A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile

Q&A: We’re getting married, but he suffocates me; what should I do?

posted by B. Dave Walters
If he is too clingy, *tell him* he is too clingy!

If he is too clingy, *tell him* he is too clingy!

(Unedited) Question submitted via formspring.me:

“I am in a relationship for few years now, to everybody he seems to be a perfect lover n partner,but i get irritated very frequently due to his “over lovingness”.feel suffocated as he keeps a track of my every second of a day. wedding is very near.”

(and then she said)
“hi,i m d same girl getting married to over loving partner. I work with this another guy,who always teases me,sometimes complement me,thinks he like me,m attracted to him,not for any long term bond but for fun,may be a date or two. but he never asks. I want him”

Let’s break this down into pieces:
1.You’ve been with him a few years.
2.Everyone *else * thinks he’s a perfect partner…but you don’t.
3.You get irritated and feel smothered.
4.He may be a bit possessive.
5.Some guy at work teases you, and gives you the odd compliment
6.You want to be with this new guy, ‘just for fun’.
7.You are supposed to be getting married soon.

The short answer: don’t marry this guy. Since, you didn’t say you love him, you didn’t mention wanting to be with him. You said everyone ELSE thinks he’s great, which means you don’t.

You said he over does it, and you’d prefer a guy who under does it.

YEARS later, and you’re more interested in having a fling with a coworker than you are with getting married.

Translation: break up. Now it’s possible you are from a culture that won’t let you break up, and you have to proceed with the wedding whether you want to or not.

In that case, sit your guy down and explain to him that you feel smothered.
Tell him you want some more excitement in the relationship, and work together to figure out how you can both feel happy and fulfilled.

Since as always, if you can’t communicate if you don’t have a relationship.

But that is only if for whatever reason you *can’t * break up.
Nothing in your words says you should stay with him, if anything it seems inevitable that you’ll either spend your life with him miserable, cheat on him, or both.

Another thing: the coworker isn’t the solution.
He only looks attractive because you’re bored by your fiancée.
Focus on either fixing or peacefully dissolving your current relationship; you’ll have all the time in the world for whatever fling you like once it’s done.

I’d also suggest you look at why it is you can’t commit to this guy.
It may be that your relationship has run it’s course (which is normal); or it may be you have a problem with commitment.
Look at all your past relationships and see if they have ended similarly.

I’d also look at your relationship with your dad, and his relationship with your mom as an indicator into how you got into this mess.
You may have a good guy you are being too hard on; or a damaged relationship you can’t let go of.

Either way a look into your past will probably give you a hint about your future.

What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: Why there is no ‘One,’ and that’s a good thing

posted by B. Dave Walters

Question submitted via Facebook:

Don't cling so tightly that you lose your grip.

Don’t cling so tightly that you lose your grip.

“I just broke up with my boyfriend for the third and final time. I’m feeling good about it, but truly discouraged at the fact that there isn’t one person in the world for everyone. Love is….not forever.”

Sorry you are feeling a bit discouraged, but the truth is tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, so how could forever be? Too much certainty breeds boredom and restlessness; some chance is what keeps life exciting. Especially when the Universe sends us some surprises that are as unexpected as they are so very pleasant.

We’ve talked many times about the fact that there is no ‘one’ person for everyone. And no, love doesn’t live forever, at least not without investing the time and effort to keep it alive.

But love not lasting ‘forever’ is understandable, since nothing is forever. Everything is finite, and change is inevitable. But that also makes love MORE important, MORE precious, and MORE exciting, and especially worth finding.

Really, barring a Hollywood plot device, why would there be just one person for all of us? What in Human history, culture, or biology would make such a thing true…or even preferable? How many things in your life are *identical* to what they were 10 years ago, much less 20? How many things will be exactly the same 20 years from now? Love is not a fixed thing, there are many souls we resonate with, or could, if given the chance and willingness. Some times that connection lasts for days, sometimes it lasts for decades.

