A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile

Three quick ways to find peace and happiness

posted by B. Dave Walters
Just Let Go

Just Let Go

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s B.S. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
— Jim Morrison

As we have talked about many times before, most of the pain that we experience in the present is rooted in our own unresolved issues, baggage, and traumas from the past.  And Life, being the greatest school that there is, will continue sending us the same lessons over and over again until we learn them.  So, if you find yourself making the same sort of mistakes over and over again: The same bad relationships, bad jobs, or general unhappiness, here are some tools you can use to start finding your way out of that cycle once and for all.

Tool #1: Forgiveness.
Really, this all boils down to forgiveness: Forgiving them for whatever they did or didn’t do, and forgiving yourself for what you did or didn’t do.  Now remember, when we say forgiveness, it doesn’t mean that whatever they did or didn’t do is OK…maybe it wasn’t OK at all.  But, it’s done, and in the past. My favorite quote on forgiveness comes from The Buddha:  ‘Holding on to anger with the intent of hurting someone else, is like picking up a hot coal with the intention of throwing it: You are the one who gets burned.’

Of course, forgiveness can be very difficult to manage; if it was easy, you’d have done it already!  The first thing to figure out is who it is that needs forgiving (and don’t forget to put yourself on that list!).  The biggest clue is to see how you are feeling now, and think back to the earliest memory you have of feeling that way.  Who was there?  What was happening? It may seem like something simple, but you’d be amazed by what things stick with us.  If it’s a particularly painful memory, I have recorded something called a ‘swish pattern’ that you can use to heal painful memories, sometimes instantly.

Tool #2: Writing it out.
Often times, it’s not possible to tell the person that we forgive them.  It may not be possible to talk to them for one reason or another, up to and including them having transitioned to the next world.  And, quite often the other person may not want your forgiveness, if they don’t think they did anything wrong!  Luckily enough, that doesn’t matter, since forgiveness is something you do for you; it’s a gift you give *yourself*.  Remember, the goal is not validating their choices, but releasing your lingering negativity towards them.  Since good, bad, or indifferent, they did their best; in the end, they were the product of THEIR own unresolved baggage, issues, and trauma from the past!

So, the way around this is to write down everything you want to say to them.  Actually write it on paper, not type on a computer.  There are many reasons why I say that, which are beyond the scope of the article, so just trust me on this one.  Say any and everything you need to say, be as mean and nasty as necessary, or as genuine and caring as you feel.  There is no way to do this wrong, the only mistake would be holding back.  Once you are done, I do *not* suggest you give the letter to the person; once again, this is about you letting it out and your healing.  I recommend you either keep it somewhere safe, or believe it or not: Burn it.  Once you’ve truly released it, why keep it around?

Tool #3: A heart-to-heart talk.
So, I just got done saying not to give the person you’re forgiving the letter, so who is it I’m suggesting you talk to?  This tool is simple to explain, but I can be hard to do because you’ll have to face your harshest critic and source of all your insecurities: Yourself.

Here is how it works: Go somewhere with a mirror and privacy; restrooms work best, but your car’s rearview mirror works well, too.  Anywhere you can look yourself in the eye and speak at a normal volume without worrying about who might hear you.

First thing you do is just look yourself in the eye, and hold that eye contact for a little while.  Believe me, it’s harder than you think!  And once you spend a little time connected with yourself, tell yourself *out loud* that you forgive yourself.  Admit your mistakes, and say out loud what you learned from them. Tell yourself how beautiful you are, how strong, how wonderful, and brilliant you are.  Say all the things to yourself you wish someone else would say.  Give yourself the validation that you wish would come from someone else.

And I’ll tell you a big secret: Words only have what power over you that you give them. And I can prove that words have no power in and of themselves: No matter what someone said in the past that hurt you, what if a crazy person in the street said the exact same thing…would it have bothered you? Of course not; so why do you let what anyone else says bother you, either?  In the end, how much you love yourself will set the limit of how much love you can give OR accept, and this time with yourself will just make you more available and present to the important people in your life.

