Our phone isn’t working, or I should say, it’s working as long as you construe the word “working” to mean “crackling and buzzing like a badly tuned radio.” I do not construe “working” to mean this. Not by a long shot.

I am surprised how angry I am with the phone company. (Yes, you, AT&T. I’m a blogger now. Feel my wrath!) I was promised the problem would be fixed last week, and that I would NOT have to be at home. Later, a machine called to contradict this, telling me that I must be at home between — get this — 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. On a Saturday. I had a long-standing appointment that took me out of the house for three hours...and yes, you guessed, that’s when AT&T showed up. A machine let me know that they considered my problem “fixed” even though they’d not done one blasted thing about it.

I spent an hour trying to get through to them today via the Internet. I jumped through all the hoops. (What was the name of my husband’s favorite grade school teacher? Really? Even he didn’t know.) After all that, I was informed that the, “e-repair system is down right now. Sorry.” I could call them, of course.

There is no feeling worse than that of not being heard, of not getting through to someone. I feel that way sometimes with God. I know he hears me. He’s just so darned inscrutable sometimes. I trust that the problem lies on my end, in my own faulty wiring. Still, I wish the line were clearer.

What if you knew God’s will for you, with perfect reception and clarity? What would you do different? Sometimes I wonder if my bad hearing is just a way of avoiding God’s call...a call that could be difficult, even frightening. I reassure myself that I want to hear. But maybe I ought to work on fixing the receiver.

Hello?
Are you there?
I could really use an answer,
a sign of some sort.
I beg of you — speak loudly.
Drop the sky on my head...
whatever it takes.
You know
I value Your judgment
above all others.
Let me know your will.
I long to do it, with a free and loving heart.
I'm listening.
I will always listen for you.

-Lori Strawn