I was a bit discouraged when I realized what you are realizing now, but ultimately that discouragement gave way to something beautiful. There is one reason and one reason only for two people to stay together: Because they choose to. Not out of an antiquated social custom, or a vague fear of not being able to do better. But out if a conscious choice to stand side by side and face this world together. To trust, respect, and grow together. To realize there are 1,000,000 potential ‘ones’ out there, but that this person is the one that you choose consciously. And if that ever stops working–no matter how hard you work to fix it–then you are free to choose something else.It’s important that you always know that there are other guys out there, just like there are other ladies. You should choose a guy because of who and what he is, what he has to offer, and how he makes you feel, and he should choose you for the same reasons. Anything less than that is unacceptable.

It’s important that you always know that there are other guys out there, just like there are other ladies. You should choose a guy because of who and what he is, what he has to offer, and how he makes you feel, and he should choose you for the same reasons. Anything less than that is unacceptable.
And personally I think that is a far far greater thing than someone being your one fated chance at happiness.

Will that be true 50 years from now? God only knows, but here and now all that’s available to any of us; as long as it is real now, obsessing about whether it will be real in the far future is a waste of today.

Now, when you really care about someone it is normal and natural to feel a certain burning anxiety when your significant other is talking to someone else, because you might worry about them leaving, or somehow being ‘taken’ from you. But here is the fact: If you are on top of your game, he’s not going anywhere. And if he does anyway, it’s his loss…not yours. And if you *aren’t* on your game, and he leaves…that’s your loss, not his.

The most important thing is to choose each other, and keep choosing each other. But the only way that is possible, is if you are completely aware of any and all options available to you, and yet you choose each other. If you have to chase each other, stress about where you are or what you might be doing, and try to stop each other from doing anything you wouldn’t approve of, that’s not love…that is parenting.

As long as you can respect, trust, love, and grow together, keep at it. When you can’t anymore, stop. That may be a week, a year, a decade, or a lifetime. As long as you are open and honest with each other, it will all work out for your greater good. It may not work out how you want it to at the time, but it will absolutely work out for the best.

I want to leave you with a final piece of advice on how to have the type of love you are looking for:
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Choosing your life for a change

posted by B. Dave Walters
It's all a part of the plan....

It’s all a part of the plan….

This Friday, June 21 is the Summer Solstice in the Northern Hemisphere, both the official start of summer, and the longest day of the year.  However, in esoteric circles it is the absolutely most powerful time of the year to set new goals in motion.  For lack of a better word, the Light doesn’t get any stronger all year!

So, as I sit down to realign myself with my goals and intentions for the coming year, I’d like to share with you the exact same steps I take to create and manifest whatever I choose to.  Grab a piece of paper, or open up a blank document on your computer, since you’re going to need to take some notes for this one!

Step one: Decide what you don’t want.
If you are familiar with my previous work, then you know that almost any decision starts with this.  Since often times we may get confused by what we want, or at least don’t give ourselves permission to admit it…but we ALL know what we *don’t* want.

Step two: Dream a little.
Take a minute to let your mind wander, at least 5 years into the future, but 10 is better, and imagine your absolutely perfect life.  If everything is absolutely wonderful…what does that look like?  It doesn’t matter if you don’t know how you can do it, it doesn’t matter if it seems impossible…what does it look like? For now, just dream…and then write down what you see; don’t filter it at all.

Step three: Backtrack.
Now, here is the time when most people will get overwhelmed, flake out and quit…so make sure you stay focused and do this! Take that vision, that perfect vision, and start working backwards from it.  If that’s where you are in 10 years…where do you need to be in 5? 3? 1?  6 Months? One?

Step four: Make a plan, make it happen.
A dream with a deadline becomes a goal.  A goal broken down into steps becomes a plan, and a plan backed up by action makes your dreams come true.  All you have to do is work backwards to figure out where you need to be, and start doing it.  The key is to do something, ANYTHING every single day that will get you closer to your goal.  As long as you stay in motion, victory is guaranteed.