Yes, I’m serious…I do this daily, and if you do this it will change your life; I promise you that. If it’s tough to do or seems silly, that will show you just how hard you’ve been on yourself up until now, so add that to the list of things to forgive!

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: How to deal with emotional abuse

posted by B. Dave Walters
When will enough be enough?

When will enough be enough?

Question submitted via Formspring:

“I think my partner is emotionally abusive, but I’m not sure if that means we need to separate. He stonewalls, withholds, ignores many of my requests for response/information, he seems entitled and self-serving, he claims to care about me but can be cruel.”

First, let’s break this into pieces:
You think (think?) your partner is emotionally abusive.
He stonewalls, withholds information, and ignores your ‘many’ requests for communication.
He seems entitled and self-serving.
He ‘claims’ to care, but can be cruel.
And yet, you aren’t sure that means you need to separate.

My first question would be: If your partner being distant, neglectful, deceitful, emotionally abusive and cruel isn’t grounds to separate, what is?

Note, you referred to him as your partner. Not boyfriend, not fiancé, not lover, partner, which in hetero relationships is usually a sign of some sort of ambiguity.  Perhaps you can’t even get him to have ‘the talk’ about what it is you are to each other, or he may have given you the classic line about ‘not wanting to label it’.  A person being unwilling to commit is generally a sign of one of two things: 1. They are waiting for something better to come along, or, 2. They have a lot of baggage from the past that is making them afraid to commit.  And either one is bad for business.

But focusing on the details you have given, yes it is time to begin trying to separate for several reasons, but the main one is this: If you can’t communicate, you don’t have a relationship.  You said yourself he evades your questions and ignores your needs, but expects you to live up to his (entitled and self-serving).

A better question is, why wouldn’t you want to separate from him? Why do you think this type of treatment is what you deserve, or at least that you don’t deserve better? I’m sure you are thinking “but I love him,” but unfortunately that’s not enough.  Respect and trust are actually more important, and your relationship is lacking in both.

What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

Q&A: Can Christians and non-Christians date?

posted by B. Dave Walters
It can work, buuut....

It can work, buuut….

Question submitted via Formspring:
“Can Christians and non-Christians date? If so is the outcome always one of being non-yoked?”

Yes, it’s possible for a Christian and a non-Christian to date successfully.  However, it’s going to take communication and effort…just like any other relationship.

For instance, if two people get together in the hopes of falling love and getting married, that’s no problem; if two people are just dating, or even just sleeping together, still no problem.  But, if one of you wants to get married and the other is just in it for the sex, you are in for problems.  Or, as a friend of mine once said: “Be careful you aren’t having sex with someone who’s making love!”

The same thing is true when it comes to spirituality.  If one of you is a former nun who attends sunrise Mass every day, and the other is a raging Atheist, you’re in for trouble.  But if one of you is a believer who goes to church once or twice a week, and the other was raised Christian but has drifted out of touch over the years, then things will be a bit easier.

Like anything, it isn’t necessary to be twins, but you *do* need to have a mutual respect and understanding.  For instance, one of you can’t start forcing the other to go to church, nor can you stop the other from going.  Are you going to celebrate holidays?  If so, which ones?  If you have kids, will they be raised as Christians, or not?  A common mistake is to believe you’ll let the kids grow up and decide, but that’s actually not possible since they’ll have religious questions LONG before that.  Not to mention how confusing it will be when Grandma has crucifixes on the walls, and Grandpa has Menorahs or Qurans in the living room.

The better question to ask yourself is what are your non-negotiables? What traits or beliefs does your significant other absolutely have to have, or not have in order for you to be happy? Is sharing common beliefs important to you? It certainly is for me.  Do you need to have the same political beliefs?   Some people believe in that as much or more than their religions.  Do you believe that children should be able to express themselves freely, or do you believe they need strict rules and harsh discipline?

