Because This Is Your Life

There’s a certain moment that happens in your life when you realize it to be true.

There can also be a moment in your life when you find yourself questioning if it’s real…even to the point of not believing in it and wondering if it even exists.

When this happens, you can’t help but wonder how it can happen to someone else, even though it’s something that “deep down inside” you want.

And once you start thinking about it more it leaves you with a decision to make.

Sometimes it’s an easy decision….sometimes it’s not.

In either case it still centers around the same thing…and it’s something that all humans want.

And it involves one word…Love.

But there’s also something else involved that most people either never talk about or tell you never to do when it comes to falling in love with someone and being in a relationship with them…

And it’s one of the most—if not the most—important things you can ever do that allows you to “feel” and know what love really is.

So the question is…

Where (and who) is the love in your life?

1. Selfish love

During your life and especially while you were growing up I’m sure you heard many times about being generous to people…while at the same time were told not to be selfish.

At first it stands to reason and makes perfect sense.


When it comes to love and having that special person in your life that you do love it’s a different story.

Because in order to do so it’s important to be selfish…but not in the way that most people view selfishness.

This gives rise to what I call “selfish love.”

And it has to do with loving and taking care of yourself first. This is what I spoke about earlier as being one of the most important things you can ever do that allows you to “feel” and know what love really is.

Think about it…

How many relationships have you been in where you found yourself “giving up” certain things in your life just to make your partner happy?

How many times did you seem to put what was important to them first without taking the time to put what was important to you first?

How many times did you find yourself not being yourself in the relationship…and especially when you were around other people with your partner?

If you’re like me and most people you’ve experienced this quite often.

And how did the relationship turn out…most likely not the way you wanted.

As a result…how did it leave you feeling?

This brings us back to the idea of being selfish.

Naturally most people will immediately see being selfish as not caring about anybody else…but that’s not true.

The most important person you can ever care about is you…and this is absolutely vital if you’re looking to “feel” love(d) and to fall in love with that special person in your life.

And strange as it sounds it begins by being so called “selfish.”

Now of course this doesn’t mean that you don’t care about anybody else…or that everything centers around a “me me me attitude.”

What it does mean is that you care enough about yourself to put what is most important to you first…while at the same time also caring about others but in a way that allows you to give more of who you are without giving up who you are and what’s most important to you.

So this brings up what you read earlier and the question…

How is being selfish one of the most important things you can ever do that allows you to “feel” and know what love really is?

It comes down to this…

When somebody cares enough about you and truly “gets you” they’ll be ok with you being “selfish”…because they’ll know exactly what that really means and how it allows you to be you.

They’ll know that it allows you to do the things that are most important to you.

They’ll know that it allows you to have “space” and your own independence.

And they’ll know that all of this is a BIG part in showing their true love for you.

Along with that…

It’s what allows you to “feel” loved by someone and to know where love is in your life…even if at first you didn’t believe it existed.

2. Believing in love

Even when you “feel” loved by somebody and begin to have similar feelings towards a certain person there can be (and quite often is) the feeling of, “does love exist in my life?”

Naturally there’s many reasons for this and they usually have to do with what took place in your past relationships.

And what all of this leads to is…

“Do you believe in love” or “Don’t you believe in love.”

In fact this brings up a true story of what took place in my life that involved a person I used to be in a relationship with.

Back when I was 19 going on 20 I was in a relationship with a girl I really liked. We got along well. However, the relationship ended because her parents felt the age difference was too much (she was five years younger than me).

From the time our relationship ended and the two years that followed she dated many guys until she finally met the guy she is now married to. They have a wonderful marriage and are truly soulmates.

However, from the time me and her dated until she met her now husband there were a few of what she called “bad” relationships…and one in particular.

As she was telling me this on the phone one day (back in 2012) she said something I never expected to hear…and is something that is very much involved in the question, “Do you believe in love” or “Don’t you believe in love?”

She told me after those two “bad” relationships and especially the one in particular that, “Through that entire ‘bad’ experience I always thought about our relationship and how you treated me because it was always a reminder that there are great guys out there.”

