Beliefnet
Because This Is Your Life

Sometimes it happens when no one is around.

Sometimes it happens when everyone is watching.

It can occur in a place you expect…

Although it has a tendency to occur when you least expect it.

And as strange as it seems…

At times you may not realize it at first.

Yet…

It’s likely you will know, even though you may not be able to exactly pinpoint it at first.

However…

No matter how you find out about it, it becomes the pivot point from which your life—as you knew it and moving forward—is never the same.

And this has to do with those certain moments you experience in your life.

Now you may think I’m referring to your defining moment. In some ways…yes.

But there’s something else…and it has to do with you in that moment.

Naturally this bring up a question and one that you have the answer to, even though you may say you don’t right now.

And by the time you finish reading this you’ll have that answer.

First the question…

What moment defines who you really are?

1. Giving up or getting up

The moment still stands out for me. While I knew it applied to what I was doing at the time, I wasn’t aware that it would stay with me and be the driving force for the rest of my life.

And this all came about after being hit by a baseball traveling between 80-90 miles per hour.

Back in high school when I was 16 I went out for the baseball team.

I got into fitness and worked out for 4 months in preparation for the tryouts.

The tryouts were for 3 weeks.

You had to make two “cuts” to make the team.

I made the first cut.

When the day came for the final cuts and who made the team, the coach read off the names of the kids who didn’t make the team.

He read all the names…stopped…and since he didn’t read my name I thought I made the team.

Then he read off my name…and cut me.

In that moment he said, “you have more guts than anyone I’ve ever seen. Come out for the team next year and you’ll probably make it.”

I’ve shared this story before.

However…

What I’ve rarely shared was the incident that likely led to him saying that…when I got hit with that 80-90 mile per hour baseball…the moment that defines who I really am.

When I got hit by that baseball…which was thrown by one of the upper class men who was an all county pitcher I was batting against…I went down.

It hit me in the one area that was unprotected…my ribs.

Yes, it did hurt.

Yet, I had no intention of staying down so I got back up and finished batting.
I ended up striking out…which bothered me more than getting hit.

And as simple…and maybe unassuming as this may seem…this moment spurred me on right to this very day to never give up.

It’s become my driving force to get back up instead of giving up…

Not only as it related to sports at that point in time…but to any situation in life where the thought of giving up or being persistent came into play.

I saw it from a “going out for the baseball team” perspective back then.

Since then, it has carried over into any event in my life where that crossroads came up…either keep persisting and be relentless or give up.

Now let’s talk about you.

Think back through your life.

What is the one moment that defines who you are?

It could have taken place yesterday, one week ago, 3 months ago, or 20 years ago.

Where did it take place?

Who was there?

Were you aware of it at the time? Were you partly aware of it at the time? Did you see it as one way when it happened and then saw more of the blessings in it over time?

And look to the different areas of your life…in your family, your social network, in your occupation…or anywhere. It’s going to be unique for you.

When you find it you’ll know…it’ll “click.”

Once you do there’s something else to be aware of.

2. The sounds of silence

After I got hit with the baseball I do remember 4 people that came to my aid…the pitcher who threw the ball, the catcher, and two of the coaches. I told them I was fine and continued to play.

Now even though 30-40 other people were there when this happened it seemed like I was the only one there…because it felt like one of those “silent moments” so to speak.

You know, that moment when things seem to be going in slow motion.

There were sounds of silence…even as I had those 4 people come to see if I was ok.

The reason for this…and why it didn’t hurt as much after I got hit with the baseball…is because I was so focused on my mission at the time…making the baseball team…that nothing was going to get in the way of it.

So I got back up and continued to play on…not just that day but every day since then.

When you look back on the moment that defines who you are, what was going on around you at the time?

Did it seem like the sounds of silence?

Was that moment frozen in time?

If other people were present…did you know who they were…were they cheering you on…were they cheering you on but you didn’t hear anyone?

Because whatever that moment is which defines who you really are, something magical takes place.

Now I can’t tell you what that is because it’s unique to you.

What I can tell you is that you’ll know when it occurs.

And even though the moment may seem like it’s in slow motion…or that you may not hear the people who are there…you’ll know all the details of what happened in that moment.

Then comes the next part…

3. Beyond the realms of reality

After you realize the moment that defines who you really are, what happened moving forward from that day onward?

What other areas of your life did it carry over into?

It’s interesting…

Because after I got cut from the baseball team I never played baseball again.

However…

That entire experience…the coach cutting me and then saying what he did…and getting hit with that baseball…gave me the will to never give up in the other areas of my life.

This included challenging moments getting my business off the ground, when things seemed hopeless.

It carried over into my finances after I had my credit wiped out and most of my savings drained.