As always, as long as you have someone you can respect, trust, love, and grow with, who can respect, trust, love, and grow with you…AND you can communicate with each other, your relationship will succeed.  If you can’t, it won’t.

What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: We’re getting married, but he suffocates me; what should I do?

posted by B. Dave Walters
If he is too clingy, *tell him* he is too clingy!

If he is too clingy, *tell him* he is too clingy!

(Unedited) Question submitted via formspring.me:

“I am in a relationship for few years now, to everybody he seems to be a perfect lover n partner,but i get irritated very frequently due to his “over lovingness”.feel suffocated as he keeps a track of my every second of a day. wedding is very near.”

(and then she said)
“hi,i m d same girl getting married to over loving partner. I work with this another guy,who always teases me,sometimes complement me,thinks he like me,m attracted to him,not for any long term bond but for fun,may be a date or two. but he never asks. I want him”

Let’s break this down into pieces:
1.You’ve been with him a few years.
2.Everyone *else * thinks he’s a perfect partner…but you don’t.
3.You get irritated and feel smothered.
4.He may be a bit possessive.
5.Some guy at work teases you, and gives you the odd compliment
6.You want to be with this new guy, ‘just for fun’.
7.You are supposed to be getting married soon.

The short answer: don’t marry this guy. Since, you didn’t say you love him, you didn’t mention wanting to be with him. You said everyone ELSE thinks he’s great, which means you don’t.

You said he over does it, and you’d prefer a guy who under does it.

YEARS later, and you’re more interested in having a fling with a coworker than you are with getting married.

Translation: break up. Now it’s possible you are from a culture that won’t let you break up, and you have to proceed with the wedding whether you want to or not.

In that case, sit your guy down and explain to him that you feel smothered.
Tell him you want some more excitement in the relationship, and work together to figure out how you can both feel happy and fulfilled.

Since as always, if you can’t communicate if you don’t have a relationship.

But that is only if for whatever reason you *can’t * break up.
Nothing in your words says you should stay with him, if anything it seems inevitable that you’ll either spend your life with him miserable, cheat on him, or both.

Another thing: the coworker isn’t the solution.
He only looks attractive because you’re bored by your fiancée.
Focus on either fixing or peacefully dissolving your current relationship; you’ll have all the time in the world for whatever fling you like once it’s done.

I’d also suggest you look at why it is you can’t commit to this guy.
It may be that your relationship has run it’s course (which is normal); or it may be you have a problem with commitment.
Look at all your past relationships and see if they have ended similarly.

I’d also look at your relationship with your dad, and his relationship with your mom as an indicator into how you got into this mess.
You may have a good guy you are being too hard on; or a damaged relationship you can’t let go of.

Either way a look into your past will probably give you a hint about your future.

What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: Why there is no ‘One,’ and that’s a good thing

posted by B. Dave Walters

Question submitted via Facebook:

Don't cling so tightly that you lose your grip.

Don’t cling so tightly that you lose your grip.

“I just broke up with my boyfriend for the third and final time. I’m feeling good about it, but truly discouraged at the fact that there isn’t one person in the world for everyone. Love is….not forever.”

Sorry you are feeling a bit discouraged, but the truth is tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, so how could forever be? Too much certainty breeds boredom and restlessness; some chance is what keeps life exciting. Especially when the Universe sends us some surprises that are as unexpected as they are so very pleasant.

We’ve talked many times about the fact that there is no ‘one’ person for everyone. And no, love doesn’t live forever, at least not without investing the time and effort to keep it alive.

But love not lasting ‘forever’ is understandable, since nothing is forever. Everything is finite, and change is inevitable. But that also makes love MORE important, MORE precious, and MORE exciting, and especially worth finding.

