Yesterday I shared the first part of this article …..
I have found that if I base my happiness on another person I eventually feel let down or betrayed. Ultimately I am the only person responsible for my happiness. If I expect my friends, lovers, or the world as a whole to ‘make me’ happy I doom myself to a life filled with disappointments. If on the other hand I realize I am in charge of my happiness I can be happy regardless of the events in my life. Focusing on the feeling of betrayal prevents me from looking at the role my beliefs and expectations play in the creation of my happiness.
Unspoken expectations cause so many misunderstandings and conflict in relationships. Until they are spoken they can’t be resolved either. If I start feeling disappointed, let down or betrayed it is time for me to take a long, hard look at my expectations. Instead of focusing on the emotions I’m feeling I find it more productive to ask myself what I wanted from the person or situation.
I find writing a very powerful tool for inner exploration. I start by writing a letter to the person with absolutely no intention of ever sending it. I start out by fully expressing my emotions. I write about my anger, sadness, fear, and disappointment. After I clear out my emotions I take a few moments to get centered. I take a few deep breaths and allow myself to get quiet. Then I ask myself the following the questions: What did I want from the person or situation? Are those desires realistic? What were my expectations? Are they something I need to give to myself? Do I need to communicate my expectations? If so, to whom do I need to communicate them? And am I willing to do that?
In intimate relationships and close friendships it is often harder for me to see my expectations. Frequently I would rather be right than be happy. It is easier for me to see that I was upset with an acquaintance because I expected her to communicate her request in a more thoughtful manner but when a lover isn’t thoughtful it is harder to admit that my expectations were the cause of my upset. Do I ignore my feelings? No. Can I communicate my upset? Absolutely, but blaming someone else for how I feel doesn’t change much. If I admit my feelings are my own, clearly communicate my expectations, and then listen to what the other person expects and needs we both will know one another a little bit better. By becoming aware of our expectations and expressing them we have a much greater chance of allowing the relationship to become more intimate and we are both freer to be ourselves. I can make my decisions based on what I want while taking into account what the other person wants and needs as well.
My expectations stop me from experiencing life as it is and instead I experience what I expect. In order to experience each moment of my life fully I must be myself – without judgments, without expectations, and without fear. Knowing that I can change my experience of life by changing my expectations makes it easier to release my judgments, expectations, and fears.
If I stop focusing my attention on what happened and instead focus my attention on what I can change – myself and my reactions – life can become one magical experience after another. Even the most profound betrayal can be an opportunity for me to deepen my connection with myself, my spirit and the angelic realms. I can understand my expectations, see how they affect my choices, and choose anew. As I looked within I learned to listen to my inner voice, to trust myself, and to clearly negotiate my expectations.
Betrayal can be my greatest guide; it will lead me to my expectations every time. And if I’m willing to change my expectations I can be happy no matter what is going on in my life.
With love and aloha,
Angels are everywhere just open your mind and your heart to the signs.
Make Angels on Your Shoulder part of your daily routine and share it with a friend!