Step five: Remember the Law of GOYA.
Yes, you need to make use of the Law of Attraction and all 7 Universal Laws  in fact.  But that is co-creating with the Universe; CO-creating.  Remember the Law of Goya: Get Off Your @$$!  Want your dream life to show up? Get to work.  Want it to show up faster? Work harder.  It has taken your entire life for things to be like they are, and it will take some time for them to change to how you want them to be.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that your long term happiness and success lasts in anyone’s hands but yours.  Whatever it is you saw, IS possible for you to manifest in this world, and you *can* have a life that looks just like that, or at least very, very similar.  It may be that what you want to live in New York, but you’ll end up in London.  You may want to drive a Porsche, but will end up with a Ferrari.  Part of this whole process is trusting that God/The Universe knows what you need even better than you do.  Don’t fear the future, think of it like a surprise party that God/The Universe is planning for you; your job is to stay focused and keep moving forward.

The one word of warning I can give, however, is be careful about attaching your vision to a specific person, especially if it’s someone you aren’t currently romantically involved with.  It’s fine to visualize a life with a person, but be open to the Universe sending your someone else to fill that spot in your life.  Don’t make the mistake of building a future around someone who doesn’t even want to be a part of your present!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

How to be happy and powerful: Advice from the Emperor

posted by B. Dave Walters

This is the absolute best time in history to be alive.

Let me say that again: This is the best time in history to be alive.  No human beings anywhere, ever, have had the level of peace, security, information, education, and freedom that we have now.  For whatever limitations you might be experiencing in your day-to-

The Last Emperor

The Last Emperor

day life, compare your life against that of a person living in the 4th century.  And I don’t just mean common people, even kings and emperors would have dreamed about being able to fly at all, much less around the world in a few hours.  Having electricity, cars, super markets…to be able to access all of the world’s knowledge within a few minutes of using a computer.  Of having an internet *at all*!  If you didn’t have to worry about starving, catching the plague, or being murdered by bandits today, take a second to give thanks for just how blessed and unique of a life you’ve got when compared with the other 20 billion people who have walked this Earth.

However, there are many things that haven’t changed at all.  The fundamental questions: Who we are, where we come from, what is the meaning of life and how are we supposed to live it trouble us as much now as they did 2,000 years ago.  In many ways they are even more important now, since just trying to survive occupies so much less of our time and mental energy.

Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus (often referred to as “the wise”) was Emperor of the Roman Empire from 161 to his death in 180. He was the last of the “Five Good Emperors”, and is also considered one of the more important philosophers in history.  He left a series of meditations he’d written for himself—never intended to be read by anyone else—that he used to keep himself calm and grounded as a ruler, general, judge, philosopher, husband, and father in the midst of the terrible amount of corruption, wealth, and limitless power that he commanded.  And yes, he’s the Emperor at the beginning of Gladiator…quite frankly, he is my hero!

Here is a short collection of some of his meditations…made even more incredible when you realize that he only intended these to be reminders for himself of how to live.

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.”

“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”

“Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together,but do so with all your heart.”

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”

“When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love …”

“Our life is what our thoughts make it.”

“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.”

“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”

“If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it.”

“If someone is able to show me that what I think or do is not right, I will happily change, for I seek the truth, by which no one was ever truly harmed. It is the person who continues in his self-deception and ignorance who is harmed.”

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Another love letter from your true self

posted by B. Dave Walters

Beloved,

I have missed you since we last talked, but I’ve been with you the whole time.  I just wanted to tell you that I am SO very proud of you.  I see you every day, shining and brilliant.

You're never, ever alone.

You’re never, ever alone.

But, I also see something else that worries me, my dearest: You give too much power to what may go wrong and not enough to what is going right.

Look at all the things you have overcome…and how many that you feared that never happened at all.

And, look at how many peaceful moments you have missed fearing the future, when the perfection of the present moment is always available. You lack faith my love. Not in some far off God, but in life, and in yourself.  So much of your time, energy and emotion are wasted on phantoms. When you realize that, you’ll be unstoppable. Since…you already are. But I have infinite faith in you. I believe in you completely, your beauty, brilliance, courage, and strength. I never doubt you, even when you stumble and fall…and I hope I can help you find that in yourself.

