Did you know that the average gestation for an elephant is 2 years!?!?!?… OMG!
Entering meltdown mode in 5…4…3…2… And…
Yeah. That about sums up the extent of the past 24 hours of my life. I am a total WRECK! I know it’s the hormones combined with a large dose of disappointment, but I am just SO ready for this baby to be here. I’m ready to feel normal, to be able to think with a clear mind, and REALLY, REALLY ready to sleep on my stomach again. Mostly, I’m just ready to have that bundle of happy in my arms, so I can feel just that, HAPPY. I’m so beyond excited to be a mom, but I am also so very impatient. You can ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I do not do well with waiting for anything. I’m a need to have it, and need to have it right now type of woman. I talked with you last week about my distaste for surprise, and well, lets be honest here… we all know that stems from a lack of patience.
So here I am, in the middle of life’s ultimate waiting game, and I’m about to pull my hair out. My inner control freak is freaking out!
Hey, at least I don’t look this bad… hopefully. I’m pulling out all the stops to distract myself but nothing seems to be working. I’m flying through work because I feel like if I get everything done MAYBE God will let this baby come. I know it doesn’t work like that. There is no magic key or secret action that is going to unlock my belly and let a baby fall out. (LOL… although, that makes for an interesting visual, and would be quite the story!) I seem to have a grasp on the idea that I’m out of control, but I’m having a very, very hard time getting my mind to let go and just let God do what it is He does.
That’s my biggest issue. It’s like I can’t convince my mind that God understands what I’m feeling. (YES, I know this is ridiculous!) Part of me wants to be mad or frustrated with Him for “not listening.” The other part of me is dying for Him to give me peace and joy through this period. Like with every conversation I have with you, I know balance is the key.
So for the rest of this phase of gestational purgatory I am going to do my best to find it. I think it’s completely normal for me to feel like time is ticking on in slow motion. I think it’s also perfectly normal that I’m impatient, but I cannot let these things become an excuse. I can’t live in a constant state of disappointment, or discontentment. I need to put a smile on my face and bask in the fact that THIS TOO SHALL PASS. I won’t be pregnant for much longer, and I really need to try and focus on the great moments. I know there are parts of this I will miss eventually, and if I take them for granted now I’ll regret them later. I don’t want to welcome regret into this world along with my son. I want him to arrive feeling nothing but how much we love him, and how excited we are to be his parents! Even though the days are long right now, the joy of the Lord is my strength! God has a specific and unique plan for his life, just like mine, and that includes his birthday.
If you think about it this week say a prayer for me; that I would really truly give up control and let God do His thing in His timing. He knows exactly the day, hour, and minute that this boy is going to arrive, and he knows exactly why. Pray that I would find joy and peace in the waiting, and that I can focus and prepare myself in this short amount of time I have left. Lastly, please pray that he arrives safe and healthy. I can’t wait to meet him, but I do want what is best for him!
OH, and Thank you, Lord, I’m not an elephant!