Question submitted via Formspring.me:
“I recently realized that when I’m in love,I worry so much,I have so many fears,that even when my boyfriend had to go away for ONE weekend I suddenly became unhappy!how do you REALLY get to that point of being happy on your own and getting over worries/fears”
There was quite a bit of debate about whether to post this here as a Spirituality post, or a Relationships one, but Spirituality won out!
The reason why this is, is because the answer doesn’t actually have anything to do with him, it has everything in the world to do with *you *.
This comes down to a question of self-love.
The reason why you have so much fear, doubt and insecurity. Is that deep down inside you don’t truly love YOURSELF first, and because of that you don’t quite feel worthy of love, and because of *that *, you are afraid he’ll realize this about you and leave.
The hole you are trying to fill can not be filled by him, or by any other person. You can not love anyone more than you love yourself, and you can not be loved any more than you love yourself; is someone tries then you won’t let them and sabotage it (like you are probably doing now).
So, to answer your question: step 1 is to start loving yourself first.
Step 2 is to realize that happiness is a choice, a choice you can make at any time. You can choose to focus on what IS working in your relationship, how much he loves you and how good you feel, OR you can focus on the fear of loss. Fear which, might I add, hasn’t actually happened. The thing you fear doesn’t even exist; but the Law of Attraction dictates that if you continue focusing on the negative, then it will inevitably manifest.
Step 3 is to change your responses. You can consciously choose new responses to those same old fears, doubts, and insecurities.
And above all else: realize that you are enough. Right now, today, as you are, you are enough. You have him, he loves you; that is the truth, the fear is the illusion.
Keep us posted on how it turns out.
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B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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