Beliefnet
Because This Is Your Life

How can something that seems like it’s hidden from you be the same thing that actually is quite visible…even at the same time?

What could possibly be something that feels like it’s buried 1000 feet in the ground…also be the same thing that appears to be a foot away from you?

Strange as it seems…

It’s also like wearing a black blindfold that you can see straight through.

And it has to do with your life.

More specifically…

Those moments in your life that create your destiny…the path you’re designed to go down.

And this can either be the way you want or the complete opposite of what you want.

Yet…

No matter how you look at it, it still comes down to the moments that in some way have you at a “fork in the road”…

Which leads to your life turning around.

And whether you’re aware of it or not…

It’s happened…may be happening right now…and is about to happen to you.

What am I talking about?

The turning point in your life.And with it the question…

What has been the turning point in your life?

1. Say it is so

It’s interesting because there are times during your life when you’ll say “I don’t know” to something that you “do know” the answer to.

Case in point…

The turning point in your life.

When you think about what the turning point has been in your life, if you find yourself saying “I don’t know” then that is a clear sign you do know.

How so?

Because the only way you could say “I don’t know” is if you’re comparing it in some way to what you “do know.”

And this is true with anything you say “I don’t know” to.

As it relates to what the turning point in your life has been…what is it?

When you take the time to look…especially beyond the “obvious” you’ll see it…and rather clearly.

It may not be in the exact way you originally thought it would have showed up in…but you’ll know because you’ll get that “I got it” feeling.

And what’s also interesting with this is that it could have been something that happened a day…a week…a month…or possibly even years ago.

This is what happened with me.

I’ve mentioned this story in the past.

I went out for the baseball team my second year in high school.

In order to make the team you had to make two cuts.

I made the first cut.

When it came time for the final cuts the coach read off the names of the kids who didn’t make the team.

I thought I made the team because he didn’t read my name (he initially stopped)…and then he read my name off last.

And right after he did, he said, “you have more guts than anyone I’ve ever seen. Come out for the team next year and you’ll make it.”

Now while I didn’t make the team…and never played baseball again after that…this moment became a turning point in my life.

Why?

Because it, in a sense, gave me the self confidence to take on any situation, without giving up, and it was the first time I was able to see both sides of life happening at the same exact time.

The reason…because here was a coach that rejected me (by cutting me from making the team) while at the same time accepted me (by making that comment).

And this in turn gave me the insight to see other situations in my life that had the same “hidden blessings.”

So therefore…

This became the major turning point in my life.

And the same is true for you.

It’s just a matter of what that is for you…and it’s there.

And since you and your life are that important, it’s worth taking the time to look through your life…even beyond the obvious…and look for the turning point in your life.

Now when you find it and move forward with your life something else happens as a result of you finding that turning point.

2. The snowball syndrome

After you find the turning point in your life…then what?

To start, you can look at it as “breaking the ice” which leads to what I’m calling the snowball syndrome.

What this means is that situations you come across moving forward in your life…that ordinarily would have left you feeling uncertain of what to do …uncertain of taking the “healthy risks”…and uncertain of what your future holds…

Now all of a sudden are fueled by whatever the turning point was in your life.

In my case, having that coach say what he did…even though it had to do with going out for the baseball team…it “broke the ice” for me in a lifetime of ways so to speak.

It gave me the courage to be more outgoing in different situations…ranging from social situations to doing what I love today…and without having the fear and uncertainty that was there previously.

And this created a snowball effect because I knew that even if things didn’t go my way, that I had the courage to realize something “good” would come out of a situation that on the surface didn’t seem so good.

Let’s now take a look at you.

After you find the turning moment in your life, what happened to you moving forward that you can now see is no longer a “block” for you?

What is it that you’ve “broken the ice” on that was a result of the turning point in your life?

Stay in the habit of doing this because this is one of the ways you build momentum in your life.

And then it’s a matter of you figuring out how there is carryover from one area of life to another.

Now I can’t give you the exact answer to that.

However…

I can make you aware to be mindful enough so you’ll recognize the clues you’re given along the way where you can make that connection.