She went on to say that this gave her reason to believe that she would find the “right guy” in her life…which she ended up doing.

Now how does this relate to you and being able to believe in love?

Because if you find yourself right now feeling that you don’t believe in love look in your life for what is likely to be “small clues” that there is reason to believe.

And obviously it’s going to be different for you than it is for someone else.

For you it could be something that took place in the past with someone like it did in the story I just shared with you.

It can also be…and is likely to be in someone you currently know…quite possibly in someone you just met.


This brings up what you read about earlier…that when you start thinking about it more it leaves you with a decision to make.


When you have that “gut feeling” that a certain person is the one for you go with it.

And notice I said “feeling.”


When it comes to believing in love and especially a certain person that paves the way for you to believe in love you won’t be thinking about it or them…you’ll “feel” them.

At that moment you’ll know.

This is that moment you read about earlier that happens in your life when you realize it to be true…and what you’ll be realizing is the love for them.

When this happens the decision I spoke about earlier that you’ll be left with—whether to get in to a relationship with this person—becomes an easy decision…

And one that will feel true regardless of what decisions you made in the past.

What also happens as a result is that you’ll begin to discover “the truth” in love…because the person involved will bring that feeling of truthfulness that allows you to believe in the love you deserve to experience in your life.

3. The healer of man and womankind

In my book “Because This Is Your Life” I speak about what you and every human being “deep down inside” wants…to be loved and appreciated for who you are and all you do.

The driving force of it all is “Love.”

Because after all “Love” is the most powerful healer of man and womankind.

The question is, “How do you know?”

Well it goes back to what you read about earlier…believing in love and having that selfish love. When you do you’ll bring the people and especially the person in to your life who appreciates and loves you because you appreciate and love yourself.

And it’s the appreciation and love you have for yourself that is the driving force behind any effective healing that takes place in your life.

This is what allows you to come from your heart and you’ll form a deep heartfelt connection with the person you bring in to your life…because you already did so with yourself. This is when you’ll “feel” this person (instead of thinking about them)  along with the love you’ll have for this person and it’ll be true.

And it’s this heartfelt love you have…first for yourself and then for the special person in your life that makes up what is the most powerful healer of man and womankind.


It can only come from your heart. It’s a feeling. Not a “puppy love crush” or infatuation types of thoughts disguised as feelings…but rather a deep connection you have with someone else that first starts with the connection you have with yourself. You can’t fake it.

Also remember…

Being loved and showing love is a day in and day out process…not some quick fix “I want to feel good” type of thing.

And it’s the people who prove this to you on a daily basis…along with you proving it to yourself on a daily basis is what also makes love the most powerful healer on earth.

One of my favorite quotes is…

“When you love yourself for who you are you turn into the person that loves you for who you are”

…And this is what brings the person in to your life that cherishes and loves you for who you are.

You never have to give up any part of who you are to be loved and appreciated in the way you want.

The people that get this will make up the special people in your life.

They’ll know the “real you”…

They’ll know that the “real you” is someone that matters…

They’ll know that the “real you” is someone who is important…

And they’ll know (as will you) that you do make a difference in the world…by being the wonderful YOU!

One of the amazing things about being a person living on this planet are the interactions you have with other people on a daily basis.

While sometimes these interactions go exactly the way you want, other times they don’t go exactly the you we want.

So whether you’re interacting with other family members, friends, co workers, or acquaintances, the possibility is always there that any of these interactions will either go the way you want or not go the way you want.

In either case there are times, sometimes more than you would like, where someone takes on the “I’m better than you” mentality and then there are times where someone may “shrink” themselves and have the “I’m not as good enough as you” mindset.

Now this leads to the question:

“Are you above or below anyone else?”

1. Different levels

We’ve all come across someone who takes on the “holier than thou” and “I’m better than you” attitude.

In fact you’ve even taken on that attitude at times as well, sometimes more than you’d like to admit. This isn’t a bad thing and of course there are lessons to be learned from it.

