A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile

Q&A: “I stay because I’m afraid of being alone, but what can I do?”

posted by B. Dave Walters

There are worse things than being alone....

Question submitted via Formspring
“I stay with him because I’m afraid of being alone, but what can I do?”

I have gone on record many time before saying that it is better to be alone, then to be with the wrong person.

In my coaching work I hear all kinds of excuses for staying in relationships that aren’t working anymore. If your reason for staying together is anything other than “because we love each other more than anything else”, it’s a bad reason. Unfortunately, there are still situations where even that isn’t enough.

Let me reiterate: IT IS BETTER TO BE ALONE THAN TO BE WITH THE WRONG PERSON.

There are a few reasons why this is the case.
First is, it sends the wrong message to the Universe. Clinging to a relationship that you know isn’t working is telling the Universe that you don’t don’t deserve anything better.
If you have the courage to step out on your own, then you at least create the possibility of BOTH of you finding someone who can help you feel happy and fulfilled.

The second reason is, it’s giving into fear. The fear of being alone is one of the most common ones out there; the question is: what are you afraid of?
Many people stay in toxic, hostile, and even dangerous relationships with emotionally, verbally, or even physically abusive relationships because they believe they can’t do any better.
To which I reply: unfulfilling relationships aren’t hard to come by; finding someone else to be mean to you won’t be too hard to do!

The real issue is even deeper, and that’s the old fear that “I’m not good enough”. That fear that deep down inside, a person doesn’t really feel like they are worth loving, or that they deserve to be happy. So, they manifest relationships that demonstrate this, possibly even with mates that TELL them no one else will love them if they leave.

The real truth is this: if someone is abusing you, they don’t love you.
Mental, emotional, or verbal abuse are ALL abuse, and should never be tolerated ever.
If the relationship has just gone stale, then you need to learn how to work together to improve it or start the process of letting go.
Remember, as always: if you can’t communicate, then you don’t have a relationship!

How to get over bad relationships, how to create good ones, and how to deal with fear are such common questions that I did three entire programs on just that:

What you have to do is, love yourself first. No one who truly loves themselves is ever afraid of being alone, since you know your value and enjoy your own company!

And it doesn’t matter who you are, what you look like, how much you weigh or what you do for a living, someone out there is looking for someone just like you at this very second.

Clinging to your old sinking ship of a relationship is just keeping them waiting for nothing.
The only thing worse than being alone is being alone with someone else under the same roof

What do you think they should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Stress, the silent killer; Or, learning to chill out (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

“Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
-Hamlet

Tie a knot and hold on!

When I moved to Los Angeles a few years back, one of the things that struck me was people’s total and complete lack of coping skills!
It is not at all unusual, to watch someone allow their day to be ruined because their Mocha Soy Half-caff Frappuccino came as a grande instead of venti. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, that is fine; since it doesn’t really matter!

That’s just it: it is all too easy to get hung up on stressing out over things that DO NOT MATTER. In the video below, I explain where stress comes from, how to know what is bothering you, and why; and how to know how to let go of things and *relax*. So here in this article, I’d like to discuss some of the hidden aspects of stress and how you can learn to manage it better.
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So first and foremost: what is stress?
From a biological perspective, our body interprets all stress as one of two sources: there not enough to eat, or something is trying to eat us.
Our physiological system has no concept of an argument with our boyfriend, or having to bring paperwork home to do over the weekend.
As such, our body responds by elevating our hormone levels and preparing for combat: fight or flight.

If you’ve ever heard of Cortisol, the ‘stress hormone’? It’s a hormone designed to give us quick boosts of energy, that is easily stored as fat. It’s a very ingenious hormone to have, when running from bears or starving through the winter, but in the modern age, it is a sure fire recipe for a big belly and back side if you don’t know how to relax!

High blood pressure, cancer, and countless other dis-eases are all linked to stress, so one of the best things you can do for your overall health and well being is to kick the stress-habit.

Because it is just that: a habit.
We’ve discussed before about the difference between being committed and being attached. In life, it isn’t what happens to us, but what we make it mean and how we react to it, that matters.

So considering this can literally be a life or death choice, it’s worth getting a handle on it now!

