A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile

Q&A: One minute he’s in love, then he just wants to be friends (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

If he 'just wants to be friends'...LEAVE HIM

(Unedited) Questions submitted via Formspring:
“Been dating this man who has been living with me for 8 months. One minute he is talking about the future with me & next he is saying he is not in love with me and he just wants to be my friend. We still kiss, hug & hold hands. What should I think or do.”

 

 

This one is complicated, since you live together; so things are probably going to get messy whatever you choose.

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This guy is obviously confused, which means 1. there is someone else, 2. he has commitment issues, or both.

Think about it: the line between ‘oh my God, I am so in love with you’ and ‘hey buddy’ is pretty clear; so if he can’t choose there is something else at work.

My suggestion is back off; back waaaaay off, and do it fast!
Don’t necessarily try and have the ‘what’s going on with us’ talk, since if he says the wrong thing there will be a lot of tension in the house. Just stop acting like his girlfriend, and let him pursue you; don’t try to get him to spend time with you, don’t initiate contact; let him do all those things.

He’ll either realize you are slipping away and get himself together, or whatever is really going on with him will be revealed.

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Don’t just keep going like you are going now, though; it will only lead to a bad place as you get more and more attached and he gets more and more indecisive. Remember: words lie, but actions tell the truth; you don’t have to confront him, since what he does will reveal how he feels.

What do you think they should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Applying the 7 Universal Laws; or, Manifesting for Masters

posted by B. Dave Walters

You can have it all, as long as it stays in balance!

On my radio show (Rise Up with B. Dave Walters) we recently talked about the 7 Universal Laws, and how to apply them to your life.

Since I literally wrote the book on the 7 Universal Laws, here we’ll talk about how to practically apply them to a goal you’ve got, or something you want to manifest.

All 7 of the Laws are at work all the time, and work interchangeably. To really be a manifestation master, you have to have them all working in your favor. So even though this is written as orderly steps, you want to do your best to apply them all at the same time.

Understand?

Step 1: the Law of Mentalism.
This Law dictates that all of creation exists in the mind of God, and by extension our lives exist in our minds.
Perception is reality; things are how you think they are.
For our purposes here, you want to get crystal clear on what exactly your goal is, or more precisely: what it’s *not *. What that means, if you aren’t sure about what you want, then sit down and make a list of what you DON’T want, that should come pretty easily!
Once you have the do not want list, you can take it’s opposite as the start of your DO want list. Keep polishing it until you have your goal or desire honed to such a degree that even thinking about it makes you smile.

Step 2: the Law of Vibration.
I’ve written extensively about the Law of Attraction, which is in reality an aspect of the Law of Vibration.
For this step, you want to figure out how being, doing, or having your goal manifest is going to make you *feel *. And once you have that feeling, do whatever it takes to get yourself into that emotional state as often as possible. This may mean doing things or going places that give you that feeling, or even taking a few minutes a day to vividly imagine what it will be like once your goal manifests.
The more time you spend in that emotional state, or ‘vibration’, the sooner your goal will arrive.

Step 3: the Law of Correspondence.
This Law dictates that there are hidden relationships between things. For our purposes, look at other people who have accomplished what you want, and study them. See if you can find out what their habits are; if you learn most multi-millionaires are early risers (and they are), then maybe you shouldn’t be sleeping till noon. If you find out most marathoners run 6 days a week, you might need to get up and go more than once a month. Start adapting the things in your life you can control to mirror the lives of people who are getting the type of results you want to get. In short, do what they do to increase your chances of having what they have.

Step 4: the Law of Polarity.
This Law dictates there are at least two sides to everything: an up and a down; a black and a white. This also means that your journey from where you are to who / what / where you want to be will have ups and downs. You’ll have good days and bad, advances and setbacks. You also can learn and start preparing yourself for the ups and downs that will come with your goal. That dream car will need maintenance; find out what it will take. Those millions will have taxes due, or at least need a tax shelter; start educating yourself now so you’ll be a good steward over your blessings.

