Question submitted via formspring:
“I recently had my boyfriend say to me that he loves me, but he’s not in love with me. What message is he trying to tell me?”
The message is nothing good.
Guys (and girls) say this when they don’t want to commit to long term.
They may say things like ‘things are moving too fast’, ‘they feel smothered’, or ‘they feel confused’, ‘they don’t know what they want’ or a thousand other excuses.
It may be that he is trying not to hurt you, or is staying for the sex/physical intimacy; but the bottom line is it means he either
1. wants to see other people,
2. doesn’t want to see you anymore at all (unfortunately).
Since he apparently hasn’t broken up with you, it is most likely the first one.
Either way, he has one foot out the door, for sure.
Your choice, then, is to either decide if you are willing to tone things way down, go back to ‘just dating’, seeing other people, etc.; or start preparing yourself for the end of your relationship.
Strangely enough, if he says he wants to see other people, don’t be surprised if he starts acting weird when YOU start seeing other people; guys can be strange like that.
One last piece of advice, though: you CAN NOT nag, guilt, beg or complain him into staying; it will only push him away faster.
If you want him to stay, your only chance is to start trying to catch flies with honey and consciously work to make spending time with you the absolute best thing in his life, and then no other woman can compete.
It may be a better idea to let him go and start looking for a guy who will both ‘love you’ *and * ‘be in love with you.
What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!
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B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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