A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile


Q&A: “My husband cheated 5 times…why did I stay?”

posted by B. Dave Walters

Actually, it's never worth it

Question submitted via Formspring
“I have been with a man who had at least five affairs during our 27 years or marriage, and even spent 7 years with the same woman. What makes a man do this? What made me accept it for so long? I am trying to move on now; God help me!”

We discussed this question on a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, along with:
How to be happy right now, getting over being cheated on, if Jesus studied Buddhism, how to find love, advice for a 27 year old virgin, and more.

For our purposes here, first of all let me say clearly: not all guys cheat, since I myself never have and I have several guy friends who never have.

That being said, though: lots of guys do cheat.  And there are two main reasons why it happens, and why you kept (keep?) putting up with it:

The first is rather simple, and unavoidable: it is impossible for a man to stop looking at other women; he can’t help it, it’s in his blood. But that is NOT an excuse for cheating; being able to control our impulses is what makes us different from the animals.

The second, much bigger reason you are having problems: you pick the wrong guys.
It seems based on the fact that you took him back after at least five affairs, you have what Dr. Drew calls ‘a broken picker’. Think about how incredibly little you must have thought about yourself, and your own self-worth to accept something like that. Imagine, if you had a person who wrecked your car, and then a second…would you let them drive a third car, much less a fourth or fifth?   For whatever reason, you gravitate towards the type of guy who ultimately cannot be trusted, and there is probably a very good reason why.

Look at your relationship with your father and his relationship with your mother.
Chances are extremely high that either 1. Dad cheated on mom, 2. Dad wasn’t around, or 3. Both.

It is very possible that you learned at a young age that ‘men who love me cheat/leave’, and you’ve been living into it ever since. If the issue isn’t with Dad, if you look into your early life, there is probably someone close to you who violated your trust, or seemed to leave you when you needed them most.  Chances are also incredibly high that his father also cheated on his mother, or something very similar; since this level of infidelity (and tolerance for infidelity), is not learned in a vacuum.

The solution, also has two parts: 1. Recognize you have a broken picker, and that the first guy who gets your attention is probably not the best guy to get involved with. I for my part am attracted to crazy girls with lots of baggage; once I realized this and started paying more attention I was able to find the right woman and have been happily married ever since.

2. Forgive the person who hurt you, even if you weren’t consciously aware that it hurt before now.  One thing we mentioned in the broadcast, is your anger towards him can be good in the short term to help you find the strength to leave; but once you are gone you have to put that anger down since it will only hurt you in the long term.

Since it is only after your forgive them for what they did (or didn’t do) that you can be free from this pattern and able to create something new.  You will also have to forgive yourself for letting it happen, since no matter how you look at it, it is already done; it’s in the past.  Being angry at yourself about it will just cause you to keep creating toxic situations to subconsciously punish yourself.

Add to this truly loving yourself and realizing that you are good enough and your problem will magically fade away.

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 



  • maria

    This is my testimony about the good work of a man who helped me….My name is maria cooker … My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. Thanks to a spell caster called papa ork who i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across series of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. There was one particular testimony I saw, it was about a woman called grace,she testified about how papa ork brought back her Ex lover in less than 72 hours and at the end of her testimony she drop papa ork e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give papa a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. papa ork is really a talented and gifted man and i will not to stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man…If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve that problem for you. Try the great papa ork today, he might be the answer to your problem. Here’s his contact: orkstarspell@gmail.com Thank you great ork. Contact him for the following:

    (1)If you want your ex back.
    (2) if you always have bad dreams.
    (3)You want to be promoted in your office.
    (4)You want women/men to run after you.
    (5)If you want a child.
    (6)[You want to be rich.
    (7)You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (8)If you need financial assistance.
    (9)Herbal care
    10)Help bringing people out of prison
    Contact him today on:
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    ,,

  • florence James

    ex-boyfriend dumped me 8 months ago after I caught him of having an
    affair with someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life
    but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don’t
    know what to do, so I visited the INTERNET for help and I saw a
    testimony on how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I
    contact the spell caster and explain my problems to him….. he cast a
    spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will return to me and to
    my greatest surprise the third day my peter came knocking on my door
    and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and
    not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Dr
    airiohuodion spell caster, you are truly talented and gifted contact his
    email: airiohuodiontemple@gmail.com

