to suck on when trying to quit smoking), a security object to hold when they get scared or turned around. Mine used to be my sobriety chip. Today it’s a medal of St. Therese that I carry in my purse or in my pocket. I’m a bit of a scrupulous, superstitious Catholic (the religious OCD profile), but my medal (and St. Therese herself) give me such consolation, so she’s staying in my pocket or purse. She reminds me that the most important things are sometimes invisible to the eye: like faith, hope, and love. When I doubt all goodness in the world–and accuse God of a bad creation job–I simply close my eyes and squeeze the medal.


11. Get On Your Knees (Of Course)

This would be the addiction-virgin’s first point, not the eleventh, and it would be followed by instructions on how to pray the rosary or say the Stations of the Cross. But I think that the true addict and depressive need only utter a variation of these two simple prayers: “Help!” and “Take the bloody thing from me, now!”

12. Do Nothing

Which means you’re on the third level of recovery that I talked about above–not a bad place to be.

  • http://HASH(0xd18cdec) jennifer

    i am getting to the next level after reading the depression zappers. it helped my humor to come back & not feel so sorry for myself as much thanks again jennifer

  • http://HASH(0xd18d57c) Roger

    Jennifer, You say Everyone needs a blankie. Okay, not everyone can you list ou count the items in each lists? Thank you. -Roger

  • http://HASH(0xd18d8a0) jennifer

    roger no i don’t need a blankie also i can’t remember very long right now. grief has me where i can’t think very well. my coworker says i have crs thats can’t remember stuff!!! ha also everyone i need your prayers too besides dealing with grief i am dealing with depression too… the REALITY of R. death is almost too much for me thanks for listening jennifer

  • http://HASH(0xd18e860) Suzanne

    Jennifer, I CAN relate to grief, in a major way. I lost two of my beloved husbands to death. The first was 7 years younger than me, and despite a kidney transplant at 17, died of a sudden heart attack while I was visiting my Altzheimer’s defective mother in a nursing home. We were only married 5 years. My second beloved husband WAS my soul-mate, and he was 19 years older. He died of a morphine-addicted ignorance of a perforated ulcer that led to peritonitis. As I held his hand until 5AM when he died in the hospital, I thought of how much more time we could have had. In addition to my husbands, I lost my adopted mother, father and brother. I had wonderful support units in place; I also was in cognitive therapy and meds for bipolar disorder. Yes, I was consumed with grief and depression, but it didn’t last that long. Not that I just “snapped out of it;” no, I am still suffering from “anniversary” reactions, especially around Easter, and I think of my second husband a lot. But the old saying (and I guess that’s why it IS old), is that “this, too, shall pass,” and the Lord will not let you suffer indefinitely. The sun always shines in the morning (even if it’s behind a rain cloud),so you know Christ is right there with you as you deal with such an intense reaction to loss. My only advice is that other’s have been there, and you are NOT alone. Be strong; pray, and know that there will ALWAYS be tomorrow. May God Bless You – real good…

  • http://HASH(0xd18f434) HASH(0xd18f368)

    Jennifer: I am a medical intuitive, a medium & therapist. Before this life, I was a drug representative for the pharmaceutical industry, and know how much money they pour into advertising BRAND NAME DRUGS that have yet to be proven. I LAUNCHED CYMBALTA, and the side-effect profile studies were done in patients that were healthy, not depressed & not only any other drugs. Even with that, they had a suicide. 80% of all side effects show up AFTER A DRUG IS RELEASED ON THE MARKET. I have found depression to be energy NOT MOVING- be it grief, anger, whatever emotion. Studies have also been done putting depressed people on a seratonin deficient diet, and all the patients became depressed. YET I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF A DOCTOR TALK OF DEPRESSION WITH A DIET. Abraham-Hicks states that you have to go thru ANGER to get out of the vibration of depression. ALL OF THESE STATEMENTS make me cringe at you having a gigantic ad for CYMBALTA when this window opened up. YOU DO KNOW THAT BI-POLARS will be more likely to commit suicide on an antidepressant, don’t you? Believe in a pill? If not, that ad shouldn’t be there. If you do, quit trying to act new age, like you care.