Step 5: the Law of Rhythm
This Law dictates that everything changes, nothing stays the same. Night follows day and then back to day again. Even Bill Gates has bad days! What this means is just like the last Law said you’d have wins and losses, this Law dictates you’ll have *lots * of wins and losses on your way to the top, and even after you get there. Your goal is to position yourself to have BIG wins and *small * losses!

Step 6: the Law of Gender
This Law dictates there are ‘male’ and ‘female’ aspects to every situation. This is a point of big confusion amongst many coaches and ‘gurus’; whether you should take action or stand still. The answer is: both. In some moments you’ll have to go forward and act; in others you’ll have to be still and allow. Basically do all you can at any given moment, and when there is nothing left to do sit still and wait for your next opportunity to act.

Step 7: the Law of Cause and Effect.
Also known as the Law of GOYA: get off your @$$!
As we said above, do what you can, and never give up. Never give up, never, ever, ever, give up!

Remember: what you want wants you!
If you are clear on what you want, do what you can, and stay positive you’ll be there in no time.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

 

 

Q&A: He says he loves me, but he’s not ‘in’ love with me….

posted by B. Dave Walters

Question submitted via formspring:

Yeah...that's not good.

“I recently had my boyfriend say to me that he loves me, but he’s not in love with me. What message is he trying to tell me?”

The message is nothing good.
Guys (and girls) say this when they don’t want to commit to long term.
They may say things like ‘things are moving too fast’, ‘they feel smothered’, or ‘they feel confused’, ‘they don’t know what they want’ or a thousand other excuses.
It may be that he is trying not to hurt you, or is staying for the sex/physical intimacy; but the bottom line is it means he either
1. wants to see other people,
2. doesn’t want to see you anymore at all (unfortunately).

Since he apparently hasn’t broken up with you, it is most likely the first one.
Either way, he has one foot out the door, for sure.

Your choice, then, is to either decide if you are willing to tone things way down, go back to ‘just dating’, seeing other people, etc.; or start preparing yourself for the end of your relationship.
Strangely enough, if he says he wants to see other people, don’t be surprised if he starts acting weird when YOU start seeing other people; guys can be strange like that.

One last piece of advice, though: you CAN NOT nag, guilt, beg or complain him into staying; it will only push him away faster.
If you want him to stay, your only chance is to start trying to catch flies with honey and consciously work to make spending time with you the absolute best thing in his life, and then no other woman can compete.

It may be a better idea to let him go and start looking for a guy who will both ‘love you’ *and * ‘be in love with you.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

 

Q&A: “When is the right time to get married? What’s the purpose of marriage?”

posted by B. Dave Walters

Sometimes no answer just means 'no'....

*This is one of my most popular articles to date, (and was a big reason why I won the Next Beliefnet Featured Blogger contest!)
I am reposting it here for everyone who hasn’t seen it…or needs to see it again!

Question submitted via Formspring

“When is the right time to get married? What’s the purpose of marriage?”

The answer to this one is a complicated one, since there is a cultural / religious answer, and a biological / practical answer.

A lot of controversy has been caused by citing the ‘one man, one woman’ Biblical definition of marriage in relation to gay marriage.
The problem, however, is the Bible has several incidents of polygamy (one man marrying / sleeping with multiple women, such as:
In Exodus 21:10, a man can marry an infinite amount of women as long as he provides for them equally; Islam has a similar rule with a maximum of four wives.

In 2 Samuel 5:13; 1 Chronicles 3:1-9, 14:3, King David had six wives and numerous concubines.

In 1 Kings 11:3, King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines.

In 2 Chronicles 11:21, King Solomon’s son Rehoboam had 18 wives and 60 concubines.

In Deuteronomy 21:15 “If a man has two wives, and he loves one but not the other, and both bear him sons….”

Jacob married both Leah and Rachel, etc.
So, while there are certainly counter points to every point of view, a universal ‘biblical’ definition of marriage doesn’t really exist.

As an aside, if you want to know more about what the Bible does and does not say about polygamy in the Old and New Testaments, click here. The article is more than a little biased, but it’s an interesting overview nonetheless.

