Question submitted via Formspring:
“My friend is VERY picky in choosing a man to date. She wants a relationship, but her standards are too high. She says it’s good because she knows what she wants and deserves the best. I say it’s a bad thing because no one is living up to her standards.”
This was one of the questions we discussed in depth in a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, along with:
NEW BEGINNINGS! Setting goals, being too picky, dealing with racism, ‘real’ vampires, werewolves, witches, and magic; the Dalai Lama vs the Pope and much, much, more!
Click here to listen!
One of the things we talked about in the broadcast, was the fact that there is nothing wrong with having a high standard, as long as you realize the people you are pursuing will probably have equally high standards. So the question is, is your (friend’s) ‘high standard’ a really a result of ‘knowing what she wants’, or just walls she has built out of insecurity?
We have also talked before about how to find the perfect man or woman; and a big part of that was being willing to change and adapt yourself as necessary to be just as attractive to them as they are to you. When a person is totally unwilling to change at all (as most people who are ‘too picky’ tend to be), then that is a GIANT red flag that they are operating out of insecurity and ego rather than confidence.
Blaming other people and/or the world for our personal short comings is a victim mentality. All power in this world comes from taking responsibility; response-ability for ourselves, our lives, and our relationships.
Ask your friend how well this attitude has worked out for her up until now?
Has she been generally successful with finding the type of guys she likes, but the relationships don’t work out for whatever reason; or is there always ‘wrong’ with every guy who comes around?
Point out to her that there is only one thing that all her dissatisfying relationships have in common, and that is HER!
If she is REALLY serious about finding that special someone, this will help. If, however, she’s afraid deep down inside that she’s not good enough, and this pickiness is a defense mechanism she’s (maybe unconsciously) using to keep people at arm’s length, then that’s an unfortunate recipe for spending the rest of her life alone.
And that is a question that only she can answer.
What do you think ? Feel free to comment down below!
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B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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