(Unedited) question submitted via Formspring
“Do you believe that there is “The One”? Because I think I lost him. He was everything I ever wanted, I let him go and now I realize there is no one like him. I don’t want anyone else. I try to get him back. He is my “rock” it’s so hard without him…”
First, let us break this down into pieces:
1. You had a guy who was everything you ever wanted.
2. He is your ‘rock’ and ‘there is no one like him’.
3. You ‘let him go’…but ‘don’t want anyone else’.
4. You try to get him back, and you ‘think you lost him’.
First and foremost: people come and go in our lives, there is no ‘One’.
As long as you have someone you can trust, respect, love and grow with who can trust, respect, love, and grow with you, then the relationship makes sense.
Notice, love is number three on that list. The reason why that is, is you can love someone who is TERRIBLE for you! Contrary to popular opinion, love is *not* enough to build a successful relationship on.
Respect is even more important in a healthy relationship, and trust is most important of all simply because you can’t respect someone you don’t trust.
Now, to your specific question:
You need to pull back from him and work on loving yourself, first.
The issue is you are trying to use him to fill a hole in yourself; something that comes up all the time with the entertainment industry here in Los Angeles. So many people are looking for outside affection, when the reality is the love you are looking for can only TRULY come from within.
Remember, you can *never * love anyone more than you love yourself, and you won’t let anyone else love you more than you love yourself. Even if they try, you’ll block it; and if you just rush back into the relationship, you’ll do it again.
Even IF you were to end up getting back together, you’ll have to start over completely from scratch: ground zero, day one. Like you just met, and are dating for the first time, because whatever issues caused you to break up in the first place are still there.
If you both agree to begin at the beginning, then you’ll need to work on your communication because if you can’t communicate, you don’t have a relationship. Remember, you cannot nag, complain, or guilt a man to doing what you want for long…if you are going to be together, be together; if you aren’t, don’t.
But to be clear: the first, second, and third things you need to focus on are YOU and getting your self esteem up. Once you do, he’ll either be willing to try again, or you can let him go and move on to find a guy who will.
Keep us posted on how it turns out.
What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!
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B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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