We’ve all heard it said that good relationships are based on good communication. I believe this is true—on more levels than just the verbal.
BY: Kate Swoboda, aka Courageous Kate
Well, first, step into some acceptance around the judgment. Just own that you have them. Own that you have an inner little kid that got triggered in this way or that to believe that it’s someone else’s fault, or responsibility, or why do they have to always, or it’s not fair, or you’re sick and tired of, or… Step for a moment into the freedom and permission to just say that you have those judgments. Also, it’s worth noting that judgments serve us in many ways. I would never want to encourage, for instance, a woman to get on a path that is so dedicated to “not having negative judgments” that she ignored feelings about whether or not the man she’s just gone on a date with is a safe person, second-guessing herself into thinking that she shouldn’t have a “negative judgment” of someone if her gut instinct is telling her that this person is not safe.
Judgments do have value. Just as with your inner critic—let’s try not to stamp things out. Let’s accept what is true for us (the judgments are true) and then just start noticing when they serve us, and when they don’t. We judge all of the time; it’s how we filter our world. That’s okay. Revisiting Integrity Integrity is: When your words and actions match, and are in alignment with your values, beliefs, commitments and life vision. I am going to trust that if you are in a loving partnered relationship, and that relationship supports your life vision, that judging that same partner in ways that cause disconnection would not serve you. Because it would not serve you, it would not be in integrity for you. I’m going to trust that respectful communication is something you desire in your life—communication that respects all parties. If you are in a friendship with someone and they keep doing things that bother you, it would be out of integrity to not speak up for yourself and share your 100% truth (respectfully, of course).
I’m going to trust that even if you don’t like people at your job, you do have a desire for connection with other people—for relationships that run smoothly, for instance. I’m going to trust that if anyone that you worked with right now, even the difficult people, broke down crying and really got vulnerable and shared with you the parts of themselves that have deep, harsh inner critics, you might view them differently. You wouldn’t put up with disrespect, but you’d see where it was coming from (and how the two of you are alike). So what’s in integrity for you? To hate someone at work for how they speak to you? Or to establish respectful communication and to step out of negative judgments?