We’ve all heard it said that good relationships are based on good communication. I believe this is true—on more levels than just the verbal.
Judgments do have value. Just as with your inner critic—let’s try not to stamp things out. Let’s accept what is true for us (the judgments are true) and then just start noticing when they serve us, and when they don’t. We judge all of the time; it’s how we filter our world. That’s okay. Revisiting Integrity Integrity is: When your words and actions match, and are in alignment with your values, beliefs, commitments and life vision. I am going to trust that if you are in a loving partnered relationship, and that relationship supports your life vision, that judging that same partner in ways that cause disconnection would not serve you. Because it would not serve you, it would not be in integrity for you. I’m going to trust that respectful communication is something you desire in your life—communication that respects all parties. If you are in a friendship with someone and they keep doing things that bother you, it would be out of integrity to not speak up for yourself and share your 100% truth (respectfully, of course).
I’m going to trust that even if you don’t like people at your job, you do have a desire for connection with other people—for relationships that run smoothly, for instance. I’m going to trust that if anyone that you worked with right now, even the difficult people, broke down crying and really got vulnerable and shared with you the parts of themselves that have deep, harsh inner critics, you might view them differently. You wouldn’t put up with disrespect, but you’d see where it was coming from (and how the two of you are alike). So what’s in integrity for you? To hate someone at work for how they speak to you? Or to establish respectful communication and to step out of negative judgments?
Communication starts with you. Now we can even revise things a bit, and say that successful relationships are built on respectful verbal and energetic communication in which each person takes ownership. And even if the other person is not willing to own their part, you get the opportunity to create success in your relationship with yourself and your personal integrity.
Take out a sheet of paper and write make note of a relationship or two that you identify as a problem. Use a discerning eye to note any places where you have judgments of someone else that cause disconnection in the relationship. Another way to look at this might be to ask: “Am I attached to a particular outcome, here?” Are you attached to them being a certain way? Are you allowing them to have their process? As human beings, all of us get to have our process. We get to be as mistake-laden as we wish! (You do, too.) Take time to notice any places where you are out of integrity with you by holding judgments, resentments, blame or anything else that causes disconnection.