Rewire Your Brain for Love
Kind of like lightning when it hits ungrounded pipes and wiring, our histories of emotionally painful experiences can lead us to surge emotionally when we’re reminded of them, whether implicitly or explicitly.
BY: Marsha Lucas, PhD
The following excerpt is taken from the book Rewire Your Brain for Love: Creating Vibrant Relationships Using the Science of Mindfulness by Marsha Lucas, Ph.D. It is published by Hay House and is available at all bookstores or online at: www.hayhouse.com.
Response Inflexibility: Dating Thunderbolts
Kind of like lightning when it hits ungrounded pipes and wiring, our histories of emotionally painful experiences can lead us to surge emotionally when we’re reminded of them, whether implicitly or explicitly. And we often have a fairly limited repertoire of responses to those situations that just set us off—rage, tears, going silent, checking out. The surge and the reflexive fire-department response leave you vulnerable to making a real mess when you don’t mean to.
One of my patients, Julia, came to see me because she kept dating men whom she couldn’t trust to stick around. She’d “get a feeling” that they weren’t going to be able to be in a relationship for the long run. She said she kept freaking out and abruptly ending relationships because at some point she’d just know that she couldn’t trust the guy.
Julia had an aliveness that was palpable, with a beautifully expressive face and a colorful, engaging way of talking. As we talked about her early relationship history, she said she had great parents and felt very close to both of them, even though they’d divorced when she was very young and had lived on opposite coasts while she was growing up. She’d lived with her mother and traveled by plane to visit her father fairly often.