Question submitted via Formspring:
“I have been in a long distance relationship since January; I’ve had an amazing time and he was the best thing in my life. But, he’s said he wants to tone it down; feelings have changed and he wants to ‘see the world’. I don’t want to lose him, what should I do?”
Let’s break this one down into pieces:
You’ve been in a long distance relationship since January; roughly five months.
It’s been ‘amazing’ and ‘the best thing in your life’.
Now, his feelings have changed, and he wants to see the world (aka, other people).
You don’t want to lose him.
So, what should you do?
The simple answer is: let him go. For reasons we’ve talked about before, you can’t chase, nag, or beg him, or any man, into loving you. If he is telling you he wants to see other people, believe him; and more importantly, let him go.
The reason why you should let him go, is one of two things is going on inside his head. Either one, things got really hot and heavy too fast, and as fast as he got into the relationship, he got over it. This might be hard to hear, but if it’s the truth, it’s the truth.
The second possibility is that he really does love you, but the intensity of all of it is scaring him and making him want to run away; and the harder you push, the more anxiety he’ll feel.
Either way, the answer is the same. However, if you really do want him back, here is how to do it: after you let him go, let him see that you are moving on, too. When you talk, be pleasant, but let him know you are going out and having fun with friends; when he calls or texts, wait an hour or two before you call him back. No guy likes to see a girl move on, and if he really is just confused, seeing you move on will bring him back faster than anything.
A better question is: why would you want to chase down someone who wants to get away?
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B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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