*My most popular writings to date was a series of articles I did on relationships:
how to find that special someone, how to BE that special someone; how to understand how men think, and how women think,
and how to get over it when things don’t work out.
This is part 1!*
“If two stand shoulder to shoulder against the gods,
Happy together, the gods themselves are helpless
Against them while they stand so.”
As I have said before, there is nothing in this life more important or fulfilling than having a relationship with your Creator; call it the love of your spiritual life.
But a very close second to that is true, genuine, honest love with another person right here on Earth.
Nothing makes life better and all your goals more attainable than being with the right person; just like nothing can make life worse than being stuck with the wrong one. Take it from my hard won experience: it’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. Because if nothing else, being single opens you up to the possibility of the Universe sending the right person your way; being with the wrong person is one big drain on your energy and happiness.
For our purposes, the bare minimum is someone you can love, support, and grow with who will love, support, and grow with you. If you spend more time unhappy, or wondering if you’re happy (which means you aren’t), then you might be with the wrong person.
So, what stops most people from finding that special someone?
My first, second, and third answer is fear. Fear of rejection, of betrayal, of disappointment, of being abandoned, all of which we already talked about here
So for our purposes today, we will assume you’ve dealt with, or are at least willing to face your fear and move towards finding that special someone, or improving your relationship with the special someone you already have.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret: this process I’m about to lay out for relationships actually applies to * anything * you want to do or change in your life.
First, decide what it is you DON’T want. Maybe you definitely don’t want a man who’s unemployed. Or you don’t want a woman with ‘daddy issues’. Or they can’t be too tall, or too short; too fat, or too skinny. If you’re already in a relationship, maybe you don’t want to stay home every night, or argue over pointless stuff, or stop holding grudges. Think of it like a reverse Christmas list: write it all down.
Second, decide what you DO want, and write it in as much detail as possible. You can start with the exact opposite of everything on the ‘Don’t’ list, but it’s more powerful to say “I want a man with a muscular body and 6 pack abs” then “I don’t want a fat guy”. There is power in being specific; if nothing else, if you don’t know exactly what you’re looking for, how will you know when you find it?
Think of this as your superstar wish list, nothing on the list is too big. If you want to marry a supermodel, write it down. If you want a billionaire oil tycoon, write it down; don’t sell yourself short on this.
Next, decide what that type of person wants and is attracted to, or what you have to do to get your current someone to act how you want them to act. For instance, if you want your wife to stop yelling at you, how can you make her feel like you’re listening to her? If you want your boyfriend to stop going out with his friends every night, what can you do to make staying home more appealing?
If it’s a certain type of person you’re after, where do they go? What do they do for fun, where do they spend their time? What kind of man is that supermodel looking for? What kind of woman appeals to that tycoon?
Before I tell you the next step, I need to warn you: most people won’t do it.
It’s easier to stay put and accept a comfortable mediocrity than really go all-in and reach for something wonderful. So, before we go on: reread that list of what you DO want. Look how great it is, how wonderful it would feel. Just imagine having a romantic dinner with that person, and a * wonderful * dessert, if you know what I mean….
Got the tingle? Good.
Here is the final step: set about turning yourself into what that dream guy or girl would be attracted to.
I hear you, you shouldn’t have to change. You’re a wonderful delicate, perfect tulip and he should love you for how you are right now. And hey, I agree with you: you’re perfect just the way you are.
But, if who you are and what you’re doing was going to get you that perfect relationship, you’d have it already.
So let’s try something different. Go with me on this, I did it, and everyone who’s listened to me has gotten spectacular results. If you want your husband to stop watching sports so much, try watching it with him and learning the game; who knows, you might like it. If your ideal woman is a cyclist, you should probably learn to ride a bike. If you want a bodybuilder, they may not be attracted to you with 30% body fat. It’s hard to be a mopey cynic and hook the life of the party.
A word of warning though: I’m not saying fake like you are something you’re not, that is just deceptive and will come back to bite you; make changes you actually want to make. Go to these new places because you’re genuinely interested in doing something new, not just trying to bag a millionaire. Always be yourself, but improve yourself in new and interesting ways, understand?
So, does listening to me and doing these things 100% guarantee you’ll find that person? I wish I could promise that, but I can’t. There are a lot of moving pieces inside the Human mind and heart, and there are 10 times more when you add in another person! But I can promise you this: in a few months or years you’ll wake up in the morning and feel so proud of yourself won’t believe it. And that billionaire supermodel bringing you breakfast in bed just might feel the same way, too.
What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!
You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!
B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
Find out more about me:
Ask me anything: