A Reason to Smile

You can be friends ... but not for a while

Question submitted via Formspring:

“One month ago my 2-year relationship ended. I’m in college. That guy was my first ‘real’ relationship and I still love him a lot but we hurt each other because we were both unhappy. Now we still hang out but I don’t feel good, can’t sleep, headache. What should I do?”

The simple answer is: Stop hanging out!

Quite often people end relationships, but want to jump straight into being ‘best friends,’ usually to try and make one person feel less guilty about breaking up in the first place.

Unfortunately, that very rarely works … and by very rarely, that means pretty much never!

The fact is it takes time to get over someone. I did an entire program on how to get over someone quickly; but no matter what you do it will require some time and space apart to let those old wounds heal.

Still trying to be together and act like nothing ever happened is just going to make it hurt that much longer, especially since many guys still try to get physical even though the relationship may be over.

As far as your situation goes, it seems like this relationship had already turned toxic; which is a big red flag for your first ‘real’ relationship.

You may want to take a good hard look at yourself and your hand in all of this, to see what you may have done that contributed to things going the way they did


What it is that made you choose someone who treated your poorly in the first place.

Be very, very, VERY careful, especially if you have any abuse in your background, if your parents had a bad relationship, or if you have any unresolved issues with your own father, since it is all too easy getting stuck in a cycle of bad relationships that will each leave you feeling just like this.

Or it may be that you are young, and this is your first taste of heartbreak that everybody goes through at one time or another.

No matter what: Stop hanging out with him, tell him you need some time to adjust, heal and get over him. Although an odd thing about guys is that he doesn’t actually want you to get over him, and you can click here to find out why.

You don’t owe him any explanations, and don’t be afraid to be a bit selfish. If spending time with him is making you feel bad, don’t. *Not* spending time with him will feel bad for a while, too; but things will get better much faster this way, and eventually you may be able to have that friendship. Being apart about twice as long as you were together should be about right before you try to seriously pursue a friendship.

And yes, that may mean years.

What do you think ? Feel free to comment down below!

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B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

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