Everything you are, everything you have, think, feel, and believe, is the combination of your past experiences, conditioning, upbringing and beliefs. So if you have formed a habit of interpreting things in a negative manner, you can start turning it around today.
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Here are a few steps you can take.

1. When something bothers you, ask yourself: what is really going on
here? Or to put it another way, ‘what is so’ with this situation? If you are confronted with someone who is upsetting you, look at it and see if your response is appropriate. For instance, if you find your snap at people when your kids when you come home after a long day, take the time to see you aren’t actually reacting to THEM, you are reacting to your own inner stress, does that make sense?

2. When something DOES bother you, recognize that you have TWO
choices: change it, or deal with it. I talked about this at length before so I will only mention briefly, that all you can do is all you can do. Don’t get caught up in a cycle of endless complaining with zero action, that is a sure fire recipe for stress at least, and more likely full blown depression.

3. Realize that people do what they do.
With extremely rare exception, they are too busy caught up in trying to face their own issues, baggage, challenges, and insecurities to be trying to actively plot to hurt you. Or to put it another way: they are too busy worrying that you are out to get them, to worry about trying to get you!

4. Learn to meditate.
Meditation has been proven again and again to help lower stress levels and increase over all well-being. I wrote another article and posted a short, but VERY powerful meditation that you can find here.

5. Focus exclusively on what you want.
Anthony Robbins says that “Stress disappears in a state of certainty – it is essential to develop empowering beliefs that let you know that there is always a way if you are committed“, and I couldn’t agree more.
If you keep your mind focused on the end result, on the thing that excites you the most, then you will automatically start attracting new and better things into your life.
And finally,

6. Be grateful for what you have already got.
It’s a common belief that if you just had ‘more’ you’d be happy.
More money, more love, a bigger house, a nicer car, but the fact is that true happiness can not, and will not ever, come from things. And I can prove it: everything you have now, you were once wishing for. And if it’s not making you happy now, then what makes you think you’ll he happy with more? So start by giving thanks and being truly grateful for the good things in your life, and you’ll find that the small stuff just doesn’t get to you at all, and even the big stuff doesn’t look so bad.

In fact, I’ll leave you with one more quote from Anthony Robbins:
“Here’s a two step formula for handling stress. Step number one: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Step number two: Remember it’s all small stuff.” – Anthony Robbins

What do you think they should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

“How do I get over having been beaten by my boyfriend….”

posted by B. Dave Walters

ONE strike and he's *out*

*This is a question I answered some time ago, but the answer still applies to some one out there….*
Question submitted via Formspring.me
“How do I get over the hurt feelings of having been beaten by my boyfriend of 6 years who was my supposed to be my best friend for 11 years???”
-batteredfornow

If he is putting his hands on you: leave him.
It doesn’t matter if he was drunk, or just mad, or didn’t mean it: LEAVE HIM.
Pack your things and get out. Wait and leave while he’s at work if you have to; go stay with your mom, or a friend, and if he shows up call the cops.
Don’t get hung up in giving him more chances, since the statistics say he won’t change and will only get worse.

Here is Los Angeles there are several resources you can use and shelters you can go to; even if you don’t need a place to stay you can still call them and talk to people who are qualified to talk you through your situation.
Even if you don’t live in Los Angeles, 5 minutes on Google will turn up plenty of help in your area.

As far as him having been your best friend for 11 years…he isn’t your best friend now. If you have a dog who is loyal for 11 years and attacks a group of children in year 11, it still gets put down!

What you have to realize, is you deserve better.
Believe it or not, you also have to forgive him for what happened.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are saying what he did is OK (it’s not); forgiveness means you are releasing all the built up hurt and negativity so that you can heal. And also forgive yourself for having been in the situation in the first place; quite often victims can get stuck blaming themselves or feeling like fools for letting it happen. Forgiveness is a gift you are giving to *yourself *, not to him.

Now, once you are free from the situation (or, if you already are free from it), here are several ways to let go of the relationship. And even more importantly to deal with the painful memories  of what happened.
Once you’ve let go of the pain and anger, and the memories don’t hurt anymore either, it will be that much easier to let go of him completely and move on.

Keep us posted on how it turns out.

What do you think they should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

 

Q&A: One minute he’s in love, then he just wants to be friends (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

If he 'just wants to be friends'...LEAVE HIM

(Unedited) Questions submitted via Formspring:
“Been dating this man who has been living with me for 8 months. One minute he is talking about the future with me & next he is saying he is not in love with me and he just wants to be my friend. We still kiss, hug & hold hands. What should I think or do.”