Also…

While you’re building this momentum you’ll be creating what I’ll call “journey equity” into your life.

And this is what leads to you living a more fulfilled and meaningful life.

3. Your epic journey

Realizing what the turning point of your life is and the momentum you get from it obviously is part of your life’s journey…

And not just the typical life journey.

But rather…your epic journey.

Why epic?

Because…for starters your life’s journey never ends.

Even after you pass on, your life’s journey can live on in the form of your legacy…which can be carried out by your family, a business if you own one, or in some other manner where you’re remembered for who you are and all that you’ve done.

And this is all initially created by discovering what the turning point in your life is.

As a result…

You’re able to change history moving forward on your life’s journey.

Remember…

Everything you say…your actions…how you react to someone else and situations are all creating new experiences.

And these experiences are changing history along the way.

This is one of the reasons why you do matter so much…because you’re always making a difference in the world in some way.

This is especially magnified once you realize what the turning point in your life is…and how it propels you on to achieving bigger and greater things in your life.

You can look at it as a crossroads moment in your life that spurs on other little crossroad moments afterwards.

And whether it’s a result of a baseball coach making a life changing comment like in my case…

Or it’s something as it relates to your situation…it doesn’t matter.

What matters is that it means something to you and in a way that makes a difference in your life…

And in a way that brings out the magnificence and brilliance of who you are.

Remember…

You’re here for a reason…and only you know that reason.

And it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or believes…it’s what you believe about who you are.

It comes down to this…

Stay true to yourself…know that you contribute a tremendous amount of value to the world…and that you do so in your own unique way which serves humanity.

And above all…

Thank yourself and those along the way that have contributed to you being the special person you are.

When you think of blood, sweat, and tears what comes to mind?

Pain?

Persistence?

Perseverance?

Working hard?

Does the thought of a rock group come to mind?

Probably not…right?

That is…until now.Because Blood, Sweat, and Tears is the name of a music group that formed in the late 1960’s.

Their most popular song is called Spinning Wheel.

And within this song are the lyrics, “What goes up must come down.”

Now there’s an important reason I’m bringing this up because it has to do with you and the way your life plays out.

More specifically…

It relates to how you handle different situations throughout your life.

And along with this comes the question:

“How humble of a person are you?”

1. Flying high again

The meaning of the song “Spinning Wheel” centers around the idea of “not getting too caught up” because everything comes full circle in life.

And this ties right in with the song lyric “what goes up must come down.”

It’s also right at the core of how humble of a person you are…

Especially as it relates to getting too “up” when things seem to always be going your way.

This can and does happen when you attract more money into your life.

It can be when you get into a new relationship.

It happens to people who have their own businesses.

And it also occurs in any area of your life.

Now think about when someone (or possibly even yourself) had something new and “exciting” come into your life…something beyond what you’ve had before.

What typically happens?

You’ll have a tendency to brag about it…become ecstatic about it…tell everyone about it…and in some cases even become “cocky” and “puffed up”…while taking on the “I’ve arrived” mentality.

Now let’s face it…you’ve done this at some point in your life…and so have I.And all of these can—and quite often do—has you “flying high”…feeling on top of the world.

And as outrageous as this will sound…from the perspective of what takes place in the brain…is the exact same thing that occurs during a “drug high.”

And what happens as a result of any “high?”

You end up being “brought down.”

This is what happens in the relationship when someone goes around and brags about it…something “strange” happens and the relationship ends.

The same with attracting that large sum of money…someone comes into your life and so called “rips you off”…or a series of events come into your life and you find yourself having to pay for something that seems to have “come out of the blue.”

If you have your own business…bragging about making $3000 while you slept last night…or having 30 new clients. Then what happens? All of a sudden someone cancels…wants their money back…you get the idea.

Now of course these situations happen in varying degrees.

The bottom line is…The more “sky high” you become when that something “new” and “exciting” comes into your life…the higher the probability you have of something “weird” coming into your life that is likely to take it away.