  • maria

    This is my testimony about the good work of a man who helped me….My name is maria cooker … My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. Thanks to a spell caster called papa ork who i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across series of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. There was one particular testimony I saw, it was about a woman called grace,she testified about how papa ork brought back her Ex lover in less than 72 hours and at the end of her testimony she drop papa ork e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give papa a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. papa ork is really a talented and gifted man and i will not to stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man…If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve that problem for you.. Try the great papa ork today, he might be the answer to your problem. Here’s his contact: orkstarspell@gmail.com Thank you great ork. Contact him for the following:

    (1)If you want your ex back.
    (2) if you always have bad dreams.
    (3)You want to be promoted in your office.
    (4)You want women/men to run after you.
    (5)If you want a child.
    (6)[You want to be rich.
    (7)You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (8)If you need financial assistance.
    (9)Herbal care
    10)Help bringing people out of prison
    Contact him today on:
    orkstarspell@gmail.com

  • https://www.facebook.com/itua.blssinge benji

    My name is nora, i have fall in love with a man called pristlyl, we have been i love for so many years now, i have not experience heart broken from him he love me more than any other thing on earth, until my boyfriend travel to see his mother, when he comes back he have not been the same that he is, he was change totally but i can’t live without him,even if i went to greet him in his house he will send me away, i keep crying every day, i try so many spell caster but know one could help me but just to scam and eat up my money, until i heard of Dr Asemota i said okay let me tried him and see, really i contacted Dr Asemota, can you believe it my ex lover who said that we will never be together again came to my house begging me for forgiveness i have no choice than to forgive him cause i love him so much, please you need to contact this man he can as well help you he is like an angel sent from heaven to said people’s life, his email is: dr.asemota.herbal.spelltemple@gmail.com try and contact him now thanks.My name is thynaya, i have fall in love with a man called johnbul, we have been i love for so many years now, i have not experience heart broken from him he love me more than any other thing on earth, until my boyfriend travel to see his mother, when he comes back he have not been the same that he is, he was change totally but i can’t live without him,even if i went to greet him in his house he will send me away, i keep crying every day, i try so many spell caster but know one could help me but just to scam and eat up my money, until i heard of Dr Asemota i said okay let me tried him and see, really i contacted Dr Asemota, can you believe it my ex lover who said that we will never be together again came to my house begging me for forgiveness i have no choice than to forgive him cause i love him so much, please you need to contact this man he can as well help you he is like an angel sent from heaven to said people’s life, his email is: dr.asemota.herbal.spelltemple@gmail.com try and contact him now thanks or visit him on his website now at http://dr-asemota-home-of-solution.webs.com/

  • https://www.facebook.com/itua.blssinge benji

    My husband and I been through so many trials with family deaths and his illness, that changed both of us. I became an unhappy and unappreciative wife. My husband left. My relationship with the Lord was suffering. Him leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me. It woke me up. I started working with Dr Asemota as a stander. But little did I realize that Dr Asemota was going to reveal all the things in me that needed to change. helped me see the kind of wife I’m supposed to be. and i started seeking the hand of Dr Asemota to change my heart and my husband’s. I had to accept that I could not change my husband, only Dr Asemota can do that. I went to my husband and asked for his forgiveness for all my shortcomings as a wife. I asked him to give me another chance. He is now home.thank you father for job well done in my life you can also reach him via email address:My husband and I been through so many trials with family deaths and his illness, that changed both of us. I became an unhappy and unappreciative wife. My husband left. My relationship with the Lord was suffering. Him leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me. It woke me up. I started working with Dr ekuku as a stander. But little did I realize that Dr ekuku was going to reveal all the things in me that needed to change. helped me see the kind of wife I’m supposed to be. and i started seeking the hand of Dr ekuku to change my heart and my husband’s. I had to accept that I could not change my husband, only Dr Asemota can do that. I went to my husband and asked for his forgiveness for all my shortcomings as a wife. I asked him to give me another chance. He is now home.thank you father for job well done in my life you can also reach him via email address:My husband and I been through so many trials with family deaths and his illness, that changed both of us. I became an unhappy and unappreciative wife. My husband left. My relationship with the Lord was suffering. Him leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me. It woke me up. I started working with Dr Asemota as a stander. But little did I realize that Dr Asemota was going to reveal all the things in me that needed to change. helped me see the kind of wife I’m supposed to be. and i started seeking the hand of Dr Asemota to change my heart and my husband’s. I had to accept that I could not change my husband, only Dr Asemota can do that. I went to my husband and asked for his forgiveness for all my shortcomings as a wife. I asked him to give me another chance. He is now home.thank you father for job well done in my life you can also reach him via email address:
    dr.asemota.herbal.spelltemple@gmail.com or visit him on his website now at http://dr-asemota-home-of-solution.webs.com/