No matter who it is or whatever it involves in any area of your life, the bottom line is that no one is better than anyone else. In other words, no one is above or below you and you are not above or below anyone else.

However, we are all on different levels  and this of course is dictated by our values or the things that are most important to us.

For example, Michael Jordan is regarded as a great basketball player but does that make him better than you? No.

When it came to basketball he was on a higher level than most people.

Let’s take Michael Jordan and have him be an auto mechanic for a living. Unless he has skills in working on cars he won’t be too good at it.

Now let’s say you love to work on cars and you have exceptional skills in doing so.
You’ll be on a higher level when it comes to fixing cars. You’ll be better than Michael Jordan when it comes to fixing cars unless Michael elevates his car fixing skills.

So is Michael Jordan better than you? Are you better than him?

When it comes to fixing cars you’ll be better and when it comes to playing basketball he’ll be better.

The bottom line is that no one is better than anyone else, however each of us are on different levels  when it comes to our individual skill set, which is based on our highest values or the things most important to us.

2. Stepping  up

It’s been stated and demonstrated many times that if you take someone who let’s say makes $40,000 per year and you put them in the presence of people who are millionaires, that the person making $40,000 will have a high probability  of feeling uncomfortable and out of place.

In other words people who have salaries  in the $40,000 type range will typically “shrink” themselves when they’re in the presence of others who are making millions.

Of course I’m using an arbitrary figure here but you get the idea.

In any case, the point to be made here is that regardless of your situation, it comes down to you being able to step  up” your game so to speak.

Many times people “shrink” themselves in the presence of others they feel are so called “better.” They’ll first infatuate with this person, put them on a pedestal, and then compare themselves to this person.

In fact many people will do this even if they aren’t in the presence of others directly, but will also do so in their perceptions.

So instead of minimizing or “shrinking” yourself in comparison to others, step  up or as Einstein said,

“Stand on the shoulders of these giants.”

You’re not here to be below anyone and others are not here to be above you.
Taking Einstein’s advice, stand on the shoulders of these giants by acknowledging that anything you like and admire in others you have too.

How can you prove this to be true…

You wouldn’t be saying it about others if you didn’t have it as well!

3. Grace and style

As I’m writing this I just realized how appropriate it is to add some fuel to the fire so to speak.

What I’m referring to is that of adding some GAS in the form of Grace And Style to what I’ve been speaking about today.

Regardless of what level  you’re on in any area of your life, you really make yourself stand out in a much more powerful way by being graceful.

No matter what you do, you’ll always have people who will like and dislike you, support and challenge you, be kind and cruel to you.

Just know that it’s how you react to and handle it that counts, and doing so in a graceful manner is what will set you apart  and have you shine brightly.

It can be very tempting and easy at times to get “up”, “elated”, “cocky”, and “puffed up” when things go your way.

It can also be tempting and easy to get “down”, depressed “, “shameful”, and “beat yourself up” when things don’t go your way.

However, you are most powerful when you’re poised and present.

This is when you really get to see how magnificent and brilliant of a person you really are.

In the process you’ll also be your true and authentic self along with being able to love yourself for who you are.

We all want to be loved and appreciated for who we are.

Always remember…

“When you love others for who they are they turn into the one you love” and “When you love yourself for who you are you turn into the one you love.”

Sometimes it’s one of the easiest things to say, but difficult to do.

And then other times it’s very easy to think about, but difficult to follow through on.

As easy as it does seem at times, it can be hard to find just the right words to say in the right moment.

But no matter how you look at it, you’ll realize how valuable it is for you.

What I’m talking about is showing your appreciation. And this includes showing appreciation for yourself, other people, situations you’re in throughout your life, and everything else in between.

So what makes showing your appreciation sometimes easy to say and difficult to do?

What makes it sometimes easy to think about but difficult to follow through on?

How come it seems like sometimes you just can’t find the right words to say at the right time?

Or does all of this just seem that way and not the case to begin with?

