A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile


Q&A: “I always have to initiate the date, I fear he’s not interested because he’s not making effort.”

posted by B. Dave Walters

This says it all

Question submitted via Formspring:

“I’ve been seeing a guy for 2 months but we’ve only gone out 3 times no sex. He works on the weekend and has grad school during the week. I always have to initiate the date, and he’ll quickly accept. I fear he’s not interested because he’s not making effort.”

Have you ever heard the saying “don’t make someone a priority when you are only their option”?

We have talked about relationships a few times before, and while every situation is different there are some things that are always true.

One of those things is that people are busy; you can’t get too upset if a person isn’t available all the time, or if you ask them to get together, and they can’t make it.

However.

They should be making just as much effort to spend some time with you.

For instance, say you call and ask them to get together on Friday, but they are busy.  Then HE should say something like “I’m sorry, I’m tied up Friday; but let’s get together on Sunday instead”.   Him being busy is one thing, you always having to initiate contact is a big red flag.

It is possible that he is simply insecure, and he keeps waiting for you because he’s just afraid to reach out…but do you really want to be with a man who’s that skittish?

Now about the sex thing; some people are just ‘old fashioned’.  SOME people still believe they should even wait until marriage; so the fact that he hasn’t tried to get physical isn’t necessarily a sign that anything is wrong…but it’s not a sign that anything is particularly right, either.

My suggestion is you back way off; contact him about half as much as you do now, and don’t ask him out at all; switch things around so that he has to chase *you* now.  Now this doesn’t mean be mean or start acting weird, just stop making yourself so available to him, so that he has to put in some effort.

If he does start putting in the effort, then you can just have a conversation about sex and what he thinks about it.  If he doesn’t put in the effort, then it doesn’t matter anyway because it’s time to move on.

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another –  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       



Previous Posts

Q&A: I love him, but I’m afraid all he wants is sex
Question submitted via Formspring: “Mr. Walters, I've been seeing this guy for about two and half months now. We spend lots of time together, sometimes he’ll call me just to chat and to see

posted 7:21:18pm Mar. 30, 2014 | read full post »

It’s okay to not be okay
“Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.” ― Seneca On a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters: Simple Answers to Life's Hard Questions we talked about getting up after fall

posted 5:10:14am Mar. 08, 2014 | read full post »

How to love again
“To be rejected by someone doesn't mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn't mean that nobody will ever love you anymore. Remember that

posted 4:04:09am Feb. 06, 2014 | read full post »

Resolving to do better in 2014
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right. -Oprah Winfrey Every year around January 1, we take out a piece of paper and list our resolutions; all kinds of things we are 'resolving

posted 12:58:03am Jan. 02, 2014 | read full post »

Why you can’t sleep at night, and how to fix it.
In my Coaching work, one of the most common complaints I hear is of people not being able to sleep at night.  Whether it’s not being able to fall asleep, stay asleep, or not being able to get your

posted 5:27:42am Dec. 09, 2013 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.