A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile

Q&A: “Is it ever possible to love two people at the same time….”

Is it possible? Yes. Is it advisable? *NO*

Question submitted via Formspring
“Is it ever possible to love two people at the same time ?”

This is a debate that has raged for many years, and will almost certainly keep raging.

The answer is simple, but the implications are complex.
Yes, it is absolutely possible to love two people at the same time.

Here in Los Angeles, people often switch relationships like they switch shoes, and you can find most every variation of love and relationships you can think of going on!

It may be romantic to think of finding that one person who forever clouds your ability to see anything worth loving in another person, but it just isn’t the case. This speaks to the somewhat murkier idea of ‘emotional cheating'; that even if you aren’t being physical with another person, just wanting to is a form of infidelity.

This idea that he or she HAS to love only me is born out of insecurity more than anything else; that if s/he sees something of value in someone else, then they are going to leave me.

Honestly, why wouldn’t it be possible to love two people at the same time?
Love is not a fixed quantity, otherwise you wouldn’t have room for parents, siblings, or children of your own in your heart. And there are many different types of love you can experience for many different types of people.

So could you find two different people that elicit deep romantic love? Absolutely.


This is not a free pass to cheat! The benchmark of ‘cheating’ then, is taking time, energy, attention, and affection from your significant other and giving it to someone else. If you are up all night chatting romantically with someone online while your mate is sleeping alone, then yes you are cheating. If you are sneaking out at all hours to see someone else, then yes you are ABSOLUTELY cheating!

Remember, if you feel the need to hide something, it is *probably * wrong!

If you commit to someone, then stay committed to them. And if you can’t be with that one person, then break up; or at least agree to see other people until you decide to settle with one or the other (if ever). Realistically, the time will come when you’ll be forced to choose between them; so unless you become polygamists, you won’t be able to keep juggling forever!

The deeper issue is, do you *really * love two people, or are you confused, and possibly afraid of committing to one person, because of all the other things you might miss?

There is also the concept of the 80/20 rule to consider; the idea that you don’t want to miss the person who has the majority of what you need, to chase the person who has just a few (but probably really FUN!) things the other person is missing.

In the end, true trust and deep intimacy is most easily built within the confines of a loving, monogamous relationship with two people who share absolutely everything with each other. Not to mention, it gets tiring having to keep track of two lives; what you did with whom, which movie you saw with whom, and that is assuming you are being totally honest about dating two people! If you are trying to hide it (a mistake), then it will only be ten times harder to function. You’ll just keep feeling more and more guilt that will prevent you from truly enjoying either person, and if you aren’t enjoying it, what’s the point?

My suggestion would be totally honest and keep seeing them both until you are either clear on what you want, or circumstances force you to choose. And remember, at any time one of them may get tired of being ‘the other wo/man’.
Keep us posted on how it turns out.

What do you think?  Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:

Ask me anything:

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!



Previous Posts

An Eclipse, an Equinox, and a Super Moon, oh my!
Friday, March 20, 2015 will mark a very powerful alignment of energies that will burn you up if you’re not careful, or propel you like a rocket if you make use of them! Three major events are taking place, with several other events happening in the background.  First, it’s the Spring Equinox

posted 6:14:17pm Mar. 19, 2015 | read full post »

Are you growing, or just growing older?
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor

posted 4:27:15am Feb. 18, 2015 | read full post »

How to feel happy, and be at peace
“You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can't control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations In my Coaching work, a question that comes up

posted 11:14:28pm Jan. 19, 2015 | read full post »

How to motivate yourself…finally!
“It's a New Year and with it comes a fresh opportunity to shape our world. So this is my wish, a wish for me as much as it is a wish for you: in the world to come, let us be brave – let us walk into the dark without fear, and step into the unknown with smiles on our faces, even if we're fakin

posted 10:59:22pm Jan. 02, 2015 | read full post »

Racism and the Law of Attraction (Video)
“I love America more than any other country in the world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.” -James Baldwin Question submitted via Formspring:

posted 4:56:16am Dec. 19, 2014 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.