Beginner's Heart

Beginner's Heart


Warning: Grinch alert

image So — you’ve been notified: I just hit my Grinch wall. I am heartily SICK of cooking, cleaning, wrapping presents, and the whole shebang. I want to be on a beach SOMEWHERE WARM, w/out ice bending my beloved trees to the point of pain. I want MORE SUNLIGHT. I want TO NOT BE CRANKY the day before it all starts up! (at least at our house)

Grandmother would say I have wantin’ ways… She’d even say wantin’ instead of wanting, even though she taught school for years. Probably an echo of her own grandmother…

I don’t really. I’m just tired. And kind of used up. It’s an easy place to get, if you’re not careful. Or if the weather conspires against us, and you get ACUTE cabin fever, aggravaged by your usual “I need more LIGHT!” winter doldrums.

Waking up, I didn’t even want to get out of bed. The driveway is a solid sheet of ice, so going somewhere is like driving with a beginner’s permit. And all the stuff to eat is either leftovers I’m heartily sick of, or more cooking. Glurg.

Now that I’ve TOTALLY depressed you with my first-world problems ( :) ), I’ll tell you what I’m doing to fix things. Actually, what my beloved is doing to fix things .image

He’s currently defrosting our car. And then he’s taking me to LUNCH! EVEN with the ice, the traffic, and my crankiness. How great is that?

So here’s today thought: sometimes even beginner’s hearts need a rest. NOT a break. :) But just a moment when someone else does the whole love & caring thing. When you can just relax and be what you are, that moment. It’s part of what meditation & Buddhism teach you now: be here, now. This crankiness is who I am right now — exhausted, and worried I won’t be back to my (relatively cheerful) normal self when my kids & grandson arrive this weekend. So far, I’ve managed to only put love into what I’ve done for the holiday prep. I don’t WANT those preparations to become irritating, or to infuse crankiness into what I’m doing.

Hence, as my younger son would say, I’m on holiday strike today. I’m being who I am right now. And luckily? I have the best beloved in the universe to indulge & comfort me. I wish the same for each of you.



Previous Posts

it doesn't have to be perfect (the enemy of good)
  Last night's dinner was brought to you by some obscure soup company. Canned clam chowder, w/ the addition of cracked pepper & white corn. YUM! Served w/ water crackers, & a side of tabbouleh

posted 12:59:47pm Dec. 17, 2014 | read full post »

of waiting, and childhood impatience
As I wrap presents, write out menus, email to find out who's bringing what to the holiday feast, I can't help but think of my mother. She was NOT organised, nor was she an organiser. Tell her what to do, and she did

posted 9:35:25pm Dec. 15, 2014 | read full post »

love (and happiness) like ribbon
Love is, I think, like ribbon. It's beautiful, for one thing (I adore pretty ribbon!). But it tangles, gets easily wrinkled and needs care to last. At the holidays, when I'm going through SKEINS of it, I find myse

posted 10:21:22pm Dec. 13, 2014 | read full post »

the curse of the holiday meltdown
All the ornaments are on the tree. The newest riff on the family tabbouleh is chilling, waiting for us to taste-test it after the flavours meld. The three packages needing mailing -- well, the ones that have arriv

posted 6:43:01pm Dec. 11, 2014 | read full post »

patience
It's been four weeks since our new cat Hector came to live with us. During that scant month, he's made himself more (or less...) at home upstairs. But he still won't come downstairs. And he won't engage at all

posted 3:29:59pm Dec. 10, 2014 | read full post »




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