A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile

How to be fearless

posted by B. Dave Walters
Let your inner tiger out!

Let your inner tiger out!

To fall seven times, it to rise eight times. Life begins today.
-Bodidharma

I’d like to talk a little bit here about confidence and self esteem. I’m serious, don’t roll your eyes at me!

Those words, ‘self-esteem’ get thrown around a lot, and quite often people start to think they are corny or somehow stupid. But the fact is, if you don’t have ‘esteem for yourself’, how can you expect other people to?

As I’ve said before , it all starts with self love. No one will ever think higher of you then you think of yourself.

And I can tell you why that is! Even if you found someone who thinks the world of you, (like I do), you’ll rationalize it or justify it, or put up blocks that will prevent you from feeling the full force of their affection.

See, a lot of people have adopted a false sense of humility, which is actually thinly veiled low self esteem. There is nothing at all wrong with accepting your Power. There is nothing at all wrong with being fully aware of your strengths, along with your weaknesses. Or, as I prefer to call them: opportunities for improvement.

Real confidence, and real humility, are actually two sides of the same coin. It comes from being 100% aware of who and what you are. Where you shine, and where you might need some help.

I’ll give you a personal example: I am brilliant when it comes to ideas. I can give you 10 different ways to do pretty much anything you can imagine.

But, I am nowhere near as strong when it comes to actually IMPLEMENTING those ideas! That is my struggle, my ideal situation is giving direction and having someone else do the actual leg work. There are people who are just the opposite: they are excellent doers, but may not be very creative.

And that’s OK!

As a side note, I’ve had to learn how to compensate for my own short comings, and here is an easy way you can compensate for yours.

Anytime you need to do something you don’t want to do, you have to turn Human Nature to your advantage. This is what I mean: all Human action, ALL Human action, is to do one of two things: gain pleasure, or avoid pain. And studies have proven again and again, we will work MUCH harder to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure.

I’ll give you an example: which would hurt worse: working to make an extra $10,000, or losing $10,000 you’ve already got? Exactly.

So when you need to do something you don’t want to do, first decide on what you will GAIN by doing it. Think of every possible positive benefit, even if it’s just the feeling of a job well done.

After that, think of everything NOT doing it is going to cost you, even if it is only the feeling that you broke your word with yourself. A part of self-esteem is knowing that you do what you say, even if it’s only what you say to yourself.

And finally, decide on a way you are going to reward yourself. Give yourself something, it doesn’t have to be a cookie. But, it can be a cookie if you want!

So, get clear on what doing it gains you, on what not doing it costs you, and a reward for yourself at the end.

Go with the flow. Work with all the parts of your mind to make change  quickly and easily.

So let’s start tapping into all that power you’ve been letting go to waste.

Start by making a list of everything you are good at. And don’t be shy!

If you are pretty, write that down. If you’re smart, or good at math, or can balance check books well, or you’re funny, sensitive, or intuitive…write it down.
Then, make a list of all the things you’d like to change or improve. If you’re like most people, this list will be a LOT longer than the first one!

Franz Bardon, the great 20th Century mystic called these the Black and White Mirrors of the Soul. We are going to call them your ‘tool box’ and ‘to-do lists’!

You can take all the strengths on the first list and think of ways you can use them to improve your life, make money, or both!

You can take the *second * list and start improving yourself bit by bit. Remember, as long as you are better than you were yesterday, you are on the right track.

And I’ll leave you with one last tool you can use to improve yourself and your life.

The great Earl Nightingale taught something called “the 20 Idea Method” that Brian Tracy has popularized recently.

How it works, is you take out a piece of paper (or open up a document on your computer) and you write across the top the #1 problem you have right now, or what you’re trying to figure out.

And then, you proceed to think of 20 ways to solve the problem. The first 5 or 10 will come easily, but the last 5 or 10 will be tough! But DO NOT give up until you come up with 20 possible solutions. They can be crazy, they can be backwards, they can be totally unusable. But you’ll be surprised by the brilliant ideas your brain will produce when you won’t let it off the hook easily! Once you have the list of 20, pick the best one and DO IT!

And if you REALLY want to kick it into high gear, take the best idea from the list, and then think of 20 MORE ways to actually make it happen. Understand?

Watch the video below, that combined with this article should be more than enough to help you get started unleashing the real you!