It helped me persevere during challenging situations in various relationships with others…to include my past marriage.

And it gave rise to another…often overlooked gift…dealing with people who don’t believe in you or what you want to accomplish.

I’m sure you know what I mean.

It’s when you hear people—sometimes family members and those closest to you—say, “oh that’s just the way it is, this is reality.”

Sound familiar…right?

This is what happened with me.

And having that one moment—getting hit by a baseball and then getting back up—define who I really am also allowed me to go “beyond the realms of reality” (which I call actuality).

What happened as a result?

It gave me the will to follow my vision and embrace both sides of life equally along the way…the joys and sorrows, the happiness and sadness, the pleasures and pains, the supports and challenges, the praise and criticism.

As you go through your life you’ll come across these moments as well. How you handle them determines what level of success you end up having.

When you realize what moment in your life defines who you really are, you’ll in some way gain this all important life skill and dictate your own destiny.

Involved in your destiny is realizing your magnificence and how special of a person you are.

And the more you understand the moment that defines who you really are, the more you’ll see it repeat in your life over time during different situations.

Along with that…

Others will see it as well.

They’ll see who you really are.

And they’ll also see what you’ve already realized about yourself…

How much of an important person you are and the tremendous amount of value you contribute to the world through the uniqueness of who you are.

Here is something that most people are not aware of when it comes to their most important relationships they have with others.

Not only is this often overlooked, but in most cases it is the determining factor as to whether or not you have the type of loving relationships you want.

Before I reveal what this is, just know that this is involved in any relationship that matters most to you, whether it is through marriage, a new mate, and even with a very close friend.

What I’m referring to as being vital to the success you have in your relationships comes down to answering a critically important question:

“Do you like or love your significant other?”

Now at first you may say, “well what is the difference?”

There’s actually a huge difference.

So let’s take a look at that difference right now.

1. Liked ones vs. loved ones

As the two words imply, there is a difference between “like” and “love.” Taken a step further, there’s a huge difference between “liked ones” and “loved ones.” In fact, this is something that is very subtle that you may never have been aware of…until now.

You’ve heard me say before that there is a difference between when you say, “I should”, “I have to”, “I’m supposed to” versus saying, “I love to”, “I’m inspired to”, “This is what I’ve always dreamed of.” The same thing applies here except now we’re talking about relationships.

What I mean is that, do you “like” or “love” your significant other?

And yes there is a huge and relationship transforming difference.

One of the biggest ways you can tell if you “like” or “love” someone is to ask yourself if you appreciate the person you’re with when they have both positive and negative moments.

In other words, do you appreciate when they’re mean, cruel, greedy, sad, and warful, just as much as when they’re nice, kind, generous, happy, and peaceful towards you?

If you do then you “love” rather than “like” this person.

Just know that when I speak of being mean, cruel, greedy, sad, and warful, that these traits serve you and the relationship in varying degrees.

For example, your spouse may have been greedy with you regarding a conversation you had with them where they took over the conversation because they had an insight that was of benefit to you in a conflict you were having with your boss at work.

So when I speak of those negative traits above, I want you to look at them from a higher level of awareness because when you perceive others in those ways, it does benefit you.

The point here is that the strongest, longest lasting, and most loving relationships will have a balance of both sides, positive and negative, to include those traits in each of you.

Contrary to what most people are selling and having you believe, every relationship is going to have peace and war, giving and taking, up days and down days, happy and sad moments, and so on.

Once you realize this and know how each side is vital and healthy to the relationship, then you’ll appreciate that person more, and you’ll truly “love” rather than just “liking” them.

2. The vows of life

I’m sure many of you are familiar with the marriage vows. In general they go something like this…”I ________, take you ________ to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, and so on. Most people are not aware of something very important that is mentioned here…and it is two words I want you to pay close attention to…

“True” and “And”

Why are these two words important and how do they relate to “liking” or “loving” your significant other?

When you are “true” and truly love your significant other (or anyone for that matter) you’ll embrace both sides of that person equally. This is where the “And” comes in.

Notice in the wedding vows that it’s “in sickness AND in health, good times AND bad? It doesn’t say “Or”, it says, “And”…

Yet, most people are still trying for the “Or” in their relationships and life by trying to live a one sided (an “Or”) life and be more happy than sad, more nice than mean, more kind than cruel, more peaceful than warful.

Trying to have a relationship in this one sided manner will eventually either end the relationship or at the very least turn it into a “liking” relationship rather than a “loving” one.

So what can you do to have the type of loving and long lasting relationship you’d love to have…embrace both sides of the person.

Even with that, there is one more very important piece I want to bring up right now.

3. Significant others

Every human being has a set of values or something that is most important to them. Another way to say this is that every person has a set of their highest priorities, things that are most important, second most important , third most, and so on to them.