  • Rev. Stephanie

    I can understand depression, rage, hate, and addictions to alcohol and drugs. I’d grown up mentally, emotionally, physically & sexually abused. I was abused by 4 people at least. By the age of 4 1/2 yrs old, I’d had a NDE (near death experience), and knew God existed. (I felt like this life on Earth was punishment after what I’d experienced in Heaven.) By 16 yrs old, I was alcoholic & drug addicted. My father died when I was 20, and by 25 yrs of age, I’d had another NDE that was frightening. (I was drugging.) By the time I was 42, I’d experienced 2 divorces, my mother’s death, my step-father’s death, my child’s death, my best friend’s suicide, 2 rapes, death of my 14 yr old dog, favorite relatives deaths, and 2 broken engagements. Heartache was coming at me from all angles. I was suicidal. I did what was spoken of in this article’s step 11, and desperately cried out to God for help, and one thing changed. EVERYTHING. I was able to stop drinking & drugging, I was able to forgive pain inflicted by others & learning it wasn’t the action that caused the harmful experiences – it was the person’s sick thinking. Had I ever thought something I didn’t want someone else to know? I was sure I had. Somethings I had acted on and some I hadn’t. It may have not been exactly the same as what they did, but sick thinking is sick thinking. Sick thinking is what causes sick actions. Most sick thinkers are not walking with a Higher Power. {I choose to call my Higher Power God.} I sure wasn’t walking with God when I was thinking some really sick things. Getting behind the wheel of a car and driving drunk is sick thinking – especially in a black out, taking other people’s lives at stake. Plotting revenge is sick thinking. Continuing to drink, drug or over eat beyond what is healthy is sick thinking. Yet, call me guilty. I also began to make my amends to people, places and things, which helped solve any social blockages in my life from being a problem that would make me have anxiety around them or make me want to use avoidance. Soon, I could go anywhere and enjoy awesome days. Life got so much better! I learned new hobbies, new projects, new ways of living clean & sober, and eating healthier. Not eating as much excess chocolate. (Note I said excess. Okay, I still have some areas to work on.) I no longer feel punished to be alive. I have a career I love, a purpose in life, and I love living.2 things I am absolutely possitive of – beyond a shadow of a doubt. 1.) God exists. 2.) God answers prayer. (Even when He is silent.) BTW, (By the way), I am not putting an ad on here, so if there is one, it’s from Beliefnet, not from me.

  • Jim

    Sanctus, Sanctus, Sanctus, Dominus Deus Sabaoth. Pleni sunt caeli et terra, gloria tua. Hosanna in excelsis. Benedictus qui venit in nomine Domini. Hosanna in excelsis. Like others,I have gone through numerous,unspeakably horrific experiences so far in my life. I’ve also survived addictions ranging from morphine to cigarettes, actions,and sick thinking. I chant this silently or quietly at night when trying to go to sleep (which, before, was almost impossible without meds or alcohol). Insomnia is directly linked to depression. I used to think I drank alcohol to get to sleep.For non-Catholics, the translation of the above is roughly as follows: Holy, Holy, Holy. Lord God of power and might. Heaven and earth are filled with your glory. Hosanna in the highest. Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord. Hosanna in the highest. And yes, God is. Love one another. Sleep well. Jim

  • Dawn Baker

    Jennifer, I am a 41 year old single mom of 5 in recovery. Today is my one year B-Day off of pot and I am in recovery from booze, coke, meth, cigs, food, you name it, etc….I am bi-polar with anxiety and PTSD. I just finished reading your article and I am am so thrilled to have found you!!! Your insights and humor are delightful and inspiring. I can relate and agree with you on so many levels. What is your background and history with addiction and mental illness? I self medicated for decades and now that I am in recovery my Dr. and I are beginning to wean me off the psych meds now with the belief that my addiction and use of drugs and alcohol was a contributing factor to my mood disorder. I have been on so many different types of meds over the years..currently: Tegretol, Wellbutrin, Cymbalta and Xanax. My question is: Have you heard of the Urban Nutrition Co. and their product Serenity? It is “elemental lithium”. I ordered some but I will not begin taking it with so many other meds on board.I am hoping and praying that this will do the trick. My lifestyle has changed but my moods are still out of whack. I am working a program, I am out of a toxic relationship, I am eating healthy, exercising, attending church…Can you think of what else I can do to help myself. I have surrendered and I have faith yet I am still twisted and suffering. I look forward to hearing from you and reading more of you articles. ~Dawn

  • http://HASH(0xd19243c) Richard

    Jennifer, I love your blogs! They are so badly needed in the difficult times we live in. For the past 5-7 years have been doing a daily journal. Am so grateful to be able to look back and see both spiritual growth and areas that still need to change. Spent 10 days shutting off television, internet, telephone and just spent quality time alone with God looking for direction, goals and gratitude, AND THEN MADE SOME CHANGES in: Exercise, eating habits, ending negative relationships and feeding positive ones, minimizing distractions when doing something, facing fears and repalcing with faith. Please contine to do the great work and may God continue to bless you and Eric.