No matter how you look at it, the all important question still remains…

What does it mean to appreciate your life?

…And the answers you come up with dictates how your life plays out.

1. Checks and balances

During your life you’re given what I like to call “tests.” This is also known as the challenging moments you face in your life. And no matter how much you want things to always go your way, and no matter how much you want other people to always support you, the fact is that these “tests” of life are necessary and unavoidable.

And the reason is because it’s yet another way of learning how to appreciate your life.

Now you may be thinking, “Well how can something that I didn’t want to happen in my life help me appreciate my life?”

Let me share a personal example with you.

As many of you know I have a fitness background. And this led me many years back to getting involved with someone who had an existing training studio in California. This person asked me to be his partner and so I drove out to California, gave this person $30,000, and after 2 weeks had a funny feeling and backed out.

I never got the money back. I ended up moving back to New Jersey. And when this was all said and done—the legal fees, driving across the country and back, moving costs, and living expenses— it ended up costing me over $50,000.

On the surface it looks like a situation most people would regret and wished they could do over.

If I had that mindset it would be running my life. Not only that but I wouldn’t be doing what I love today. I wouldn’t have met all the wonderful people I have as a result.

The most important thing that came out of this was and continues to be a greater appreciation for my life…

Because I experienced both sides of life in the process. The pain and pleasure.

The giving and taking. The nice and mean. The happy and sad.

This in turn has helped me learn how to make “big” decisions in so called “pressure” type situations.

And this was yet another step involved in living a fulfilled life.

When you take a look at your life, it is wise to check and look for the balance in those negative moments by looking to see how it benefited you…

As well as to check and look for the balance in those positive moments by looking to see how they were a drawback to you in your life.

By doing so, you’ll be more fulfilled and have a greater appreciation for your life.

2. Midlife blessings

I’m sure you’ve heard about people having a mid life crisis. Whatever that means to you, the fact is that people have this “midlife crisis” for various reasons. It can range from getting older to their children growing up to their own physical health…it can be anything. It depends on the person.

Now since you can’t have a crisis without a blessing, then of course you can’t have a midlife crisis without having a midlife blessing.

So if you feel that you’re having a midlife crisis, what is your midlife blessing?

Better yet, what are your entire life’s blessings?

And if you’re not sure of what they are, start looking for any crisis in your life. Look through your entire life right up to the current moment and for each crisis look for the blessing…

Because when you do, you’ll discover yet another way of how to appreciate your life.

Here’s something else very important to be aware of…

Many times you’ll have the tendency to want to change places with someone else that you feel is getting a better deal or has a better situation in life. Let’s use age as an example.

If you find yourself having that midlife crisis (which again isn’t a bad thing at all) because you feel you’re getting older, the tendency will be to say, “God I wish I was young again.” In the process of doing so you may wish you were in your early 20’s like your friend’s daughter for example.

Think about this for a moment.

What would happen if you could change places with that person and be “young” again. It may look like the thing to do on the surface but would you really want to do that? Is there something perhaps you felt you didn’t do back when you were younger? Are there any regrets?

While the thought of it can be tempting, it is wise to appreciate the time you had during those experiences.

And just as important, appreciate what is currently going on in your life.

Because whether you’re talking about now or back then, there were just as many benefits as there were drawbacks. They may have changed over time in how they look but they’re still there.

As for the age issue…

I like to say that you can’t get old without getting young. You get older in wisdom and younger in vitality.

This is yet another reason to appreciate your life.

3.  Appreciate it forward

You’ll hear many people speak about appreciation and appreciating your life. But do they know exactly what that means? What does that mean? As far as you’re concerned, “What does it mean to appreciate your life?”

No matter how you look at it and whatever it means to you, what you appreciate appreciates.

And this involves those “little big” things in life. The often unseen acts that plants the seeds for those results you do see with your eyes.

