Advertisement

Beginner's Heart

Beginner's Heart

Warning: Grinch alert

image So — you’ve been notified: I just hit my Grinch wall. I am heartily SICK of cooking, cleaning, wrapping presents, and the whole shebang. I want to be on a beach SOMEWHERE WARM, w/out ice bending my beloved trees to the point of pain. I want MORE SUNLIGHT. I want TO NOT BE CRANKY the day before it all starts up! (at least at our house)

Grandmother would say I have wantin’ ways… She’d even say wantin’ instead of wanting, even though she taught school for years. Probably an echo of her own grandmother…

Advertisement

I don’t really. I’m just tired. And kind of used up. It’s an easy place to get, if you’re not careful. Or if the weather conspires against us, and you get ACUTE cabin fever, aggravaged by your usual “I need more LIGHT!” winter doldrums.

Waking up, I didn’t even want to get out of bed. The driveway is a solid sheet of ice, so going somewhere is like driving with a beginner’s permit. And all the stuff to eat is either leftovers I’m heartily sick of, or more cooking. Glurg.

Now that I’ve TOTALLY depressed you with my first-world problems ( :) ), I’ll tell you what I’m doing to fix things. Actually, what my beloved is doing to fix things .image

Advertisement

He’s currently defrosting our car. And then he’s taking me to LUNCH! EVEN with the ice, the traffic, and my crankiness. How great is that?

So here’s today thought: sometimes even beginner’s hearts need a rest. NOT a break. :) But just a moment when someone else does the whole love & caring thing. When you can just relax and be what you are, that moment. It’s part of what meditation & Buddhism teach you now: be here, now. This crankiness is who I am right now — exhausted, and worried I won’t be back to my (relatively cheerful) normal self when my kids & grandson arrive this weekend. So far, I’ve managed to only put love into what I’ve done for the holiday prep. I don’t WANT those preparations to become irritating, or to infuse crankiness into what I’m doing.

Hence, as my younger son would say, I’m on holiday strike today. I’m being who I am right now. And luckily? I have the best beloved in the universe to indulge & comfort me. I wish the same for each of you.

Previous Posts

chocolate, and my own #AmtrakWritingRetreat
The first leg of my 2+ days on the train. Despite getting up at 4 in the morning (& not sleeping well before that!), I couldn't sleep on this first ...

posted 2:25:47pm May. 27, 2015 | read full post »

more on the home front ~
Today was 'look at houses' day. Funny how pictures bear so little resemblance to the real thing. When I taught, I used to give my students postcards from ...

posted 2:36:27pm May. 26, 2015 | read full post »

hunting for home
Looking for a house is hard. Looking while recognising that this will be your long-term home -- not a rental, not a summer vacation -- is ...

posted 5:40:03pm May. 25, 2015 | read full post »

living through the unexpected (with equanimity?)
 This is how we spent two hours Friday: lined up to cross the French Broad River bridge. TWICE. (I've been calling it the French Bread River Basin since then; ...

posted 10:32:07pm May. 24, 2015 | read full post »

road trips
You see differently when you're on the road. Something about the ribbon of highway before you, the enclosed space of the car, the forced closeness and the ...

posted 9:36:21am May. 22, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.