And most people don’t think about this because it’s easy when everything seems to be going your way to not want to think of the so called “downside” or “negative”…

But then guess what comes up? The very thing(s) you didn’t want.

So how do you overcome this?

You start by asking the question (and then answering)…

“How humble of a person are you?”

Now before I get to that, let’s take a look at the opposite of what I just said.

2. Bows and arrows

Of course there’s also the flip side to being “sky high”…and that is when things aren’t going your way. This can also include when people challenge and criticize you. And this occurs at all levels of life…ranging from the most “successful” to those that are so called “not successful.”

And just like the meaning of “Spinning Wheel”, the idea here as well is to not get too “caught up” because everything comes full circle in life.

Remember this…

No matter what you do in life…no matter who you are…no matter how “successful” you are…always know that you’ll deal with both sides of life.

Meaning…

You’ll have people liking and disliking you…equally.

People supporting and challenging you.

People praising and criticizing you.

Pleasure and pain.

Peace and “war.”.

..Equally.

There’s no escaping this.

You’ll get those “bows” and “arrows” coming at you throughout your life.

The question is…one…how do you deal with these situations?

And two…

“How humble of a person are you?”

And just like it’s easy to “feel good” when everything is going your way…it’s just as easy to “feel bad”, “down”, and even “depressed” when things aren’t going your way.

This again brings us back to the “Spinning Wheel”…and to not get too “caught up” because everything comes full circle in life.

3. Your spinning wheel of life

In a subtle way the song “Spinning Wheel” is referring to being humble. Because after all, your ability to not get too “caught up”…since everything comes full circle in life…has to do with you being humble.

Now back to the main question…

“How humble of a person are you?”

And along with this…

What can you do to start…and maintain your humbleness throughout life?

It begins by looking at how you handle the different situations in your life.

Do you get “too up” when things go your way. Do you get “too down” when things don’t go your way?

Are you trying to live a happy life…or are you living a fulfilled life?

Are you relying on positive thinking…or balanced thinking?

And yes…

I understand how easy it can be to always look for the “positive”…to always want to “feel good”…to always want to be “happy.”

And these are important.

However…

It’s also important to realize that this is just half of the picture when it comes to being a truly humble person.

And in being that truly humbled person is where your inner magnificence and brilliance shines…

It’s the radiance you give off that people are drawn to…

It’s also the backbone behind your authenticity.

And it’s involved in your “spinning wheel of life.”

Always remember…

You were put on this planet for a reason…to contribute tremendous amounts of value to the world through the uniqueness of who you are.

And realizing your “humbleness to humanity” creates the ripple effect of your balanced energy that goes out into the world for everyone to see.

It’s the driving force behind what you’re here to be, do, and have in your life.

It’s also the driving force behind how special of a person you are.

So take the time each day to thank yourself for who you are and all that you do…

Because you really do matter.

It happened in the air.

It happened on land.

It also happened on the sea…almost.

And…

In each case it involved either a person, place, or thing…sometimes all three at once.

This briefly sums up what was involved during some of my close calls in life.

When I was 26…it was going in to a spin during an airplane flying lesson over the Everglades Forest in Florida.

Through most of my life…different situations that took place on land with different people I’ve known.

And when I was 3…experiencing what it felt like to almost drown in a swimming pool.

Out of these three the one that’s still relevant in my life…the different situations that take place with people I either know or have known.

Before I get to those…

Think of the different situations throughout your life when you had a close call.

It could have been a near death experience…an important decision you made or didn’t make that changed the course of your life…or perhaps something someone said or didn’t say to you.

How did this impact your life?

What path did it lead you down?

What insights did you get that you didn’t have before?

Many times people associate “close calls” with something that is potentially disastrous.

This can be true.

However…

Much like every other situation in your life it has two sides. In this case disastrous and prosperous.

Case in point…

Let me come back to what I mentioned earlier…about the different “close call” situations that have occurred in my life that are still relevant…which has involved people I’ve known.

Back when I was 18 a friend of mine came over to my house on his moped.

He let me ride it around my housing development.

I just so happened to go this one particular way I rarely if ever went.

As a result…

I came across another kid I knew who was hanging out in front of his house.

