The Lord OK'd a Divorce?

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reboyer
6/12/2003 2:03 AM
1 out of 13

My wife is dis-satisfied with the present condition of our marriage. We have been married over 15 years and have a 9 year girl. I was surprised by a letter last Saturday informing me that she had filed for divorce. The crime I am being accused of is being to controlled and unavailable (work-workaholic). But because of my old ways I have hurt her deeply with dis-trust and excessive control. I now understand the harm it can do to an individual when you smother another person's individuality. We both still love each other but my wife feels there is no other way to satisfy her needs. She has prayed about this and says that the Lord has approved this action? She is convinced that this is alright Biblically? From the Word I have come to believe that the Lord does not favor divorce

Jesus' teaching on divorce

"Matthew:5:31: It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
Matthew:5:32: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."

If this is correct how can the Lord recommend this course of action to someone? I am open to what ever it takes to get our relationship right with the Lord. I don't want either one of us to look back a regret our actions.



rbt_austin
6/14/2003 10:18 PM
2 out of 13

What you and I think the Lord says is irrelevant. If she is done in the relationship, she's done. I'm sorry. Arguing about it from a religious or moral standpoint will not help. It will push her away.

The Lord wants us to have happy, peaceful, contented marriages and relationships. Your task is to love your ex, love your daughter, love yourself, and take the time to examine your contribution to the breakup. The Lord wants you to abandon your selfishness and your ego, let this woman go, and do everything you can to help your daughter cope with what will be the greatest stress of her young life. It is my personal belief that Christian marriages need to be built upon a foundation of mutual submission of wills to the Cross, and the Way it represents, and that ALL sins must be forgiven the spouse. She cheated on you? Forgive her. She sold off your collection of baseball cards for $20? Forgive her. She slapped your Mama and called her ugly? Forgive her. She divorces you? Forgive her. YOU DO NOT WANT ANY LINGERING ANGER OR RESENTMENT TOWARD ANYONE SHOULD YOU DIE.

Now, since I'm in a similar boat, believe me I sympathize. In my situation, we were two lost kids that hooked up, got pregnant, and tried to get married and be a family but my wife resented me, the pregnancy, and her entire life. Before she moved out, I feared she would kill herself. She's not a Believer or an Easter Person, but she is a good person, a loving mother, and a hard working honest woman. And she looks fabulous. I couldn't heal her, only submission to Christ could have healed her. After she left, I started going to church again, and have received the Presence of the Holy Spirit on numerous occasions. I have grown into a person that I like, and my life has purpose, meaning, and value. And I love our son. But she's done.




rbt_austin
6/14/2003 10:19 PM
3 out of 13

The Lord wants us to be mutually loving, generous, compassionate, and servile to one another. And a marriage takes timing, luck, common goals and values, and in addition to Faith and God, it needs something else that is essential...both people wanting it to work. If she's decided that rather than stand by her commitment and covenant, and rather than do the HARD work of self-examination and submission to the Cross, then NOTHING you can say will change her mind.

I think the Lord definitely "okays" divorce under some conditions... aldutery, drug or alcohol abuse, emotional abuse which includes being a "workaholic" (e.g., not putting your family first), physical abuse, and when an unbeliever wants a divorce (1 Corinth. 7:15-20). But my personal feeling is that two Christians going through a divorce without one of these major problems need to be able to prayerfully consider that they are committing the sins of pride, avarice, lust, sloth, or are just plain fearful before determining that the marriage doesn't have God as its foundation anymore and needs to end. But my personal feeling has ZERO to do with what you've posted, which is that in her mind, she's done, and she believes the Lord is with her in her decision to divorce. What you believe doesn't really matter, except to you and to your daughter. So pray. Say the Lord's Prayer. Focus on the "Thy will be done" part because its so easy to say "Lord change her mind" or "Lord give me what I want" rather than as Jesus taught, which is to have faith in the Lord.

I am so sorry. I wish there were some scripture that could magically change a person's mind and heart when they have decided that the only solution to their problems is divorce. Sad. Remember the ground is level before the Cross, and that neither of you have a problem with your spouse, but you have a problem with your relationship to Jesus Christ. His way is the cross, which is the death of pride, ego, etc., and it is not for the faint of heart.

Lord, be with this family as they transition into two separate households. Let your eternal light radiate throughout both homes, that this child may know your lovingkindness, as manifested by her parents, who love her Lord. Let both this husband and wife grow strong in your love Lord and live their lives according to Your will and not their own. Lord, I wish that there were never another divorce, not my own, not this family, not anyone, but that people would find peace in Your Name and give up on worldly distractions, and live in your abundance. I also pray for all children of divorce, that they have both their parents in their lives, and never doubt for one second that they are loved and cherished, and precious in Your sight. Thy will be done Lord, Amen.



BlondeRenae
6/15/2003 1:05 AM
4 out of 13

Separation with accountability to a Christian counselor/pastor to promote personal and relational growth should be tried first. In 1 Cor. 7, Paul says, "...but if she depart..."; that is allowance for separation. God prefers restoration.

I think the old "marriage" can die without a divorce. Can you recommend separation to her, and promise her that you will see an abuse therapist and get in a men's group to suppport your growth? Have you repented to her for the past and are you completely committed to changing?

My controlling/abusive/workaholic H (17 yrs) quit marriage counseling a year ago, refused getting therapy for himself, said he can't change, and pursued divorce even though I told him separation/growth is the better way. I'm sad he made that choice for himself and refuses to be a real husband to me. The kids are hurting too. He has not repented to me, he's sunk into denial and continues to try to control... He's going the way of a fool... God help him.

I hope you will repent to your wife and do whatever it takes to grow into the kind of man God wants you to be.
Maybe she will give you another chance someday-- a real marriage.

Your wife probably tried everything...as I did...
yes, God did release me.



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