The second answer is it’s our nature to settle down with one person, but in reality that isn’t really true, either. Very few primates mate with one partner for life (and we are primates). In the vacuum of cultural pressures, monogamy isn’t really in our nature.
An explanation for this is the ‘cheap sperm’ theory that one man can conceivably impregnate multiple women, but a woman can only be pregnant by one man at a time. This means that women are innately more valuable to a community then men are, but that one man can ‘service’ far more women.  Look at how a group of gorillas or even elephants live for an example.

If, then, marriage is not necessarily ‘Divinely Ordained’, and doesn’t even really make sense biologically, why do we do it?

First, it makes a ton of sense culturally.
Especially in the early days of Humanity when we lived in wandering groups; swapping children to create an extended family by marriage created larger and stronger family groups (and led to the creation of ‘civilization’).
It also helps spread DNA and strengthen resistance against illness and genetic defects.
And, it (arguably) reduces conflicts between males for available females.

Now, doesn’t that all sound romantic???

OK, here are the emotional reasons for marriage:
If you love someone, and want to spend the rest of your life together, then by all means stand in front of God and men and declare it (I did).

And men and women represent two halves of a whole; that while complete apart can unite to become something greater.
It’s true that a bad relationship will make everything in life harder, but a good relationship is like a rocket booster on your goals.
Two people united in love and trust will accomplish more and go farther both spiritually and materially than any one person alone.

So what’s the ‘purpose’ of marriage?
There isn’t one, besides the choice to do it.

If you both want to do it, do it. If you don’t want to, don’t.
Be careful, though, about people who don’t want to do it because they are afraid of commitment, or are just waiting for something better to come along!
Getting married doesn’t mean s/he is never going to leave!

As for when is a good time to get married, I suggest between 25 and 28.
25 is a little towards the young end of the spectrum; I got married at 25 but I’d done a LOT of living and seen the world by then. 28 is moving towards the older end, since ideally you’ll be married for a year or two before you have children, and by 30 her body will start to betray her by *demanding* children!

Under no circumstances get married at 18, or even 22 or 23.
There are people who do this and it works for them; but for the most part you will change so radically during those years that you’ll wake up one day and not know each other.
Honestly, what’s the rush?
If you’re in love, it will last until 25; and if you are concerned about getting married so you can have sex, I’m not sure God really cares.

So there you have it: there’s no compelling religious reason, and not even a really compelling social reason (no matter what your mom might say).
But, if you find that special someone who you can love, support, and respect; and who is going to love, support, and respect you as you climb the mountain of life together, do it.

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
-Socrates

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Dealing with rejection; Or, goodbye Steve Jobs (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

In the short video below, you’ll hear a wonderful story about a man named Steve, and the massive amount of rejection he endured on his way to changing the world

It’s true that no one *enjoys* being shot down, but some of us are far more resilient than others.
Avoiding rejection, (and its twin – seeking approval) are two of the biggest obstacles to having peace and happiness in your life; probably the two biggest obstacles.

So, the question is: how do YOU deal with rejection?
When you are confronted with people who don’t approve of you, or something you do, how do you react?
Do you become avoidant, or maybe confrontational? Do you find yourself avoiding stepping out of your comfort zone because you’re afraid of what other people might think?

How many songs have gone unsung, books gone unwritten, and goals gone unachieved, because people were afraid that they might fail -or worse, succeed- and what other people might say when they do?

But guess what? I have some good news for you: it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
You are responsible for one person’s happiness, and one person’s only: the (wo)man in the mirror.
Note, this doesn’t mean be selfish or insensitive to the needs of others; quite the opposite. We are talking about a type of ‘Divine Selfishness’, because the more you give to yourself, the more you have to give to others.

Consider, how many times in your life have you gotten stressed out because you felt pulled in different directions? You probably felt like you HAD to do something whether you wanted to or not, in order to keep everyone else happy, right? Now think of a time that you worked towards something, maybe worked *hard*, but actually felt better afterwards than when you started. Maybe you prepared a big holiday meal for your family, or did a long day of work on your home.
What was the difference?

In one case, you did what you felt like you had to do…you reacted to the situation. In the other, you did what you chose to do, and responded to the situation.

