Beginner's Heart

Beginner's Heart


sons, and daughters, and grandsons, and love

imageI’m one of those weird people who is happiest when giddy with loving folks. I’m a bit embarrassed to admit this, since I get considerable flak over it from family (are you high on happy pills??). But it’s true, if I’m honest — I’m far better at loving than being loved.

Probably a lot of us are like that — slightly uncomfortable w/ being loved. Waiting for the “it’s all a mistake” shoe to drop. Maybe it’s why almost everyone loves a wiggly puppy, a squirmy kitten, a babbling baby. When they love us, there’s no artifice or fear.

So imagine my heaven this week: I get to spend an ENTIRE WEEK just loving my elder son, my wonderful DIL, and my perfect grandson. I don’t even need lessons — one of the few times when my beginner’s heart feels absolutely competent.

I realise there are people whose families are sad disappointments. That would not be me. My sons, DIL, and nieces and nephews — the entire younger generation of our family, really — each have myriad wonderful gifts. Even when they sometimes make decisions that leave me thinking hunh… really? I’m crazy about them. It’s all I can do not to nuzzle on them like I do my grandson — they’re still that amazing.image

But  you can’t do that w/ elegantly dressed elder sons, or impeccably competent younger ones. Or with practically perfect DILs. At best, you can give them HUGE hugs, leaning into them and counting your blessings. (I recommend you do this inaudibly; they look at you weird if you count aloud.)

Now with Trin, my grandson, I don’t have to worry. Yet another reason to treasure this week I’m ostensibly ‘helping out.’ My son is recovering from flu, my DIL has a conference half-way across the country, and who you gonna call? GG! Whose beloved (the granddad) is fine with sharing me, knowing I’m in 7th heaven hugging, nuzzling Trin, cooking and cooing and visiting and just loving.

And that’s just fine — I don’t even care if Trin is in the throes of ‘stranger!’ It’s not about him loving me anyway ~



Previous Posts

a long long time ago, or, updating our moral software
  This used to be the way America looked at women voting. And to be honest, some of these jokes are still around. But for the vast majority of Americans, we accept that women have the right to vote. Even though it's not in the original Constitution. That's an important 'even though,' sin

posted 10:52:31pm Feb. 26, 2015 | read full post »

the vulnerability of grace
This is a post about sharing. About a man who has inspired me for a long time, and his impending loss. It's about intelligence, wit, and vulnerability. And the irreplaceable magic of those braided qualities

posted 4:25:29pm Feb. 23, 2015 | read full post »

lists, writing, and cleaning the mind's house
  Ever since I was a little girl, I've visualised my mind as an old house. And lately it seems more like a house that needs a LOT of TLC -- re: it's  kind of a mess. So when the facilitator at the

posted 3:50:10pm Feb. 21, 2015 | read full post »

oh RATS, or, rescue and repatriation and compassion
This is Rattus norvegicus, the common brown rat. It's the same rat many lab rats are bred from, and it's SMART. Also, not so nice to have as a wild resident. As in: living in your laundry room. Even if the laundry room is only an occasional outing (inning?) from the garage, where it's set up house.

posted 6:43:38pm Feb. 19, 2015 | read full post »

unintentionally clueless...
I hurt someone's feelings today. Hurt them completely unintentionally, but still deeply. Reminded a man of ways in which the world may see him, even though I don't believe I do. And even though I apologised

posted 2:34:17pm Feb. 18, 2015 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.