A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile


Q&A: ‘Why did he go back to her?’

posted by B. Dave Walters
There is no why

There is no why

Question submitted via Formspring:
“I have been with my neighbor for a month, and we have been very close. All of the things you would expect in a loving relationship

and it was all heading the right way.. except he told me he was going away with his last girlfriend for 3 days! I was so shocked that I told him if he goes I cannot be his girlfriend anymore. He chose to go so I finished it and just don’t understand why he would do this when he told me I was the one etc. We did not mention love as it’s all a bit too soon but we were heading into a serious relationship. I have self worth and boundaries, so that is why I stepped aside. There has been no contact since and I miss him already and don’t understand why he hasn’t even contacted me. Any advise please?”

First, let’s break this down into pieces:

You’ve been dating a guy for a month.
He is your neighbor (yikes!)
He told you that you were the one, but *not* that loves you.
He decided to go on a trip with his ex…was it something he had planned before he met you?
You asked him not to go, and said you’d break up with him if you did.
He went anyway, and you broke up with him (good for you!)
He hasn’t contacted you since, and you don’t know why because you miss him.

So, the first thing is: I acknowledge you for standing up for yourself, and ending it.  The second thing is, what difference does it make if he contacts you?  What exactly is it that you are looking to hear?

I’d *imagine* that you’re looking to hear that he made a mistake.  That he misses you, that he was wrong to leave with her, and that he should have taken you on the trip instead.  And, unfortunately, that call isn’t coming.  He was quite clear on what it meant to be with her, they’d been involved before, after all.  He was also quite clear on what it meant to be with you, and he was willing to give that up completely to be with her.  No good.

What you are REALLY looking to hear is why.  WHY did he choose her, and WHY doesn’t he want to be with you, to which I would say: Does it matter?  What exactly can he say that you will want to hear?  What if he tells you that he loved her the entire time, and only dated you because he was on the rebound?  What if he tells you she’s pregnant with his baby? What if he says they are both a part of the same cult, and they were gone on a 3 day retreat?  The truth is, there is no why; there is only what you know to be absolutely sure:  You told him if he did this thing, you’d be done…and he did it anyway.

It is normal and natural to feel hurt, confused, and disappointed by something like this.  And unfortunately, only time can heal that pain completely.  Considering that you only dated for a month, it shouldn’t take TOO long for you to be able to move on.  The most important thing to remember is this: You kept your self-respect and stood up for yourself and what you deserve, so don’t start back tracking now.  You absolutely did the right thing, and whether or not it hurts that is something you should be proud of.

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 



Previous Posts

Racism and the Law of Attraction (Video)
“I love America more than any other country in the world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.” -James Baldwin Question submitted via Formspring:

posted 4:56:16am Dec. 19, 2014 | read full post »

How to finally attract what you want (VIDEO)
“Do not wait: the time will never be 'just right'. Start where you stand, and work whatever tools you may have at your command and better tools will be found as you go along.” ― Napoleon Hill As of the t

posted 5:24:13am Dec. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Q&A: “I’m trying to smile, but I’ve hit rock bottom….”
Question submitted via Formspring: “Hello, I am on the journey of my life moving leaving everything i know to move to NYC by myself. I had to stay in a shelter and am still here. I have

posted 6:14:09am Nov. 18, 2014 | read full post »

A crash course in creativity
In honor of the National Novel Writing Month (www.nanowrimo.org), in which we are all challenged to write a 50,000 word novel in a month, I wanted to put together a very quick crash course in creative writing. 

posted 11:56:00pm Nov. 01, 2014 | read full post »

The bad news about pursuing your dreams
We talked recently about what to do to have you breakthrough, and soon afterwards a friend contacted me about a hang up he’s having.  Essentially, he’s been in action towards achieving his

posted 1:13:09am Oct. 27, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.