Don’t be ashamed to shine, the world needs you!

And as always: if God be with you, who can stand against you?

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Earth Day, every day.

posted by B. Dave Walters
She loves you!

She loves you!

“Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.”
-Kahlil Gibran

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn’t people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them?”
-Rose Kennedy

Earth Day was started in 1970 by Senator Gaylord Nelson of Wisconsin, but has since grown into a worldwide phenomenon.

Earth Day reminds us of the need to take time and appreciate and connect with the Earth not just on a yearly, but on a daily basis.

Many of the problems we see in this world, from issues of pollution and Global Warming all the way down to wars and individual stress are related to, if not outright caused by, a lack of connection with Nature and the planet.

Quite simply, the more disconnected we are with Mother Earth, then the more disconnected we are with each other and ourselves.

Here, then, are 10 easy ways to get reconnected with the flow of Nature
1.Go outside!
How much time do you spend outside in a day, besides the trip to and from your car? Try to spend at least 10 minutes a day with the sun on your skin (with the appropriate sunscreen on, of course)

2.Open the windows!
Open the windows of your home to let it air out, and let the breeze come in. Your home will feel less stifled and more natural in no time.

3.Open the car windows!
Air conditioning burns fuel and adds to pollution. Pending where you live, it may make sense to drive with your windows down; or at least cracked a little.

4.Eat outside at least once a week.
Eat outside from time to time, either your lunch at work, or pack up a picnic and have your dinner at a park. Imagine the smile on your kids faces when you surprise them with a picnic at the playground!

5.Keep plants around.
Especially if you have an office or a cubicle, have at least one flowering plant around all the time. Name it and talk to it, treat it like a pet!
Besides the fact that the carbon dioxide in your breath helps the plant grow, you’ll be surprised how connected you’ll feel to this this simple living thing.
Once you are used to taking care of one, add in more flowers; but have at least one in the places you spend the most time.

6.Feed the birds.
Either setup a bird feeder at home (especially a hummingbird feeder, if you have hummingbirds where you live), or feed them out in public. Be careful about just spreading bread crumbs all over your lawn, since that might get you hordes of pigeons attacking your house! On those days that you eat outside, don’t be afraid to share a few crumbs with your winged friends.

7.Walk barefoot on the grass
Seriously, if you haven’t done it in too long, try it!

8.Sleep with the windows open
Clearly, you can’t do this if you live in a place that’s freezing, or where someone will come through that window! Some people report waking up feeling stuffy the first day after they try this; unless you have seasonal allergies, try it for around 3 nights and you should feel like a new person.

9.Pay attention to Nature
Every day you are surrounded by the wonders of this planet; birds singing, flowers blooming, butterflies flying. It’s all too easy to miss it when we are caught up in the hustle and bustle of getting from here to there. Slow down from time to time, and watch the miracles unfolding around you. Just this tiny bit of presence is actually one of the most powerful forms ofmeditation you can do.

10.Give thanks to and for Mother Earth
Note, this does not mean ‘worship’ the Earth (unless you follow an Earth-centered religion, that is); it means give thanks for the Earth and all her bounty. She gives us the food we eat, the air we breathe, the water we drink, and the very bodies we walk around in, so be grateful!
Who you are giving thanks to, however, is totally up to you.

This planet is a grand miracle, a shining blue jewel in the vastness of space, and every single one of us is lucky to be here.
The Earth isn’t some ball of mud to be ruthlessly exploited, if you believe that God is our Father, then she is our Mother; every bit as worthy of our love, care, admiration, gratitude and affection.

Remember: Every day is Earth Day!!

What do you think ? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: How to give yourself permission to shine

posted by B. Dave Walters

Nothing to fear, but fear itself.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
—-from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.

After posting this quote recently on my Facebook fan page, someone responded:
“Love this post and will have to share it. But where do people start to take the first step in acknowledging their highest potential. So many have been taught to not be boastful or not show off or you are no better than the next person. How do you pull out of that preventative thinking and move into a mindset of greatness?”

An excellent question!  In many ways, the answer is the quote itself.  But I would add to it that in my experience, it is not the fear of eclipsing others that scares us, but the fear of failure.  Because if we truly give something our all, and fall short, then what?  Heaven forbid people think of us as a FAILURE, right?  So, instead we take the safe road.  The low road, the road plenty travelled.