We started talking.

I returned my friend’s moped…and then immediately went over to this other kid’s house.

And we’re still friends to this day…31 years later.

A close call.

Because had I gone a different way, most likely I wouldn’t have come across him and not have developed the friendship we still have.

Here’s another one that took place 5 months earlier…

I was in the high school cafeteria.

It was Friday which meant pizza day.

I rarely ate the school pizza. Yet, on this particular day I decided to get the pizza.

Then I went up to get a napkin and came face to face with a girl I had never seen.

We ended up being girlfriend and boyfriend for 4 months.

As a result of this “close call”…

I met some of her friends that helped get me jobs…which led to meeting other people…which led to an entirely new path I went down in my life.

And I’m certain had I not decided on eating pizza that day…I certainly would not have met my eventual girlfriend…along with the other people who came into my life down the road.

This “close call” changed the entire dynamic of my life.

Now let’s take more of a look at you.

Scan back through your life and look for these kinds of situations.

Then…

“Connect the dots” as I like to say.

When you do you’ll discover something you most likely weren’t aware of before.

And that is…

Every situation, person, and event in some way has contributed to your life.

Obviously some will stand out more than others.

Even the ones you first thought weren’t a big deal…when you “connect the dots”…you’ll see that it was a big deal and made a big difference.

Here’s something else to keep in mind…and it has to do with those “close calls” in your life.

When you go about your normal day and just do things “naturally” you’ll create these “close call” moments.

It may not seem like it as first.

Yet, over time they’ll mean more to you…you’ll value them.

Along with this you won’t come from a place of, “if I had done _____ my life would have been better.”

Or…

“If I didn’t do ________ my life would have been better.”

And gratefully…

You’ll just appreciate every moment along the way…even the ones that didn’t end up going your way.

Not only that…

You’ll also appreciate yourself more.

You’ll trust yourself more.

You’ll have greater self confidence.

Because you’ll realize that there are no “mistakes” in your life…only blessings.

And the most important blessings of all…

You’re alive.

And without a doubt…

This means you have a tremendous amount of value to offer the world through the uniqueness of who you are.

It also means that you’re a special person who deserves to be loved and appreciated for who you are.

What happens when you get a phone call at a restaurant?

If you’re like most people you haven’t…unless you happen to work there.

That’s what happened back in October 1992.

At the time I was living in Coral Springs Florida and working in a family owned Italian restaurant called Pontillos.

The phone rang and I picked it up which I did do on occasion…

Except this time…instead of it being a customer on the other end…it was my mother.

And being that she was living in New Jersey and calling me at work I knew something happened.

I was right.

She called to tell me that my step father Carl…the person who was my first mentor and who I lived under the same roof with from age 7-20 had passed away. He died peacefully in his sleep in his parents basement. Cause of death…heart attack.

He was alone when he passed away…as his mother found him several hours afterwards that same day.

My first reaction…a slight lump in my throat and a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

My second reaction…

I got off the phone…walked out the front door of the restaurant (which was about 25 feet away from the counter)…looked up at a 45 degree angle to the sky…and shed a slight tear.

And then I made a promise from that moment forward.

Now you may not have been at a restaurant when it happened to you…maybe you were.

Yet…

It’s still something you’ll always remember…where you were when a loved one in your life passed away.

All humans are the same in that regard

What’s different…

What did you do when a loved one passed away?

1. Beginnings that don’t end

The first time I met Carl was four months shy of my 7th birthday. Within the next year he moved in with us. And from that point on until a month after my 20th birthday I lived under the same roof as this man.

During that time many changes occurred in my life…

We moved into a house in the Old Bridge/Sayreville part of New Jersey. This was really the first time in my life that we lived in the same area for more than a year or two (we lived there for 9 years). I still consider this area to be my home in many ways…

Little by little I was learning to—as Carl would put it—“hustle.” He would always say, “you gotta be a go getter…you gotta hustle” (as he would snap his fingers).

This was his way of saying that it’s important to be persistent…to go after what you want…and not sit on your butt and expect everything to just come to you.