This includes:

Taking those extra few seconds when you have a bunch of things on your mind to help someone else out…

To hold the door open for someone at the store…

To give them the right of way when you’re driving…

Being patient with someone who may not be in the same situation you’re in…

Truly listening with a caring ear to someone that is going through a very challenging time…

Giving more of your time for a cause that’s important to you…

And the list goes on and on.

Whatever those “little big” things are, they are yet another way of appreciating it forward…

Because whatever you appreciate appreciates. Some people call it good karma. I personally don’t believe in karma because when you’re truly grateful, thankful, and appreciate yourself for who you are and for all the people and situations you’ve come across in your life…

And you’re able to see both sides—the so called “positives’ and “negatives”—of each person and situation equally, good karma and bad karma doesn’t exist.

What does exist is the appreciation of both sides of who you are and what you’ve experienced in your life.

As a result you uncover the magnificence and brilliance of who you are…that’s been there all along throughout your amazing journey in life.

It’s the same thing I go through every night before going to sleep…

It also happens quite often while I’m lying in bed…

And it’s most likely happening to you as well…sometimes even to the point
where you may have difficulty sleeping.

But then other times it’s responsible for getting the best night of sleep you’ll
ever have.

And the strange part of it…

They’ll be times when you have tears in your eyes because of it.

What I’m talking about is…thinking.

You can also look at it as the thoughts you have right before you go to sleep,
and even while you’re lying in bed trying to fall asleep.

So, what type of thinking are we talking about here?

It’s the thoughts about the different people in your life…

To include those currently in your life, as well as those who have come into
and then possibly have gone out of your life.

More specifically…

It’s the special people who are in and have been a part of your life.

When thinking about this what also comes to mind are the different ways
these people came into being “special” in the first place. What did they do,
how did they touch your life, and how did they even come in to your life
to being with?

This can be answered by thinking about them while asking the question,

“Who are the special people in your life?”

1. Lifetime love rituals

At first it may seem like there’s a fine line between the people you think are special and those who are truly special. The fact is that there’s a big difference. And it begins with something I speak about (and live) on a regular basis…

Doing the “little things” that make the “big” differences along with the two things every human being looks for in others…

Someone who is truthful and trustworthy.

Think about all the different people in your life. What takes place with them when you’re in their presence and even when you speak with them on the phone? What are the little nuances and gestures that you pick up on?

For example…

When you’re in a conversation with someone, are they truly listening to you with a caring ear…or just “hearing you” while most likely thinking about something (and possibly someone) else and having their own verbal discussion going on with themselves?

Along with this…are they looking in to your eyes directly or do they drift off and look in different directions?

These are “little big things” that aren’t so little. This is one of the day in and day out “rituals” (if you will) of what to look for because it’s a big part of whether someone makes their way into your life and becomes that special person in your life.

Here’s another example…

How many times did you ask someone to do something for you and they said in a huffy puffy way, “sure ok.” Or perhaps they agreed and you could just tell they didn’t want to do it…but did anyway…mostly out of an “un-wanting” type of obligation.

Whatever you asked them to do—and even though they did it—you just know they would have rather been off doing something else.

What it comes down to is this…

The people who are the most special to you will be those that make eye contact with you while truly listening…that will do things for you that they really want to do…and they’ll be sincere about it.

They’ll truly care. They’ll not be thinking about other things going on in their lives, but rather will take the time and listen without making any premature judgments.

And most of all…

They’ll appreciate and love you for who you are.

These are all part of the lifetime love rituals that you’ll get from those who are truly the special people in your life.

So now the question is…

“How do these people come into your life”

…And what about being truthful and trustworthy?

2. Tears (and truth) from your heart

Earlier you read about what is most likely going on with you before going to sleep at night, as well as what takes place while lying in bed at night. It’s what you’re thinking about. More specifically, the thoughts about the different people in your life.

But what is actually going on while you’re lying there having these thoughts? Who are you thinking about? What are you thinking about regarding these people?

This is something I can relate to very well…

Because it’s something I experience every night.