Really, barring a Hollywood plot device, why would there be just one person for all of us? What in Human history, culture, or biology would make such a thing true…or even preferable? How many things in your life are *identical* to what they were 10 years ago, much less 20? How many things will be exactly the same 20 years from now? Love is not a fixed thing, there are many souls we resonate with, or could, if given the chance and willingness. Some times that connection lasts for days, sometimes it lasts for decades.

I was a bit discouraged when I realized what you are realizing now, but ultimately that discouragement gave way to something beautiful. There is one reason and one reason only for two people to stay together: Because they choose to. Not out of an antiquated social custom, or a vague fear of not being able to do better. But out if a conscious choice to stand side by side and face this world together. To trust, respect, and grow together. To realize there are 1,000,000 potential ‘ones’ out there, but that this person is the one that you choose consciously. And if that ever stops working–no matter how hard you work to fix it–then you are free to choose something else.It’s important that you always know that there are other guys out there, just like there are other ladies. You should choose a guy because of who and what he is, what he has to offer, and how he makes you feel, and he should choose you for the same reasons. Anything less than that is unacceptable.

It’s important that you always know that there are other guys out there, just like there are other ladies. You should choose a guy because of who and what he is, what he has to offer, and how he makes you feel, and he should choose you for the same reasons. Anything less than that is unacceptable.
And personally I think that is a far far greater thing than someone being your one fated chance at happiness.

Will that be true 50 years from now? God only knows, but here and now all that’s available to any of us; as long as it is real now, obsessing about whether it will be real in the far future is a waste of today.

Now, when you really care about someone it is normal and natural to feel a certain burning anxiety when your significant other is talking to someone else, because you might worry about them leaving, or somehow being ‘taken’ from you. But here is the fact: If you are on top of your game, he’s not going anywhere. And if he does anyway, it’s his loss…not yours. And if you *aren’t* on your game, and he leaves…that’s your loss, not his.

The most important thing is to choose each other, and keep choosing each other. But the only way that is possible, is if you are completely aware of any and all options available to you, and yet you choose each other. If you have to chase each other, stress about where you are or what you might be doing, and try to stop each other from doing anything you wouldn’t approve of, that’s not love…that is parenting.

As long as you can respect, trust, love, and grow together, keep at it. When you can’t anymore, stop. That may be a week, a year, a decade, or a lifetime. As long as you are open and honest with each other, it will all work out for your greater good. It may not work out how you want it to at the time, but it will absolutely work out for the best.

I want to leave you with a final piece of advice on how to have the type of love you are looking for:
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Choosing your life for a change

posted by B. Dave Walters
It's all a part of the plan....

It’s all a part of the plan….

This Friday, June 21 is the Summer Solstice in the Northern Hemisphere, both the official start of summer, and the longest day of the year.  However, in esoteric circles it is the absolutely most powerful time of the year to set new goals in motion.  For lack of a better word, the Light doesn’t get any stronger all year!

So, as I sit down to realign myself with my goals and intentions for the coming year, I’d like to share with you the exact same steps I take to create and manifest whatever I choose to.  Grab a piece of paper, or open up a blank document on your computer, since you’re going to need to take some notes for this one!

Step one: Decide what you don’t want.
If you are familiar with my previous work, then you know that almost any decision starts with this.  Since often times we may get confused by what we want, or at least don’t give ourselves permission to admit it…but we ALL know what we *don’t* want.

Step two: Dream a little.
Take a minute to let your mind wander, at least 5 years into the future, but 10 is better, and imagine your absolutely perfect life.  If everything is absolutely wonderful…what does that look like?  It doesn’t matter if you don’t know how you can do it, it doesn’t matter if it seems impossible…what does it look like? For now, just dream…and then write down what you see; don’t filter it at all.

Step three: Backtrack.
Now, here is the time when most people will get overwhelmed, flake out and quit…so make sure you stay focused and do this! Take that vision, that perfect vision, and start working backwards from it.  If that’s where you are in 10 years…where do you need to be in 5? 3? 1?  6 Months? One?