Always remember my dearest, faith is a muscle. It’s simply giving credit where credit is due.  Life is good, and you are incredibly strong. You don’t have to fear anyone or anything. Even now, when you see all the stories of every bad thing from all over the world, remember something important: It’s ‘news’ because it’s *wrong*.  All the good, happy, positive things in the world don’t get reported, because that’s what we expect to happen.  It’s the horrors that get publicity, because they are so far removed from how we all subconsciously know how the world really is: Good.  Life is good, people are good, and most importantly, YOU are good.

My love, time is passing so quickly; the days are slipping away, never to return, so make the most of them.  There is a song in you that needs singing, stop holding it in.  You stay inside your shell to live up (or down) to other people’s expectations, but in the end it’s not what they expect of you that matters, but what YOU expect from you that matters.  You have to look into the mirror and hopefully love what you see there as much as I do.

So now, choose what you are committed to, and choose what mark you want to make on this world.  The noise, distractions, and chaos of life will always be there, but inside of you is the calm still point.  Breathe deep, and find me there.  What angers you, masters you, and what you fear, imprisons you.  Choose love, choose power, and keep moving forward.

One last thing: Everything that is valuable in this world, is valuable because it is rare.  20 Billion people have walked this Earth, but there has only ever been, or ever will be, one you.  Never hide, never retreat, never back down: Shine. Always shine.

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: ‘Why did he go back to her?’

posted by B. Dave Walters
There is no why

There is no why

Question submitted via Formspring:
“I have been with my neighbor for a month, and we have been very close. All of the things you would expect in a loving relationship

and it was all heading the right way.. except he told me he was going away with his last girlfriend for 3 days! I was so shocked that I told him if he goes I cannot be his girlfriend anymore. He chose to go so I finished it and just don’t understand why he would do this when he told me I was the one etc. We did not mention love as it’s all a bit too soon but we were heading into a serious relationship. I have self worth and boundaries, so that is why I stepped aside. There has been no contact since and I miss him already and don’t understand why he hasn’t even contacted me. Any advise please?”

First, let’s break this down into pieces:

You’ve been dating a guy for a month.
He is your neighbor (yikes!)
He told you that you were the one, but *not* that loves you.
He decided to go on a trip with his ex…was it something he had planned before he met you?
You asked him not to go, and said you’d break up with him if you did.
He went anyway, and you broke up with him (good for you!)
He hasn’t contacted you since, and you don’t know why because you miss him.

So, the first thing is: I acknowledge you for standing up for yourself, and ending it.  The second thing is, what difference does it make if he contacts you?  What exactly is it that you are looking to hear?

I’d *imagine* that you’re looking to hear that he made a mistake.  That he misses you, that he was wrong to leave with her, and that he should have taken you on the trip instead.  And, unfortunately, that call isn’t coming.  He was quite clear on what it meant to be with her, they’d been involved before, after all.  He was also quite clear on what it meant to be with you, and he was willing to give that up completely to be with her.  No good.

What you are REALLY looking to hear is why.  WHY did he choose her, and WHY doesn’t he want to be with you, to which I would say: Does it matter?  What exactly can he say that you will want to hear?  What if he tells you that he loved her the entire time, and only dated you because he was on the rebound?  What if he tells you she’s pregnant with his baby? What if he says they are both a part of the same cult, and they were gone on a 3 day retreat?  The truth is, there is no why; there is only what you know to be absolutely sure:  You told him if he did this thing, you’d be done…and he did it anyway.

It is normal and natural to feel hurt, confused, and disappointed by something like this.  And unfortunately, only time can heal that pain completely.  Considering that you only dated for a month, it shouldn’t take TOO long for you to be able to move on.  The most important thing to remember is this: You kept your self-respect and stood up for yourself and what you deserve, so don’t start back tracking now.  You absolutely did the right thing, and whether or not it hurts that is something you should be proud of.

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: Prayers and Inspiration for Tough Times

posted by B. Dave Walters
You're in good company

You’re in good company

Question submitted via Formspring.Me/BDaveWalters:
“What are some Bible verses I can share with a relative who just went to jail?”