 

 

This one is complicated, since you live together; so things are probably going to get messy whatever you choose.

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This guy is obviously confused, which means 1. there is someone else, 2. he has commitment issues, or both.

Think about it: the line between ‘oh my God, I am so in love with you’ and ‘hey buddy’ is pretty clear; so if he can’t choose there is something else at work.

My suggestion is back off; back waaaaay off, and do it fast!
Don’t necessarily try and have the ‘what’s going on with us’ talk, since if he says the wrong thing there will be a lot of tension in the house. Just stop acting like his girlfriend, and let him pursue you; don’t try to get him to spend time with you, don’t initiate contact; let him do all those things.

He’ll either realize you are slipping away and get himself together, or whatever is really going on with him will be revealed.

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Don’t just keep going like you are going now, though; it will only lead to a bad place as you get more and more attached and he gets more and more indecisive. Remember: words lie, but actions tell the truth; you don’t have to confront him, since what he does will reveal how he feels.

What do you think they should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Applying the 7 Universal Laws; or, Manifesting for Masters

posted by B. Dave Walters

You can have it all, as long as it stays in balance!

On my radio show (Rise Up with B. Dave Walters) we recently talked about the 7 Universal Laws, and how to apply them to your life.

Since I literally wrote the book on the 7 Universal Laws, here we’ll talk about how to practically apply them to a goal you’ve got, or something you want to manifest.

All 7 of the Laws are at work all the time, and work interchangeably. To really be a manifestation master, you have to have them all working in your favor. So even though this is written as orderly steps, you want to do your best to apply them all at the same time.

Understand?

Step 1: the Law of Mentalism.
This Law dictates that all of creation exists in the mind of God, and by extension our lives exist in our minds.
Perception is reality; things are how you think they are.
For our purposes here, you want to get crystal clear on what exactly your goal is, or more precisely: what it’s *not *. What that means, if you aren’t sure about what you want, then sit down and make a list of what you DON’T want, that should come pretty easily!
Once you have the do not want list, you can take it’s opposite as the start of your DO want list. Keep polishing it until you have your goal or desire honed to such a degree that even thinking about it makes you smile.

Step 2: the Law of Vibration.
I’ve written extensively about the Law of Attraction, which is in reality an aspect of the Law of Vibration.
For this step, you want to figure out how being, doing, or having your goal manifest is going to make you *feel *. And once you have that feeling, do whatever it takes to get yourself into that emotional state as often as possible. This may mean doing things or going places that give you that feeling, or even taking a few minutes a day to vividly imagine what it will be like once your goal manifests.
The more time you spend in that emotional state, or ‘vibration’, the sooner your goal will arrive.

Step 3: the Law of Correspondence.
This Law dictates that there are hidden relationships between things. For our purposes, look at other people who have accomplished what you want, and study them. See if you can find out what their habits are; if you learn most multi-millionaires are early risers (and they are), then maybe you shouldn’t be sleeping till noon. If you find out most marathoners run 6 days a week, you might need to get up and go more than once a month. Start adapting the things in your life you can control to mirror the lives of people who are getting the type of results you want to get. In short, do what they do to increase your chances of having what they have.

Step 4: the Law of Polarity.
This Law dictates there are at least two sides to everything: an up and a down; a black and a white. This also means that your journey from where you are to who / what / where you want to be will have ups and downs. You’ll have good days and bad, advances and setbacks. You also can learn and start preparing yourself for the ups and downs that will come with your goal. That dream car will need maintenance; find out what it will take. Those millions will have taxes due, or at least need a tax shelter; start educating yourself now so you’ll be a good steward over your blessings.

Step 5: the Law of Rhythm
This Law dictates that everything changes, nothing stays the same. Night follows day and then back to day again. Even Bill Gates has bad days! What this means is just like the last Law said you’d have wins and losses, this Law dictates you’ll have *lots * of wins and losses on your way to the top, and even after you get there. Your goal is to position yourself to have BIG wins and *small * losses!