Except there is only one type of failure, and that IS not trying.  Think about something you’ve wanted to do, a ‘someday, maybe’ goal; as in ‘someday I’d like to go to school,’ or ‘maybe I’d like to become an actress.’  But immediately that little voice kicks in (the same little voice that just said “what little voice?”) and gives you all the reasons you can’t do it.  You aren’t smart enough, or pretty enough, or talented enough.  And so you convince yourself not to even try.  Think about that: You convince yourself not to try, rather than fail to get what you want, but that decision *keeps you from getting what you want!* Being afraid that you might not be able to go to school, keeps you out of school.  Being afraid you can’t act, keeps you from acting.  Believing that girl would never go out with you, keeps you from dating that girl.

Does that make sense?

There is nothing to be afraid of, because the thing you fear is upon you right now.  You already know what it’s like to not have it, because you are living it.  So what else is there to fear?  If you try and fall short, you’ll be right back where you are right now, no problem.  And then you get up and keep trying until you make it.  Like Bodhidharma said: To fall 7 times is to rise 8 times…life begins today.

It may take time, it WILL take time.  Be patient with yourself, it took your entire life to get to where you are right now, and things won’t change every night.  As long as you do something every single day to get you closer to your goal, success is inevitable.  You don’t have to be better than anyone else, you only have to be better than yesterday.

Oh, and one last thing: Some people will criticize, or laugh, or talk bad about you.  Haters hate, it’s what they do!  But deep down inside, when they see you shine, when they see you truly going after what you want, do you know what they’ll really be thinking?

They’ll wish they had the courage to do what you are doing, instead of being too scared to go after it.  So let your haters be your motivators!

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: ‘I love him, but he doesn’t want a relationship’

posted by B. Dave Walters

Sometimes, no means no.

Question submitted via Facebook:

“Mr. Walters, I hope you can help me: There is this guy whom I really like. I told him about my feelings but he says that he doesn’t want to get into any relationship right now. I have been using the law of attraction but not so well; sometimes I feel that he may be the one for me and I must wait. But sometimes I feel that I’m too attached to him and this is not too good for me, and i must forget him. What do I do?”

If he doesn’t want a relationship, then he doesn’t want a relationship!

The question, then, is: are you willing to accept what he’s giving you now, or not? Does he still want the sex without the attachment, or is he not open to any sort of romantic connection?

Using the Law of Attraction is all well and good, but remember it can not override another person’s free will; you can not MAKE him do anything, you can only create the space to make him want to choose you.

The best advice, is to move on and look for a new guy. There are plenty of other men out there who would LOVE to be with someone like you; there is no reason to keep chasing someone who isn’t going to give you what you want.

If you insist on chasing this guy, then the first thing is: Learn how men think. For the most part, men don’t want to be chased; make him chase *you *. The best way to do this is to start dating new guys, and let him know you are doing it; once he knows you aren’t sitting by the phone waiting for him, he’ll automatically start paying you more attention.

Also, if you know there are certain T.V. Shows or sports he likes, start watching them and mentioning them to him. If his favorite fighter gets interviewed online, email him a link. If he looks good one day, tell him; but mention it in passing like it’s no big deal.

DO NOT bring up how you feel about him again, unless *he * brings it up to *you *; you don’t want to make him feel guilty, that is just going to make him start avoiding you.

So, to be clear: move on, he isn’t worth chasing.

And if you insist on chasing him, then take the time to turn yourself into his Mrs. Right and let him come to you.

Keep us posted on how it turns out.

What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: Is it too late to work things out?

posted by B. Dave Walters

Sometimes you just have to let go

Question submitted via Formspring:
My husband and I are separated and “trying” to work it out – although it is very one sided. Sometimes I fear that if things were to work out, I won’t feel comfortable being intimate with him anymore…like a bond has been broken. Can it be repaired?

Even though you haven’t said it here, it seems like there was some form of infidelity involved that caused your separation; since he is trying to work it out (i.e. make it up to you), and you still care enough to try. Yet the trust has been breached too much to be willing to be intimate now.

Two things:
First, forgive him. Forgiving him doesn’t mean whatever he did was OK. All forgiveness means is you are giving up whatever negativity you still hold in your heart towards him and/or the situation; it’s a gift you give to *yourself *, not to him.