  • http://HASH(0xd19428c) Trina

    Thank you so much for these zappers. I finally owned up to knowing I can never drink again or smoke. I choose life. However, this morning I was thinking about a cigarette and then I decided to check my email. Your zappers hit the spot and I am simply going to keeping asking HELP if the mood hits again..THANK YOU..THANK YOU!!!AND MAY GOD CONTINUE TO KEEP AND BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

  • http://HASH(0xd19558c) Gina

    EXCELLENT article. Great ideas and Well said..

  • Angela

    Great tips, although that I suspect that my addictions must be beyond even your advice. Using chocolate when things get a little rough…not me. Chocolate IS one of main addictions! Before I know it, it’s in my mouth, and I don’t even have to have a crisis going on. Just yesterday, I had a moderate lunch, well balanced lunch–tuna salad, one whole wheat roll (no butter even!) and a Fuji apple. I was satisfied, but what was my first thought upon finishing? Chocolate covered peanuts! I WANTED then! I’ve been giving into that want lately, and it hasn’t been pretty. In fact, it’s so ugly that I’ve given in and bought the chocolate a couple of times. But yesterday, I didn’t. I’m grateful for small miracles. Reading is also an addiction with me. But I absolutely refuse to let that one go. I just need to be happy with reading without having French bread slavered with Havarti cheese, or an entire bag of Hershey’s minitures. But like you,Therese, I watch a lot of Star Wars. Over and over again. Another addiction that I’m not giving up. May the Force be with you! P.S. For “Anonymous”, Therese isn’t responsible for the Cymbalta ads that appear next to her blog. The web site’s advertising department does that. I understand your concerns; I have them too. But really, she’s just writing a column and sharing her experiences with others. Sometimes, you have to choose which battle to fight. I’m not debating the ethics; I just think that the comments were directed to the wrong party.

  • http://HASH(0xd196cc0) LISA

    thanks for the information, My name is Lisa and I suffer from the disease of addiction, it is arrested now, thank God, and I also have clinical depression and PTSD, wow, sometimes when all of those start talking, it is so overwhelming, and with the tools i have attained from a 12 step fellowship, i go on, and i sometimes do nothing. I have often heard if you do not know what do do, do nothing, for a day or so, do not stay stuck in the funk, but sometimes an impulsive decision has got me in trouble, big time, thanks for all the good info, i will be returning, and by the grace of god, i will have four years clean on dec 26th 2007, after abuse, rapes, and trying to run away from me, it has been my courage to face self, and recover than running away, so best of luck to all in recovery, and give urself a break and do not use no matter what, an addict named Lisa

  • http://HASH(0xd196fe4) Josie

    My name is Josie. I have been struggling for quite sometime. I look forward to the emails I receive from beliefnet but unfortunately I have still not come to terms with my addiction. I have a great family, a great job, and a very few good friends. I dont know where to go from here. I cant talk to anyone for fear that my sick secret will get out. I would lose everything. The thought of losing my most precious children is more than I can bare. If someone could direct me, please where do I go from here?

  • http://HASH(0xd197f4c) Heather

    Hi Jennifer: Your article was right on! I am a divorced mother of two “spirited boys” and am also in recovery from drugs and alcohol. Your method of weaving program tools in with humor was refreshing and gave me the courage to face another day. Thanks for caring! Heather

  • http://HASH(0xd19a11c) jennifer

    hi everyone, thanks for encouraging me sometimes this grief & depression is almost too much to handle.. i found the heavy grief comes & goes. so when its real bad i have alot of prayer sec with my Lord.. i went monday the 30th to the doc i got some prozac… it has been helping i feel today half way normal!!! if theres a normal!!! i am looking for my new normal haaa todays our national day of prayer so pray some today.. but us that suffer from depression & grief need to lean on the Lord for help too. it also helps to talk to someone that understands too jennifer