Step 6: the Law of Gender
This Law dictates there are ‘male’ and ‘female’ aspects to every situation. This is a point of big confusion amongst many coaches and ‘gurus’; whether you should take action or stand still. The answer is: both. In some moments you’ll have to go forward and act; in others you’ll have to be still and allow. Basically do all you can at any given moment, and when there is nothing left to do sit still and wait for your next opportunity to act.

Step 7: the Law of Cause and Effect.
Also known as the Law of GOYA: get off your @$$!
As we said above, do what you can, and never give up. Never give up, never, ever, ever, give up!

Remember: what you want wants you!
If you are clear on what you want, do what you can, and stay positive you’ll be there in no time.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

 

 

Q&A: He says he loves me, but he’s not ‘in’ love with me….

posted by B. Dave Walters

Question submitted via formspring:

Yeah...that's not good.

“I recently had my boyfriend say to me that he loves me, but he’s not in love with me. What message is he trying to tell me?”

The message is nothing good.
Guys (and girls) say this when they don’t want to commit to long term.
They may say things like ‘things are moving too fast’, ‘they feel smothered’, or ‘they feel confused’, ‘they don’t know what they want’ or a thousand other excuses.
It may be that he is trying not to hurt you, or is staying for the sex/physical intimacy; but the bottom line is it means he either
1. wants to see other people,
2. doesn’t want to see you anymore at all (unfortunately).

Since he apparently hasn’t broken up with you, it is most likely the first one.
Either way, he has one foot out the door, for sure.

Your choice, then, is to either decide if you are willing to tone things way down, go back to ‘just dating’, seeing other people, etc.; or start preparing yourself for the end of your relationship.
Strangely enough, if he says he wants to see other people, don’t be surprised if he starts acting weird when YOU start seeing other people; guys can be strange like that.

One last piece of advice, though: you CAN NOT nag, guilt, beg or complain him into staying; it will only push him away faster.
If you want him to stay, your only chance is to start trying to catch flies with honey and consciously work to make spending time with you the absolute best thing in his life, and then no other woman can compete.

It may be a better idea to let him go and start looking for a guy who will both ‘love you’ *and * ‘be in love with you.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

 

Q&A: “When is the right time to get married? What’s the purpose of marriage?”

posted by B. Dave Walters

Sometimes no answer just means 'no'....

*This is one of my most popular articles to date, (and was a big reason why I won the Next Beliefnet Featured Blogger contest!)
I am reposting it here for everyone who hasn’t seen it…or needs to see it again!

Question submitted via Formspring

“When is the right time to get married? What’s the purpose of marriage?”

The answer to this one is a complicated one, since there is a cultural / religious answer, and a biological / practical answer.

A lot of controversy has been caused by citing the ‘one man, one woman’ Biblical definition of marriage in relation to gay marriage.
The problem, however, is the Bible has several incidents of polygamy (one man marrying / sleeping with multiple women, such as:
In Exodus 21:10, a man can marry an infinite amount of women as long as he provides for them equally; Islam has a similar rule with a maximum of four wives.

In 2 Samuel 5:13; 1 Chronicles 3:1-9, 14:3, King David had six wives and numerous concubines.

In 1 Kings 11:3, King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines.

In 2 Chronicles 11:21, King Solomon’s son Rehoboam had 18 wives and 60 concubines.

In Deuteronomy 21:15 “If a man has two wives, and he loves one but not the other, and both bear him sons….”

Jacob married both Leah and Rachel, etc.
So, while there are certainly counter points to every point of view, a universal ‘biblical’ definition of marriage doesn’t really exist.

As an aside, if you want to know more about what the Bible does and does not say about polygamy in the Old and New Testaments, click here. The article is more than a little biased, but it’s an interesting overview nonetheless.

The second answer is it’s our nature to settle down with one person, but in reality that isn’t really true, either. Very few primates mate with one partner for life (and we are primates). In the vacuum of cultural pressures, monogamy isn’t really in our nature.
An explanation for this is the ‘cheap sperm’ theory that one man can conceivably impregnate multiple women, but a woman can only be pregnant by one man at a time. This means that women are innately more valuable to a community then men are, but that one man can ‘service’ far more women.  Look at how a group of gorillas or even elephants live for an example.

If, then, marriage is not necessarily ‘Divinely Ordained’, and doesn’t even really make sense biologically, why do we do it?