Over time I learned how to be more outgoing.

Carl’s profession was known then as a “headhunter”…meaning that he placed people in jobs. This required him to get on the phone and negotiate with people…to get a great deal.

This certainly has changed my life…and is largely responsible for what I do as a human potential specialist…because it allows me to be assertive with people in a way that benefits them.

And as a result of Carl coming into my life…so did my younger sister and brother.

Now what’s interesting in all of this is that once it began…from the moment I met him…it’s still going on in my life. Nothing ever went away and no one ever left…including Carl.

And the part that shocks most people…

Outside of that moment when I found out Carl passed away and had that little tear…I never mourned…had grief for…or felt the loss of Carl.

Surprising?

You’re probably thinking why…right?

Well, there was no reason to be because of the promise I made that day after I found out that Carl had passed.

2. Take hold of the flame

It’s been handed down over time and continues to be…and what I’m referring to is the idea of feeling “loss”, “remorse”, “bereavement”, and even depressed when a loved one passes away.

Because after all…it’s been taught and conditioned that if you don’t show any of these feelings that you don’t care about the person…or that you didn’t love them…or that you’re disrespecting them.

Is this really true?

Think about when you found out that a loved one passed away.

Were you told that you “had to” go to their wake and pay your last respects?

Were you told that you were “supposed to” mourn their “loss.”

Did you have family members you knew would get upset if you didn’t  show feelings of sadness?

These were some of the questions that went through my mind when I found out Carl had passed…

And I didn’t buy into any of them…and still don’t to this day.

The reason…

Because of the promise I made that day.

Now you may be thinking, “well you shed a tear that day…this means you showed the loss of Carl.”

Yes, I shed the tear.

Yet…

It wasn’t because of the loss of Carl.

It was because I made the promise right there on the spot that I would…from that point moving forward…carry on Carl’s spirit in some way…

Whether it was his “go getter/you gotta hustle” mentality…his “Joe cool” nature…his negotiation type of attitude…

I made it a point to keep that flame burning…and to do so in my own unique way.

And I knew by doing this, Carl would always be there.

Yes, the “physical being Carl” may have left…but the Spirit of Carl is still alive and well.

3. Watching over me

The last time I saw Carl alive was one year and 5 months before he passed away. I was visiting my mom in New Jersey and he happened to stop by.

If I had known then that it would be the last time I ever saw him…would I have done anything differently that day?

No.

And the reason is…and this goes back to what I said  before…because he’s still there…he’s watching over me.

This is also why I never felt depressed, sad, mourned, or found it difficult to carry on with my life.

Now I know many people react differently based on their relationship with the person they had who passed away.

Yet…

The same thing remains.

Because when you take the time to see all the different traits you admire (and even despise) about your loved one who passed away…

And you see where you have what you see in them in your own unique way…and how you see it in others as well…

You’ll be able to carry on keeping their spirit alive.

Yes, they may be gone physically but as their spirit is kept alive they’ll be in your heart…their mannerisms…and their presence will remain.

This is what happened when Carl passed away.

I started seeing many of his mannerisms in me…like I mentioned earlier…being a go getter…being persistent…and going after what you want and not waiting for it to come to you.

As for being sad, depressed, and not being able to carry on with life…

I know for sure Carl wouldn’t have wanted me to do any of that…

He would have wanted me to carry on with my life in my own unique way. I knew this…and it’s also one of the reasons why I made the promise I did that day…and one I’m still following through on to this day.

And the same is true for you.

Think about a loved one who passed away.

Would they want you to mourn them, be sad, be depressed, and feel like you can’t carry on with your life?

Ask yourself and be honest.

Also ask yourself…

Would you want others to carry on with their life when you pass away?

It comes down to this…

The people who come into your life…especially the ones you love and care about most will always be there in some way.

And when you realize that and how the different parts of them are in you…in your own unique way…

Not only are they always with you…

But the magnificence of who you are expands…

Because you get to see even more how special and unique of a person you are…

And how those special people that have been in…and continue to be in your life…all contribute to how special of a person you are.