Along with that is the fact that each person has a different set of values. No two people have exactly the same values as someone else.

This is important in your relationships because it is your ability to know how to communicate what is important to you in terms of what is important to your significant other that determines the quality and duration of your relationship.

When you realize this, along with knowing that your significant other has two sides to them, and that it serves you and the relationship, you’ll “love” them instead of “liking” them, and you’ll be well on your way to having what many call the “dream” or “ideal” relationship.

And since you’re a reflection of what you see in others, you’ll also realize your own brilliance and magnificence along the way. In fact that is the ultimate purpose of your relationships.

When you love others for who they are, they turn into the one you love. This in turn is trying to get you to love yourself for who you are so you can turn into the one you love.

Be sure to thank your significant others for who they are and how they contribute so much to your life…

And certainly be sure to thank yourself for all that you do and contribute to the world with your uniqueness.

In the second grade, they asked us what we wanted to be.

I said I wanted to be a ball player and they laughed.

In the eighth grade, they asked the same question, and I said a ball player and they laughed a little more.

By the eleventh grade, no one was laughing.

These are the words of former baseball great Johnny Bench.

However…

This could have very well been said by someone you know…even you.

Obviously, you’re most likely not a baseball player…but you do have goals…dreams of what you would love to do…a vision of how you want your life to be.

And if you’ve ever told someone what those are…at some point…you most likely had someone who laughed at you…said you were crazy…told you to “get real”…and in all likelihood said “get a job.”

In other words…

These people did not take you seriously…at first.

Who were these people?

Where were you at?

And when this happened what did you do?

This brings up the question…

What do you do when people don’t take you seriously?

1. Giggles and kids

It typically begins when you start elementary school. At some point you’ll be doing something…or saying something…or declaring in some way what you’d love to do.

And what happens?

You get the other kids…and sometimes even the teachers…laughing at you and thinking it’s some kind of joke.

It may not be obvious as outright laughing. It can also be the giggles that kids give.

Then over time those giggles and laughter from the kids turns into being “ignored” as an adult.

In either case it still has to do with others not taking you seriously.

So what can you do about this?

To start…

Whether you’re a kid still in school…or an adult…it begins with being aware and making it a point to consistently pay attention to this…

One…no matter what you do in life you’ll always get both sides equally.

That is, the supports and challenges, the praise and criticism, people liking and disliking you, and people paying attention and not paying attention to you. There’s no escaping this.

Two…whatever it is that you’d love to do…no matter how outrageous it may seem now…if it’s something you truly want, you’ll do whatever it takes, travel any distance, and pay whatever price to achieve it.

And you’ll embrace both sides equally along the way.

Plus…

When people do ignore you and not take you seriously, you’ll know that as one person ignores and isn’t taking you seriously…another person is paying attention to you and taking you seriously.

2. Cocky or Rocky

Here’s what else Johnny Bench said in his quote:

“There are too many false things in the world, and I don’t want to be a part of them. If you say what you think, you’re called cocky or conceited.

But if you have an objective in life, you shouldn’t be afraid to stand up and say it.”

Interestingly…

This is one of the more common reasons why people don’t speak up and say what it is they truly want. As a result they’ll either stay quiet or just say, “I have no idea what I want to do with my life.”

Then you have the flip side of this…the people who are cocky, “puffed up”, and are bragging about themselves.

So how do you strike the healthy balance?

Because…believe it or not…it is vital that you do have a “healthy ego” along with a “non ego.”

It’s called being humble…in a confident way.

This reminds me of being “cocky” vs. Rocky.

“Cocky” being the typical ego centric mindset of “I’ve arrived”, “look at me.”

When I say Rocky, I’m referring to the Rocky character in the movie Rocky. The humble, yet confident person that knows he’s a good boxer…but was never given the chance…while having most people laugh at him thinking he’s a joke.

And it’s being confident in who you are…in what you’re doing…while being humble…and embracing both sides equally is what skyrockets you from being ignored to being someone that people start paying attention to and taking seriously.

As far as being confident is concerned…

Again, when you embrace both sides equally…and not worry about the so called “negative” people and situations you encounter…you’ll remain confident because you won’t let either side…the so called “positive” or “negative” get to you.

Instead…

You’ll be poised and focus.

At this point is when you’ll get people taking you seriously.

Yet…

There’s still another incredibly important part involved…

3. Heartfelt craziness

Earlier you saw this other quote from Johnny Bench… “But if you have an objective in life, you shouldn’t be afraid to stand up and say it.”

This leads to one of my own favorite quotes…

“The next time someone says that you’re crazy and out of your mind, tell them thank you and say, “when I’m out of my mind I’m in my heart which is the most powerful and authentic place to be.”