The Holy Bible is a source of inspiration for Jews, Christians, and even Muslims all over the world.  The real strength of the Bible is not that it is some big collection of ‘thou shalt nots,’ but stories about real human beings making real human mistakes.

Jacob was a cheater, Peter had a temper, David had an affair, Noah got drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul was a murderer, Gideon was insecure, Miriam was a gossiper, Martha was a worrier, Thomas was a doubter, Sara was impatient, Elijah was moody, Moses stuttered, Zaccheus was short, Abraham was old, and Lazarus was dead!

A favorite thing of mine to do is pick up the Bible, think of my question, and open it.  The first words you fall on is the answer to your question. In the mean time, enjoy these verses for comfort when times are tough.

Above all else, remember this: No matter who you are or what you’ve done, while there’s life, there is hope.

Psalm 69:33 “For the Lord hears the needy and does not despise his own people who are prisoners.” (ESV)

Hebrews 13:3 “Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body.” (ESV)

Matthew 25: 34 – 40 “Then the King will say to those on His right hand, Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me. Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You? And the King will answer and say to them, Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.” (NKJV)

Psalm 102:18-21 “Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet to be created may praise the LORD: that he looked down from his holy height; from heaven the LORD looked at the earth, to hear the groans of the prisoners, to set free those who were doomed to die, that they may declare in Zion the name of the LORD, and in Jerusalem his praise. ” (ESV)

1 Peter 5:6 -7 “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you.” (KJV)

2 Corinthians 3:17 “Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.”(KJV)

Galations 5:1 “Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.” (KJV)

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (KJV Ad.)

Psalm 51 (New International Version)
1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge. 5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. 6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place. 7Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you. 14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. 15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

And as always: if God be with you, who can stand against you?

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

How to be fearless

posted by B. Dave Walters
Let your inner tiger out!

Let your inner tiger out!

To fall seven times, it to rise eight times. Life begins today.
-Bodidharma

I’d like to talk a little bit here about confidence and self esteem. I’m serious, don’t roll your eyes at me!

Those words, ‘self-esteem’ get thrown around a lot, and quite often people start to think they are corny or somehow stupid. But the fact is, if you don’t have ‘esteem for yourself’, how can you expect other people to?

As I’ve said before , it all starts with self love. No one will ever think higher of you then you think of yourself.

And I can tell you why that is! Even if you found someone who thinks the world of you, (like I do), you’ll rationalize it or justify it, or put up blocks that will prevent you from feeling the full force of their affection.

See, a lot of people have adopted a false sense of humility, which is actually thinly veiled low self esteem. There is nothing at all wrong with accepting your Power. There is nothing at all wrong with being fully aware of your strengths, along with your weaknesses. Or, as I prefer to call them: opportunities for improvement.

Real confidence, and real humility, are actually two sides of the same coin. It comes from being 100% aware of who and what you are. Where you shine, and where you might need some help.

I’ll give you a personal example: I am brilliant when it comes to ideas. I can give you 10 different ways to do pretty much anything you can imagine.

But, I am nowhere near as strong when it comes to actually IMPLEMENTING those ideas! That is my struggle, my ideal situation is giving direction and having someone else do the actual leg work. There are people who are just the opposite: they are excellent doers, but may not be very creative.

And that’s OK!

As a side note, I’ve had to learn how to compensate for my own short comings, and here is an easy way you can compensate for yours.

Anytime you need to do something you don’t want to do, you have to turn Human Nature to your advantage. This is what I mean: all Human action, ALL Human action, is to do one of two things: gain pleasure, or avoid pain. And studies have proven again and again, we will work MUCH harder to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure.

I’ll give you an example: which would hurt worse: working to make an extra $10,000, or losing $10,000 you’ve already got? Exactly.

So when you need to do something you don’t want to do, first decide on what you will GAIN by doing it. Think of every possible positive benefit, even if it’s just the feeling of a job well done.