While lying in bed (and even right before going to sleep) thoughts of the special people in my life come into my mind. Thoughts of where we are now in our relationship, how we met, how far we’ve come, and especially the trust we’ve developed all come up.

And this includes those I’ve known for 30+ years as well as those who have recently come into my life.

In fact, this also brings up what took place the first time we met. And in every case there was a “click” from day one…the feeling that you just knew these people would be the special ones in your life…the feeling that they’ll be with you for life.

Also interesting here is the fact that in every one of these cases it was a “true feeling”…not some infatuation type of feeling that comes today and is gone tomorrow.

What also happens often during these “bedtime thinking moments”…the tears in your eyes. And these tears are tears of gratitude…tears that represent the special people in your life who have been truthful and trustworthy.

It’s the feeling you have when you know that there’s people in your life who care about you, who appreciate you, and who love you for who you are.

And the one thing that is present in all of this…the truth…and not some “pretending to be someone you’re not” type of thing just to please other people.

That’s what’s also so magical about who the special people in your life are…you can be your true self…the person you were put in this world to be…and without having to worry what others will think about you.

Now how these people come in to your life will be different for you than it is for someone else.

But what’s the same is…

Whoever these people are they’ll be the ones you’ll have the “true relationships” with…they’ll be the ones who care…the ones who take the time to get the facts…and the ones who will also represent the “fun” part of life.

Not only that but these people also represent another part of life…

The love of life.

3. For the love of life

Whenever you ask someone, “What is the meaning of life” you’ll naturally get a different answer from each person…because obviously there are as many different answers as there are people. Of course they’ll be times when you get two or more people who will have similar answers…but not 100% the same.

In any case, there is still one universal answer to the question, “What is the meaning of life”, and it involves what life stands for…


The answer to this question for everyone is…love.

And this is right at the heart of who the special people in your life are…why they’re here…and what they mean to you.

It’s all about love…the love you have for these special people…and the love they have for you.

This reminds me of a girl I was good friends with back in 2006. We were never boyfriend/girlfriend, but good friends. She said to me one day, “I love all of my friends and I love you too.”

For some reason this always stuck with me even though what she was saying is something I was well aware of already…

Because the special people in your life will be those that you truly love.

Now of course they’ll be different levels (and degrees) of love based on the relationship you have with them. If you’re boyfriend/girlfriend they’ll be a more intimate type of love than if you were close friends. That’s obvious and at times they’ll be exceptions to this based on the people involved.


The point here is…they’ll be a “sacred love” you’ll have with the special people in your life. Of course I can’t tell you exactly what that will be.

But what I can tell you is that it’ll be special between the two of you. It’ll be based on the connection you’ll have with each other. And It’ll certainly be based on being truthful and trustworthy with one another.

And strange as it may sound, it will include “tests” along the way…the type of “tests” that will get you to see if you’ll stand by each other through “thick” and “thin.”

These are the “tests” of love. They’re “testing” your love for each other by bringing in both supporting and challenging situations, along with the many different types of happy and sad moments that will come up. This is natural and absolutely necessary for any type of loving relationship.

Not only that…

But the more of these “tests” you have the more likely these special people will remain in your life for life. It’s what allows the two of you to “grow” as people. It’s what also helps you discover the truth of who you are.

Also realize that this can include if those special people in your life do not live near you.

It’s fascinating and I’m sure you’ve experienced this in some way…you can be closer to someone who lives 1000 miles away than you can to someone that may be living in the same house as you.


There will be no boundaries—even thousands of miles apart—that will ever separate you from the special people in your life…because they’ll always be in your life in some way.

What’s also fascinating is that you can even go a year, 5 years, 10 years or even more without seeing or talking to this person and when you reconnect it’ll seem like no time ever went by.

No matter how you look at it or what your situation is…the most special people (and I mean the REAL special ones) in your life will be there for life.

So make it a point to tell them in some way…

And let them know how much they mean to you because they’re certainly part of
what makes you the special person you are.

Thank them…appreciate them…and be there for them…

Because they’ll appreciate you for the magnificent person you are and all that you do.