I call this heartfelt craziness.

And it’s certainly one of the “tipping points” you’ll experience when people don’t take you seriously.

Because it allows you to stand up for yourself…what you believe in…and it’s your driving force to stay persistent without giving up.

As a result…

People will start taking you seriously and listen to what you have to offer.

Now granted you’ll still get some people who will ignore you no matter what you do.

However…

You’ll have new people coming into your life that do take you seriously…

And you’ll have more of those people as well.

Remember…

If you want 1000 people liking and support you…expect 1000 people disliking and challenging you.

The same thing is true when it comes to people taking you seriously…

If you want 5000 people taking you seriously…be prepared and expect 5000 people to not take you seriously.

Yes, it sounds strange and goes against the so called “conventional wisdom” you’ll hear from most people…

Yet, this is one of the true secrets that’s involved in having the levels of success you want…to of course include wanting people to take you seriously.

And just know this…

It all begins by taking yourself seriously…in a healthy and fun way…

And this includes acknowledging the magnificence and brilliance of who you are.

Because when you do…

You’ll value yourself more…

People will value you…

And you’ll be taken seriously for the special person you are and all that you contribute to the world.

I remember speaking with a friend five years ago who mentioned about how life has its interesting turns and twists. This person also went on to say about how ironic things can turn out in life.

Of course I found this to be interesting as I think about this type of thing often.

As I gave more thought to this, I began to think more about one’s life journey.

Each person has their own personal and unique life’s journey and along with it the interesting turns and twists that are unique and sometimes appear to be ironic.

But are they really?

This entire thought process led me to what I want to speak about today and that is…

“Has your life come full circle?”

1. The illusion of karma

I’m sure you’ve heard about how people say that “karma” will get you one way or the other. You’ll hear it’s “good karma” to do “this” and it’s “bad karma” if you do “that.” Many people live with this thought process and think if they or someone else does something labeled as “good” then they’ll get “good” in return.

Many people also think if they or someone else does something labeled as “bad” or “negative” then they’ll get “negative” or “bad” in return.

Both of these types of situations are illusions and the same can be said of “karma.”

The interesting turns and twists along with everything that occurs in your life has nothing to do with “karma.” It has everything to do with the duality and synchronicity of the Universe.

You may not see that with your eyes but that is what’s going on “below the surface.”

Why is this important?

Because when it comes to your life coming full circle, in essence it is and has already been functioning in this mode of coming full circle.

Those people, places, and events, especially the people, who come into, go out of, and then back into your life does not happen by accident. In fact, in many ways they never left to begin with.

It may appear that way on the outside but in actuality those people, who contribute to both your life and you coming full circle in your life, never left.

2. Your circle of influence

The people you associate with in your life is your circle of influence. Of course this can and does change over time. As you go through your life’s journey people will come into and go out of your life.

Along with this people can come into, go out of, and then come back into your life.

They can also go out of your life and stay out as well.

So your circle of influence is always changing in one way or the other.

This plays very much into your life coming full circle.

How many people have you known who were in your life at some point, who may have criticized you, then all of a sudden appear a number of years later and then praise you.

How many people do you know in your own life who were in your life and then for some reason dropped out, and then resurfaced years later, but they have completely changed from the way they “used” to be?

I find this to be fascinating because it applies to every person in the world, in one way or the other.

The other part of this has to do with the timing of these situations that occur. This is discussed next.

3. The beauty of timing

Just like with “karma” people will say there is “good timing” and then label other situations and events as having “bad timing.”

And just like with the illusion of “karma” this is not true, it’s how we perceive it.

The so called “good” and “bad” timings of the events in your life is just one’s perception of what they see in that moment.

The fact of the matter is that the “good” and “bad”, “positive” and “negative” timing of it has both sides occurring equally.

When it comes to your life coming full circle, when you look real closely it has always come full circle.

My intention for you is to be aware of that so you don’t get caught into the illusions of life which leads to an unnecessary amount of emotional baggage that may weigh you down.

It is much wiser to see both sides equally of every person, event, and situation that takes place during your life’s journey.

When you’re able to do this, you’ll greatly reduce any of that emotional baggage that may have been weighing you down.

This will help you to empower the different areas of your life and then you’ll start to see certain people who you may have forgotten about, and who may have criticized you in your past, resurface and then praise you.

You’ll also start to see this same pattern occurring with events as well.

All of this happens when you realize the magnificence and brilliance of who you are along with the tremendous amount of value you contribute to others and the world.

When you value yourself, the world values you.When you invest in yourself, the world invests in you.

When you treat yourself as the magnificent genius you are, the more your genius unfolds and surfaces…

And the more you give yourself permission to do amazing things, the more the world sees how amazing of a person you are.