A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile


Q&A: What’s the best way to break up?

posted by B. Dave Walters

There is no easy way to do it

(Unedited) question submitted via Formspring:

“What is the best possible way to dump someone? I wanna break-off my relationship, but I’m pretty sure my partner is still enamored with me. I wanna stay friends, and don’t want to hurt anyone, y’know?”

There’s good news, and there is bad news.
The bad news is: you are going to them; there is no way around it if they care about you, and you don’t care about them.   And, don’t be in too big of a rush to ‘be friends’; that is your guilty conscious talking.  People rush to be friends to ‘prove’ they didn’t really hurt the person that badly; after all, we are friends now, right?

The good news, though, is that you can be friends eventually…but you’ll need some time apart first.  Actually, you’ll need about twice as long apart as you were together romantically; which pending how long you’ve been together might be a long time!

So, what’s the best way to break up?
In person, and in public, so that they are less likely to freak out, get overly emotional, or God forbid do something crazy.  Coffee shops are better than bars, but bars are WAY better than restaurants.   Coffee shops are the ultimate break up spots for the same reason they are the ultimate first date spots: it can be as short or as long a talk as you need it to be.  If you do it at a restaurant (or behind closed doors) you can get stuck there for God knows how long.  Awkward.

As for what you should say, steer clear of cliché things like “it’s not you, it’s me”; that is basically meaningless now.  Also steer clear of telling them how wonderful they are or anything like that: since if you really thought that you’d still be together.

Tell them the truth…at least most of the truth.  If you are leaving them because they are terrible in bed, or because you’d rather date their brother you should probably leave that part out!
But, if you don’t know why the spark isn’t there, tell them.  If you just don’t want to be in a relationship, tell them that.  They will want to know ‘why’, but the fact is when the dust settles there is no why; if you are over it, you are over it.

Let them know that you are sorry, and that you understand they’ll need some space, and that eventually you’d really like to be friends…and that it’s over.  If they cry, beg, or plead, stand your ground; have enough respect for them to let them find someone who is going to truly care for them, and not just stay with them out of guilt or pity.

However, if you aren’t sure whether you should break up or not: this will help!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

 



Previous Posts

How to feel happy, and be at peace
“You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can't control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations In my Coaching work, a question that comes up

posted 11:14:28pm Jan. 19, 2015 | read full post »

How to motivate yourself…finally!
“It's a New Year and with it comes a fresh opportunity to shape our world. So this is my wish, a wish for me as much as it is a wish for you: in the world to come, let us be brave – let us walk into the dark without fear, and step into the unknown with smiles on our faces, even if we're fakin

posted 10:59:22pm Jan. 02, 2015 | read full post »

Racism and the Law of Attraction (Video)
“I love America more than any other country in the world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.” -James Baldwin Question submitted via Formspring:

posted 4:56:16am Dec. 19, 2014 | read full post »

How to finally attract what you want (VIDEO)
“Do not wait: the time will never be 'just right'. Start where you stand, and work whatever tools you may have at your command and better tools will be found as you go along.” ― Napoleon Hill As of the t

posted 5:24:13am Dec. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Q&A: “I’m trying to smile, but I’ve hit rock bottom….”
Question submitted via Formspring: “Hello, I am on the journey of my life moving leaving everything i know to move to NYC by myself. I had to stay in a shelter and am still here. I have

posted 6:14:09am Nov. 18, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.