Beliefnet
Because This Is Your Life

When you think of blood, sweat, and tears what comes to mind?

Pain?

Persistence?

Perseverance?

Working hard?

Does the thought of a rock group come to mind?

Probably not…right?

That is…until now.Because Blood, Sweat, and Tears is the name of a music group that formed in the late 1960’s.

Their most popular song is called Spinning Wheel.

And within this song are the lyrics, “What goes up must come down.”

Now there’s an important reason I’m bringing this up because it has to do with you and the way your life plays out.

More specifically…

It relates to how you handle different situations throughout your life.

And along with this comes the question:

“How humble of a person are you?”

1. Flying high again- The meaning of the song “Spinning Wheel” centers around the idea of “not getting too caught up” because everything comes full circle in life.

And this ties right in with the song lyric “what goes up must come down.”

It’s also right at the core of how humble of a person you are…

Especially as it relates to getting too “up” when things seem to always be going your way.

This can and does happen when you attract more money into your life.

It can be when you get into a new relationship.

It happens to people who have their own businesses.

And it also occurs in any area of your life.

Now think about when someone (or possibly even yourself) had something new and “exciting” come into your life…something beyond what you’ve had before.

What typically happens?

You’ll have a tendency to brag about it…become ecstatic about it…tell everyone about it…and in some cases even become “cocky” and “puffed up”…while taking on the “I’ve arrived” mentality.

Now let’s face it…you’ve done this at some point in your life…and so have I.And all of these can—and quite often do—has you “flying high”…feeling on top of the world.

And as outrageous as this will sound…from the perspective of what takes place in the brain…is the exact same thing that occurs during a “drug high.”

And what happens as a result of any “high?”

You end up being “brought down.”

This is what happens in the relationship when someone goes around and brags about it…something “strange” happens and the relationship ends.

The same with attracting that large sum of money…someone comes into your life and so called “rips you off”…or a series of events come into your life and you find yourself having to pay for something that seems to have “come out of the blue.”

If you have your own business…bragging about making $3000 while you slept last night…or having 30 new clients. Then what happens? All of a sudden someone cancels…wants their money back…you get the idea.

Now of course these situations happen in varying degrees.

The bottom line is…The more “sky high” you become when that something “new” and “exciting” comes into your life…the higher the probability you have of something “weird” coming into your life that is likely to take it away.

And most people don’t think about this because it’s easy when everything seems to be going your way to not want to think of the so called “downside” or “negative”…

But then guess what comes up? The very thing(s) you didn’t want.

So how do you overcome this?

You start by asking the question (and then answering)…

“How humble of a person are you?”

Now before I get to that, let’s take a look at the opposite of what I just said.

2. Bows and arrows- Of course there’s also the flip side to being “sky high”…and that is when things aren’t going your way. This can also include when people challenge and criticize you. And this occurs at all levels of life…ranging from the most “successful” to those that are so called “not successful.”

And just like the meaning of “Spinning Wheel”, the idea here as well is to not get too “caught up” because everything comes full circle in life.

Remember this…

No matter what you do in life…no matter who you are…no matter how “successful” you are…always know that you’ll deal with both sides of life.

Meaning…

You’ll have people liking and disliking you…equally.

People supporting and challenging you.

People praising and criticizing you.

Pleasure and pain.

Peace and “war.”.

..Equally.

There’s no escaping this.

You’ll get those “bows” and “arrows” coming at you throughout your life.

The question is…one…how do you deal with these situations?

And two…

“How humble of a person are you?”

And just like it’s easy to “feel good” when everything is going your way…it’s just as easy to “feel bad”, “down”, and even “depressed” when things aren’t going your way.

This again brings us back to the “Spinning Wheel”…and to not get too “caught up” because everything comes full circle in life.

3. Your spinning wheel of life- In a subtle way the song “Spinning Wheel” is referring to being humble. Because after all, your ability to not get too “caught up”…since everything comes full circle in life…has to do with you being humble.

Now back to the main question…

“How humble of a person are you?”

And along with this…

What can you do to start…and maintain your humbleness throughout life?

It begins by looking at how you handle the different situations in your life.

Do you get “too up” when things go your way. Do you get “too down” when things don’t go your way?

Are you trying to live a happy life…or are you living a fulfilled life?

Are you relying on positive thinking…or balanced thinking?

And yes…

I understand how easy it can be to always look for the “positive”…to always want to “feel good”…to always want to be “happy.”

And these are important.

However…

It’s also important to realize that this is just half of the picture when it comes to being a truly humble person.

And in being that truly humbled person is where your inner magnificence and brilliance shines…

It’s the radiance you give off that people are drawn to…

It’s also the backbone behind your authenticity.

And it’s involved in your “spinning wheel of life.”

Always remember…

You were put on this planet for a reason…to contribute tremendous amounts of value to the world through the uniqueness of who you are.

And realizing your “humbleness to humanity” creates the ripple effect of your balanced energy that goes out into the world for everyone to see.

It’s the driving force behind what you’re here to be, do, and have in your life.

It’s also the driving force behind how special of a person you are.

So take the time each day to thank yourself for who you are and all that you do…

Because you really do matter.

It’s something I never thought would happen to me in a relationship…especially when it seemed like it would last forever.

Even though it didn’t last back then it still ended up lasting after all…and most likely forever.

And this is something you’ve experienced in some way in your life…possible right now as well.

In my case it involved a girl I really liked back when I was 19 going on 20. Her name is April.

We became boyfriend and girlfriend within a week after meeting. Our relationship lasted for 7 months and only ended because her parents felt the age difference was too much (she was 5 years younger than me).

As a result we went our separate ways and at the time thoughts of “what if…” flooded my mind.

But there were also thoughts of “Would we ever see each other again and if so…when and what would we say to each other”…because even though we had a great relationship there was still some “tension” over how it ended…to the point that we had no contact with each other for 24 years.

And then came that day when we did speak and saw each other again.

But in between came some life lessons that were learned which completely changed the course of my life…

And the same can be said of your life as well as it relates to your situation that has to do with when a relationship doesn’t go your way.

So…

Here are the 5 things to do when a relationship doesn’t go your way (and how to keep it alive even when it seems to permanently end):

1. Look in the mirror

Anytime a relationship ends it can be easy to blame the other person and feel you weren’t at fault. As the saying goes “it takes two” but instead of looking at what “they did” or didn’t do, the wise thing is to “look in the mirror” and take responsibility for your part.

Now of course this doesn’t mean that you blame yourself. A relationship ending is never about blame. It’s about taking responsibility on your end. Remember, the purpose of relationships is to get you to realize who you really are…and this will always be reflected back to you in what you perceive about your partner (the person you are or were in a relationship with).

Therefore, once you realize that anything you like and despise about them is something that you’ve done as well in your own unique way, you discover more about who you are. As a result, you open yourself up for that special person to come in to your life…which can also be the same person you may have just ended a relationship with. This is part of what happened with me and April.

2. Celebrate the ups and downs

No matter what anyone says EVERY relationship (to include marriages) have their ups and downs. This is why there’s no such thing as a “Happy” relationship or marriage. In fact, the pursuit of such a fantasy is what most of the time leads to the resentments and usually the end of a relationship/marriage.

The most fulfilling relationships are those that embrace both sides equally. It’s where you would actually celebrate the “ups” and “downs” equally. It may sound strange that you would want to celebrate what seems like a “down” time or “negative” event but it’s a healthy thing to do.

One such “down” moment is when a relationship ends…especially one that you didn’t want to end. As down a moment as this seems it can be one of the most needed and satisfying parts of any relationship….because it can give you the time to really get clear on if that particular relationship (and person) is the one for you.

If it’s not or if something happened (such as in my case with April) then you can move on…but at the same time possibly still have that person in your life but in a different kind of way. This is how it played out with me and April…and the same can be true with you.

Let’s take a look at that now.
3. Discover the love in friendship

More often than not when a relationship ends the two people involved don’t talk anymore. This is because some people have the mentality of, “We’re either in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or nothing at all.” This type of thinking eliminates (at least at first) the idea of being friends. Sometimes this can lead to having an on and off relationship. Other times it leads to the two people not talking to each other anymore.

At first I always approached it from the “relationship or bust” mentality. My reasoning at first was, “Well since we were boyfriend/girlfriend that’s what I want and I can’t see us as just being friends while you most likely end up with someone else other than me.”

And this is something most people struggle with. But guess what? There’s another way of looking at it. It’s called discovering the love in friendship. What this means is that just because someone you were in a relationship with ended, that doesn’t mean you still can’t love them. Of course you can.

Yes it may not be the “romantic” and “intimate” type of love that is part of those types of relationships…but rather you can still love the person the same way as always but without the “physical (if you will) “romance” and “intimacy” part. I’m sure you already know that there is more to loving someone that goes beyond the “romance” and “intimacy” part. This is what I’m referring to here. In fact, this is what happened with me and April and still does to this day.

This also reminds me of something a girl I know said to me back in 2006. We were friends but never boyfriend/girlfriend. One day she said, “I love all of my friends and I love you too.” I got what she meant.