  • http://HASH(0xd19a62c) Gary

    Thank you for this wonderful site! I feel deeply for Josie, who is in a life and death struggle with her demons. Josie, I can only say to you that I too have struggled with addictions for over 25 years. I am in my 50’s and lost my lucrative medical device job after 26 years of employment in a corporate downsizing. I have not been able to find work for two years. My savings are gone and I stand to lose everything very soon.I have a chance to begin a new career at a new company, but the reality of the situation is that we will probably lose our home and car and pretty much everything else. How can you work without a car? One thing I know is, that no matter what, I will face this mess sober. I too held secrets, drank and drugged alone and that is a horrible cross to bear. Josie , you are blessed with a career and family! Don’t hide from them, rather go to them for support and love. Do get professional help, especially group therapy. As low as we feel, there exists a wealth of wisdom in a group of addicted people that can change your life forever. Don’t wait until everything falls apart like I did. It sounds like you have a great opportunity for a wonderful life ahead of you!Please embrace it and move forward…don’t look back. Sooner or later we must all stop searching for a better yesterday!I pray to God every day, many times I just say Help Me Please. Have faith that God hears you and the answers will come. Turn your burdens over to God and move on to freedom and joy.Like Jennifer I too am a Catholic and I have a “Blankie”. It’s a St. Jude medal that I carry at all times. He is the patron Saint of desperation and hopeless cases. That’s me in a nutshell! You must remember that addicts are Special People. We are expected to do everthing that non-addicts do; work hard, raise families, maintain our homes and interact with one another on a daily basis. The big difference is that we are expected to do it while carrying around a huge sack of rocks that is our struggle to stay clean and sober. That makes us “Special”, not sick or a bunch of losers! Josie, you are “Special”. Start today to end the viscious cycle of addiction and embrace the many gifts you already have. I will pray for you and I ask that you do the same for me. Take care and enjoy your new life! Gary

  • http://HASH(0xd19b2fc) Peter M

    The God of my understanding puts things, people and help in my path in the most entertaining and wonderful ways! I have been deleting these emails (sorry!) for some time now…thinking they were just more spam when the Subject Line of this one caught my eye…well, deleting no longer!! I look forward to more from you. With gratitude, Peter M 43 – father of 4…16 months clean/sober and looking forward to many, many more, one day at a time!

  • http://HASH(0xd19b620) danny dee

    You have put into words the many things of recovery that I’ve been seeing and understanding for years, what I usually call the magic of the 12 action verbs. thanks – I’ll try to find time read beyond blue. dd long time friend of bill

  • Michael Johnson

    best is to be able to surf each and every day

  • http://HASH(0xd19dc94) Jim Gillmon

    Josie, There is a twelve step saying that we are only as sick as our secrets. Admit your secret to God and to one person you trust to keep it confidential. Ask God to give you the support you need to get free of it. Find out if there is a Celebrate Recovery group in your area. It works if you work it! And use Theresa’s list of addiction busters, to which I would add, when you are tempted, put off the temptation. Don’t think, “I’m not going to do that.” Rather think, “I’m not going to do that right now, I’ll do this instead.” Jim

  • Alison Whittington

    Therese, as usual, I am a bit beyond in my reading, but this is a wonderful list and I thank you.

  • http://HASH(0xd19f190) Rob

    Thanks for your advice,#13 would be a date with you! or replace one of the twelve.You rock! Rob

  • http://HASH(0xd19f4b4) Eddie

    This all sounds good, but when you are as depressed as I am, it sounds just like a bunch people talking crap that ain’t true in my world. I’m an alcoholic and I hate AA. I have been through literally 14 AA based treatment programs, countless meetings, sponsors, a 167 page 4th step which I did with one of my sponsors. The Big Book says that many people feel a sense of relief after taking thier 5th step, I felt like I did something I really should’nt have done. I have been their and done that. Don’t tell me I haven’t worked the program and please no idiotic AAisms. Just because it works for you don’t mean it works for everybody. I can honestly say that I gave the AA program 15 years of my life, and I’m still drinking to this day. Now I don’t even try anymore, because it’s a waste of time for me(going to meetings, calling the sponsor, etc.). Folks I want to quit drinking bad, real bad, but AA is not the answer for me and does that mean I have to suffer in my life and die an early death because of it?

  • http://HASH(0xd1a0450) Shekah

    Thank you for this wonderful piece.

  • http://HASH(0xd1a0eb0) Eddie

    You know you can sugar coat stuff for people all you want. You can judge my negativity all you want, but in my reality this is truth. Ever think that this may have been an honest, cry for help? I guess not, you’re too busy judging me because I didn’t post a warm feel good post. That’s what’s wrong with people these days. If you don’t fit their profile of what they think a person who wants help is, they could care less. Thanks Shekah for reminding why I hate AA. Good Day.

  • http://HASH(0xd1a1dc8) Su McS.