Secondly, you have to be willing to start from absolute scratch. Whatever happened, or if there wasn’t a ‘thing’ at all but you’ve just grown apart; either way your old relationship is dead. The covenant has been broken, and can not be reformed.

If you are going to have a future of any sort, you would have to wipe the slate absolutely clean and begin at the beginning. Go out on dates for a while before you move back in together, so you can decide if you even want to be together anymore.

And, when the dust settles, if you are done, you are done. If you have been hurt too badly to get past it, if you can forgive him but not forget it, then your relationship may truly be at it’s end. He can apologize all he wants, but somethings once they are broken can not be repaired.

If you look into your heart you know which one it is: start from scratch or move on. Here is a previous article on how to let go of someone that can help you make that transition, if that’s your choice. Keep us posted on how it turns out.

What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: ‘Why didn’t the Law of Attraction work for me?’

posted by B. Dave Walters

Let it out…and then keep moving!

Question submitted via Formspring: “How can I tell the difference between inspired action and action to “force a result”? I was feeling good and confident on manifesting something into my life, took what I thought was inspired action only to have it blow up in my face. What happened?”

We talked about this question on a recent episode of my radio show, Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, along with: Hitting Rock Bottom.
What to do when you don’t know what to do, how to pick yourself back up again, getting over an abusive past, can sex ever have no strings attached, how men and women see love differently, the Law of Attraction, Q&A, and more!

We have talked before about how the Law of Attraction does not fail, ever.  So the better question is what do you mean by ‘blow up in your face’?

The ‘secret’ to the Law of Attraction is to stay in alignment, and keep taking those inspired actions until the result arrives.  If you allow yourself to get distracted, or discouraged when it doesn’t work the way you think it should, then in those moments you are pushing your goal further and further away.  If you look at the lives of most people who’ve been successful at anything, they have worked hard for a very long time.  They get knocked down, but they get back up.

Being a conscious creator doesn’t mean you have a magical wish-granting genie at your disposal.  It doesn’t even mean that things are always going to go your way, or that you’ll never have any problems.  What it does mean, is that you are the captain of the ship, rather than a passenger.  The ‘sea’ around you may be smooth, or may be choppy, but you direct your energy, and by extension you direct your life.

So, if you really did take inspired action, and yet your goal did not manifest, the thing to ask yourself is: What do you need to learn from this situation?  Is it possible that the thing you want to be, do, or have, is still in the process of coming to you?  Were you unrealistic in your time table? Did you really do ALL you could do to help it show up for you, and what can you do next?

Remember, it took your entire life for things to become who you are and have the exact life you have right now, and it will take time for things to change in a new direction.  As long as you stay focused, and in action, it will show up as fast as it possibly can, but no faster.  Every time you give in to fear, doubt, or frustration, you just make the whole thing take that much longer.

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

How to get up when you hit rock bottom

posted by B. Dave Walters

Always accept what’s so.

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is.  Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.”
― Eckhart Tolle

Does it every feel like everything is going wrong?  Like no matter what you do, or no matter how hard you try, things never seem to go your way?  If so, you are not alone.  Many, many, people have felt like you feel right now, and the good news is: There is a way out.

Generally speaking, our challenges fall into one of two categories: Lessons sent to use by God/The Universe to learn and grow, and situations we create for ourselves, that still give us a chance to learn and grow.  Life, above all else, is a school.  We get the people and situations we need to learn what we need to learn to continue growing and reach the next level.  And we will continue repeating those types of situations until we learn what we are supposed to learn.

The first thing is, don’t even think of your problems as ‘problems.’  Remember that everything lives in language. And this isn’t vague positive thinking, it is concrete neuroscience.   The words you use to describe your situation literally change how you feel about it.  This applies to all your ‘problems’, obstacles, challenges, hurtles, opportunities, or anything else. Consider, instead of saying ‘I am so broke,’ you could say ‘I’d like to make more money.’  Or, instead of ‘I hate my job,’ think ‘I am ready for a new job that I really enjoy.’

The next thing you need to ask yourself is: What’s so?  What is actually happening?  Often times we get upset about things that aren’t actually taking place; if you find yourself feeling anxious or overwhelmed, chances are you are looking too far into the future and dreaming up new things to fear.  Always bring your thoughts back to the present moment, since that’s all that really exists.  Once you cut through the mist of fear, and can see things as they really are, you are free to take the actions you’ll need to take to start changing them.  Remember, you can worry, OR you can have faith, but not both.  Either you trust God/The Universe to have your back, or you don’t.

