A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile


Q&A: “I always have to initiate the date, I fear he’s not interested because he’s not making effort.”

posted by B. Dave Walters

This says it all

Question submitted via Formspring:

“I’ve been seeing a guy for 2 months but we’ve only gone out 3 times no sex. He works on the weekend and has grad school during the week. I always have to initiate the date, and he’ll quickly accept. I fear he’s not interested because he’s not making effort.”

Have you ever heard the saying “don’t make someone a priority when you are only their option”?

We have talked about relationships a few times before, and while every situation is different there are some things that are always true.

One of those things is that people are busy; you can’t get too upset if a person isn’t available all the time, or if you ask them to get together, and they can’t make it.

However.

They should be making just as much effort to spend some time with you.

For instance, say you call and ask them to get together on Friday, but they are busy.  Then HE should say something like “I’m sorry, I’m tied up Friday; but let’s get together on Sunday instead”.   Him being busy is one thing, you always having to initiate contact is a big red flag.

It is possible that he is simply insecure, and he keeps waiting for you because he’s just afraid to reach out…but do you really want to be with a man who’s that skittish?

Now about the sex thing; some people are just ‘old fashioned’.  SOME people still believe they should even wait until marriage; so the fact that he hasn’t tried to get physical isn’t necessarily a sign that anything is wrong…but it’s not a sign that anything is particularly right, either.

My suggestion is you back way off; contact him about half as much as you do now, and don’t ask him out at all; switch things around so that he has to chase *you* now.  Now this doesn’t mean be mean or start acting weird, just stop making yourself so available to him, so that he has to put in some effort.

If he does start putting in the effort, then you can just have a conversation about sex and what he thinks about it.  If he doesn’t put in the effort, then it doesn’t matter anyway because it’s time to move on.

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another –  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       



Previous Posts

3 Simple rules for a happy life
"You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can't control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alo

posted 4:38:45am Sep. 20, 2014 | read full post »

Suicide, and making sense of the senseless.
“But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.” ― Albert Camus Anyone who’s lost a loved one to suicide knows how uniquely painful and confusing it can be.  The death of Ro

posted 1:24:39am Sep. 01, 2014 | read full post »

How to use the August Super Moon
Starting August 10, we’ll be experiencing one of the three ‘super moons’ of the summer, where the Moon is physically closer to the Earth, making it appear bigger and brighter in the sky.  This a

posted 11:01:13pm Aug. 09, 2014 | read full post »

Q&A: I STILL don’t know what to do with my life…HELP!
Question submitted via Formspring: “Hi, I've been reading some of your posts, really interesting and encouraging, I kinda feel better and not that lost but I can't stop thinking about what I can do.

posted 11:41:37pm Aug. 03, 2014 | read full post »

The Spiritual Lessons of Superheroes
As of the time of this writing, San Diego Comic Con is starting up.  I'll be appearing on a panel on Spiritual Themes in Comics on Saturday at 6 PM in room 4...stop by and see me if you're in town!

posted 5:58:23am Jul. 24, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.