Sometimes all of this can bring up the question, “Does this mean we can once again be in a boyfriend/girlfriend with each other?” And I bring this up because sometimes people think that if they keep things as friends that there’s the possibility of what took place in the past happening again.

Now I know all situations are different and that there are exceptions but for the most part when a relationship ends…and you try and get back together and think “things will go back to the way they were”…far more often than not they don’t.

Remember, there are reasons why a relationship ends. When it does and you know that it’s going to stay that way (for whatever reason) the wisest thing to do is to move on. The question is, “Will it be as friends or not?” And if it is as friends what can you do to stay friends while still loving them and at the same time remembering what it was like being with them in the “romantic” and “intimate” relationship?

4. Preserve special moments frozen in time

Whether the relationship you were in that ended is one you’re glad ended or one you wish never ended the same thing is true…there were special moments in that relationship that you’ll always treasure in some way. These are the moments you can say are “frozen in time.”

Of course these moments and what they specifically are will be different for you than someone else. The idea here is to preserve them in such a way that you’ll always keep them in your heart.

The most important thing in doing this is to not get “hung up” on them and try to relive the past while having them run your current life. The wisest and most effective way is to figure out how you can use those special moments you had in such a way where it can help you in your life currently.

This goes back to what happened with me and April. We had dozens of moments over the seven month time we were boyfriend and girlfriend that I’ll always remember (and still think about often). They are special and ones that no one can ever take away.

So instead of getting hung up and living in the past, I make it a point to take how I felt and what I learned from those moments and use them currently in my life. You could say that these moments have inspired me in how I deal with people now and the different types of relationships I’ve formed with others…to include the romantic and intimate ones as well.

The other thing to realize here is—and this goes back to what you read earlier—that you most likely wouldn’t want to turn this into a situation where you think, “Hmmmm maybe we can get back together again at some point in time.”

Now I know there can be exceptions to this but far more often than not if you were to get back together it would “tarnish” the relationship in certain ways that you had with the person at that point in time you were with them. It may sound strange but when you take a look at your specific situation you’ll see this to be true most of the time.

There’s a reason why you were together at a certain point in time…just as must as there is a reason why you may not be right now…and unless it’s a VERY unique situation it’s wiser to preserve those special moments you had rather than try and “relive old glory.”

In fact (and this also goes back to what you read earlier), by discovering the love you may still have for them in friendship you can actually get the best of both worlds here, even though it may not be the actual “physical”, “romantic”, and “intimate” type of relationship you had with them in the past.

5. Move on with heartfelt love

As you read earlier you have two choices if you see the relationship isn’t going your way (and is going to end)…one, have the mentality of “If we’re not boyfriend/girlfriend (or husband/wife) than that’s it we’re done” or two, “Let’s remain as friends and have that type of relationship.” Certainly the latter is the wisest move if the person is that important to you.

That’s the path me and April went. After not communicating at all for 24 years we finally reunited (in 2010) and have been friends ever since. And that is usually something for me that is out of character but since she played such an important part in my life (and is an important person in my life) it was really a very easy decision to make.

And the other really cool part…she has her life…as she is married to her true soulmate and a person she definitely deserves to be with. Obviously this all worked out well for both of us.

Even though we have a much different type of relationship now (friendship relationship) than we did as boyfriend/girlfriend there’s still that heartfelt love as friends.

This goes back to what you read earlier about the girl I knew back in 2006 who said, “I love all of my friends.” Well that’s the case with me and April…and the same is true with you in your relationships as well.

As humans we all seek relationships. We’re relational creatures. It’s wired into our DNA. So it’s not a question of whether you want to be in a relationship or not…it’s a question of, “Who is the person that will be ‘the one’ and who are the people that make up the other special relationships to include the friendship relationships?”

No matter how you look at it, you’ll have both. The only difference is, “If it doesn’t work out with the person that you always wanted to have as a boyfriend or girlfriend are you ok having that friendship relationship?”

If you are then the wisest choice you can make is to move on with heartfelt love…and love them in the appropriate way as it relates to the type of relationship you have with them. And what that appropriate way is will be different for you than it is for someone else. It’s going to depend on you and the person you’re involved with.

Love means different things to different people. But it’s the feelings you have for someone and how you’re able to communicate those feelings based on the type of relationship you have with them is where the heartfelt love will be.

What’s important for you is that you’re ok with moving on from having them as “The one” to now having them as “The close friend” in your life…while still being able to love them in that type of way. This is when you’ll have that heartfelt love for them.

