Question submitted via Formspring:
“I’m in college, pregnant and scared. I don’t want the baby, but and couldn’t give it up if it gets born. Either the baby’s life ends or my life and hopes for law school ends.”
On a recent (and very intense) episode of my radio show, Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, I answered this question along with questions about how to find love, how to get over losing a loved one, how feelings affect the Law of Attraction, how to deal with a self-destructive loved one, and many more; but there is a lot more to say about this one.
Let me be very clear about something right up front: in my life, and in my own household, I am 100% against abortion.
I recently shared how when my wife was pregnant with our youngest child, it looked like she was having some developmental problems but at no point, at no point, did the option of ending the pregnancy come up as an option for us.
I am also equally passionate about defending a woman’s right to choose; it is not my place to try and force my own morality on someone else, or dictate what any woman can or can not do with her body. In my mind, it is between her, ideally the father, and God what is best for them to do.
Now for this specific question: having this child in no way means ‘your life ends’; quite the opposite in fact. Having a baby is an amazing blessing, that will change and improve your life in ways that you can’t even imagine now.
It seems like this huge, overwhelming thing because you are young and, as you said, you are scared.
Having this baby does not mean you can’t go to law school, and it does not mean that you can’t accomplish your goals. It DOES mean that you are going to have to work a lot harder, and things may not come in the time or way that you’ve planned, but it can be done.
I can give you dozens of examples of women who were up against much bigger obstacles and accomplished incredible things; so the belief that somehow having a baby means you give up your future is an illusion that is made up completely out of fear.
So should you keep the baby, or not?
Unfortunately, I can’t tell you what to do about such an important decision, but I can give you a few things to consider (and listen to what was said in the radio episode above, too).
First, let me tell you I know several people who have chosen to terminate pregnancies for one reason or another, and every single one if them I know has regretted it. Maybe the decision made logical sense at the time, maybe it STILL makes logical sense; but on a certain level they’ve all had to live with the choice that they made. Those friends of mine that chose to terminate their pregnancies because it was somehow inconvenient, and have been unable to have children for whatever reason when they are ‘ready’ regret it most of all.
Second, talk to the people in your life that you can really trust, hopefully a parent, some sort of spiritual adviser, and quite honestly the father. Get the opinions of people who know you and your background, since should you decide to go through with it there is a lot of emotional weight that comes with it that it helps to have a support system to deal with. And if you have the baby, you’ll need that same support, too.
I do want to point out something important, though: for reasons I gave in the recording, you do not have to marry the father of this child simply because you got pregnant. It will be 10,000 times better for the child growing up seeing you all in separate healthy relationships then in one messed up loveless one. So if you decide to have the baby, whether or not you decide to stay with the father is a completely separate choice.
Based on what you wrote it seems that you are aware of the fact that if you lay eyes on the child you won’t be able to give it up; so it also seems like you are aware of how intense the bond between a mother and child can be. You should also be aware of the fact that you are in for a lot of heavy emotions no matter what you do, so terminating the pregnancy won’t change that.
It is absolutely fine and completely understandable that you are scared; I can tell you first hand it is pretty scary even when you are actively trying to have a baby! There is no easy solution, and if you decide to terminate the pregnancy it doesn’t make you a terrible person, and it doesn’t mean you are going to hell or anything like that. Take some time to pray, meditate, and consider on this and what you need to do, so that you will be able to have some peace knowing you made the absolute best decision for you and your life.
Just don’t let fear make you do something you’ll regret.
What do you think ? Feel free to comment down below!
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B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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