A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile


Q&A: “How do we deal with people who are lying to us?” (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

Question submitted via Formspring:
“How do we deal with people who are lying to us? And still be positive about it when we know that they are fooling us. Thanks Dave”

The first question is: how do you KNOW they are lying to you?
Is it something you can prove, like they tell you they didn’t eat the last piece of cake while you *saw* them eat it? Or they tell you they aren’t cheating on you, while you believe they are?

There is a world of difference between what you can empirically prove and what you simply believe (assume) to be true.
YouTube Preview Image
Assuming you are certain that you are being deceived (by them, and not just by yourself), the next step is to try and determine *why* they might be lying. Are they trying to avoid hurting you? Are they hiding what might be a pleasant surprise? Or maybe are they just afraid of what is going to happen once the truth comes out?
Because, I’ll let you in on a secret: the truth ALWAYS comes out.

Having an idea of why they might not be telling you the whole truth will help when you finally ask them about it, since it will prepare your mind to accept different explanations. Remember, for whatever reason, they believe lying is their only option; you’ll have to give them a new one.
YouTube Preview Image
Finally, sit down and talk to them…ideally face to face, and not by email or web chat.
Ideally sit down somewhere public, like a coffee shop so they can’t flip out or run away, but talk in private rather than not at all.

Ask them about the situation, and give them a chance to tell you the truth. If they lie again to your face, *don’t* call them a liar, but then ask them if it is how you suspect it really is. So to continue the earlier example, if they still say they didn’t eat the cake, ask them if they know who did it, or if maybe they ate it but didn’t realize it was the last piece. Basically give them a chance to tell you the truth.

Only then should you tell them what you know to be true; ideally frame it by saying “I’m not mad, but _____…and I want to hear your side of things”.

Here is the hardest part, though: really listen to what they have to say.

That’s why step two was to figure out reasons why they might be lying; otherwise you may be so caught up in how you think things are that you miss how they REALLY are.

Once the truth is out, you can communicate openly and deal with the real issue.
Does that make sense?

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters



Previous Posts

The Spiritual Lessons of Superheroes
As of the time of this writing, San Diego Comic Con is starting up.  I'll be appearing on a panel on Spiritual Themes in Comics on Saturday at 6 PM in room 4...stop by and see me if you're in town!

posted 5:58:23am Jul. 24, 2014 | read full post »

Expectations and the Law of Attraction
“There were two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations” ― Jodi Picoult Question submitted via Formspring: “How can I use the Law of Attraction to remove nega

posted 2:54:31am Jun. 30, 2014 | read full post »

How to Avoid Disappointment and Feel at Peace
“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is.” -Eckhart To

posted 10:43:30pm May. 31, 2014 | read full post »

A Message from Your Future Self
"The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little." -Thomas Merton Beloved, Once again, it has been ages since we last talked.  Too long. Of course, I have been here watching, and I see

posted 1:29:58am Apr. 28, 2014 | read full post »

Q&A: I love him, but I’m afraid all he wants is sex
Question submitted via Formspring: “Mr. Walters, I've been seeing this guy for about two and half months now. We spend lots of time together, sometimes he’ll call me just to chat and to see

posted 7:21:18pm Mar. 30, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.