Remember…

People come into your life for a reason. Some will stay in your life and some won’t. And then you have those who come into your life, make a big difference in your life, and end up staying in your life forever. These are the people you’ll have that heartfelt love with, even if they’re not your boyfriend or girlfriend anymore.

Whoever this person is, tell them how you feel and how much they matter to you. Not only does it show how much they’ve made a difference in your life, but it also shows how much of a difference you’ve made in theirs.

There is something that is very fascinating about being a human being. At first it may surprise you if you aren’t already aware of it.

It’s also something that you may have heard many times and possibly not paid that much attention to.

In fact, this actually plays a major part that’s involved in your ability to have the type of career you want and achieve the type of financial wealth you would love to have.

Think about it for a moment…

How many times have you said things like, “I want to have financial security”, “I want to do what I love most”, “I want to have more freedom so I can enjoy life more”…

But still find yourself going through everyday thinking, “I’m not making the money I want”, “I don’t have the financial security I want to have”, “I’m tired of feeling stuck and restricted in my life”…

Or perhaps you’ve also said things like, “I don’t know what I want”, “I don’t like my job and want to do something else.”

This now brings us back to that very fascinating thing about being a human being.

It actually involves two fascinating things.

The first is that you are unique.

The second and just as fascinating, centers around one of the most important questions you can ever ask yourself and that is…

“What do you value most in your life?”

1. What’s most important to you- Every human being lives according to their highest values. In other words, you live according to your highest priorities or the things that are most important to you. This also translates out to being the things you value most in your life.

The interesting part of all this is that most people will say they want one thing, such as “I want to have more money and financial freedom”, but what they’re saying is not showing up in their lives.

Why?

This may sound shocking, but the answer is because it isn’t something you value.

For example, if you’re saying that you want to have financial security and it’s not showing up in your life, the reason is because you don’t have a value on it and it’s not that high of a priority for you.

This also applies to your career or any area of your life.

So what can you do about this?

A good place to start is to listen to your languaging.

If you find yourself saying, “I have to”, “I’m supposed to”, “I’ve got to”, “I need to”, then that is a sign that these are things which are not your highest values or of a high priority to you.

On the other hand, if you find yourself saying, “I love to”, “I’m inspired to”, “I’m blessed to”, “This is what I’ve always dreamed of”, then you are living according to your highest values and what is important to you.

This very subtle yet simple strategy can immediately transform any area of your life.

But there’s more.

2. The two sided gift- Here’s something that most people are not aware of that is amazing. We live in a two sided world. What do I mean by this?

You live in a Universe (world) that involves having an equal amount of positive and negative, support and challenge, ease and difficulty, along with all of the other complimentary opposites. There’s no getting around this and it applies to every area of your life.

This is a gift you are given and once you become aware of it and use it, your life transforms in the way you want.

Why is this important and how can it help you?

If you seek more positive than negative, more support than challenge, more ease than difficulty, not only will you not achieve what you want, but you’ll actually attract the very things you don’t want.

Now of course I’m not telling you to go out and be negative and to look for challenges all the time and to always find difficult situations.

What I am saying is to use the negatives, the challenges, and the difficulties as feedback to help you achieve what you want.

This will especially help you when it comes to having the type of career that you want along with financial security.

If you perceive yourself as having more negatives, more challenges, and more difficulties in your life, then that is a clear sign of one of two things…

Either you’re not doing what is truly most important to you while trying to live according to what is important to someone else…

Or you’re trying to be one sided while looking for more positives, supports, and ease.

Remember, the negatives, along with the challenges and difficulties you come across in your life, are nothing more than feedback from the Universe to get you to live according to what is truly most important to you while helping you realize your authentic self.

3. The balance of power- The other question you want to ask yourself is, “How big do you want to play in the game?” What I mean by this is, how much success do you want in the areas of life most important to you?

In terms of your career and financial wealth, how successful and wealthy do you want to be?

Here is something that is very surprising…

Many people actually hold themselves back because they have a sub conscious fear of what it would be like to achieve higher levels of success and wealth. The reason is because in most cases they don’t want to deal with the higher levels of negatives, challenges and difficulties that come along with the higher levels of positives, supports, and ease.

This includes having people liking and disliking you as well.

Just know that as more people like you, they’ll be just as many disliking you. If you can’t handle 1000 people disliking you then don’t expect 1000 people liking you.

The main takeaway and vital point here is that you grow and achieve the level of success to the point of where you can embrace both sides (supports and challenges, ease and difficulty, positive and negative) equally…

The only way you’ll be able to do so is by living according to your highest values or what is most important to you.

And this is why it is very wise to ask and then answer the original question I mentioned earlier…

“What do you value most in your life?”