Step four: Make a plan, make it happen.
A dream with a deadline becomes a goal.  A goal broken down into steps becomes a plan, and a plan backed up by action makes your dreams come true.  All you have to do is work backwards to figure out where you need to be, and start doing it.  The key is to do something, ANYTHING every single day that will get you closer to your goal.  As long as you stay in motion, victory is guaranteed.

Step five: Remember the Law of GOYA.
Yes, you need to make use of the Law of Attraction and all 7 Universal Laws  in fact.  But that is co-creating with the Universe; CO-creating.  Remember the Law of Goya: Get Off Your @$$!  Want your dream life to show up? Get to work.  Want it to show up faster? Work harder.  It has taken your entire life for things to be like they are, and it will take some time for them to change to how you want them to be.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that your long term happiness and success lasts in anyone’s hands but yours.  Whatever it is you saw, IS possible for you to manifest in this world, and you *can* have a life that looks just like that, or at least very, very similar.  It may be that what you want to live in New York, but you’ll end up in London.  You may want to drive a Porsche, but will end up with a Ferrari.  Part of this whole process is trusting that God/The Universe knows what you need even better than you do.  Don’t fear the future, think of it like a surprise party that God/The Universe is planning for you; your job is to stay focused and keep moving forward.

The one word of warning I can give, however, is be careful about attaching your vision to a specific person, especially if it’s someone you aren’t currently romantically involved with.  It’s fine to visualize a life with a person, but be open to the Universe sending your someone else to fill that spot in your life.  Don’t make the mistake of building a future around someone who doesn’t even want to be a part of your present!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

How to be happy and powerful: Advice from the Emperor

posted by B. Dave Walters

This is the absolute best time in history to be alive.

Let me say that again: This is the best time in history to be alive.  No human beings anywhere, ever, have had the level of peace, security, information, education, and freedom that we have now.  For whatever limitations you might be experiencing in your day-to-

The Last Emperor

The Last Emperor

day life, compare your life against that of a person living in the 4th century.  And I don’t just mean common people, even kings and emperors would have dreamed about being able to fly at all, much less around the world in a few hours.  Having electricity, cars, super markets…to be able to access all of the world’s knowledge within a few minutes of using a computer.  Of having an internet *at all*!  If you didn’t have to worry about starving, catching the plague, or being murdered by bandits today, take a second to give thanks for just how blessed and unique of a life you’ve got when compared with the other 20 billion people who have walked this Earth.

However, there are many things that haven’t changed at all.  The fundamental questions: Who we are, where we come from, what is the meaning of life and how are we supposed to live it trouble us as much now as they did 2,000 years ago.  In many ways they are even more important now, since just trying to survive occupies so much less of our time and mental energy.

Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus (often referred to as “the wise”) was Emperor of the Roman Empire from 161 to his death in 180. He was the last of the “Five Good Emperors”, and is also considered one of the more important philosophers in history.  He left a series of meditations he’d written for himself—never intended to be read by anyone else—that he used to keep himself calm and grounded as a ruler, general, judge, philosopher, husband, and father in the midst of the terrible amount of corruption, wealth, and limitless power that he commanded.  And yes, he’s the Emperor at the beginning of Gladiator…quite frankly, he is my hero!

Here is a short collection of some of his meditations…made even more incredible when you realize that he only intended these to be reminders for himself of how to live.

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.”

“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”

“Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together,but do so with all your heart.”

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”

“When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love …”

“Our life is what our thoughts make it.”

“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.”

“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”

“If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it.”

“If someone is able to show me that what I think or do is not right, I will happily change, for I seek the truth, by which no one was ever truly harmed. It is the person who continues in his self-deception and ignorance who is harmed.”

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Another love letter from your true self

posted by B. Dave Walters

Beloved,

I have missed you since we last talked, but I’ve been with you the whole time.  I just wanted to tell you that I am SO very proud of you.  I see you every day, shining and brilliant.

You're never, ever alone.

You’re never, ever alone.