    From one ‘honest alcoholic to another’, one armed with the facts about herself…the phenomena has worked again, even in print and without my ever meeting you. The soul always knows when one is on the beam! Thankyou for taking time to help. It will come back 10fold! Love Su

  • Harry O

    Well, I did the 12 steps directly out the Big Book and then made 75+ amends to people and institutions from the past. The results were – I felt better about myself and I went back to church. I think sometime people try the easy way out (programs, AWOLs, Hazeldon, WallyP method) and I have found that the simple plan in the big book actaully works. So I wish everyone luck and hoppe they might consider trying that.

  • DeeDee

    Hi there, my name DeeDee. I’ve read your blog from end to end this was last night, insomnia is terrible, I know, been without sleeping for 4 days or should i say nights now… I’m not an alcholic ’cause I get servere migrains, nor I use any type of drugs…other than phyco pills, which, you name I’ve drank them, none help me and if they do just for a short time.I’m diagnosed as a severely depressed…what’s that?, just my life. I’ve been abused mentally and fisically all my life. Older now there’s no difference, things haven’t gotton better, just seem to ease up a bit to lay down harder. I felt just like Stephanie (God bless you stef)Life to me is hell. The only thing that keeps me here is my 18 yr old son who has a future, that’s about it, and truely, I often wonder if would be better without, me then to the reck I am. And thoughts that go through my mind are too good. I have lost everything and everybody whom made sense in my life in the last 5 yrs….or less I have no buddies, no friends,lost my dad to cancer, my mom to poisioning of the blood(ruptured intestine)with my mother went my nerves and was in wheel chair, all emotional. because my mother ….well my mother wouldn’t even look at me at her death bed, she would turn her face way away everytime I entered the room, I was never acepted by her at any point in my life,( still don’t why,my job because everytime I had a break down my doc would send me to bed rest my boss had me in his office telling how irresponsable I was etc… My husband left becasuse he couldn’t bare to see me like this, my car only means od transportation. with my husband, my son because I wasn’t fit. my furniture because I had to sell it to be able to pay the bills. My brother, suddenly I wasn’t his sister anymore because he didn’t want to share what my parents had left with me, after all I was just raised by his mother since I was 24 days old what on earth made me think he was my brother? With all this going on I was always able to find at least a part-time job. I had a NDE last year and the year before that. This year I had a heart attack. I’m truely tired way tired this time around. I read about the big book but i can’t get it …and as for the zapper done that too just for a while they work. May God bless all of you… have a nice day.

  • m.j.sethuraman

    may God bless you thanks a lot my nephew GGANESH S SHANKAR has fallen a victim to the evil habit of drinking liquouor .Ishal advise him tom follow your suggestions
    he is only seventeen and a half he needs your advices very much .Carry on your good work MAY GOD BLESS YOU
    yours cordially
    m.j.sethuraman perambur chennai INDIA

  • Michelle

    I found all of these ideas very helpful, and while they do help, they can not “zap” your problems away. I am a part-time student, full-time mother of 3 and I have heard many of these same ideas in rehabs I have been in. I attend church regularly and god is the only reason I am alive today and “keep on truckin.” Josie, I can relate to your words, because I am the “perfect mother”- on the outside. I also live in fear that someone will discover my addictions and my life will turn to shambles. But I keep praying and remind myself how blessed I am to have a god to turn to in this hard times in my life. God bless.

  • zero2fifty

    Damn DeeDee-
    Sounds as if you are one unhappy person. I too felt that my 17 year old son was the only reason I hung on to such a misserable life. I thought of suicide every single day, it was the only way to get through the pain, I would tell myself that their realy is a way out. I went to my local hospital last October, and was told I was in the middle of a heart attack, I did’nt even know it, and I decided right then and there that I would never think about suicide again. I am 43 years old, and now just want to live as long as I can. I have been through using alcohol to numb the pain, it’s just another depressant that can literally shut your body down. I don’t know where to tell you to find peace in your life, but I do hope you find some. My name is Loretta, my e-mail is, let’s be friends. Have a great day today. I hope to hear from you.

  • tobee

    my husband is an addict. he is no longer using but he has turned into a horrible person. i have known him for 28 years. the person he has become once he became an addict is a cruel, thoughtless, irritable person. he was addicted for 4 years. now he is unhappy, isolated and he blames me for everything. he was a smart skilled person. now he can not complete anything and he does not seem to comprhened things and just makes excuses for everything.
    i really hate him. i used to empathsize with him but now i just look at him with disgust. he treats me horribly and that is part of why i feel disgust.
    will either of us get out of this spot?
    any advice??

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