After that, think of everything NOT doing it is going to cost you, even if it is only the feeling that you broke your word with yourself. A part of self-esteem is knowing that you do what you say, even if it’s only what you say to yourself.

And finally, decide on a way you are going to reward yourself. Give yourself something, it doesn’t have to be a cookie. But, it can be a cookie if you want!

So, get clear on what doing it gains you, on what not doing it costs you, and a reward for yourself at the end.

Go with the flow. Work with all the parts of your mind to make change  quickly and easily.

So let’s start tapping into all that power you’ve been letting go to waste.

Start by making a list of everything you are good at. And don’t be shy!

If you are pretty, write that down. If you’re smart, or good at math, or can balance check books well, or you’re funny, sensitive, or intuitive…write it down.
Then, make a list of all the things you’d like to change or improve. If you’re like most people, this list will be a LOT longer than the first one!

Franz Bardon, the great 20th Century mystic called these the Black and White Mirrors of the Soul. We are going to call them your ‘tool box’ and ‘to-do lists’!

You can take all the strengths on the first list and think of ways you can use them to improve your life, make money, or both!

You can take the *second * list and start improving yourself bit by bit. Remember, as long as you are better than you were yesterday, you are on the right track.

And I’ll leave you with one last tool you can use to improve yourself and your life.

The great Earl Nightingale taught something called “the 20 Idea Method” that Brian Tracy has popularized recently.

How it works, is you take out a piece of paper (or open up a document on your computer) and you write across the top the #1 problem you have right now, or what you’re trying to figure out.

And then, you proceed to think of 20 ways to solve the problem. The first 5 or 10 will come easily, but the last 5 or 10 will be tough! But DO NOT give up until you come up with 20 possible solutions. They can be crazy, they can be backwards, they can be totally unusable. But you’ll be surprised by the brilliant ideas your brain will produce when you won’t let it off the hook easily! Once you have the list of 20, pick the best one and DO IT!

And if you REALLY want to kick it into high gear, take the best idea from the list, and then think of 20 MORE ways to actually make it happen. Understand?

Watch the video below, that combined with this article should be more than enough to help you get started unleashing the real you!

Don’t be ashamed to shine, the world needs you!

And as always: if God be with you, who can stand against you?

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Earth Day, every day.

posted by B. Dave Walters
She loves you!

She loves you!

“Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.”
-Kahlil Gibran

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn’t people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them?”
-Rose Kennedy

Earth Day was started in 1970 by Senator Gaylord Nelson of Wisconsin, but has since grown into a worldwide phenomenon.

Earth Day reminds us of the need to take time and appreciate and connect with the Earth not just on a yearly, but on a daily basis.

Many of the problems we see in this world, from issues of pollution and Global Warming all the way down to wars and individual stress are related to, if not outright caused by, a lack of connection with Nature and the planet.

Quite simply, the more disconnected we are with Mother Earth, then the more disconnected we are with each other and ourselves.

Here, then, are 10 easy ways to get reconnected with the flow of Nature
1.Go outside!
How much time do you spend outside in a day, besides the trip to and from your car? Try to spend at least 10 minutes a day with the sun on your skin (with the appropriate sunscreen on, of course)

2.Open the windows!
Open the windows of your home to let it air out, and let the breeze come in. Your home will feel less stifled and more natural in no time.

3.Open the car windows!
Air conditioning burns fuel and adds to pollution. Pending where you live, it may make sense to drive with your windows down; or at least cracked a little.

4.Eat outside at least once a week.
Eat outside from time to time, either your lunch at work, or pack up a picnic and have your dinner at a park. Imagine the smile on your kids faces when you surprise them with a picnic at the playground!

5.Keep plants around.
Especially if you have an office or a cubicle, have at least one flowering plant around all the time. Name it and talk to it, treat it like a pet!
Besides the fact that the carbon dioxide in your breath helps the plant grow, you’ll be surprised how connected you’ll feel to this this simple living thing.
Once you are used to taking care of one, add in more flowers; but have at least one in the places you spend the most time.

