This may sound absurd to some of you, but I REALLY, REALLY don’t like surprises… well, at least surprises that I know are coming. There isn’t much out there that frustrates me more than knowing something is coming my way and then having NO idea when it’s happening or what is going to happen when the time comes. Now, these things are somewhat avoidable in everyday life. I can typically persuade the “surpriser” to spill the beans, or snoop my way into the knowledge I desire; however, today I find myself waiting on a surprise that I cannot talk my way through, or dig up information about.
You want to know why I hate surprises? It’s because I’m a control freak. I can admit this. I have a big issue with just letting things “happen”. I like lists, plans, and expectations. I prefer to feel prepared and ready for all situations, good or bad. I do not like to be caught off guard… AT ALL.
So why am I telling you all of this? Because this time, for the first time, I’m completely in the lurch. I am officially 1 month from my due date and this baby can literally decide to show up anytime it wants. The only one who could possibly take a guess at when or how he is going to show is the one who created him. Don’t get me wrong, my lack of knowledge is not the result of a lack of trying. I cannot begin to describe the very deep discussions God and I have had over the past week. I have begged until I was pretty much blue in the face for Him to let me in on the “plan”, but alas, NO GO!
I am starting to come to grips with the idea that giving birth to a child is like anything else that could be considered scary, uncomfortable, or painful in life… it’s meant to put you in your place. Those occasions arise to prove to us that we are COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY NOT IN CONTROL! It’s through painful moments that make us realize, WE CAN’T DO IT ON OUR OWN. That’s when we beg God to step in and guide us through it. It’s then we cling to Him for peace and comfort. Then, when it’s all said and done, we can’t help but tell everyone we know about the miracle God allowed us to be a part of. We tell everyone about the situation we couldn’t have survived without Him… In the end the glory is all HIS.
It’s these moments of understanding that allow my brain to truly grasp that this is one surprise I am going to have to suck up and live through. I know it’s coming. I don’t have a clue when. And there is no form of snooping that can reveal what I’m after. But I am very, very glad to know that no matter when or how he gets here, this little baby is proof that God has allowed me to be a part of a miracle, and I will make sure the world knows it!