“A true friend is one soul in two bodies.”
In the video below, I give several pointers on how to be a good friend, how to know when a relationship has run it’s course (or worse, turned toxic), and how to ‘break up’ when necessary.
So I’d rather talk here about how to be a real friend.
When I first moved to Los Angeles, there was something about the place that just bothered me; but not matter how hard I tried I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
Eventually, I was able to figure out what it is: so many unhappy people!
Where ever you go, the person working there did *not * come here to work at Starbucks, or be a waiter; they came here to be the next Bradd Pitt or Julia Roberts.
Eventually I got over it by tapping into all the happy positive energy of the people who are succeeding, or at least have yet to give up the fight. And once I was able to immerse myself in it, I feel in love with this town and have never looked back.
The thing is, this is a *very * superficial place. Everyone has up a lot of boundaries, and work hard to maintain the certain facades, which is unfortunate since it stops you from being able to really connect with another human being.
What would you expect from the city that created the bizarre concept of ‘frenemies’????
In the video below, I mentioned how a real friendship should basically be like a romantic relationship without the sex; although not every friend is going to be your BFF (best friend forever). Everything we talked about before about finding and keeping a romantic partner really does apply to friendships as well.
And, just in case you think you have plenty of friends, or don’t want anymore, let me point out something you may not have considered:
Show me the 10 people you spend the most time with, and I will show you *you *.
They probably have a similar income, similar religious and political beliefs, do similar things for fun. Now, if the people you spend time with inspire and motivate you to improve yourself constantly in new and different ways, then great; the new friends you make will only help you move ahead even faster!
But if you’re like most, I suspect in at least some ways, those closest to you are holding you back the most. Don’t worry, as you start to grow the real friends will stick with you; and those that don’t, you didn’t really need anyway.
But I am going to tell you now the true secret of having real and lasting friendships:
You have to be your own best friend, first.
I say that, because if you can’t enjoy spending time with you, if you don’t love and value yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
Realize that you are brilliant, beautiful, and fun…and if you aren’t, you are down to earth, considerate, and reliable. And if you’re not that either, find me at any of the links below and I’ll tell you all kinds of wonderful things about yourself!
The point is, you are worth knowing. Hiding yourself and holding back is robbing people of learning first hand how wonderful you are.
The next thing is to try and figure out what kind of person you want to be friends with; the internet has made it possible to meet people of all kinds, of all interests, from all over the world, so it’s pretty easy to find whoever you’re looking for. Check Facebook for groups or fan pages, or search Google for forums and message boards and start participating!
For the friends you’ve already go, or new ones you are going to make, here is another way to guarantee you’ll be the life of the party: make everyone else feel better about themselves.
I’m not saying spoil them; quite often I have Coaching clients tell me that they do SOOO MUCH for all their friends and they don’t care, etc. etc.
What I am suggesting, is you always listen. Be supportive.
Love your friends, and let them know that you care. You don’t always have to tell them you love them (especially if your friends are guys!), but you can show it just in how you talk to them. In general, you can not nag, pester, or guilt your way into having people care about you, so don’t even try.
If you are the person who helps them feel not only like life isn’t so bad, but is actually pretty darn good, then your phone will always be ringing off the hook!
Remember, your friends aren’t there to make you feel valuable, or loved, or to fill in some gap or give you something you are missing. You are already perfect, you aren’t missing anything.
What your friends are there for, is to boost you up, and help you grow; to be able to be, do, and have more than you could do alone.
What do you think ? Feel free to comment down below!
You are great, and I love you!
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B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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