…Because it will allow you to stay on track with your goals and as a result you have a very high probability of living an inspired life.

It will also allow you to realize the magnificence and brilliance of who you are along with the tremendous amount of value you contribute to the world with your uniqueness.

You are alive and in this world for a reason and that is…

To be the shining star that you are while helping others do the same.

So take the time today and every day to realize the truth of your magnificence and just know that you truly do make a difference in the world.

Here’s something I come across from many people quite often that I’m sure you see and hear as well.

In fact this is something we have all done at some point in positive and negative ways, and in many cases probably not even realized how much we do it.

What I’m referring to is, looking back in the past.

More specifically, looking back in the past, then comparing it to the present time, and saying things like, “I wish it was the way it used to be” or “Things were better back then” and so on.

Conversely, you’ll also hear many people say things like, “I’m glad the past is over with, it’s time to move on” or “I could never go back to the way things were back then” and other statements that are similar.

In either of these cases it still involves looking back in the past.

While the past has happened already and we obviously can’t go back in time physically, many people do go back in time perceptually…with their thoughts.

These thoughts can be positive or negative ones but it’s the negative ones which creates the emotional baggage that keeps people from living the type of freedom based lifestyle they want.

It is often said to live in the present and not relive the past.

I agree with the first part of that statement but the second part of that statement about reliving the past is interesting.

With this comes the question…

“How much can your past help you?”

1. Yesterday and today

It’s been said by some that your past is part of your present. It’s also been said that your past is not your present. Both of these are true and it certainly depends on your situation which is which.

The events of your past, whether you perceive them as being positive or negative are lessons along the way that you need to evolve and grow.

The flip side to this is, just because something took place in the past, doesn’t mean it will again, therefore your past is not your present in this case.

Scan back through your life and look at the different situations you’ve been in all the way up to the present time and you’ll see this.

Why is doing this important?

Because it gets you to see that your past does serve a purpose.

You see, many times people want to get rid of the “negative” or “bad” moments from their past and just focus on the “positive” or the “good” moments…

Then they’ll compare those moments to what is going on in the present. This is when you’ll hear someone say, “I wish it was like the good old days”, as they’re comparing the positive of the past with what they perceive as the negative of the present.

But guess what?

Those events from the past had just as many negatives as positives just like their present life’s events have just as many positives as negatives.

Therefore both your past and present has an equal amount of positive and negatives and are there to help you.

2. Helping hands

There can be a fine line  when it comes to looking back in your past. If you try and “live in the past” it can keep you stuck and stop you from realizing the magnificence and brilliance of who you are.

Conversely, if you try and completely forget about your past, it too can keep you stuck and stop you from realizing your magnificence and brilliance. This is where that fine line  comes into play.

It is very wise to maintain a healthy balance  of what took place in your past while at the same time realizing that you can’t live in the past.

One of the best ways to do this is to realize that you’ve had an equal amount of support and challenge, ease and difficulty, along with all the other pairs of positives and negatives that have taken place in your past…which are also taking place currently in your life.

This never changes but what does change are the different forms in which things occur for you.

The other thing to be very aware of is that there have been people and events in your past that were there to help you, even in moments where you may have perceived others not helping you.

Once you realize that in every “crisis” there’s a “blessing” and that in every “blessing” there’s a hidden “crisis” you’ll be well on your way to living the type of life you would love to live…

In fact this is also true with all of the other opposites that occur during your lifetime.

3. The path

You’ve heard me say many times that you’re on a life’s journey. Whatever that journey is for you just know that it is your own unique journey. Whereas it may not seem important to others, it is important to you.

Now does this mean that we just completely ignore other people’s life journeys and just think about our own? The answer is “yes” and “no.”

Obviously it is important to stay focused on our all important life’s journey, however we can learn from other people’s life journeys as well.

Their journey just like yours is going to involve using your past to help you along the way as you go down your own path.

While you don’t want to compare yourself to others, you do want to learn from others and then take what you learn and apply it to your own unique situation.

I love this quote  so much that it is worth repeating…

“You were born into brilliance and genius, but conditioned into mediocrity.”

Most people are not aware of this and in fact even contribute more to it by arguing for their own limitations. Of course no one is at fault here, it’s just a matter of becoming aware of this and knowing what to do.

One of the things you can do is what I spoke about today, and that is to look at how your past has served you and how you can use that in your life currently. As you do this make sure and pass it on to others so they can do the same.

Now it is time for you to go from mediocrity and back to being the brilliant genius you are because it is your birthright.

And make sure that you realize how magnificent and amazing of a person you are, along with the tremendous amount of value you contribute to the world.

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