So the next question you need to ask yourself is: What can you learn from the situation you find yourself in?  And I’ll give you a hint: It’s never something dramatic like “I should never trust people,” or “no one will ever love me.”  Instead, maybe the lesson is you should stop picking abusive men who will use you; or clingy women who’ll emotionally manipulate you.  If you are having health issues, maybe there are changes you can make to your diet and exercise routine.

As we said at the beginning, there is another kind of lesson that comes our way.  Sometimes what we experience is the total collapse of our previous life, so that a new one can rise in its place, through an experience known as ‘the dark night of the soul.’   Trying to cling too tightly to the old way of being will only prolong the process and cause you more and more pain.  We talked extensively about how to deal with the dark night of the soul in a recent episode of my radio show Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, along with why you suffer, how to stay positive, how to KNOW you are on the right track, how keep your head up, how to start reinventing yourself, how you know when you’re in love, why age is no big deal, and much, much, more!

So in conclusion, look at how you are describing things, even in your own mind…especially in your own mind.  Then focus on what’s so, the concrete reality of the situation; the present moment is the one and only place where you can use your power to make any real change.  And then figure out what the lesson is, since once you learn it, you’ll be able to stop repeating it.  Remember, your pain is the cracking of the shell that contains your understanding; hitting bottom only means you can bounce back higher.

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

How can you create the life you really want?

posted by B. Dave Walters

The time is now!

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.
-Oprah Winfrey

Every year around January 1, we take out a piece of paper and list our resolutions; all kinds of things we are ‘resolving’ to do better.

My question is: do you know where this year’s list is? And if you do, how many of your resolutions did you keep?

In these articles I talk quite a bit about change, gratitude,  and optimism but ultimately it’s just words if you don’t have a system and structure in place to apply it to your life.

As I sit down and look at my own life, I have to admit something painful: it’s not working like I want it to work.

Don’t get me wrong, I own a few businesses that keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, but I am not succeeding on the level I’d like to be succeeding at. So in the interest of ‘practicing what I preach’ I’d like to share with you the exact same steps and tools I am using for myself, in the hopes that you might gain something, too.

Step 1. Decide what you don’t want.
For example, are you tired of struggling to make ends meet? Perhaps you are unhappy with your body, or are tired of being alone. Write down (ideally on paper, but computers are fine) everything in your life you are unhappy with.

Step 2. Decide what having things they way they are is costing you.
What this means is, if you are overweight, that may be keeping you from going to the beach because you’re embarrassed. Or not having the right relationship leaves you feeling lonely and incomplete. For everything you listed that you don’t like, list all the negative repercussions you are experiencing.

Step 3. Decide what you DO want.
Don’t hold back here, really write out your dream life. You may not make it there in a year, but you can still make progress every day. More importantly, you’ll NEVER get there unless you know what you want and start working towards it.

Step 4. Decide what you’re willing to give in order to have your goals.
I’ve realized an amazing thing: I have these talks with people, and they get all excited about how live can really be; we make a plan and they leave all excited.

And then they don’t do anything!

Realize that you’re going to have to do things differently to get a different result. If what you’re doing now was going to get you your goals, you’d already have them! So what are you willing to commit? Is it turning off the TV an hour earlier to work on writing that novel you’ve always wanted to write? Is it getting up an hour earlier to go to the gym before work? Is it joining a singles group so you can get out and meet new people?

A word of warning though: don’t commit too much too quickly. You may be able to jump into 3 hours of meditation or lifting weights every day, but if it’s too hard or too much you won’t keep up with the program. Your brain works similar to a thermostat in a room, it is designed to keep you within a comfortable range. So if you try to do too much, too fast you’ll find your desire evaporates and you go back to doing the same old comfortable things.

It’s better to do a little bit every day then do a lot and give up after a week.

Step 5. Do it!

I think you see the logic in this plan: if you truly understand what you want, why you want it, and why it’s better than your current situation, then you’ll be able to get it for yourself.

If you see changing as too hard, too much work, or not worth the effort, then you won’t (which is why most people’s resolutions never happen).