But, I also see something else that worries me, my dearest: You give too much power to what may go wrong and not enough to what is going right.

Look at all the things you have overcome…and how many that you feared that never happened at all.

And, look at how many peaceful moments you have missed fearing the future, when the perfection of the present moment is always available. You lack faith my love. Not in some far off God, but in life, and in yourself.  So much of your time, energy and emotion are wasted on phantoms. When you realize that, you’ll be unstoppable. Since…you already are. But I have infinite faith in you. I believe in you completely, your beauty, brilliance, courage, and strength. I never doubt you, even when you stumble and fall…and I hope I can help you find that in yourself.

Always remember my dearest, faith is a muscle. It’s simply giving credit where credit is due.  Life is good, and you are incredibly strong. You don’t have to fear anyone or anything. Even now, when you see all the stories of every bad thing from all over the world, remember something important: It’s ‘news’ because it’s *wrong*.  All the good, happy, positive things in the world don’t get reported, because that’s what we expect to happen.  It’s the horrors that get publicity, because they are so far removed from how we all subconsciously know how the world really is: Good.  Life is good, people are good, and most importantly, YOU are good.

My love, time is passing so quickly; the days are slipping away, never to return, so make the most of them.  There is a song in you that needs singing, stop holding it in.  You stay inside your shell to live up (or down) to other people’s expectations, but in the end it’s not what they expect of you that matters, but what YOU expect from you that matters.  You have to look into the mirror and hopefully love what you see there as much as I do.

So now, choose what you are committed to, and choose what mark you want to make on this world.  The noise, distractions, and chaos of life will always be there, but inside of you is the calm still point.  Breathe deep, and find me there.  What angers you, masters you, and what you fear, imprisons you.  Choose love, choose power, and keep moving forward.

One last thing: Everything that is valuable in this world, is valuable because it is rare.  20 Billion people have walked this Earth, but there has only ever been, or ever will be, one you.  Never hide, never retreat, never back down: Shine. Always shine.

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: ‘Why did he go back to her?’

posted by B. Dave Walters
There is no why

There is no why

Question submitted via Formspring:
“I have been with my neighbor for a month, and we have been very close. All of the things you would expect in a loving relationship

and it was all heading the right way.. except he told me he was going away with his last girlfriend for 3 days! I was so shocked that I told him if he goes I cannot be his girlfriend anymore. He chose to go so I finished it and just don’t understand why he would do this when he told me I was the one etc. We did not mention love as it’s all a bit too soon but we were heading into a serious relationship. I have self worth and boundaries, so that is why I stepped aside. There has been no contact since and I miss him already and don’t understand why he hasn’t even contacted me. Any advise please?”

First, let’s break this down into pieces:

You’ve been dating a guy for a month.
He is your neighbor (yikes!)
He told you that you were the one, but *not* that loves you.
He decided to go on a trip with his ex…was it something he had planned before he met you?
You asked him not to go, and said you’d break up with him if you did.
He went anyway, and you broke up with him (good for you!)
He hasn’t contacted you since, and you don’t know why because you miss him.

So, the first thing is: I acknowledge you for standing up for yourself, and ending it.  The second thing is, what difference does it make if he contacts you?  What exactly is it that you are looking to hear?

I’d *imagine* that you’re looking to hear that he made a mistake.  That he misses you, that he was wrong to leave with her, and that he should have taken you on the trip instead.  And, unfortunately, that call isn’t coming.  He was quite clear on what it meant to be with her, they’d been involved before, after all.  He was also quite clear on what it meant to be with you, and he was willing to give that up completely to be with her.  No good.

What you are REALLY looking to hear is why.  WHY did he choose her, and WHY doesn’t he want to be with you, to which I would say: Does it matter?  What exactly can he say that you will want to hear?  What if he tells you that he loved her the entire time, and only dated you because he was on the rebound?  What if he tells you she’s pregnant with his baby? What if he says they are both a part of the same cult, and they were gone on a 3 day retreat?  The truth is, there is no why; there is only what you know to be absolutely sure:  You told him if he did this thing, you’d be done…and he did it anyway.

