A Reason to Smile

He can't give you what you're looking for

(Unedited) Question submitted via Facebook
“O life coach (lol) I have something that is constantly on my mind that I can’t seem to shake. I want to get married. It’s constantly on my mind. Everyone around me is getting married or engaged and I’m constantly wondering when am I ever going to get married myself. From past experience I know not jump into anything bc i may end up regretting it (which is good bc in the past I would rush in to things…. I was like Joan from girlfriends. Every man i see i ask myself if he’s my hubby. I know scary) I’m talking to this gentleman right now but every time I talk to him I’m constantly asking myself “is he my husband” I know it’s not healthy. How do I stop it?”

My first, second, and third questions are: what does getting married mean to you?
Does it mean that you have a man who is never going to leave you? The divorce rate here in Los Angeles is over 75%, so marriage means no such thing.

Does it mean you can brag to your family and friends and have your dream wedding?What difference does it make what anyone else thinks? As long as you are happy with you, you don’t need anyone else’s approval.

Or does getting married mean that you are good enough and that you are worth loving?
The love that you are looking for can only come from within, you have to love you, first. As we’ve discussed before , you can’t love anyone else more than you love yourself, and you won’t let them love you more than you love yourself. Even if you find the right man tomorrow, you’ll put an unrealistic expectation upon him and your relationship, since you’ll be looking for him to fill a hole that only you can fill.
And you start filling it, by realizing it doesn’t actually exist!

So to answer your question: you get over obsessing over marriage by loving you, first. And when you find the right man

things will fall into place naturally, all by themselves.

Keep us posted on how it turns out.

What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

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B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

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