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A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile

Q&A: “I’m not sure if we should try again because I don’t want to get hurt”

If you don't have trust, you don't have anything

Unedited question submitted via Formspring:
“I’m in love with a guy. he broke up with me 1/2 year ago. hes(still) sometimes so sweet and says he loves me but sometimes he don’t seem to want me. I’m not sure if we should try it again cause I don’t wanna get hurt again. How do I know if I can trust him?”

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Let us break this one down into parts:
1.You’re in love with this guy
2.He broke up with you 6 months ago
3.He is *sometimes * sweet and says he loves you
4.He doesn’t seem to want you (or at least a relationship)
5.You’re not sure if you should try it again (did he ask to?)
6.You’re afraid of getting hurt
7.You want to know if you can trust him.

The answer to this one is pretty simple, but you may not want to hear it.
Words lie, but actions tell the truth.

If he broke up 6 months ago, and only occasionally is nice to you (which means he ISN’T nice to you the rest of the time), then no he doesn’t want to be in a relationship.

You say you’re not sure if you should try again, has he tried to get back together? Or, does he want to be together (and probably be intimate) whenever *he * wants to, and then doesn’t want to be bothered the rest of the time?

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You say you are afraid of getting hurt, and aren’t sure if you can trust him:
well, he’s showing you all the time who and what he is.

He broke up with YOU.
He is mean, or at least neglectful of YOU.
And it doesn’t appear like he’s shown and real regret or any interest in changing.
All of that equals: let go of this guy and look for someone who is going to love and support you unconditionally…or at least consistently.

If you decide you want to give it a genuine try, this is what I suggest:
Sit him down and talk like adults.
Tell him how you feel, and give him a chance to do the same.
Ask him why he broke up 6 months ago, and see if you can work out a way to happily be together.
As always, if you can’t communicate, then you don’t have a relationship.

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If he won’t talk to you, won’t share his feelings, or isn’t interested in getting back together, then there is your answer.

If you are going to have a chance together, you have to start from absolute scratch. Put the past behind you, the break up(s) and everything else and begin to relating to each other like two new people who are starting a brand new relationship.

If he’s not willing to try, or either of you aren’t willing or able to put the past in the past, then it’s better to go your separate ways now and save yourself years of wasted time.

Either way, focus on loving yourself first, and the right relationship will manifest for you one way or another.

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B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

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Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

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