Beginner's Heart

Beginner's Heart


time — that queen of bees — flies ~

If time were a bee, she would be the queen these days. At least for me. These days, she is slower than the frenzy of summer bees, storing up for winter. She is less hectic than early spring bees, tending the new hivelings.

And she’s altogether okay with just hanging out, eating honey. Time is done w/ the royal jelly thing now that she’s queen — that was then. Now? It’s all relative, this time thing.

There’s something incredibly freeing about retirement. Paradoxically, you don’t have to be a grown-up, now that you’re an elder. All those years when I worried I shouldn’t wear jeans? I wear them daily. The times I wore high heels (but not for decades…)? The briefcases and portfolios? Not any more! All that’s behind me.

I don’t have to get up early. Or go to bed so I can. I don’t have to blow-dry my hair, or match my socks! It’s great!

Now, like the queen, I can eat honey. I don’t anticipate any workers materialising, but that’s okay. What would I use them for? It’s enough to practice drawing birds at the breakfast table, having time for the epiphany of seeing the triangle shape in a mourning dove’s head-on gaze. I’m perfectly satisfied singing goofy songs to my dogs…So I’m not bringing in $$. So what? I’m certainly bringing in happy. :)

The other day, for instance, I was able to take off for a late lunch w/ my sister, sharing our plates w/ her runny-nosed three-year-old grandson. And having great fun while doing it. Another day, three of us had a conference call for a sister’s big birthday. And tomorrow? Who knows! That’s half the fun ~ I have no idea what might come.

There’s enough time I can squander it: sit on the deck in the late afternoon sun, make dinner instead of taking the Christmas tree down on time. I can read — both pieces of ‘literary merit’ and sheer schlock. (I happen to like schlock, just FYI.)

But it isn’t really ‘wasting’ time. What I find is that because I have this priceless commodity, I have the time to take time. Take time to listen to my grand-nephew tell his grandmother, in his inimitable 3-year-old dialect, that ‘you ahn‘t pwetty; you both aw gawjus.’

I can take time to do some things for free, like writing an article for a local social justice group. Or send out holiday cards this year.

Is any of this earth-shattering? Of course not. But it reminds me that each moment is priceless. And sometimes, it takes to understand that ~

 



Previous Posts

some periods you just breathe through...
At times like this, I don't know what I'd do w/out tonglen. When I'm grieving for a loved one's unhappiness, or breathing through my own, I remember: all over the world there is suffering. I know - how hokey is

posted 4:20:37pm Jan. 28, 2015 | read full post »

the fragrance of peaches
I wish I could send out, over the ethernet, the fragrance of the peach tea I made today. I wish there was a way to bottle the steam spiralling from the cup, comforting on a worrying day. Often when I worry, it

posted 12:11:07pm Jan. 26, 2015 | read full post »

with a little help from friends
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posted 5:00:00pm Jan. 25, 2015 | read full post »

talking to strangers
I know, your mother told you not to. But now you're a grown-up, and I beg you to reconsider. You're sooo missing out! Yesterday I had the loveliest conversation with two strangers -- two of the many I meet daily.

posted 10:30:46pm Jan. 23, 2015 | read full post »

more on time (and acceptance)
I was thinking today about how much I dislike meditating. Not the actual act, but the resistance I have to just doing it. KNOWING that sometime during the day, I should take out the time to sit down and breathe. N

posted 10:04:50pm Jan. 22, 2015 | read full post »




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