One other thing:
Some people say you should tell everyone about your goals, some say tell no one. Some people say to think about them all the time, some say put it out of your mind completely. So which is it?

Here is the answer: do whichever seems right to you.
If you are so excited you want to tell the world, do it. If sharing your plan with others makes you feel insecure, then don’t.
And think about it as much as possible without resorting to worry. The goal is to stay excited and enthusiastic; if you start feeling anxious or doubtful, put it out of your mind (but keep following the plan!)

It’s as simple as that.

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: ‘How can I get another chance?’

posted by B. Dave Walters

One more chance….

Question submitted via Formspring:

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I am really trying to change.  The problem is my family and friends don’t believe it, and keep treating me like the same old me; how do I show them I’m different?”

All of us have made mistakes, and done things we aren’t proud of.  And unfortunately sometimes it’s the people we care about most who get hurt.  So, if you are looking for another chance to prove that you’ve changed, what can you do?

Step one: Actually change!  The people who don’t believe you have changed, have probably heard you say you’ve changed before.  Or maybe you did try to be different in the past, but slipped back into your old habits.  So, if you want them to believe you are different: Actually be different.  If you know your temper gets you into trouble, work on controlling it.  If you get into fights every time you drink, stop drinking.  Don’t try to convince people how different you are, until you actually start *doing* things differently.

Step two: Forgive yourself for the past.  Yes, you may have done some things you aren’t proud of, but they are done.  All you can do now is learn from it, try to make amends, and work to do better next time.  Remember that no matter what you’ve done before now, you can ALWAYS choose to do something differently next time.  You don’t *have* to get caught up in the same old patterns, habits, or conflicts.

Step three: Try to make amends.  Apologize for what you’ve done, and if it’s possible to fix what you’ve done, try to.  If it’s not possible, try to do something good for someone else, like working with youth to help them avoid making the same mistakes you did.

One important thing you have to remember, is depending on what’s happened in the past people may not want to give you another chance.  It may be that they are still too hurt from what’s happened in the past, and trying to push too hard will only make it worse.  Remember, the best way to prove you are different is to *be different*.  While there’s life, there is hope; the person who won’t talk to you today may feel different a month, or a year, or ten years from now.

Everything that has happened in the past has brought you to where you are…but where you go next is 100% up to you!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

Q&A: ‘Is being negative just as good as being positive?’

posted by B. Dave Walters

Which way will you go?

Question submitted via Formspring:
“One of my friends actually believes being negative is as ok as being positive. He is constantly desolate and sad due to victimizing himself and not trusting anyone. Am I not able to convince him because I am not positive enough?”

A couple of things: First, it isn’t up to you to convince your friend of anything; all you have to do is be there for him when he needs you.  Of course, how positive you are may have an impact on him, but we’ll come back to that in a minute.

The other thing is, he doesn’t really think that being negative is just as good as being positive; but his life experience has caused him to believe negativity is the safer bet.  Since if you always assume the worst, you can never be disappointed, right?

Unfortunately, that is not the case, since not only does assuming the worst not make the worst any easier to deal with when it arrives, it robs the present of its joy. And of course, the Law of Attraction teaches us that the more negative emotion we put out into the Universe, the more negativity we’ll attract back to us.

Chances are extremely high that there is some unresolved baggage, issues, and trauma from his past that you may or may not know about that is holding him down.  And as long as there are things that he has not forgiven himself or someone else for, it will be difficult for him to be truly happy, since you have to learn how to forgive before you can learn how to trust.

Which brings us back to what you can do for him, and that is this: Be a good example.  It doesn’t matter whether or not you are ‘positive enough’, since it’s not a competition; it only matters that you are consistent.   It also doesn’t matter how many times you watch The Secret or post positive quotes, if you get angry or disappointed when things don’t go your way, because he sees it.  If you get all excited about manifesting a new Ferrari one moment, and give up after a week, he sees that, too.

But above all else, remember there is nothing wrong with him; he’s doing the best he can, just like everyone else.  He has to do some inner work and start making different choices to get different results, which is something you cannot do for him.  Focus on being the best friend that you can, and building the best life that you can and everything else will fall into place.

P.S.: My holiday promotion has been extended through the end of the year; you can get access to my book, audio programs, PDFs, and coaching service easier than ever before.  Visit my website to learn more!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

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