First, it makes a ton of sense culturally.
Especially in the early days of Humanity when we lived in wandering groups; swapping children to create an extended family by marriage created larger and stronger family groups (and led to the creation of ‘civilization’).
It also helps spread DNA and strengthen resistance against illness and genetic defects.
And, it (arguably) reduces conflicts between males for available females.

Now, doesn’t that all sound romantic???

OK, here are the emotional reasons for marriage:
If you love someone, and want to spend the rest of your life together, then by all means stand in front of God and men and declare it (I did).

And men and women represent two halves of a whole; that while complete apart can unite to become something greater.
It’s true that a bad relationship will make everything in life harder, but a good relationship is like a rocket booster on your goals.
Two people united in love and trust will accomplish more and go farther both spiritually and materially than any one person alone.

So what’s the ‘purpose’ of marriage?
There isn’t one, besides the choice to do it.

If you both want to do it, do it. If you don’t want to, don’t.
Be careful, though, about people who don’t want to do it because they are afraid of commitment, or are just waiting for something better to come along!
Getting married doesn’t mean s/he is never going to leave!

As for when is a good time to get married, I suggest between 25 and 28.
25 is a little towards the young end of the spectrum; I got married at 25 but I’d done a LOT of living and seen the world by then. 28 is moving towards the older end, since ideally you’ll be married for a year or two before you have children, and by 30 her body will start to betray her by *demanding* children!

Under no circumstances get married at 18, or even 22 or 23.
There are people who do this and it works for them; but for the most part you will change so radically during those years that you’ll wake up one day and not know each other.
Honestly, what’s the rush?
If you’re in love, it will last until 25; and if you are concerned about getting married so you can have sex, I’m not sure God really cares.

So there you have it: there’s no compelling religious reason, and not even a really compelling social reason (no matter what your mom might say).
But, if you find that special someone who you can love, support, and respect; and who is going to love, support, and respect you as you climb the mountain of life together, do it.

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
-Socrates

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Dealing with rejection; Or, goodbye Steve Jobs (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

In the short video below, you’ll hear a wonderful story about a man named Steve, and the massive amount of rejection he endured on his way to changing the world

It’s true that no one *enjoys* being shot down, but some of us are far more resilient than others.
Avoiding rejection, (and its twin – seeking approval) are two of the biggest obstacles to having peace and happiness in your life; probably the two biggest obstacles.

So, the question is: how do YOU deal with rejection?
When you are confronted with people who don’t approve of you, or something you do, how do you react?
Do you become avoidant, or maybe confrontational? Do you find yourself avoiding stepping out of your comfort zone because you’re afraid of what other people might think?

How many songs have gone unsung, books gone unwritten, and goals gone unachieved, because people were afraid that they might fail -or worse, succeed- and what other people might say when they do?

But guess what? I have some good news for you: it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
You are responsible for one person’s happiness, and one person’s only: the (wo)man in the mirror.
Note, this doesn’t mean be selfish or insensitive to the needs of others; quite the opposite. We are talking about a type of ‘Divine Selfishness’, because the more you give to yourself, the more you have to give to others.

Consider, how many times in your life have you gotten stressed out because you felt pulled in different directions? You probably felt like you HAD to do something whether you wanted to or not, in order to keep everyone else happy, right? Now think of a time that you worked towards something, maybe worked *hard*, but actually felt better afterwards than when you started. Maybe you prepared a big holiday meal for your family, or did a long day of work on your home.
What was the difference?

In one case, you did what you felt like you had to do…you reacted to the situation. In the other, you did what you chose to do, and responded to the situation.

So how does this tie back into dealing with rejection? Simple: people’s words (and actions) have what power over you that you give them. Once you are clear on who and what you are, then you can act from that place and choose how you want things to be.

And once you choose for yourself how things are, then you’ll find that other people’s rejection has no impact on you at all…just like Steve Jobs.
Does that make sense?

P.S.: farewell Steve, it was ‘insanely great’ having you for as long as we did. Peace be with you and God bless you and your family.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Wrestling with angels, Or, spiritual, but not religious???

posted by B. Dave Walters

Let me start off with a couple of disclaimers here.
First, nobody KNOWS where we come from, or what happens when we die; firm belief is not the same as empirical knowledge. And in the vacuum of absolute knowledge, all we are left with are beliefs; or put another way, opinions. So my position is a simple one: believe whatever you like. As long as it fills you with peace and happiness, and isn’t hurting anyone else, keep doing it.

