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The Path of Irritation
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In September 2003, Beliefnet columnist Sharon Salzberg, Buddhist teacher, meditation instructor, co-founder of the Insight Meditation Society and the Barre Center for Buddhist Studies, author of Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience, answered members’ questions about the fundamentals of Buddhist practice. Although this course has concluded, the questions and answers are archived below for your convenience.
To ask a question, visit Learn About Buddhism where Beliefnet members will respond to sincere, respectful questions about Buddhism beliefs and practices.
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Messages: 1 - 4 (14 total)
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Donmich
9/20/2003 3:57 AM
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1 out of 14 |
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For the last several months my life has been incredibly irritating - and I've never been happier.
Several months ago I landed what was suposed to be a dream job. However, the person who hired me is an extremely abraisive personality. From morning to night this guy ties me in knots, places inconceivable demands on me, seems entirely disinterested in the skills and perspectives he headhunted me for, and shows me none of the surfacy respect and formality I have grown accustomed to from previous employers. On top of this he has about 20 years of solid Zen practice on me. He irritates me.
A very strange thing happened a couple of months ago. This guy who sort of did everything, including periodc heavy lifting throughout the day found a new job. His training was rather specialized and specific to the business, plus he was very experienced at fast heavy lifting. He has been with the company a very long time and will be very difficult to replace.
Anyway, for the interim, my employer and I, (mostly I) have had to pick up the slack, so now I have added heavy lifting to my skill set, while continuing with our other punishing responsibilities. All the while I am constantly faced with my employers difficult personality.
Periodically conficts and confrontations arise, and it is in these moments that the difference in maturity of our respective Zen practices becomes quite apparent.
Body, speech and mind I am being tested all day long, and I can't get away with any BS. He never seems to loose his cool, and I always feel like I am about to loose mine. (Actually I have on a couple of occaisions).
On top of everything he can read me like a book, which pushes mu buttons all the more.
Why do I stick around? Because I believe strongly in the company (A right livelihood business), and despite the challenging environment, we respect each other a lot and get a lot done.
Anyway, having been inundated with words I don't want to hear, jobs I don't feel like doing, conflicting, unwanted emotions that I don't have time for, and a heady cocktail of impermanance, illusion and ego - I have begun to experience changes. Openings. A sense of calm within overstimulation, chaos and uncertainty (and new muscles!). I am able to help people and think of others no matter how tired or pissed off I feel. And just when I get cocky, my Zen master manager from hell knows just how to push my buttons and remind me that constant practice is required and will probably never end.
It's not that I have gained any new insights or realizations. But the tightness and obstacles, aversions and apprehensions, knee jerk reactions and so on that I grew so accustomed to just seem to have less of a hold on me. (And then I come here of course and it all goes downhill ;-)
Anyway, practices like painful extended sitting periods, or tonglen and metta seem to work on the same principle of "leaning into" or working directly with aversion and discomfort. My current employment situation has immersed me in this dynamic, not at a comfortable distance or for controlled periods of time like my formal practice, but relentlessly.
And I am happier for it.
When people say that it isn't in books or can't be spoken about very easily, they couldn't be more right.
Certain teachings make more sense now.
How has this dynamic affected you?
Love DOn
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dalebicksler
9/20/2003 8:12 AM
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2 out of 14 |
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Don,
I identify very much with your post. I think of my boss and one of my colleagues as my Zen masters because they push all my buttons and remind me that I have a lot to learn and a lot to let go of. In spite of the increased anxiety that I feel when working with them, I'm sure that I am blessed by their irritation.
I appreciate your wonderful description of this dynamic.
Dale
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sense
9/20/2003 9:49 AM
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3 out of 14 |
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Dear Don and Dale,
If I were your employer, I should be so lucky to have Buddhist practitioners like you working for me.
I know from my experience of working with nurses in stressful situations the ones who can handle stress better are buddhists. In fact most of them work in Intensive care, emergency room and surgery, the most stressful situations in a hospital where you'd find Buddhist nurses. I did'nt realize that until I read your postings today.
Gassho,
Terry
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nightngle
9/20/2003 11:54 AM
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4 out of 14 |
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Don,
Be sure to lift with your legs, not your back. :)
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