  • https://www.facebook.com/itua.blssinge benji

    When my spouse left me, I deepened my relationship with Dr Asemota and was doing all the preparation he ask me to do for the marriage restoration. I then realized that I was the prodigal, as I had left my first husband and had married another. I was given the opportunity by Dr Asemota to be obedient. He took the obstacles out of the way. On last Sunday my loving husband proposed to me and on October 15, I was remarried to my true covenant spouse. Thank you so much Dr Asemota for all you do to help restore all of us prodigals to the happiness this is email address:
    dr.asemota.herbal.spelltemple@gmail.com or visit him on his website now at http://dr-asemota-home-of-solution.webs.com/

  • Jones Nicole

    I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Dr.Kala has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell, i was married to my husband we were together for a long time and we loved ourself but when i was unable to give him a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then i was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine tell me about this man called Dr Kala and give me his contact email (kalalovespell@gmail.com) then you won’t believe this when i contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back, and after a month i miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a baby girl, thank you once again the great Dr.Kala for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through this same kind of problems you can contact him today on his mail kalalovespell@gmail.com OR call his cell phone on +2347051705853

  • Leila Stephaine

    My husband broke up with me a month ago because of the little misunderstanding will had, he was dating other young lady and he never take me out again he was totally changed and he never listen to any thing i told him. one day he came and told me he is bringing in other lady in our home, i was so frustrated so when i came across Dr.airiohuodion (airiohuodiontemple@outlook.com) how he use to rebuild broken home and make their family to reunite together again, so i quickly email him and explain all my problem to him and he guarantee me that my husband will definable want me back after the reunite spell. After everything my husband (SAM) came back to tell me he still love and cherish me that he promise never to cheat on me any more i was so happy and i quickly email Dr.airiohuodion (airiohuodiontemple@outlook.com) and thank him for the wonderful spell, he was God sent and if you need his helping hand contact his direct email at.(airiohuodiontemple@outlook.com).

  • michael walter

    My husband broke up with me a month ago because of the little misunderstanding will had, he was dating other young lady and he never take me out again he was totally changed and he never listen to any thing i told him. one day he came and told me he is bringing in other lady in our home, i was so frustrated so when i came across Dr.airiohuodion (airiohuodiontemple@gmail.com) how he use to rebuild broken home and make their family to reunite together again, so i quickly email him and explain all my problem to him and he guarantee me that my husband will definable want me back after the reunite spell. After everything my husband (SAM) came back to tell me he still love and cherish me that he promise never to cheat on me any more i was so happy and i quickly email Dr.airiohuodion (airiohuodiontemple@gmail.com) and thank him for the wonderful spell, he was God sent and if you need his helping hand contact his direct email at.(airiohuodiontemple@gmail.com).

  • sophia andres

    Hello I am Sophia Andres, I am out here to spreed this
    good news to the entire world on how I got my ex love back.I was going
    crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when i met the website of Dr Ikuku
    http://ultimatesolutioncenter.webs.com the great messenger to the oracle how my
    ex love left me and also how i needed to that he serve,I narrated my problem to Dr Ikuku about a job in a very big
    company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i
    will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i
    need to do,After it was been done,In the next 12 hours,My love called
    me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also
    in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for
    forgiveness,I was called for an interview in my desired company were i
    needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed
    that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Dr Ikuku at
    the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem
    is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: ultimatesolutioncenter@gmail.com or call him on +2348104181322 and get your problems solved like me….. ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: ultimatesolutioncenter@gmail.com or contact him through his website at http://ultimatesolutioncenter.webs.com. he is real and very powerful to help.

    Dr Ikuku Mobile Number: +2348104181322
    Email: ultimatesolutioncenter@gmail.com

  • Marian Gregory

    My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted Dr. OKORO LOVE SPELL and after I explained my problem, In just 3 days my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier more than ever before Dr. OKORO you are the best spell caster. I really appreciate the love spell you cast for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work. Thank you once again Dr. OKORO. You can also contact Dr. OKORO via email address: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com in case you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com AS HIS POWERS ARE SO STRONG AND VERY EFFECTIVE AND HAS NO BAD EFFECT INSTEAD IT HAVE A VERY GOOD RESULT AFTER CASTING THE SPELL.

    Dr. OKORO NUMBER: +2348053209149
    Contact Dr. OKORO Via email: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com

  • Stacey Bruno

    I never believed in love spells or magic until I met this spell caster once when i went to see my friend in Indian this year on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is Dr ATILA he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 5 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is atilahealinghome@yahoo.com

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