A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile


Q&A: “Why do all guys cheat?”

posted by B. Dave Walters

All these guys only have one thing in common....

(Unedited) Question submitted via Formspring
“Hello Dave, I must admit that I like your articles on beliefnet and will like you to keep it up. My question is why is it so hard trying to get involved with a guy that doesn’t cheat, because all the guys I have been with had cheated at one time or the other.”

First of all, let me say clearly: not all guys cheat, since I myself never have and I have several guy friends who never have.

That being said, though: *LOTS* of guys do cheat.   And there are two main reasons why you keep ending up with guys who do:

The first is rather simple, and unavoidable: it is impossible for a man to stop looking at other women; he can’t help it, it’s in his blood.  But that is NOT an excuse for cheating; being able to control our impulses is what makes us different from the animals.

The second, much bigger reason you are having problems: you pick the wrong guys.

It seems based on your statement “because all the guys I have been with had cheated at one time or the other” you have what Dr. Drew calls ‘a broken picker’.  For whatever reason, you gravitate towards the type of guy who ultimately cannot be trusted, and there is probably a very good reason why.

Look at your relationship with your father and his relationship with your mother.

Chances are extremely high that either 1. Dad cheated on mom, 2. Dad wasn’t around, or 3. Both.

It is very possible that you learned at a young age that ‘men who love me cheat/leave’, and you’ve been living into it ever since.  If the issue isn’t with Dad, if you look into your early life, there is probably someone close to you who violated your trust, or seemed to leave you when you needed them most.

The solution, also has two parts:  1. Recognize you have a broken picker, and that the first guy who gets your attention is probably not the best guy to get involved with.  I for my part am attracted to crazy girls with lots of baggage; once I realized this and started paying more attention I was able to find the right woman and have been happily married ever since.

2. Forgive the person who hurt you, even if you weren’t consciously aware that it hurt before now.

Since it is only after your forgive them for what they did (or didn’t do) that you can be free from this pattern and able to create something new.

Add to this truly loving yourself and recognizing that you are good enough and your problem will magically fade away.

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another –  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!



Previous Posts

The Spiritual Lessons of Superheroes
As of the time of this writing, San Diego Comic Con is starting up.  I'll be appearing on a panel on Spiritual Themes in Comics on Saturday at 6 PM in room 4...stop by and see me if you're in town!

posted 5:58:23am Jul. 24, 2014 | read full post »

Expectations and the Law of Attraction
“There were two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations” ― Jodi Picoult Question submitted via Formspring: “How can I use the Law of Attraction to remove nega

posted 2:54:31am Jun. 30, 2014 | read full post »

How to Avoid Disappointment and Feel at Peace
“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is.” -Eckhart To

posted 10:43:30pm May. 31, 2014 | read full post »

A Message from Your Future Self
"The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little." -Thomas Merton Beloved, Once again, it has been ages since we last talked.  Too long. Of course, I have been here watching, and I see

posted 1:29:58am Apr. 28, 2014 | read full post »

Q&A: I love him, but I’m afraid all he wants is sex
Question submitted via Formspring: “Mr. Walters, I've been seeing this guy for about two and half months now. We spend lots of time together, sometimes he’ll call me just to chat and to see

posted 7:21:18pm Mar. 30, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.