It is normal and natural to feel hurt, confused, and disappointed by something like this.  And unfortunately, only time can heal that pain completely.  Considering that you only dated for a month, it shouldn’t take TOO long for you to be able to move on.  The most important thing to remember is this: You kept your self-respect and stood up for yourself and what you deserve, so don’t start back tracking now.  You absolutely did the right thing, and whether or not it hurts that is something you should be proud of.

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: Prayers and Inspiration for Tough Times

posted by B. Dave Walters
You're in good company

You’re in good company

Question submitted via Formspring.Me/BDaveWalters:
“What are some Bible verses I can share with a relative who just went to jail?”

The Holy Bible is a source of inspiration for Jews, Christians, and even Muslims all over the world.  The real strength of the Bible is not that it is some big collection of ‘thou shalt nots,’ but stories about real human beings making real human mistakes.

Jacob was a cheater, Peter had a temper, David had an affair, Noah got drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul was a murderer, Gideon was insecure, Miriam was a gossiper, Martha was a worrier, Thomas was a doubter, Sara was impatient, Elijah was moody, Moses stuttered, Zaccheus was short, Abraham was old, and Lazarus was dead!

A favorite thing of mine to do is pick up the Bible, think of my question, and open it.  The first words you fall on is the answer to your question. In the mean time, enjoy these verses for comfort when times are tough.

Above all else, remember this: No matter who you are or what you’ve done, while there’s life, there is hope.

Psalm 69:33 “For the Lord hears the needy and does not despise his own people who are prisoners.” (ESV)

Hebrews 13:3 “Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body.” (ESV)

Matthew 25: 34 – 40 “Then the King will say to those on His right hand, Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me. Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You? And the King will answer and say to them, Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.” (NKJV)

Psalm 102:18-21 “Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet to be created may praise the LORD: that he looked down from his holy height; from heaven the LORD looked at the earth, to hear the groans of the prisoners, to set free those who were doomed to die, that they may declare in Zion the name of the LORD, and in Jerusalem his praise. ” (ESV)

1 Peter 5:6 -7 “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you.” (KJV)

2 Corinthians 3:17 “Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.”(KJV)

Galations 5:1 “Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.” (KJV)

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (KJV Ad.)

Psalm 51 (New International Version)
1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge. 5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. 6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place. 7Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you. 14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. 15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

And as always: if God be with you, who can stand against you?

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Previous Posts

Q&A: “I’m trying to smile, but I’ve hit rock bottom….”
Question submitted via Formspring: “Hello, I am on the journey of my life moving leaving everything i know to move to NYC by myself. I had to stay in a shelter and am still here. I have

posted 6:14:09am Nov. 18, 2014 | read full post »

A crash course in creativity
In honor of the National Novel Writing Month (www.nanowrimo.org), in which we are all challenged to write a 50,000 word novel in a month, I wanted to put together a very quick crash course in creative writing. 

posted 11:56:00pm Nov. 01, 2014 | read full post »

The bad news about pursuing your dreams
We talked recently about what to do to have you breakthrough, and soon afterwards a friend contacted me about a hang up he’s having.  Essentially, he’s been in action towards achieving his

posted 1:13:09am Oct. 27, 2014 | read full post »

A full moon, a Blood Moon, and a Hunter’s moon; oh my!
Starting on October 8, his week will have a particularly powerful alignment when we have a Blood Moon, a Hunter’s Moon, AND a full moon in Aries will be happening all at once!  This is a particularly powerf

posted 2:44:05am Oct. 08, 2014 | read full post »

What to do to have your breakthrough
“Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail.” – Charles Kettering As of this week, I’ll have been writing these articles for five years, and to celebrate, I want to share with you so

posted 4:09:20am Oct. 06, 2014 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.