A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile

Q&A: Workplace romance gone wrong; Or, dealing with insecurity (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

Workplace Romance: Mistake, or BIG mistake?

(Unedited) Question submitted via Facebook:
“It’s been wonderful to discover you … this is my problem and I’m afraid I’m so close to a breakdown… please help.

I fell in love with my boss and had a strange relationship with him for 3 years … he has now moved on with another prettier colleague. I am suffering so much …. but I don’t want to quit my job. I am good at it. He doesn’t want me to quit either and realizes that I am important for the firm and has given me lots of benefits.

I want to be superior to it all .. but I am so envious and jealous …. deep down I realize that I am a good person and people respect me more than him or her … I am really lucky and have a wonderful family….. how do I not get that terrible jealous feeling.”

Yes, this is a messy one.
This is Los Angeles, land of the ‘casting couch’, so workplace flings aren’t unheard of, but it can be a nightmare once real feelings get involved.
Although you didn’t say it directly, it looks like there is some infidelity there since you mention being ‘really lucky to have a wonderful family’, so I question how far you went with your boss. Just a crush? Flirting? More?

Whether or not you got physical with him, or just emotional, the answer is the same.
First, there are the general steps to follow in letting go of any relationship that has ended, which you can find here.
As we said before, if you are going to try to salvage a friendship (or functioning work relationship), ideally you have a significant amount of time apart; is it possible to transfer or change your schedule so that you don’t run into him so often?

The deeper question, however, is what is it in you that got you into this situation, and continues to be triggered by it?
For instance, what was it that the boss gave you that you weren’t getting at home? Inevitably it was attention that made you feel special, attention that appears to be lacking from your man. What can you do to talk to your husband to help him understand that you need something that he isn’t supplying?
And if he is totally unwilling, or unable to provide what you need, then maybe you should look towards exciting the relationship.

A common mistake people make is in trying to fill in a perceived hole or ‘find what’s missing’ in another person, and that can only lead to pain.
In the video that goes along with this article, you’ll find how to know what you are insecure about, why the world is out to make you feel bad about yourself; how to give up looking for other people as the solution to all your problems; how insecurity can damage your relationships, and how to beat it! (Technical issues made it impossible to embed the video, but click here to see it on Facebook)

As for this workplace romance, it’s normal to feel slighted by someone leaving you, especially if you have to sit and witness their interactions every single day, so transferring / switching schedules would again be advisable.
It will take a long, LONG time for the feelings to completely subside on their own, and if you are unwilling to get a new job, then daily dissatisfaction may be the price you pay. Avoiding situations like this are why so many companies have a ‘no workplace fraternization’ policy in the first place!

A couple of tools that will help, are a way to get rid of painful memories and build your confidence; and a way to change your responses, so that seeing him with her won’t upset you so much.

So to be clear: quit or rearrange your schedule. If you can’t do that, apply those tools to help you get over the past and stop being upset about the present. Focus your mind on performing your job to the best of your ability, and building up your current home life to the point that it is meeting all your needs. You will probably find that you care a lot less about this man when YOUR man is stepping up to the plate.

Keep us posted on how it turns out.

What do you think ? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:

Ask me anything:

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another –  A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!




Previous Posts

Suicide, and making sense of the senseless.
“But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.” ― Albert Camus Anyone who’s lost a loved one to suicide knows how uniquely painful and confusing it can be.  The death of Ro

posted 1:24:39am Sep. 01, 2014 | read full post »

How to use the August Super Moon
Starting August 10, we’ll be experiencing one of the three ‘super moons’ of the summer, where the Moon is physically closer to the Earth, making it appear bigger and brighter in the sky.  This a

posted 11:01:13pm Aug. 09, 2014 | read full post »

Q&A: I STILL don’t know what to do with my life…HELP!
Question submitted via Formspring: “Hi, I've been reading some of your posts, really interesting and encouraging, I kinda feel better and not that lost but I can't stop thinking about what I can do.

posted 11:41:37pm Aug. 03, 2014 | read full post »

The Spiritual Lessons of Superheroes
As of the time of this writing, San Diego Comic Con is starting up.  I'll be appearing on a panel on Spiritual Themes in Comics on Saturday at 6 PM in room 4...stop by and see me if you're in town!

posted 5:58:23am Jul. 24, 2014 | read full post »

Expectations and the Law of Attraction
“There were two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations” ― Jodi Picoult Question submitted via Formspring: “How can I use the Law of Attraction to remove nega

posted 2:54:31am Jun. 30, 2014 | read full post »

Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.