Beginner's Heart

Beginner's Heart


waiting games ~

Some time today or tomorrow, I will receive a phone call that will — or won’t — change my life. It’s not often you reach a juncture where you know that what just happened, or what happens next, is life changing. But today or tomorrow, a nurse (or possibly a doctor) will call, and let me know if I have a bad tonsil (since removed) — or something worse. I will either go forward  with healing (just FYI: adult tonsillectomies suck) or make a different set of plans.

That’s kind of humbling, if you think about it. And it makes the passage of time quite different. A definitely ‘altered’ state…It makes the tumble I took in the garden hose no less painful (you should see my goose egg!), but it’s still the whole interlude state-of-mind that I wrote about previously.

Once, many years ago, I stood in front of a wall of glass, watching a plane depart. I knew even as it left that my life would be irrevocably changed because we couldn’t catch it. Even a week later, after working w/ national authorities to have my elder son airlifted w/ others out of a war zone, life was not the same. Ripples from that missed plane kept me from joining my husband, sent me back to graduate school, turned me (ultimately) into a teacher…  The after-effects are large. Had I caught the plane? No telling, but that life would not have been this one.

And that’s what I tell myself today, as the phone doesn’t ring. By now, it probably won’t. Tomorrow. Tomorrow is soon enough. This moment is okay ~




Previous Posts

choosing happy
Someone in my family -- probably either Aunt Bonnie or Grandmother Britton -- used to say that you choose to be happy. Each morning, she told me, you make that choice. It's a decision. So today? I'm choosing

posted 3:50:11pm Jan. 30, 2015 | read full post »

some periods you just breathe through...
At times like this, I don't know what I'd do w/out tonglen. When I'm grieving for a loved one's unhappiness, or breathing through my own, I remember: all over the world there is suffering. I know - how hokey is

posted 4:20:37pm Jan. 28, 2015 | read full post »

the fragrance of peaches
I wish I could send out, over the ethernet, the fragrance of the peach tea I made today. I wish there was a way to bottle the steam spiralling from the cup, comforting on a worrying day. Often when I worry, it

posted 12:11:07pm Jan. 26, 2015 | read full post »

with a little help from friends
You know that saying 'it takes a village'? Well, it does. For any endeavour worth remembering, it takes collaboration. Varied viewpoints, multiple hands, and a LOT of coordination. Witness my niece's shower. W

posted 5:00:00pm Jan. 25, 2015 | read full post »

talking to strangers
I know, your mother told you not to. But now you're a grown-up, and I beg you to reconsider. You're sooo missing out! Yesterday I had the loveliest conversation with two strangers -- two of the many I meet daily.

posted 10:30:46pm Jan. 23, 2015 | read full post »




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