Beliefnet
Because This Is Your Life

There’s something bizarre about a well know “F” word.

And it has to do with the fact that it goes both ways as it relates to you and your life.

It’s funny because this word is at the core of one of the top questions people ask throughout the world in regards to why they’re having difficulty doing certain things…

While at the same time it’s the very thing that’s critical to you being able to live the type of life you’d love to live.

Not only that, but this “F” word is affected by something else that you have done and most likely are still doing almost every day of your life.

This word is “focus.”

Now of course this is important…right? Because after all, staying focused is vital when it comes to being able to achieve any of your goals. That’s pretty obvious.

But what isn’t obvious here is something else that not only dramatically stops you from being focused, but may also be affecting other areas of your life.

And what I’m referring to is venting. Or as some like to say, “blowing off steam.”

This raises the question…

Does venting hold you back and keep you stuck?

1. The other “F” word

It was a scene all too familiar with me day after day. Whether it had to do with people who broke their promises to me…or someone not doing things the way I wanted…or a situation I had expected to go one way and then turned out the opposite, it didn’t matter because it still left me wanting to “let it out”…to vent.

Why did I find myself day in and day out venting?

First, because even though things didn’t go “my way” it gave me a temporary way of “feeling good.”

Second, because it’s what I was always taught and learned from others…that it’s better to just “get it off your chest”, instead of holding it in (or as some would say suppressing it).

And third…

Because of the other “F” word.

With that “F” word being Fantasy.

At first I wasn’t aware of this other “F” word. But once I figured it out, a life transforming shift had taken place.

Where am I going with this…

And what does the word “fantasy” have to do with venting…and more importantly how it helps you live the type of life you’d love to live?

It begins with this fact…

Every situation in your life has two sides…the positive AND negative.

Along with this is also the fact that they occur in equal amounts…and whether you see something being negative, just know that there’s an equal amount of positive in it as well.

Of course this works the other way as well. Anything you see as being positive has an equal amount of negatives.

Why is this important ?

Because the only way that you can vent is if you’re expecting a one sided outcome in a particular situation. And this ranges from the smallest of things all the way up to the most important events in your life.

And this is what it was like for me day in and day out.

Whether it was someone cutting me off on the road…or someone that didn’t agree with me on a certain topic…or someone that never paid me back when I loaned them money…and just about anything else that didn’t play into my fantasy…

It didn’t matter…

Because it still left me venting. And it also didn’t matter who I vented to…family, friends, co workers, and so on.
Since this took place pre internet, had the internet been around I would have vented there too.

And all this venting, even though it made me temporarily “feel good”, it did something else I wasn’t aware of at first that really affected my life…in a way I didn’t want.

It took me out of being focused.

2. The water gallon jug

One of my main strengths is being incredibly focused. I can maintain a laser focus on short term tasks as well as achieving a long term outcome. This is especially the case when it comes to my business, working out, helping people reach their full potential, just to name a few.

Early on in my “venting days” I was able to stay focused on things. The only problem was that it was very erratic. They’d be days when it “was there” and then there would be other days when the word focus didn’t even exist.

Why did this happen?

Because something would occur after a “venting episode.” And usually I would notice it a few hours, days, and even weeks later.

What this resulted in was not remembering certain things clearly as usual, being more distracted, having negative mind chatter come up, and then you guessed it…the need to vent again when a certain situation didn’t go my way.

And the cycle kept repeating with no end in sight.

Then one day I came to realize what was going on and this is where the water gallon jug comes in.

When you take an empty water gallon jug… and put it under a faucet of water…and just let the water fill up “drip by drip”…what happens? It takes a while to fill up…right?

You may not notice anything going on at first. But then all of a sudden you look hours or possibly even a day or two later and all of a sudden that gallon jug is full.

And what happens after it fills up…it overflows.

Well, when it comes to venting and blowing off steam it is similar…

Except that each time you vent you store that situation in your subconscious mind (still as a one sided event)…while at the same time “feeling good” because you think you let go of it.

The “drip” of water in this case are those one sided events that you “vented” over—and felt “good” afterwards— filling up over time in your subconscious mind.

And then what happens here?

When another similar situation comes up—one that you’re still looking for the one sided fantasy in—you’ll have a high probability of repeating this venting cycle.

So , what can you do about this?

Because as most people say it’s not wise to suppress, or as I like to say, “sweep it under the rug” and just “keep it in.”

And it’s also not wise to just vent and “let it out.”

3. Your quantum magnificence

The other part of my fantasy that led to those venting episodes centered around the idea of trying to live a “happy life.” And yes, I’ll admit that I listened to what the experts were saying, “that you can live a happy life.”

But I noticed these same experts were saying that it’s ok to vent…

And the more I tried to live this way, the more obvious it became that it wasn’t working.

The reason it wasn’t working is because you, me, and every human being—along with the world—is two sided.

You’re nice and mean…happy and sad…giving and taking…generous and greedy…and so on…equally.

When you realize this you’ve discovered your quantum magnificence.

And just know that the more you realize and embrace this—about yourself, others, and the world—the higher levels of success you achieve in the areas of life most important to you…and yes along with those successes comes the failures as well…and that’s ok.

Because you need both. They serve your life. They benefit the lives of those you care about. They benefit society.

Along with this, also know that people and situations throughout your life will push your buttons. There’s no escaping that.

However…

When you know how to handle these situations in a poised manner, then there’s no need to vent…or to let it out…or to get as some would say “positively pissed.”

The way you do this is to look at those situations and people that cause you to want to vent and look for an equal amount of positives and negatives.

Look to see how whatever that person and/or situation is doing that’s pushing your buttons…how it’s just as much a benefit as it is a drawback in your life.

Because when you do, not only is the need to vent no longer necessary…

But you’ll be more focused.

You’ll reach those higher levels of success.

You’ll feel more energized.

You’ll be healthier.

Remember…

You’re here to live a meaningful and fulfilled life. Included in your life is something for you to realize…

And that is…

Just how special and magnificent of a person you really are.

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