While some people yearn to be fulfilled through companionship, others are finding that becoming their own best friend first is a way to find happiness and contentment. And then they get the icing on the cake too as a natural result in the form of a good relationship with friends and eventually with a soul partner in a spiritual relationship.
Two halves don’t make a whole. I learned this early on. When I sought for a mate from a place of emptiness I attracted other people who also felt some emptiness and need. When I took a long break and began to explore what inside of me was not fulfilled and complete everything changed. Through long inner work I identified the childhood wounds, brought them into the light and released them and the patterns around them. Spiritual practices like meditation and dream work took me into deeper relationship with my soul-Self and from here I began to cultivate the most important relationship in this lifetime. I became my own best friend. We can’t become good friends to others if we are not able to befriend ourselves. That soul-Self is no less than the Divine spark that connects me to God.
Those of us on the spiritual path set different priorities. When we seek to find a partner we look beyond appearance. We want to know about the individual’s relationship with their own soul and we won’t settle for someone who is not willing to grow and transform with us. We commit to a dynamic experience and are not willing to settle into a routine that stymies our expansion and expression of the authentic Self.
Doing the work to befriend myself was some of the hardest work I have ever done. It required facing my shadow side, inviting it into the dance and embracing it. It moved me out of familiar and comfortable behaviors into new and adventurous (read scary) territory. In this dance with the Divine, as the explorations continue, nothing is guaranteed. Nothing remains static and all becomes a lesson. I embrace the people who come into my life and appreciate the precious time we share and the lessons we bring for each other. Doing the inner work of befriending one’s self challenges us and yet unless it’s done, connecting with others in more than just a superficial way is virtually impossible. It’s hard work but it’s the most rewarding work you’ll ever do. The gems that come from it can never ever be taken away.
Bio: Debra Moffitt is author of Awake in the World: 108 Practices to Live a Divinely Inspired Life. A visionary, dreamer and teacher, she’s devoted to nurturing the spiritual in everyday life. She leads workshops on spiritual practices at the Sophia Institute and other venues in the U.S. and Europe. Her mind/body/spirit articles, essays and stories appear in publications around the globe and were broadcast by BBC World Services Radio. She has spent over fifteen years practicing meditation, working with dreams and doing spiritual practices. Visit her online at http://www.awakeintheworld.com.