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Buddhism Sucks Too
I’ve been having fun with my message-board posters, some of whom are none too swift.
You would think an American smart enough to support him/herself in this grueling economy could tell the difference between “Christians” and “right wing crackpot Christians who don’t give a damn about Jesus, they just want an end to abortion and gay rights”--but no. I guess Pavlov was right. Dangle meat in front of a dog, he’ll leap--whether it’s prime steak or a sinewy old bone.
Ditto when I talk about Republicans. I mean, some of my best friends, etc. But also: a pack of crooks and traitors who, in a country of laws, would be sharing cells with inner-city fools who had the bad luck to get busted for selling more than a dime bag. Guess what? To some of my posters, they're all the same. Or so they think I think.
But we’re having such fun getting riled up. (While Rome burns.) So let’s throw some faggots-- hat’s Middle English for “bundle of sticks”--on the fire.
l) How about that Democrat who allegedly took bribes and put the $90,000 in his freezer. I say: Let’s hang him as high as Jack Abramoff. Ooops, I can’t say that. He’s on “my” side. What can I say? [Off-screen, a chip is put in Swami’s neck] Oh yes. Partisan politics! Innocent until proven guilty! Democrats are never bad!
2) Posters have discovered that the Dalai Lama has no heart for gay marriage. And that Japanese Buddhists supported the Emperor during World War II. This proves--and here comes a leap across a chasm that even Evil Knievel wouldn’t attempt--Swami is a hypocrite to attack Christians and only Christians.
Head’s up, kids. Swami knew all that. And if that’s the best you can do, don’t bother hanging around for the judges’ score--you’re toast.
Swami likes Buddhism first and foremost because it doesn’t hold up a God figure--not even the Buddha. [Shameless name drop: I once asked the Dalai Lama if Buddhism wasn’t really an advanced form of atheism. He said, “You have a point.”] It’s all about the Buddha in you--it’s about your spiritual progress. That’s why the DL calls himself a humble monk. It’s why they say, “If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him.”
But it is the way of man to need a hero. Or even a god. And this is where it all goes wrong for me. You want a good guide to spiritual hoo-ha? AS SOON AS THEY OPEN A GIFT SHOP, RUN THE OTHER WAY. Because then you are dealing with a business, not a spiritual enterprise. Oh, I know the sale of the crucifix--or whatever--supports nuns and heals lepers. And I am very much on the side of well-fed nuns and cared-for lepers. But I have noticed--as, perhaps have you--that the marketing department of a religion often seems more energetic than the healing side.
Take the Vatican. All that gold--where did it come from? Was it freely given? Hey, just asking.
And the American evangelicals. Does the money they collect go to help “the least of these”? Or does it pay for the new TV broadcasting antenna? Hey, just asking.
For those who care, yes, we have a Buddha. Bought it at a museum gift shop. No Buddhist benefited.
You would think an American smart enough to support him/herself in this grueling economy could tell the difference between “Christians” and “right wing crackpot Christians who don’t give a damn about Jesus, they just want an end to abortion and gay rights”--but no. I guess Pavlov was right. Dangle meat in front of a dog, he’ll leap--whether it’s prime steak or a sinewy old bone.
Ditto when I talk about Republicans. I mean, some of my best friends, etc. But also: a pack of crooks and traitors who, in a country of laws, would be sharing cells with inner-city fools who had the bad luck to get busted for selling more than a dime bag. Guess what? To some of my posters, they're all the same. Or so they think I think.
But we’re having such fun getting riled up. (While Rome burns.) So let’s throw some faggots-- hat’s Middle English for “bundle of sticks”--on the fire.
l) How about that Democrat who allegedly took bribes and put the $90,000 in his freezer. I say: Let’s hang him as high as Jack Abramoff. Ooops, I can’t say that. He’s on “my” side. What can I say? [Off-screen, a chip is put in Swami’s neck] Oh yes. Partisan politics! Innocent until proven guilty! Democrats are never bad!
2) Posters have discovered that the Dalai Lama has no heart for gay marriage. And that Japanese Buddhists supported the Emperor during World War II. This proves--and here comes a leap across a chasm that even Evil Knievel wouldn’t attempt--Swami is a hypocrite to attack Christians and only Christians.
Head’s up, kids. Swami knew all that. And if that’s the best you can do, don’t bother hanging around for the judges’ score--you’re toast.
Swami likes Buddhism first and foremost because it doesn’t hold up a God figure--not even the Buddha. [Shameless name drop: I once asked the Dalai Lama if Buddhism wasn’t really an advanced form of atheism. He said, “You have a point.”] It’s all about the Buddha in you--it’s about your spiritual progress. That’s why the DL calls himself a humble monk. It’s why they say, “If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him.”
But it is the way of man to need a hero. Or even a god. And this is where it all goes wrong for me. You want a good guide to spiritual hoo-ha? AS SOON AS THEY OPEN A GIFT SHOP, RUN THE OTHER WAY. Because then you are dealing with a business, not a spiritual enterprise. Oh, I know the sale of the crucifix--or whatever--supports nuns and heals lepers. And I am very much on the side of well-fed nuns and cared-for lepers. But I have noticed--as, perhaps have you--that the marketing department of a religion often seems more energetic than the healing side.
Take the Vatican. All that gold--where did it come from? Was it freely given? Hey, just asking.
And the American evangelicals. Does the money they collect go to help “the least of these”? Or does it pay for the new TV broadcasting antenna? Hey, just asking.
For those who care, yes, we have a Buddha. Bought it at a museum gift shop. No Buddhist benefited.
