Question submitted via Formspring:
“I’m planning to start a relationship with a person who used to be my college classmate. He loves me, but I am not sure about my feelings. But, I really need to start dating someone. Do you think it will work?”
So, do I think it will work? The short answer is, no.
For the longer answer, let’s break this down into pieces:
You are planning to start a relationship; why “planning” a relationship? What is there to plan?
Either you are involved, or you aren’t; if you feel like there are things in your life that would be an obstacle to the relationship, or the relationship is the obstacle, then that’s not good.
The guy in question is a former college classmate, who loves you; how can he love you if you haven’t had a relationship yet? Notice, you described him as a ‘former classmate’, not a friend. Yet, you must have had enough interactions with him for him to have developed feelings, and let you know that he wants a relationship.
You aren’t sure about your feelings, but you ‘really need’ to start dating someone…why? It’s a very odd thing to say you really need to date someone. More importantly, if you know this guy has real feelings for you, but you just want to date ‘someone’, then it’s really not fair to him, and will inevitably lead to him getting hurt.
So, rather than get involved with him, or anyone, just because you can, take some time to figure exactly what it is that you want. More importantly, make sure you have a firm foundation of loving yourself first; since you can’t love anyone, or let anyone love you any more than you love yourself. Once you are clear on that, then the right guy won’t be too hard to find!
You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!
B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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