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Beginner's Heart

Beginner's Heart

coherence of the heart

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I love folks who question. To interrogate our beliefs is so very difficult. Believe me, I do it daily.

Where’s the line on this? Do this and this cancel each other out? If I think this, how can I feel this? If this is ‘right,’ is this other thing/ belief/ action ‘wrong’? If I buy this, can I square it w/ this belief?

It’s hard.

So when a friend on my FB recently asked me how I reconcile my position on hospitals refusing to provide fatal drugs for state executions, vs. my position on hospitals refusing to prescribe birth control, I was fascinated.

Not because she asked, but because of how rare it is that we as a culture engage in dialogue — honest dialogue — on issues of belief.

What is it about our differences that so often precludes us talking about them? I still remember how hurt — and terminally angry — I was when I tried to talk w/ a friend’s friend about gay rights. Framing my own conversation with the statement that my niece and MANY dear friends are gay, I asked that we talk w/ respect about whatever topic had come up. Including an understood respect and acceptance of my OWN respect and love for my niece and her wonderful partner. Again, on FB.

A (hopefully relevant) digression: I adore FB. It allows me to reconnect w/ old friends (two in two weeks!). It keeps me up-to-date on my beloved grandson’s life, in pictures! It sends me silly cat pictures and videos to break up my work, and it is a way to stay in touch w/ a far-flung group of dear friends and family.

That said, it sometimes feels like manners go out the window when we engage a keyboard.

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This woman proceeded to say TERRIBLE, HURTFUL things about my niece (referrring to her, specifically, as my niece), and was flat HATEFUL. What’s up w/that?? She obviously didn’t want to talk: she wanted only to hurt, it was quickly apparent. NO conversation was going to happen unless I first agreed w/ her completely. N.B.: that is NOT conversation, folks. It’s capitulation. And all too often that’s what seems to be the unspoken objective of most ‘conversations.’

I understand that for many folks, religion is outside of logic. For me, however, it is not. In fact, the Buddha actually encouraged folks to question — it’s part of our dharma, or the Buddha’s own teachings. One of many reasons that Buddhism is a good wisdom tradition fit for me. :)

But no religion says ‘be as angry as possible when you discuss your beliefs with others.” Unless there’s a new one out there, thought up by folks who don’t believe we can EVER work together.

I do. Believe we can work together. However, it requires a hard 1st step: questioning the coherence of our own hearts. Am I against the death penalty? How then, do I square that w/ my pro-choice stance? And if
I’m against a woman’s right to govern her own body, how do I square that w/ an anti-birth control position? And if I won’t allow a woman birth control OR the right to choose to terminate a terrible mistake of a pregnancy, how do I square THAT w/ a refusal to fund programs for single mothers and children?

These are questions that drive contemporary politics, and have (literally) life-changing consequences for me, for my family and dear friends. For ALL of us.

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In other words, it’s not as easy as being for or against this or that. At least not for me. And — thankfully! — not for most of my friends. Which is why I was so happy to have my friend question me on the consistency of my own beliefs. Talk about what’s most important to my spiritual growth? Sure! (And yes — I know that sounds verrry hokey.) As long as you really want conversation — dialogue, not anger. I learn so much more that way. Whereas, I learn zip/ nada/ rien when you yell at me in all caps on FB, or (this really happened) spit while you’re talking to me because I won’t confirm your own opinions.

After all — aren’t we all searching? Each one of us trying — w/ our fragile beginner’s hearts — to figure out what’s up with this weird journey we share? And wouldn’t it be nice to share our individual maps…

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