Second, most of my articles are written from a Judeo-Christian perspective, since it is how I was raised, and still is the most common in the world today. I am fully aware of how many other belief systems there are out there (and we’ll get into a lot of them), but for now I have to write for the largest audience.

Now, I had intended to take on Creationism today, considering I already took on Scientism here but I decided to climb that mountain on another day. Suffice it to say, anyone who has any questions can shoot me an email and we’ll talk.

Instead I’d like to talk about another relatively new trend: labeling oneself “spiritual, but not religious”. The implication is usually of some sort of elevated spiritual perception that puts them above the ‘sheep’ of Organized Religion.

On the surface this is quite noble; and my own spiritual leanings put a person’s inner discovery of God above all else. Unfortunately, people who have rejected mainstream religion usually seem to do so out of a sense of rebellion against their past, rather than a genuine spiritual blossoming.

For example, in speaking with my anti-Christian brothers and sisters (as opposed to simply non-Christians) I usually find their break with the Church came after some form of ill treatment at the hands of allegedly Christian people. Or, the undeniable hypocrisy we see played out in the world by people using Scripture to justify hatred, intolerance, murder and war.
But I would submit that you can’t judge Christianity, or any Faith on the merits of it’s followers. No one has the market cornered on what God wants, and that is assuming God wants anything! I find all too often being “spiritual, but not religious” is a cop-out; an easy excuse to avoid the hard questions of life. Of course, each individual has to decide in their own heart and mind why they feel how they do, but in this life there is only one thing I can say for absolute certain: God is worth the effort.

There is nothing you can accomplish in this world more important than forming a relationship with your Creator, whatever that looks like. Maybe you’ll be a church going Christian, a Temple visiting Jew, or a fire-worshiping Zoroastrian. Maybe your “church” will be a quiet walk in the woods…whatever gets you that inner connection is the path you should follow.

Take the time to ‘wrestle with God’. Pick up that dusty old Bible, Qu’ran, or Bhagavad Gita and crack it open; let the timeless wisdom flow through you. Open your heart and mind to the Infinite and It will open up to you.

Does that make sense?

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
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Q&A: “How do we deal with people who are lying to us?” (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

Question submitted via Formspring:
“How do we deal with people who are lying to us? And still be positive about it when we know that they are fooling us. Thanks Dave”

The first question is: how do you KNOW they are lying to you?
Is it something you can prove, like they tell you they didn’t eat the last piece of cake while you *saw* them eat it? Or they tell you they aren’t cheating on you, while you believe they are?

There is a world of difference between what you can empirically prove and what you simply believe (assume) to be true.
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Assuming you are certain that you are being deceived (by them, and not just by yourself), the next step is to try and determine *why* they might be lying. Are they trying to avoid hurting you? Are they hiding what might be a pleasant surprise? Or maybe are they just afraid of what is going to happen once the truth comes out?
Because, I’ll let you in on a secret: the truth ALWAYS comes out.

Having an idea of why they might not be telling you the whole truth will help when you finally ask them about it, since it will prepare your mind to accept different explanations. Remember, for whatever reason, they believe lying is their only option; you’ll have to give them a new one.
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Finally, sit down and talk to them…ideally face to face, and not by email or web chat.
Ideally sit down somewhere public, like a coffee shop so they can’t flip out or run away, but talk in private rather than not at all.

Ask them about the situation, and give them a chance to tell you the truth. If they lie again to your face, *don’t* call them a liar, but then ask them if it is how you suspect it really is. So to continue the earlier example, if they still say they didn’t eat the cake, ask them if they know who did it, or if maybe they ate it but didn’t realize it was the last piece. Basically give them a chance to tell you the truth.

Only then should you tell them what you know to be true; ideally frame it by saying “I’m not mad, but _____…and I want to hear your side of things”.

Here is the hardest part, though: really listen to what they have to say.

That’s why step two was to figure out reasons why they might be lying; otherwise you may be so caught up in how you think things are that you miss how they REALLY are.

Once the truth is out, you can communicate openly and deal with the real issue.
Does that make sense?

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
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B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

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