6.Feed the birds.
Either setup a bird feeder at home (especially a hummingbird feeder, if you have hummingbirds where you live), or feed them out in public. Be careful about just spreading bread crumbs all over your lawn, since that might get you hordes of pigeons attacking your house! On those days that you eat outside, don’t be afraid to share a few crumbs with your winged friends.

7.Walk barefoot on the grass
Seriously, if you haven’t done it in too long, try it!

8.Sleep with the windows open
Clearly, you can’t do this if you live in a place that’s freezing, or where someone will come through that window! Some people report waking up feeling stuffy the first day after they try this; unless you have seasonal allergies, try it for around 3 nights and you should feel like a new person.

9.Pay attention to Nature
Every day you are surrounded by the wonders of this planet; birds singing, flowers blooming, butterflies flying. It’s all too easy to miss it when we are caught up in the hustle and bustle of getting from here to there. Slow down from time to time, and watch the miracles unfolding around you. Just this tiny bit of presence is actually one of the most powerful forms ofmeditation you can do.

10.Give thanks to and for Mother Earth
Note, this does not mean ‘worship’ the Earth (unless you follow an Earth-centered religion, that is); it means give thanks for the Earth and all her bounty. She gives us the food we eat, the air we breathe, the water we drink, and the very bodies we walk around in, so be grateful!
Who you are giving thanks to, however, is totally up to you.

This planet is a grand miracle, a shining blue jewel in the vastness of space, and every single one of us is lucky to be here.
The Earth isn’t some ball of mud to be ruthlessly exploited, if you believe that God is our Father, then she is our Mother; every bit as worthy of our love, care, admiration, gratitude and affection.

Remember: Every day is Earth Day!!

What do you think ? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: How to give yourself permission to shine

posted by B. Dave Walters

Nothing to fear, but fear itself.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
—-from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.

After posting this quote recently on my Facebook fan page, someone responded:
“Love this post and will have to share it. But where do people start to take the first step in acknowledging their highest potential. So many have been taught to not be boastful or not show off or you are no better than the next person. How do you pull out of that preventative thinking and move into a mindset of greatness?”

An excellent question!  In many ways, the answer is the quote itself.  But I would add to it that in my experience, it is not the fear of eclipsing others that scares us, but the fear of failure.  Because if we truly give something our all, and fall short, then what?  Heaven forbid people think of us as a FAILURE, right?  So, instead we take the safe road.  The low road, the road plenty travelled.

Except there is only one type of failure, and that IS not trying.  Think about something you’ve wanted to do, a ‘someday, maybe’ goal; as in ‘someday I’d like to go to school,’ or ‘maybe I’d like to become an actress.’  But immediately that little voice kicks in (the same little voice that just said “what little voice?”) and gives you all the reasons you can’t do it.  You aren’t smart enough, or pretty enough, or talented enough.  And so you convince yourself not to even try.  Think about that: You convince yourself not to try, rather than fail to get what you want, but that decision *keeps you from getting what you want!* Being afraid that you might not be able to go to school, keeps you out of school.  Being afraid you can’t act, keeps you from acting.  Believing that girl would never go out with you, keeps you from dating that girl.

Does that make sense?

There is nothing to be afraid of, because the thing you fear is upon you right now.  You already know what it’s like to not have it, because you are living it.  So what else is there to fear?  If you try and fall short, you’ll be right back where you are right now, no problem.  And then you get up and keep trying until you make it.  Like Bodhidharma said: To fall 7 times is to rise 8 times…life begins today.

It may take time, it WILL take time.  Be patient with yourself, it took your entire life to get to where you are right now, and things won’t change every night.  As long as you do something every single day to get you closer to your goal, success is inevitable.  You don’t have to be better than anyone else, you only have to be better than yesterday.

Oh, and one last thing: Some people will criticize, or laugh, or talk bad about you.  Haters hate, it’s what they do!  But deep down inside, when they see you shine, when they see you truly going after what you want, do you know what they’ll really be thinking?

They’ll wish they had the courage to do what you are doing, instead of being too scared to go after it.  So let your haters be your motivators!

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

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