So how does this tie back into dealing with rejection? Simple: people’s words (and actions) have what power over you that you give them. Once you are clear on who and what you are, then you can act from that place and choose how you want things to be.

And once you choose for yourself how things are, then you’ll find that other people’s rejection has no impact on you at all…just like Steve Jobs.
Does that make sense?

P.S.: farewell Steve, it was ‘insanely great’ having you for as long as we did. Peace be with you and God bless you and your family.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Wrestling with angels, Or, spiritual, but not religious???

posted by B. Dave Walters

Let me start off with a couple of disclaimers here.
First, nobody KNOWS where we come from, or what happens when we die; firm belief is not the same as empirical knowledge. And in the vacuum of absolute knowledge, all we are left with are beliefs; or put another way, opinions. So my position is a simple one: believe whatever you like. As long as it fills you with peace and happiness, and isn’t hurting anyone else, keep doing it.

Second, most of my articles are written from a Judeo-Christian perspective, since it is how I was raised, and still is the most common in the world today. I am fully aware of how many other belief systems there are out there (and we’ll get into a lot of them), but for now I have to write for the largest audience.

Now, I had intended to take on Creationism today, considering I already took on Scientism here but I decided to climb that mountain on another day. Suffice it to say, anyone who has any questions can shoot me an email and we’ll talk.

Instead I’d like to talk about another relatively new trend: labeling oneself “spiritual, but not religious”. The implication is usually of some sort of elevated spiritual perception that puts them above the ‘sheep’ of Organized Religion.

On the surface this is quite noble; and my own spiritual leanings put a person’s inner discovery of God above all else. Unfortunately, people who have rejected mainstream religion usually seem to do so out of a sense of rebellion against their past, rather than a genuine spiritual blossoming.

For example, in speaking with my anti-Christian brothers and sisters (as opposed to simply non-Christians) I usually find their break with the Church came after some form of ill treatment at the hands of allegedly Christian people. Or, the undeniable hypocrisy we see played out in the world by people using Scripture to justify hatred, intolerance, murder and war.
But I would submit that you can’t judge Christianity, or any Faith on the merits of it’s followers. No one has the market cornered on what God wants, and that is assuming God wants anything! I find all too often being “spiritual, but not religious” is a cop-out; an easy excuse to avoid the hard questions of life. Of course, each individual has to decide in their own heart and mind why they feel how they do, but in this life there is only one thing I can say for absolute certain: God is worth the effort.

There is nothing you can accomplish in this world more important than forming a relationship with your Creator, whatever that looks like. Maybe you’ll be a church going Christian, a Temple visiting Jew, or a fire-worshiping Zoroastrian. Maybe your “church” will be a quiet walk in the woods…whatever gets you that inner connection is the path you should follow.

Take the time to ‘wrestle with God’. Pick up that dusty old Bible, Qu’ran, or Bhagavad Gita and crack it open; let the timeless wisdom flow through you. Open your heart and mind to the Infinite and It will open up to you.

Does that make sense?

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Q&A: “How do we deal with people who are lying to us?” (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

Question submitted via Formspring:
“How do we deal with people who are lying to us? And still be positive about it when we know that they are fooling us. Thanks Dave”

The first question is: how do you KNOW they are lying to you?
Is it something you can prove, like they tell you they didn’t eat the last piece of cake while you *saw* them eat it? Or they tell you they aren’t cheating on you, while you believe they are?

There is a world of difference between what you can empirically prove and what you simply believe (assume) to be true.
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Assuming you are certain that you are being deceived (by them, and not just by yourself), the next step is to try and determine *why* they might be lying. Are they trying to avoid hurting you? Are they hiding what might be a pleasant surprise? Or maybe are they just afraid of what is going to happen once the truth comes out?
Because, I’ll let you in on a secret: the truth ALWAYS comes out.

Having an idea of why they might not be telling you the whole truth will help when you finally ask them about it, since it will prepare your mind to accept different explanations. Remember, for whatever reason, they believe lying is their only option; you’ll have to give them a new one.
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Finally, sit down and talk to them…ideally face to face, and not by email or web chat.
Ideally sit down somewhere public, like a coffee shop so they can’t flip out or run away, but talk in private rather than not at all.

Ask them about the situation, and give them a chance to tell you the truth. If they lie again to your face, *don’t* call them a liar, but then ask them if it is how you suspect it really is. So to continue the earlier example, if they still say they didn’t eat the cake, ask them if they know who did it, or if maybe they ate it but didn’t realize it was the last piece. Basically give them a chance to tell you the truth.

Only then should you tell them what you know to be true; ideally frame it by saying “I’m not mad, but _____…and I want to hear your side of things”.

Here is the hardest part, though: really listen to what they have to say.

That’s why step two was to figure out reasons why they might be lying; otherwise you may be so caught up in how you think things are that you miss how they REALLY are.

Once the truth is out, you can communicate openly and deal with the real issue.
Does that make sense?

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Q&A: “My boyfriend keeps women’s numbers in his wallet…” (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

When a person shows you who they are...believe them the first time

Question submitted via Formspring:
“My boyfriend doesn’t listen to me at all especially when it comes to financial matters. I don’t trust me due to past issues and his womanizing. He tends to keep women numbers in his wallet then tells me they were there before he moved in?”

“When a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time”
-Maya Angelou

Once again, let’s review:
1. He doesn’t listen to you
2. You appear to be having some sort of financial issues, since why would you be upset that he doesn’t listen when things go well?
3. You live together, but apparently not for very long since he believes having just arrived is a cover story.
4. You don’t trust you (?) because of ‘past issues’.
5. You called him a womanizer.
6. He admits to womanizing (since he didn’t deny collecting the numbers).
7. You clearly don’t trust him. Why? You were snooping in his wallet.
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The short answer is: break up.
The longer answer is the three pillars of a successful relationship are trust, respect, and communication; love is a byproduct of these three things.
And what is your relationship lacking? Trust, respect, and communication.

You don’t trust him because he cheated in the past, and you suspect he’s cheating now…and with good reason. You also don’t trust him in financial matters, perhaps rightly so. You don’t even trust *you* because of ‘past issues’ of some sort.
There’s no respect, because if he respected you he wouldn’t be trying to pick up other women, and you clearly don’t respect yourself or you wouldn’t put up with it. He also apparently doesn’t respect you enough to stop, since you said he ‘tends’ to keep women’s numbers, which would seem to indicate you’ve caught him doing it more than once. In this day of cell phones and computers it’s pretty easy to do dirt without getting caught, but he doesn’t seem to care enough to even cover his tracks.

And finally, you have no communication; and if you can’t communicate, you don’t have a relationship.
Now, in his defense, you say “he doesn’t listen to you”, but how are you communicating with him? Are you clearly and directly laying out your concerns, and suggestions for how you can improve, or do you nag and complain, or even worse, yell and scream? Same thing for the other women’s numbers, have you clearly told him how him doing this makes you feel and how much it hurts you? Or do you just complain…or worst of all, say nothing?

At any rate, you seem to have fundamental issues in all the areas that matter: trust, respect, and communication, so the solution remains the same: break up.
If he moved in for financial reasons rather than romantic ones, it may take some time; but make a plan and get out as soon as possible.
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And if you’re thinking “but I love him”, you may want to ask yourself: why is it you feel like you can’t leave someone who doesn’t listen to you, lies, betrays your trust, and runs around behind your back? Since if he doesn’t care enough to cover up something as easy as getting numbers, who knows what else he is doing that you don’t know about.

And by the way: if you’re thinking “but he can change”, why would he? Right now he’s getting everything he wants and you just take it.

Take some time to focus on loving yourself first, and you’ll start to see that you deserve much better. If you are worried that you won’t be able to find a better man…cheating womanizers who don’t listen are pretty easy to come by.

What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Q&A: “I want to believe the world is good, but I see so much crime and fear” (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

(Unedited) question submitted by Formspring:
“I want to believe that the world is good, but I see crime in my city and neighborhood. Is my fear attracting crime to me and my city? And how do I let go of this fear and have faith in a friendly universe?”
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“What you resist, persists”
-Carl Jung

The short answer is, yes.
Yes your fear is attracting crime to you and your city.

The longer answer is, it is normal to be concerned with the things that seem scary or unfair in the world.
It also doesn’t help that the media focuses almost exclusively on what’s bad and terrible in the world. Have you ever heard the saying “if it bleeds, it leads?” Imagine you pass by a newsstand and you see a newspaper that says “sunshine and warm weather this weekend”, would you buy it?
But, imagine you see another one says “emergency weather service warnings for Saturday”…I bet you’d pick up that one!

The sad fact is, making you feel bad about yourself and the world we live in is a multi-billion dollar industry. The news, the fashion and makeup businesses, along with politics and even many churches are counting on you being dissatisfied with who you are and afraid of world you live in.

Remember, the Law of Attraction is ALWAYS working. If fear and crime is what you are focusing on, fear and crime is what will show up in your life. And, contrary to what you may have been told, in many significant ways the world is actually improving.
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A massive new study titled “The State of the World 2011″ and published by an international think tank known as The Millennium Project recently laid out several ways life on Earth is advancing, and not just in the west. Life expectancies are up, education is up, world poverty is down, and crime in the US is down significantly since the 1980s.

Didn’t hear about any of this? Of course not, good news doesn’t sell papers!

You can’t control what other people say or do, but you can control what you focus on. There is nothing wrong with staying informed, but you don’t have to be buried in bad news. Find positive things to direct your attention towards, positive stories and news you can feel good about. It may be hard to find on local TV, but the glory of the internet is that you can find exactly what you’re looking for…good or bad!

One last thing: marketing guru Frank Kern talked about this very thing recently in his ‘State of the Internet Address’, and here is a paraphrase of what he ended with:
“The word hate has 184 mil search results…. fear has 151 mil results …. lot of people freaked out …. would seem we could market on hate and fear & ride the wave adopting that marketing bend but ….. the word hope has 476 mil results…. we don’t see in the media how much people want and believe in hope…. clearly people would much rather have hope… and the word love has 1 bil 830 mil results….

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

 

Q&A: Do you believe that there is “The One”? Because I think I lost him….

posted by B. Dave Walters

(Unedited) question submitted via Formspring
“Do you believe that there is “The One”? Because I think I lost him. He was everything I ever wanted, I let him go and now I realize there is no one like him. I don’t want anyone else. I try to get him back. He is my “rock” it’s so hard without him…”

First, let us break this down into pieces:
1. You had a guy who was everything you ever wanted.
2. He is your ‘rock’ and ‘there is no one like him’.
3. You ‘let him go’…but ‘don’t want anyone else’.
4. You try to get him back, and you ‘think you lost him’.

First and foremost: people come and go in our lives, there is no ‘One’.
As long as you have someone you can trust, respect, love and grow with who can trust, respect, love, and grow with you, then the relationship makes sense.

Notice, love is number three on that list. The reason why that is, is you can love someone who is TERRIBLE for you! Contrary to popular opinion, love is *not* enough to build a successful relationship on.
Respect is even more important in a healthy relationship, and trust is most important of all simply because you can’t respect someone you don’t trust.

Now, to your specific question:
You need to pull back from him and work on loving yourself, first.

The issue is you are trying to use him to fill a hole in yourself; something that comes up all the time with the entertainment industry here in Los Angeles. So many people are looking for outside affection, when the reality is the love you are looking for can only TRULY come from within.

Remember, you can *never * love anyone more than you love yourself, and you won’t let anyone else love you more than you love yourself. Even if they try, you’ll block it; and if you just rush back into the relationship, you’ll do it again.

Even IF you were to end up getting back together, you’ll have to start over completely from scratch: ground zero, day one. Like you just met, and are dating for the first time, because whatever issues caused you to break up in the first place are still there.

If you both agree to begin at the beginning, then you’ll need to work on your communication because if you can’t communicate, you don’t have a relationship. Remember, you cannot nag, complain, or guilt a man to doing what you want for long…if you are going to be together, be together; if you aren’t, don’t.

But to be clear: the first, second, and third things you need to focus on are YOU and getting your self esteem up. Once you do, he’ll either be willing to try again, or you can let him go and move on to find a guy who will.

Keep us posted on how it turns out.
What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

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